^that sounds ridiculous... I'm so confused about it all that I don't even know what to tell you. Good luck :/

So my matron of honor (who is also my FSIL) is letting me borrow her veil from her wedding.. I love the material but the comb is SO WIDE.. and I have a tiny head. If I had another option I wouldn't go with it, but I think I have to because I'm not paying upwards of $200 for something I'm only going to wear for an hour at the ceremony.

7/8/2012 9:15:58 AM

I'd let your parents fight it out and not get involved. Sounds like she's being kind of silly.

7/8/2012 9:36:38 AM

Here's some of the progress I've made:

I bought 16 (yes.. I said 16!) bird cages yesterday.. and on Monday I'm getting 4-5 more. These will act as centerpieces with bright, yellow flowers inside on just half of the tables at our reception. These centerpieces will most likely alternate with another centerpiece consisting of a manzanita tree (or a tree of some sort).



I bought these three awesome jars for our s'mores station (that we will hopefully be allowed to have if the venue is cool with it):



The largest will be for the marshmallows, the middle one for the graham crackers, and the smallest for the Hershey's chocolate. They will accompany this nifty contraption on the outdoor patio, near a water fountain at dessert time:



MY INVITATIONS HAVE BEEN PRINTED!!!! (finally) and as soon as they're shipped to me I will begin construction.. here is the progress on my end so far.. 100 boxes:




OH! I almost forgot! We set the date AND put a deposit down on our venue.. and yes, I booked it sight unseen:




Caribou Coffee sent us a pair of these mugs as our first wedding present after I sent them our plans to have an iced coffee toast to kick off our reception, because that's how we kicked off our friendship. There will still be a champagne (or our choice of a sparkling wine) toast that will be done before the cake cutting, of course:



[Edited on July 8, 2012 at 9:46 AM. Reason : moar progress]

7/8/2012 9:39:12 AM

I love the s'mores idea! If it's just using sternos like in the picture I can't imagine the venue having an issue.

7/8/2012 9:48:43 AM

That's really what I'm hoping! Plus it's near a water fountain so if worst comes to worst, it can quickly be extinguished

7/8/2012 9:54:30 AM

That all sounds fantastic! And if you are willing to part with a couple bird cages (and the jars, too! Those rock, but could be used in your home afterwards) please shoot me a pm.

7/8/2012 10:34:33 AM

I'll be living in the greater NYC area after the wedding so it might be hard to get them to you, but I was planning on selling them all.

7/8/2012 10:58:13 AM

Be careful if its using sterno b/c its geled gasoline so it can have a gassy taste to it

7/8/2012 11:12:11 AM

2^ah, I doubt it would be easy to ship them. They are pretty cool. Where did you get the jars?

7/8/2012 11:49:40 AM

Elise, no wonder your parents are divorced because your dad sounds like he can be a real jerk. And he seemed so nice when I met him, but come on...it's a suit not a car. Every man should own one. Tell him to piss off with his keg and I'll start saving my pennies.

7/8/2012 12:12:40 PM

lol. you make me giggle.

7/8/2012 12:21:49 PM

Any brides have any issues with their fiance's participation in the planning process? Or is it normal that they put in minimal effort for anything?

7/8/2012 6:58:09 PM

We bought mine a suit yesterday, and when anyone asked his opinion he either stared at me or shrugged his shoulders. I lectured him about his lack of opinions in front of his Mama and she went right after me and lectured him, too. His response to someone asking what he wants for the wedding is always "I just want to marry Elise" which was sweet at first, but now it's kind of getting on my nerves. If I ask him straight out yes or no on something and give him a choice he will choose, but you can't just say "what kind of flowers do you want" or "what color shoes do you want to wear?" Those questions get me nowhere. For the most part, though, it is for the best. I'd rather have to do a little more work myself than have us arguing because we both have different ideas.

7/8/2012 7:25:32 PM

When I married my husband six years ago, he had absolutely no input into the wedding planning what so ever. I don't know if it is that men just don't care (as long as you aren't spending the shit out of their money), or if they realize that weddings are the woman's domain. I like to think that they know that we've been dreaming and planning since we were little girls and want us to live our dream.


In reality, I think they're lazy and just don't give a shit. But we can pretend that they're sweet.

7/8/2012 7:29:56 PM

Ok good... It has been his job and soul purpose of wedding planning to find a cheap band and still has not delivered.. I have to light a fire under his ass...

7/8/2012 7:52:06 PM

at least it's something he felt in his soul, I suppose

rather than merely being his only task

but Kodiak helped me plan almost everything, and took care of his suit, etc...

[Edited on July 8, 2012 at 10:11 PM. Reason : ,]

7/8/2012 10:10:47 PM

We talked early on in the planning process on what he was interested in helping with, what he should be involved with, and what he didn't care about at all. It made things a LOT easier because I felt we both were on the same page.

7/8/2012 10:17:22 PM

I've been involved in the whole process. Its been awesome so far and honestly, we're planning a party, not a wedding. I just don't see what the big deal is. i guess we left all of the pressure and fancy showmanship behind us and are focusing on people just having a good time (especially us). I kinda feel like P. Diddy planning a party here, only the theme is our wedding. Maybe that's just me/us. :-)

You have to utilize eachother's strengths and I think that helps. 2 cents from a soon-to-be groom.

Bridal shower was this weekend and she had an awesome time! I hung out with her dad and some uncles and we had a great family get-together afterwards at her parents' house in Maryland. Bachelorette party this coming weekend, bachelor party in New Orleans in August!

Getting close to September!!!!

7/8/2012 11:52:16 PM

Quote :

" but you can't just say "what kind of flowers do you want" or "what color shoes do you want to wear?" Those questions get me nowhere. For the most part, though, it is for the best. I'd rather have to do a little more work myself than have us arguing because we both have different ideas."

Holy shit. In one breath you bitch about him not contributing ideas but in the next breath you'd rather him be hands off so you can have the wedding the way you envisioned it. If that's not crazy talk then I don't know what is.

All the women bitching in this thread about their fiancee not giving them ideas need to realize that most of us guys aren't going to be super excited about a wedding that at most is 6 hours long that is going to cost upwards of 10-20 thousand dollars, turn our fiancees into raging crazy women for 6 months to a year and be super stressful.

7/9/2012 6:01:39 AM

^ Why it was incredibly helpful that we got a planner. My fiancee got to bounce a lot of ideas off the planner, and I gave input on the items I really cared about.

7/9/2012 8:41:10 AM

Quote :

"I've been involved in the whole process. Its been awesome so far and honestly, we're planning a party, not a wedding. I just don't see what the big deal is. i guess we left all of the pressure and fancy showmanship behind us and are focusing on people just having a good time (especially us). I kinda feel like P. Diddy planning a party here, only the theme is our wedding. Maybe that's just me/us."

This is what we did and it was great. I think if my friend getting married this week had done this she wouldn't be acting like a crazy bridezilla right now.

7/9/2012 9:04:24 AM

I would never want to plan a wedding by myself. It wouldn't end very well, mainly because I wouldn't give 2 shits about flowers and invitations and whatever else you're suppose to care about. I think I'll just stay single so I don't have to worry about it.

7/9/2012 10:20:15 AM

4^you infer a lot of my attitude based on the words in my post. I'm not really upset about anything, sometimes it would be helpful to have an answer when I asked a question, though. The suit instance was the only time where I insisted he have an opinion because he will be wearing it all day, and honestly other than relative color I really didn't care what he wore as long as he was comfortable. I can't tell him if he is comfortable or not.

also, if you don't want to hear women bitch about stuff you might not want to be in the wedding planning thread. i find it is a nice place to not only find great ideas, but also vent about things that other girls may have gone through or are going through right now.

7/9/2012 10:37:58 AM

Quote :

"I would never want to plan a wedding by myself. It wouldn't end very well, mainly because I wouldn't give 2 shits about flowers and invitations and whatever else you're suppose to care about."

Naw, your wedding will be great. I didn't care about any of that stuff either and my wedding was fine.

7/9/2012 12:37:56 PM

fine is in the eye of the bride, to be sure. and hopefully the groom, a little bit.

7/9/2012 12:43:44 PM

A woman wants a man to have an opinion on things just so that she can confirm that her own opinion is better and feel confident about her own choice.

7/9/2012 12:57:36 PM

egyeyes, just snip the veil off the comb and sew it onto a smaller one.

7/9/2012 1:24:24 PM

I plan on being involved in discussions over guests, music, and food...and that's it. I'll give her my opinion if she asks, but a lot of my opinions might be, "whatever you think is best." Because when it comes down to decorations and such, she's still going to do whatever she wants.

7/9/2012 2:11:56 PM

Need a good song to use for the prayer, dont want to use the lord's prayer. Any suggestions?

7/9/2012 3:49:26 PM

Sigh. Trying to make tissue paper poms, and this is not as easy as I thought it would be. I apparently suck at fluffing these damn things.

7/9/2012 7:38:50 PM

GREEN JAY, I reaaaaalllyyyy wish I could take a pair of scissors to this thing, but unfortunately it is my something borrowed (so I have to give it back).

otherwise i'd be like



[Edited on July 9, 2012 at 9:11 PM. Reason : moar scissors]

7/9/2012 9:10:29 PM

Hairpieces?

Trying not to spend over $20-30 on one.. don't care if it's used

7/10/2012 7:35:10 PM

^ Be more specific? Feather fascinator, rhinestone hairband, tiara..?

7/10/2012 9:14:15 PM

I have a gorgeous headband that I bought for the wedding but never used. There's a picture posted a few pages back in this thread and possibly in my photo gallery? Check it out and let me know if you would be interested

7/10/2012 9:28:02 PM

Be Something New on Etsy - I got my hair flower from them!


As for the beau being involved in the wedding planning process, I was starting to get pissed at Eric towards the end because he wasn't really holding up his end of the deal on what he wanted to be involved in... but then in the final crunch days I think he could tell I was going to snap soon (a very stressful time to go from school to wedding) and he really came through. But I also had told him I really, really, REALLY needed his help as much as possible, especially that Friday since he had the day off. He stayed up with me until 3:30 am Thursday night/Friday morning helping me glue together those damn program fans

SO, what I'm trying to say is, talk to him about how stressful it is to not have his help or how important following through with the band is - I don't think most guys realize how long it takes to plan a wedding just due to booking things way in advance

7/11/2012 12:27:35 AM

^ agree. communication is key. like i said, we talked about it very early on and came to the decision together what my husband (still weird saying that) wanted to be involved in and what he didn't and it definitely helped. and he ended up helping me out on more stuff later on down the road that we hadn't thought about so it worked out well.

7/11/2012 9:10:18 AM

Quote :

"He stayed up with me until 3:30 am Thursday night/Friday morning helping me glue together those damn program fans"

mine too helped me glue together program fans
and the save the date cards

7/11/2012 10:33:29 AM

ha! my sister (who married the d-bag) was on her own to get her shit together for the wedding... it was my other sister and I who did everything. the groom just showed up...

kinda like how their marriage is now

7/11/2012 11:02:00 AM

Ohhhh man, talking to him and getting him to realize how important it is to get certain things done at certain times is impossible. According to him, the wedding is already planned. Lol I haven't even decided on invitations, even thought about tuxes, and transportation to the venue, which would be nice if it were a horse and carriage kinda ride.

Maybe if I talk to his mom to talk to him, it might work. She has a huge influence over him.

7/11/2012 10:44:13 PM

Re-read your last sentence.

Warning! Red flag! Alarm!

7/11/2012 10:48:16 PM

You are absolutely right! I should NOT have to talk to his mom about this at all

7/11/2012 10:55:33 PM

His mom is not your problem with him, though, and can only serve to complicate this

If you can't communicate with him in a way to make him understand that you're stressed out and need help then maybe you should hit up some counseling before you get hitched, 'cause that's a big problem

[Edited on July 11, 2012 at 10:56 PM. Reason : .]

7/11/2012 10:55:54 PM

Exactly. There's truth to two is company and three is a crowd. If you go back through this thread, you can see many a bride (self included) getting bent out of sorts when involving extended family and parents in the planning process. Having his mom not only be involved but help you "light a fire under his ass" bc she has a "huge influence" is more than likely asking for problems.

You need to have a calm, sit down discussion with your fiancé about your wedding...try not to get huffy, sound whiny or exasperated. Print off one of those wedding planning time lines that the knot etc offers. Go through it together and mark off what you've done, what's left and what he would like to be involved in. If you can't get through that without feeling like you need to send in the troops, then counseling is a good idea to make sure you two have a solid communication foundation for you relationship.

But calling a mother in law to help you with your husband to be is a terrible idea.

7/12/2012 7:30:37 AM

yeah, mom-in-law isn't gonna be there to save your ass throughout your marriage. if you can't even handle him and a simple wedding, can you handle much more?

i agree with the pre-marital counseling suggestion.

7/12/2012 2:13:36 PM

I also agree with the counseling suggestion - and I will be open to the wedding thread for a hot second. I rolled my eyes at premarital counseling but it is honestly what saved our relationship. Our communication was shit until it all came out in the open to someone totally unrelated. I had the same issues in the beginning - he was just NOT understanding how important it was, and instead of trying to talk it out I just kept bottling it up over time.

Trust me when I say you NEED to talk to someone neutral and unrelated before y'all get married because it isn't an easy process to work through and it takes a lot of effort, and hard talks. Just like everybody else has said - imagine what it will be like when you're married. His mama won't be there to save you, and in fact could make it worse. No one else will be able to do the talking for y'all, either.


Real talk: y'all need counseling.



(and I also LOL'd at the Warning! Red flag! Alarm! :beatup

7/12/2012 7:29:50 PM

As someone whose wedding was cancelled and engagement broken up I definitely recommend doing some relationship counciling. If I could go back in time and get us to see someone to talk through things and fix our problems before it got worse I would. Just my two cents.

7/12/2012 8:27:45 PM

Does anyone who has gone through or is currently going through the process have a good list of wedding/reception package venues in Raleigh? Fiance just moved to Raleigh and she's trying to do most of the planning this summer(teacher) but isn't super familiar with the area so I'm trying to help as much as I can, but I really don't know a ton of wedding locations in the area(only been to 3 actually in Raleigh since moving here in 2003).

Anyone care to share some places you recommend or have heard good things about?
I've seen 2 church weddings/receptions and 1 at Brier Creek Country Club. So looking for other ideas.

7/16/2012 1:39:45 PM

Quote :

"I also agree with the counseling suggestion - and I will be open to the wedding thread for a hot second. I rolled my eyes at premarital counseling but it is honestly what saved our relationship. Our communication was shit until it all came out in the open to someone totally unrelated. I had the same issues in the beginning - he was just NOT understanding how important it was, and instead of trying to talk it out I just kept bottling it up over time. Trust me when I say you NEED to talk to someone neutral and unrelated before y'all get married because it isn't an easy process to work through and it takes a lot of effort, and hard talks. Just like everybody else has said - imagine what it will be like when you're married. His mama won't be there to save you, and in fact could make it worse. No one else will be able to do the talking for y'all, either."

This is absolutely true for me too. We still call in and check up with our premarital counselor. The benefit of having an unbiased third party who doesn't judge is great, and I don't know where we would be without his advice.

7/16/2012 1:42:55 PM

http://www.southernbrideandgroom.com/wedding-venues

http://www.mywedding.com/raleigh/wedding-venues

i believe i started with the first link and then just went to each website. i feel like i had another link that directly linked to the venues.

i just got married at the Renaissance in North Hills 2 weeks ago and i would highly recommend them. they did a fantastic job and the coordinator i worked with (who works full time on site) was amazing from start to finish.

7/16/2012 1:44:42 PM

http://www.ncbridebio.com

Venues and vendors all in nice categories with reviews (for the most part) that should surely help you and your fiancé out.

7/16/2012 1:44:59 PM