Ok, so I started keeping my husband's cousin's baby part-time back in September. All went wonderfully, so I decided to start keeping her full time beginning this month (January). She is getting special help from the state to pay for her childcare, so I had to go through a buncha shit to get registered with the state (TB test, fingerprints, criminal background check, first aid classes, tons of paperwork, etc). Before I did this, I found out that the state would only pay me $243/month for full time care. This was not going to be enough for me to keep her kid full time since I was going to be keeping her all day long almost every day which would amount to me making about $2/hr. I could get a public job part time paying more than that. So, she agreed to let me keep the baby on weekends and she would pay me $60/weekend. This would double what I was making. I agreed and went through with all of the paperwork. I got approval from the state yesterday only to hear from her that she was going through some "conflicts" and needed the weekends to spend with her friends. Thus, she is not going to be paying me the $60/week extra. I don't and really can't pull the rug out from under her and not keep the kid. I am already registered with the state so I am really obligated to keep her kid now, but should I say something to her or just let it go? I mean I really like her and want to keep her baby, but I have to feed my family too. So...what should I do?

1/4/2006 5:39:59 PM

tell her to pay you more. just tell her what you told us. pretty easy really.

1/4/2006 5:44:29 PM

Look at it from the standpoint of what alternatives she has. Her child is certainly going to get more personal care from you than any day care can provide. Just tell her you need money as well and cant afford to work from home for less than a certain amount. She should understand that, but since its family she is probably trying to milk as much as she can out of you.

At any rate seems like you are being very reasonable for what you are charging and she will have to pay more if anyone else does it. You have the negotiating advantage. Just tell her what you are "going to have to" charge and explain that if you cant make that much you will "have to" get a job. Hopefully there wont be any hard feelings, but if there are you did the fair thing.

1/4/2006 6:19:06 PM

Just adopt the kid since it looks like you'll be taking care of it 7 days a week. Or tell you hubby's cousin that she has a child now and that going out with friends isn't that much of an option any more.

1/4/2006 9:17:08 PM

die

1/4/2006 9:27:56 PM

If she's not paying anything for childcare she should be able to afford the extra money. What does her going out with friends have to do with paying you, if either way you'd be taking care of the baby on the weekends? She's just trying not to pay anything, and in that case she's just taking advantage of you. Which means you tell her you're not going to help her except for what merits the state's pay, which is about 10 hrs/week if you're comparing it to what a parttime job pays. Her adding that $ will put you at about a regular parttime job if you were only working 20 hrs, so either way you're not benefiting financially from the job. It may help to point that out to her. At this rate you may as well adopt the baby for yourself. My friend will be paying $800+ a month for childcare - your relative can not be that bad off unless she's not working, in which case she can take care of the baby herself.

1/4/2006 10:02:13 PM

the other posters have it pretty well nailed

another option is to find an additional child so you have 3 and see if you can help make the dif there.

1/5/2006 10:04:53 AM

I think she should just use what the state pays to help her compensate you fairly. I don't think you should have to keep the kid on the weekends also for her to pay you more. 243 is at least what you should be making a week, not a month. And that only accounts for like 6 dollars an hour for 40 hours. If you are really doing her a favor and she really can't afford to pay any more, than I like the suggestion of finding an additional child to watch to help compensate you.

1/5/2006 5:53:52 PM

she's taking advantage of you. stand up for yourself and demand more money.

1/5/2006 8:53:26 PM

Tell her to put the dick down next time.

1/5/2006 10:48:07 PM

Update: I talked to her and she has agreed to try to pay me $40 extra a week, instead of the $60 we talked about. She said that since she isn't going to be working on weekends, then she cannot afford to pay me any more than that. Better than nothing I guess?

1/6/2006 10:22:32 PM

I know how hard it is to deal with family sometimes, because you want to help, but you have to stand up for yourself too. Trying to pay you 40 dollars a week isn't fair. Not just that she will "try" but that it is only 40 dollars. that is nothing. so what that makes it about 3 dollars an hour now?

1/7/2006 12:58:39 AM

Maybe since she has a kid she should stay home on the weekends and take care of it.

Don't be surprised when the kid starts referring to you as "mommy".

1/7/2006 5:43:07 AM

Refuse to take the baby on the weekends since she doesn't work then, and has the time to take care of it.

1/7/2006 10:15:17 AM

Quote :

"so I am really obligated to keep her kid now"

what the fuck is wrong with you

why should you let her walk all over you like that?

tell her to either grow the fuck up and act like a real mother or pay you more

this isnt a tough issue, just put on your big girl panties and take care of it

1/7/2006 10:41:24 AM

^I'm obligated to keep her kid because I'm listed on the state registry thing as doing so. Not keeping her kid would result in a breech of contract with the state and get me in some trouble.

1/7/2006 11:50:55 AM

You should definitely try to find other children to take care of... or just pick up children afterschool for other parents who have to work. That would definitely compensate you... and there are lots of them out there. (And many of them pay $10/hr)

Also, this is just a bad situation for you. How much time are you spending with this child? is it keeping you from your family?? or is it just becoming part of your familiy the majority of the time? I really don't know what else to say... it's great that you want to help... but I agree with the others that you have been dealt a horrible hand... and it would be in your best interest to try to find other arrangements in the very near future.

Best wishes.

1/7/2006 11:26:39 PM

Quote :

"^I'm obligated to keep her kid because I'm listed on the state registry thing as doing so. Not keeping her kid would result in a breech of contract with the state and get me in some trouble."

is she keeping any of the money from the state?

i don't understand how subsidized childcare works, but since she *needs* weekends to be with her friends instead of her child, she probably doesn't *need* a babysitter.

1/7/2006 11:43:06 PM

i doubt you are obligated to work for shit.



this is becoming an amusing episode of judge judy. you see stupid people all the time on that show trying to sort out their own stupidity.

1/7/2006 11:48:15 PM

Quote :

"is she keeping any of the money from the state?"

She's not keeping any of the money...they pay it directly to me. She is required to pay me $42 a month of the $243/month, so the state sends me a check for the remainder of the balance. The extra $60/week was an agreement she and I had made.

[Edited on January 8, 2006 at 1:24 PM. Reason : ad]

1/8/2006 1:23:59 PM

wait
so you can just tell the state you want your weekends to be free and they buy you a babysitter?

SCORE

1/8/2006 1:43:02 PM

tell her you've decided to keep her kid. she can rent her baby for nights at a going rate of $60/wk. inform her that $40/wk means she can take her kid out to dinner three times a week.

1/8/2006 1:50:45 PM

^ lol

1/8/2006 2:39:53 PM

This is retarded. You more or less just adopted her kid. It seems she doesn't give a damn. Why did you dig your self in a hole and now you have to take care of it. Why don't you get a normal job?

1/9/2006 9:32:21 PM

Quote :

"and needed the weekends to spend with her friends"

I can understand needing some breathing space away from the baby- but perhaps she could just have girls night out Sat night and take care of the baby herself the rest of the weekend.

Sounds like she's gotten herself in over her head and you are just reinforcing her behavior.

1/9/2006 10:06:34 PM

Full-time is 40 hrs/ week, right? So you keep the kid 40 hours M-F, but tell her you want weekends off. Your weekend rate is $60 if she wants you to keep the baby on your days off. If she doesn't pay you $60, you don't keep the baby over the weekend. You haven't breeched the government contract, and you are just reinforcing the verbal contract you made with her.

I understand the need to not make waves, but this woman will abuse you if you don't stick to your guns. Be upfront and be firm. That doesn't make you a bitch.

1/9/2006 11:17:18 PM

Quote :

"Why don't you get a normal job?"

Well, first of all, I was trying to help out a family member. Second, I have a son as well. Keeping her baby and mine seemed like it would be a good idea so they could be playmates and I could stay at home with my son. I've looked into daycare and none around here impress me...plus they are pretty pricey. If I got a part-time job, then it would take what I made to pay for daycare. Also, I don't have a car, so I would have to factor the price of a cheap car in as well. I'm still coming out better keeping the kid, but it's still not going to be enough to make ALL the bills. If she had given me what she was promising me, along with what my husband makes at his job, it would have been plenty to make the bills.

1/10/2006 9:01:57 PM