A good friend of mine has been going through a lot lately. Some of the issues I am specifically involved in and others I have no idea about. Today I stumbled upon a very disturbing journal entry(which I thought was private but late found that he had posted the link in his profile) and decided to make a little trip to his home, which is far away, to check on him and let him know I'm there if he needs me. He was locked in his room and according to his roommate, he has been there most of the weekend. I talked with him through the door but he refused to let me in or even talk to me. I told him I cared and was worried and to call when he felt up to it and I left.

Is this a normal lashing out tactic from someone who is mad at the world? He has no reason to be specially mad at me. Should I leave him alone or try to contact him? I have called him once and send him a message once since I last spoke with him (Wednesday) and he did not respond to either effort.

3/19/2006 6:13:28 PM

dang, that sounds rough. i would keep trying to make contact, but not annoyingly so because that might push him farther away. every couple of days? once a day? or maybe send him a letter? his roomies could slip it under the door.

3/19/2006 6:23:54 PM

the link in the profile prolly means he wants the attention, so if you keep giving it to him, he'll prly be ok

3/19/2006 6:25:44 PM

^See, it REALLY freaked me out at first because I didn't know he had posted the link. I took him off my buddy list on Wednesday because he did something really hurtful and I just needed a break from him...so I haven't been reading him away msgs or anything...well, today I searched up his journal and read it and got really upset......I didn't see that he had posted the link in his profile until after I returned home from my attempted visit.

His roommate promised to keep an eye on him.

3/19/2006 6:34:05 PM

shoot him in the face

or fuck his brains out

either way he'll be happier

[Edited on March 19, 2006 at 6:42 PM. Reason : *]

3/19/2006 6:40:56 PM

*

[Edited on March 19, 2006 at 6:46 PM. Reason : *]

3/19/2006 6:46:03 PM

he'll get over it

he's just doing this to try to make you feel sorry for him and you are falling into his trap

3/19/2006 6:57:37 PM

*shrugs* There are other reasons why I disagree but I can see how it would seem that way.

3/19/2006 6:59:30 PM

true, i mean i only make assumptions off of the exerpt that i read

3/19/2006 7:00:09 PM

Quote :

"fuck his brains out"

3/19/2006 7:02:48 PM

Duh, he wouldn't let me in his room.

3/19/2006 7:03:39 PM

I don't know exactly what to tell you because I don't know the whole situation, such as his reasons for being upset, but most guys generally want to be left alone to deal with their stuff on their own. Has he ever been like this before? Just let him know you love him and are there for him whenever he needs you, and things hopefully will get better. I'm sorry that you are in this situation and I hope everything turns out ok!

3/19/2006 7:15:36 PM

Quote :

"Is this a normal lashing out tactic from someone who is mad at the world?"

You consider locking oneself in a room and ceasing contact to be "lashing out"?

3/19/2006 7:21:02 PM

^No. I didn't mean for it to sound like I consider his locking himself in his room as lashing out. The past week he has ignored my calls, stood me up and said some really hurtful things...Today was just the pinnacle of it all. He seems upset that no one cares and then, TADA, when someone does, he acts mean toward them. I completely get it if he just needs his space and to vent and be upset but it pisses me off that he is advertising a plea for help but then acting so COLD toward those who respond.

3/19/2006 7:31:21 PM

Just let him sort it out. If you don't want to be talked to, constantly fending someone off, even if their intentions are good, only makes things worse.

3/19/2006 7:35:27 PM

He's not constantly fending me off tho...that's the thing. We usually talk every few days. We talked Wednesday, I send him a message Friday and then went to see him/called today-Sunday........

3/19/2006 8:08:37 PM

3/19/2006 8:12:46 PM

^^Look, I don't know the details of the situation, but it's not your job to solve everyone else's problems for them. Leave him alone and let him contact you when he's ready.

3/19/2006 8:52:35 PM

I had a friend who would say he was uber depressed and crap just to get attention. One day he told me he threatened to kill himself, and nobody did a thing. So I did something. And now he hates me.



But he stopped being an attention whore.


Honestly, you don't know if dude is serious or not. I don't suggest you ignore him.

3/19/2006 10:45:18 PM

that's a big misconception that people get depressed to get attention.

i wouldn't ignore him, but i'd be reserved about how much you involve yourself.

there, my first serious response.

[Edited on March 19, 2006 at 10:47 PM. Reason : .]

3/19/2006 10:47:24 PM

I dont know the situation or the relationship the two of you have, but if he is pushing you away, pushing back wont solve anything. Don't get angry at him for not accepting your help if he hasn't asked for it. If you want to help, the best thing you can do is be there when he says he needs you. Not when you think he needs you. The exception to this of course is if you feel that he may cause harm to himself and intervention is needed before he does something very bad.

3/19/2006 10:49:01 PM

Call the psychiatric ward on him, and he'll learn a valuable lesson.

3/19/2006 10:55:49 PM

maybe he's just...

TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET

lawl.

3/19/2006 11:01:55 PM

With Tom Cruise.

3/19/2006 11:03:41 PM

"I dont know the situation or the relationship the two of you have, but if he is pushing you away, pushing back wont solve anything. Don't get angry at him for not accepting your help if he hasn't asked for it. If you want to help, the best thing you can do is be there when he says he needs you. Not when you think he needs you. The exception to this of course is if you feel that he may cause harm to himself and intervention is needed before he does something very bad."

Totally agree

3/19/2006 11:18:54 PM

looks likes we gots ourselves a noob.

3/19/2006 11:24:38 PM

Quote :

"The exception to this of course is if you feel that he may cause harm to himself and intervention is needed before he does something very bad."

That's why I made trip to see him. I really thought the reason he didn't answer the door was because he was passed out from ODing or hanging from the ceiling. And I'm serious. What I read was unmistakable.

It's hard to explain without going into detail and it's hard to go into detail without overexposing.

Quote :

"that's a big misconception that people get depressed to get attention. i wouldn't ignore him, but i'd be reserved about how much you involve yourself. there, my first serious response."

horray

[Edited on March 19, 2006 at 11:44 PM. Reason : *]

3/19/2006 11:43:41 PM

I had a really depressed friend in highschool and everytime she got really bad I called/told someone that she needed help. After lots of meds and hospitals and doctors she's doing a lot better (has a job, GED, and great boyfriend or so I've been told). We haven't talked since she dropped out of high school. According to a mutual friend she doesn't hate me but is probally just too embarassed to talk to me again. So basically, just remember how important your friend is and do what you feel you gotta do to help your friend. Lots of people thought she was just doing everything to get attention, but think about it this way: whether its serious or just for attention there is an issue. Don't ignore it, sure it hurt to lose contact (she never actually confronted me about it, we just kinda stopped talking) but I've never regretted trying to help and get her help. Just do what you feel needs to be done, and if in doubt I always think its best to err on the side of caution. Sometimes people need to be reminded that others care and even if there are no rewards now, think of the long term- (example being my friend is still alive). I plan to contact and try to hang out with her this summer with the mutual friend.

3/19/2006 11:45:52 PM

I had a friend in high school who did try to commit suicide and she acted just like my friend now does.

And all you who are being jerks on here--- Try putting yourself in my place. I'm sure if you found a note your friend whom you love wrote talking about having no purpose in life, saying they should have offed themselves a long time ago and how if they did it, they wouldn't leave a note because those who abondoned them need no explaination, then think about how you might feel. If you had any bit of a heart, you'd be upset and worried and not trying to be so fucking funny posting lame shit to make yourself look so cool and hard.

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 12:05 AM. Reason : .]

3/20/2006 12:03:09 AM

I concur with a lot of people on here.. granted ive never been through that kind of serious depression, but if you approach it slowly and a lot of assurances i dont think you can do harm. I dont think, assuming you care, ignore him in anyway. i guess people work shit out on their own, but i find that it helps to know people are there... best of luck

3/20/2006 12:04:54 AM

ooo. Thats just like my friend in highschool, they commited her after I read an LJ post and found out she'd swallowed a bunch of pills when I called her up on the phone. I'd definately park myself outside his door until he let me in-I'd pick it or he could save me the trouble and open it up.

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 12:08 AM. Reason : can't spell]

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 12:09 AM. Reason : at all]

3/20/2006 12:07:52 AM

The door is one of those that can be opened with a hex key but out of respect for his privacy, I said goodbye and went home. It was a big enough statement that I drove to the middle of nowhere just to tell him he was on my mind. His roommate reassured me that he would keep him safe but I drove home with tears in my eyes anyhow.

3/20/2006 12:16:18 AM

I'm sure that was fine and I hope everything works out okay!

3/20/2006 12:28:36 AM

What if they don't have a purpose in life?

We as a society leave people behind all the time, this is the same thing, but on a personal level. If it's his time, it's his time. There's probably lots of people around the world, millions even, that serve no purpose in the grand scheme of things. Many of those people don't even have the necessary innate talents or abilities to really make any difference, other that reproduce and hope their offspring have a better disposition than they did. It's sad, I know.

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 12:39 AM. Reason : haha, just kidding]

3/20/2006 12:35:50 AM

Quote :

"i guess people work shit out on their own, but i find that it helps to know people are there"

So when people get depressed like this, they conveinently forget that they have friends? Sounds like a pity party.

3/20/2006 12:37:03 AM

isolation is a typical symptom of depression

but you are one of those whacko "DEPRESSION IS NOT REAL, THEY SHOULD JUST CHEER UP AND SNAP OUT OF IT" jokers who are no better than tom cruise

3/20/2006 12:40:50 AM

Quote :

"So when people get depressed like this, they conveinently forget that they have friends?"

Sometimes when people are depressed, they feel like their friends have abandoned them and thus might feel resentful of them.

3/20/2006 2:10:16 AM

just remember

slit vertically

not horizontally

3/20/2006 2:22:14 AM

^

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 2:26 AM. Reason : *]

3/20/2006 2:26:29 AM

Keep trying to contact him.............it will make him feel better eventually knowing that someone genuinely cares about him and his feelings

3/20/2006 2:47:48 AM

I've been through this situation myself in a way. Except I was the guy involved.

I honestly don't know what to tell you, seeing as I was on the other side, but i know that (1) it was really tough on my friends, and (2) none of them forced me to do anything, but a couple kept popping in top make sure i was ok. I kept myself in my room for about 10 days or so before I emerged again. It was those who checked on me that I'm still closest to today, 5 years later.

What got me going was, literally, not being able to recognize myself as low as I got. I also found out about 8/9 days into it that I got into grad school (masters version), which gave me something to shoot for.

3/20/2006 2:53:46 AM

Is he introverted or extraverted? Because I guess sometimes I get mildly depressed and I'll want to be alone, but mostly its because I'm introverted and thats how I recharge my batteries. Being around people (even my closest friends and family) just annoys me when I'm in a bad mood, I need to be alone, blow off some steam and then I'm fine.

Maybe this isn't really helpful since I think I just get more grumpy than depressed.

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 12:17 PM. Reason : .]

3/20/2006 12:16:02 PM

you haven't provided enough detail for me to offer any real advice. but if you seriously think he is in danger or could pose a threat to others, you need to tell someone, perhaps his parents, campus counselors, etc.

3/20/2006 12:26:26 PM

Quote :

"but you are one of those whacko "DEPRESSION IS NOT REAL, THEY SHOULD JUST CHEER UP AND SNAP OUT OF IT" jokers who are no better than tom cruise"

The part about Tom Cruise hurt. Now I'M depressed.

3/20/2006 1:19:49 PM

his problem could be 30% someone hurt him and 70% he needs to snap out of it, im saying this from the way he's acting about wanting people to help him then snapping at them
so i think you've givin him enough attention he should have to earn your attention from here on, he should ask and beg for you help otherwise he's not putting in what he needs to to make the situation better

3/20/2006 1:34:22 PM

i really don't think making a suicidal friend beg for your help is the way to go. i would probably just go there every few days, if you have time, and do what you did yesterday. by the 2nd or 3rd time, he'll realize he's an idiot for not letting you in and then you can talk to him.

it may cause you some frustration at first, if he continues to snap at you and not let you in, but it may end up helping him a lot in the long run.



...or you could just send him a link to this thread

[Edited on March 20, 2006 at 1:48 PM. Reason : ]

3/20/2006 1:47:27 PM

Quote :

"Is he introverted or extraverted?"

Extroverted...which is why it worries me a lot. He's not the type to be okay being alone.

Quote :

"his problem could be 30% someone hurt him and 70% he needs to snap out of it"

I would agree with this.

Quote :

"it may cause you some frustration at first, if he continues to snap at you and not let you in, but it may end up helping him a lot in the long run."

Well, I took the advice and laid off last night. Left myself in a position to be avaliable and when I saw that he was online today, I just came off idle and waited.
It wasn't 30 seconds before he imed to let me know he was very sorry for how he has acted toward me and that he appreciated me coming by and that after I left things got really bad. He didn't elaborate but I assume he physically hurt himself. He's going to see counselors this week so I told him that I loved him and that if he needed chill relax time that I'd be around and that was that.

I'm still worried but I guess that's just my personality.

3/20/2006 5:14:57 PM

But it makes me wonder if I caused him stress by dropping by.......I mean, maybe he was already planning it but I feel that somehow my presence sent him over the edge. I don't know why though..

3/20/2006 5:17:20 PM

at least he's getting help.

not much more you can do without being intrusive.

3/20/2006 5:17:24 PM

^Yeah, I'm just leaving him alone. I told him we'd chat later in the week so if he needed me, I'd be around.

3/20/2006 5:23:25 PM