A spin off of http://brentroad.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=408946

Yesterday in Seattle I was down by Pike Place and this dude was like, "Spare change?" He was sitting in front of a bakery, so I stopped and asked if he was hungry. He goes, no...I just need a few bucks. I said if he was hungry we could walk into the bakery and I'll get him whatever he wants. And he goes, "No man, I need some money so I can buy a map. A world map! I need it to um..ah...keep up with world events. The wars, man! You know? I need it so I can know what they're talking about on the NEWS! This store right down here sells it...you know..that...map store."

I was like, yeah ok buddy...have a great day

5/16/2006 1:57:51 PM

how is this any different?

5/16/2006 2:00:15 PM

The other one was all about the gas money thing...i want to hear more stories outside of that

5/16/2006 2:01:55 PM

Did you bother to read it?

5/16/2006 2:06:15 PM

When the McDonalds was still open on Hillsboro I had a beggar hit me up for change. I didn't have any at the time so the guy follows me into McDonalds, waits for me to order, sticks his hand out to get the change I got from buying my food, and left. I was willing to give him change but due to the aggressiveness of that experience I have never given change to anyone since.

5/16/2006 2:13:16 PM

A few months ago, I was walking home from class and this lady walks up to me, (I of course speed up) and she goes "I don't have no guns or nuthin, you don't have to be scared" and I'm like, yeah ok..continue walking... she walks with me and says " I have four babies at home, and one in my tummy, and I'm just hungry, just hungry. I need some change to go buy a ham... a ham for my pot of spaghetti I have sittin' at home on the stove".. I'm like WTF who puts ham in spaghetti. Anyway, I say I don't carry cash, blah blah... and offered a bagel sandwich I had in my bag.. she says "No man, I can't eat that, I just need some change"

and finally left me alone...

Another story from a year ago, my friends and I were playing poker and eating pizza on the outside balcony of our apartment, this dude walks up the three flights of stairs to where we were sitting and says "anyone have $.69, I wanna go buy a taco at taco bell?".. we were all like, we'll share our pizza instead.. and the dude goes...
"oh no, my stomach can't handle that shit"... and we're like OKAY you can handle a taco, but not pizza?

5/16/2006 2:14:34 PM

Quote :

""No man, I can't eat that, I just need some change""

What is this edible change I keep hearing so much about?

5/16/2006 2:18:20 PM

maybe it is code for " a 40"

5/16/2006 2:20:33 PM

Simple Solution:

5/16/2006 7:23:41 PM

Last year I came down with a nasty case of pink eye. One afternoon that week I'd just got off work, so my clothes were filthy and mud-soaked. I was going into a fast-food place on western when this dude comes up to me:
"Hey man, you got an extra dollar I might could....WHOA, YOU LOOK FUCKED UP! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?..."

5/16/2006 7:51:51 PM

Quote :

"a ham for my pot of spaghetti I have sittin' at home on the stove".. I'm like WTF who puts ham in spaghetti."

ha i would have been like "you need to not leave stuff on the stove...those cardboard houses go up in flames pretty fast"

5/16/2006 7:59:55 PM

While at a San Francisco Giants game last year, a guy had a sign that said "No lies, it's for beer."

5/17/2006 2:05:00 PM

dude came up to me at a gas station one day and said:

"you got any change?"

i said "no, i never have any cash."

"got any paper money?"

"no, i never have any cash."

"you got a card don't you?"

"yeah"

"well you can go in there and buy me a beer, then."

"i can go in there and buy you a sandwich."

"I DON'T WANT THAT SHIT"

then took off in a dead sprint down an alley. i was so impressed that if he'd done that amazing physical feat before he talked to me, i would've bought him a beer.

5/17/2006 2:16:18 PM

Quote :

"A few months ago, I was walking home from class and this lady walks up to me, (I of course speed up) and she goes "I don't have no guns or nuthin, you don't have to be scared" and I'm like, yeah ok..continue walking... she walks with me and says " I have four babies at home, and one in my tummy, and I'm just hungry, just hungry. I need some change to go buy a ham... a ham for my pot of spaghetti I have sittin' at home on the stove".. I'm like WTF who puts ham in spaghetti. Anyway, I say I don't carry cash, blah blah... and offered a bagel sandwich I had in my bag.. she says "No man, I can't eat that, I just need some change""

You should have bought her some damn condoms.

5/17/2006 2:20:05 PM

i went to a mexican restuaruant a couple weeks ago with a friend and my girlfriend and we were waiting for a table and this lady came up to us and started with the old "i'm sorry, i wouldn't normally do this" routine. she goes on to tell us she is on vacation and her car was broken into and they stole her purse and the keys (not sure how that works). she said the police came out and filed a report and she was quick to give us the officer's name and the police report number.... and all she wanted was some money for a bus ride home (but if she could get enough for a motel room for the night that'd be great).

so her story goes on for a few minutes and then my friend asks to see the police report, she said she was so flustered that she forgot it or something. so my friend turns to me and says "what do you think?" and i shake my head no and he says "sorry there's nothing we can do". the whole thing was waaaay too rehearsed, but i bet she gets a whole lot of people with it.

5/17/2006 3:44:24 PM

I remember back when I was in school in ATL, there was this corner store that my roommate would go to to get cigarettes. So this one day, after eating in the caf, we walk down there... neither of us looked like much of anything (old t-shirts and sweats), and we had maybe $4 between us (just enough to get them, to the nearest buck). So we're walking out and this bum approaches us:

"man y'alll brothers got some money?"

"nah man, dead broke."

This dude.... I swear his entire body lit up like he was about to go Super Saiyan on us. "I KNOW Y'ALL GO TO MOREHOUSE, I KNOW Y'ALL GOT MONEY, Y'ALL NEED TO SHARE THAT SHIT MAN..." we left him there yelling and he didn't bother to follow us. I turn to my rm and say, "Goodness... did WE ask HIM for money or what?"

5/17/2006 6:40:06 PM

how many people do you think a good beggar talks to in a day

5/17/2006 6:47:49 PM

I was walking to my car today from planet smoothie when a bum made eyecontact and started walking towards me. As he opened his mouth, I quickly asked him," Hey man, you got a dollar?"

He was so confused he just stood there with his eyes wandering and his mouth open as I got in my car.

5/17/2006 6:49:49 PM

I gave a guy a fiver one time near the Waffle House on Hillsborough, on a Friday, and the next weekend we did a bang-up business at the Richmond gunshow.

Three or four weeks later we gave a handful of change (what we had at the time) to a homeless guy at the off ramp from 440 at Hillsborough, and again, record business.

Then Tony and I were getting into the car after lunch at Sylvia's Pizza, and a guy comes asking for change. He smelled like alchohol so I said we didn't have any. Next weekend we didn't even make enough money to cover overhead.

5/17/2006 6:50:05 PM

A few years ago we were up at Mitchs getting some brews... I'd had a few too many and decided to head down to the sidewalk to get some air (and naturally spoil that by having a cigarette). After a few minutes of people watching, some old prostitute comes up to me and says the damnedest thing.

"You wanna python?"

I had no fucking clue what this jargon meant and only assumed it was something similar to a portuguese breakfest. Then all of a sudden she whips out a baby python from her sleeve and waves the fucker in my face.

So yea, I don't know if she was homeless or lived in a crackhouse, but I was accosted by a constrictor.

5/17/2006 6:51:03 PM

3 friends and I were walking back to College Inn from Carmichael gym when a begger with an empty laundry detergent bottle comes up askin for change to get his car some gas. Ben, Rick, and myself kept walking while Joe stopped to open his wallet and look through it. All he had was a 20 dollar bill in there and he said he didn't have any money. Ben immediately goes "Joe just give him the 20." So Joe, being an idiot, gives the guy a 20 dollar bill. The rest of us stared at him in complete disbelief. As we continued walking we made fun of him so he runs down to the gas station with a steak knife to try and get his money back. The guy has a brown paper bag and hands him like a dollar in change. Joe gets mad so the guy says that Joe can meet him on some random road at his house to get his money. Joe goes out by himself to meet this guy and of course the guy doesn't show. Joe was soooo pissed and he was even more pissed at us cuz we told him to give the guy the 20 dollar bill. He said he didn't want to seem like an asshole after the guy found out he had 20.

5/17/2006 7:06:15 PM

your friend is an idiot

5/17/2006 7:19:23 PM

wow.

agreed.

5/17/2006 7:34:29 PM

steak knife wtf. like the bum is gonna stab you for asking him for the money.

5/17/2006 7:40:31 PM

Quote :

"This dude.... I swear his entire body lit up like he was about to go Super Saiyan on us."

made me LOL

5/17/2006 7:43:43 PM

My standard answer:

Naw man, I am out of cash, but I've got a cigarette if you want one.

..that usually does the trick.

5/17/2006 11:44:53 PM

I worked at a McDonalds in fayetteville for over 5 years, the last 2 years as the maintenance guy and since i'm 6'4" i also got the job of asking the homeless people begging on the property to leave. Right next to the restauraunt is a cell phone tower with a little woods around it, and in these woods lived a homeless woman and 2 men, needless to say i have A LOT of good stories. I learned in my time there that the live of a beggar is very repetitive, i could set my clock by them. as soon as 7am rolled around i'd see them walking across the front of the store (in case you don't know the gas stations won't sell you beer until 7am or at least the ones in fayetteville). But can also be rewarding, a certain pair looked like they raked in quite the money as i'd see them counting thick rolls of 1s at the end of a "hard" day.

So anyways, best story with the homeless couple that lived behind the story actually spans about a week. It starts late at night on the first day with the older man and woman fighting (they often fought and i'd usually have to tell them to either GTFO of the store or property) on this night in particular it ended with him smashing a beer bottle and trying to cut her throat. Needless to say he was arrested and she was sent to the hospital for stitches. so a little over a week later i notice the lady begging people for cash, at a fast food joint bums like to wait for people to get in the drive-thru then you're trapped!. so i go out and tell that i'm tired of telling her to get the hell off the property and if i see her again i'm going to have her arrested. She proceeds to tell me that she needs money for a bus ticket so she can get downtown to have her stitches removed, yadayadayada... one catch though. Cape Fear Valley hospital is ACROSS the street from the mcdonalds i used to work at. So i told her touch luck and get the hell off the property.

Lets see... another time i had to tell an older guy who was again harrassing drive-thru customers that he needed to leave. He proceeds to tell me that he needs money for a bus ticket to get to some VA hospital in tenn. that has a long term care facility. He then shows me all his "scars" from vietnam. Only problem is that fayetteville has a VA hospital, I used to work at one, and if you aren't seriously disabled you aren't staying for any long time in one. But just to get his hopes up i tell him alright man, well i gotta go talk to my manager. So i wait inside for about a minute, then walk back out to tell him i'm sorry but my manager told me he'd have to leave. so he walked across the parking lot to bojangles. so i called bojangles and they kicked him off as well

ah... so many more. I no longer give ANY money to the homeless

5/18/2006 1:45:33 AM

yup. I try to beat them to the punch

Walking to some Irish Pub in Raleigh with 3 other guys... Dude is laying, yes laying, on the sidewalk next to an intersection.

Black Dude: "How yu fellas doin taday?" (that's how he would write it)
Me: "Just fine man, But could you spare about 50 cents so I can get a drink?"
Black Dude: (just paused for a minute and smiled) "Man I'm tryin to get 75 so I can get sumfin"
Me: "Ok, well if you get it let me know then we can combine our money and get something"
Black Dude: "You're on your own there"
then I'm pretty sure he passed out.

Something similar happened on Hillsborough and the guy said "I see what you did there"
I started laughing.

5/18/2006 4:49:24 AM

My friends and I were in DC, out at the bars and clubs. We stumble out of a club, and this little old man stops us and asks us for change or a dollar. We hesitated, and he said something like this:

"I ain't gonna lie to y'all folks like some guys do...I ain't askin' for money so's I can get somethin' to eat or get into the shelter tonight...Now, I can see y'all been havin' a good time, drinking and smokin'...and I'll tell you what, I just wanna go down to the corner store and get me a can of beer too"

I can appreciate the need for a can of beer, so we gave him the money, and then he bummed some cigarettes from us too.

5/18/2006 8:15:11 AM

Quote :

"I'm like WTF who puts ham in spaghetti"

Answer - black people

5/18/2006 11:18:29 AM

I've got a couple stories, the first was on Hillsborough a few years ago.

I was driving down the street and noticed this woman couldn't paralell park her car, so I waited for her to pull out a pulled my car in without any trouble (I hate people that can't parallel park). Anyway, there were these two homeless guys sitting on the bench in front of Sylvia's. I get out of the car and one of them gets up and starts looking all around my car. I was like, "Can I help you?" and he goes "MAN! You made that parkin' space 'yo BITCH!". Then he goes on to tell me he and his "friend" had been laughing at that other woman trying to park for 5 minutes. Then he tells me I should get an airplane license, since apparently thats what people who can parallel park should have. I then gave him $2 for making me laugh.

The second story happened on Fayetteville Street mall before all the construction. I was walking down it with a couple friends on a Sunday afternoon and this guy comes up asking us for $5 to get into the homeless shelter. As soon as he says that I just turn around and start looking at something while he's trying to get my friends to give him some cash. They're both like, sorry man, don't have any - then he turns to me and goes "Man you look like you've got some cash, I just need $5" and I said "yeah I do, but I was just wondering one thing...when did the homeless shelter start charging?" and I we walked away with him still pleading for money.

5/18/2006 12:06:15 PM

I'm going to hell because I didn't give money to a preggers woman last night. Not an hour later some guy decides to make conversation with me out of the blue, then proceeds to ask me for some busfare. Twice in a day here at Georgia Tech, where bums don't give me the time of day at State.

5/18/2006 12:23:38 PM

a few years ago after leaving el rodeo on Hillsborough some bum comes up to me and puts his arm around my shoulder and says "If I kill this man right here will you be my witness?", pointing at another bum who looked to be his sworn enemy. I said no i wouldn't and he walked off.

[Edited on May 18, 2006 at 12:27 PM. Reason : asdf]

5/18/2006 12:25:32 PM

cddweller, your story is the best.
ceaser, i like yours too.

the rest of you guys are assholes. I can't beleive you make fun of homeless people, were you raised by the worst of savages? Seriously, i'm beside myself at how a bunch of rich (you are compared to most people that have ever lived on the planet,) educated kids can be so heartless. Seriously, what is wrong with you? So what if they're gonna use for beer, like you always make the best investment decisions with your money. How can you not want to make someone's day nicer? Especially with all the good stories, hell, these people are trying to give you a good story, I think that deserves reward enough.

You guys have this attitude that homeless people are lazy and stupid, and are only homeless cause they're not trying hard enough. Actually, most homeless people are homeless because they either have mental problems, or due to medical bills they lost their property.

In any case, even if you aren't going to give them money, you should at least be embarrassed enough not to admit it, and furthermore not to brag about it!

/rant.

Oh yeah, feel free to flame away, of course it will only show that you are embarrassed at having behaved the way you did and now are just being defensive.

...I swear its things like this that makes me wish there was a hell....for you cheap, stingy, spoiled, heartless bastards....

5/18/2006 3:37:35 PM

while i dont make fun of homeless ppl and have given them money on occasions your post is utterly retarded.

how does enabling someone to drink away their sorrows make you a good person?

5/18/2006 3:47:29 PM

who are you to judge us?

5/18/2006 3:47:45 PM

^^^ cry more please

i hope there is a special part of hell for people who wish hell on others

fucking hypocrite

[Edited on May 18, 2006 at 3:55 PM. Reason : SEE WHAT I DID THERE]

5/18/2006 3:51:46 PM

One time I asked a bum for change.

That really trips them up.

5/18/2006 3:52:36 PM

Quote :

"In any case, even if you aren't going to give them money, you should at least be embarrassed enough not to admit it, and furthermore not to brag about it! "

post your name and address, and next time a bum hits me up, i'll refuse, then tell him that i know this uber-generous and not at all hypocritical person who would be glad to give you money. Then kindly point them in your direction.

5/18/2006 3:59:53 PM

Quote :

"Actually, most homeless people are homeless because they either have mental problems, or due to medical bills they lost their property."

probably.... because alcohism is a disease, right? so buying lots of booze = medical bills?

5/18/2006 4:25:50 PM

Quote :

"Seriously, what is wrong with you? So what if they're gonna use for beer, like you always make the best investment decisions with your money."

if they get a job and earn their own money, who cares if they spend their money for beer?

5/18/2006 4:27:18 PM

^x6

boo fuckity hoo

5/18/2006 4:29:40 PM

Some people might ethically have a problem with giving them money if they know that it's going to be used for alcohol or smokes or other drugs. I wouldn't give money if some guy asked for some change to buy a beer. I'll at least be "naive" enough to give them money if they say they need it for food or something. I'm usually asked for change when I'm in some kind of hurry, and I don't have the time to go inside and try to buy them something (if they actually decide to accept the offer of food instead of money)

5/18/2006 4:31:07 PM

Quote :

""Actually, most homeless people are homeless because they either have mental problems"

Hmm, it is the other way around many times. Sure, lots of people have schizophrenia and wind up bums. But more often than not, they are bums and develop it later when the isolation and irregular food supply starts to get nasty.

5/18/2006 4:40:31 PM

And it's not like we are being stingy because we are "heartless bastards", some of us have bills to pay. College ain't cheap. I mean, I'll give someone some pocket change if I have it, but I'll be damned if I'll open my wallet to hand out bills to a stranger. Even after I told the guy who asked me for money last night that I was an out of state student in our random conversation, he had the nerve to ask me for some money. It seems he was too good for the nickel I offered him.

5/18/2006 4:46:47 PM

while i was in europe last month, i noticed that the language of bums is international. I thought it was bad here......damn, at least one person a day would ask for money, and you could spot them from a mile away. not from their clothes (most were dressed decently), they just had that "i'm gonna ask you for money" look, and these dudes would get pissed if you turned them down.

5/18/2006 4:57:57 PM

Quote :

"...I swear its things like this that makes me wish there was a hell....for you cheap, stingy, spoiled, heartless bastards...."

SO you wish eternal pain and suffering on broke college students who don't want to give money away that they have earned at a minimal wage job so that another man can have a free beer. It seems you are a heartless bitch for wishing such a thing on others just because you think it is ok to buy a homeless person booze. You're a real keeper. Send people to hell because they are sick of people trying to SCAM them out of money. Fucking idiot. IF there was this hell you wish for, then that would mean there was a god also... which would mean he made these people mentally ill/homeless/poor..and who are we to fuck with god?

Jesus hates you..... HARD.

[Edited on May 18, 2006 at 5:06 PM. Reason : bumfucker]

5/18/2006 5:04:44 PM

Oh boo-hoo, cry me a fucking river, "i'm a poor, broke college student...."

Hello, you're wealthy enough to go to college, or at least to afford the loans. In any case, you're not destitute. I must say it really pisses me off that some of the most privileged people to have EVER walked the face of the earth (yes, i mean you 'poor, broke' college students) are complaining about their difficult and painful lives. My god, you guys are spoiled, you actually have the indicency to defend your position of priviledge.

Anyway, really your parents should be ashamed. Shit, i can't even imagine what i would do if i heard my child speak like this of underprividged people...of course i can't imagine raising a child who doesen't appriciate their position of priviledge, but that's another story....

5/19/2006 2:14:50 AM

I wish your parents had raised you not to be a stupid bitch...

5/19/2006 2:19:00 AM

thou shalt not judge.


Do you see what i did there you judgemental bitch. You are just as in the wrong as we are.


But wait. There are organizations such as Loaves and Fishes which help homeless people break the cycle of begging and teach them the joys of working for your money. They help educate them and find work. Sounds sort of similar to teaching a man to fish rather than giving him fish, doesn't it???

5/19/2006 2:34:45 AM