Okay, well obvious the first rule is - dont.

But beyond that, anyone have advice on making it work?
There's no relationship yet, just a date between long time friends - so I might be jumping the gun here, but given what guy has said, I dont think so.

[Edited on September 12, 2006 at 1:03 PM. Reason : I wonder why i'm asking TWW come to think of it....]

9/12/2006 1:03:23 PM

is this person a tww user

9/12/2006 1:09:14 PM

If it's too far/expensive/inconvenient for you to visit at least 1 or 2 weekends a month, I would be wary.

9/12/2006 1:12:11 PM

a few years back i was in a serious relationship with a girl from back home in jersey. we worked it out so that during the year, we would alternate visiting each other at their school and have it balance out with breaks and days off. so basically, we had it set to where every 2 weeks we would see each other on a weekend or on a school break. the relationship lasted for quite awhile. it can def work if you both are willing to.

9/12/2006 1:13:53 PM

^^I agree. Every other weekend worked for me, and when it got to be less than that we broke up. I prefer long distance in the sense that they aren't always all up in your face, but u can get lonely at times...

9/12/2006 1:14:54 PM

my wife and I (we were bf/gf at the time) did the long distance thing my freshmen year. I'm from KS and only went home for christmas/summer and she came out for spring break. We talked on the phone/aim almost everyday. The start of my sophomore year she moved out here with me. So it can work. Does it take work? sure.

9/12/2006 1:15:22 PM

This situation really depends on your circumstances and personalities.

You will have a hard time though.

9/12/2006 1:26:50 PM

i think long distance relationships tend to have better chances of survival when the relationship didnt start out as long distance

it takes a lot of trust, patience, honesty and want for it to work, just like any other relationship

once one person decides they aren't wiling to put in the work it's pretty much over, just like any other relationship

it also helps when neither party is too clingy or jealous

9/12/2006 1:30:07 PM

Quote :

"once one person decides they aren't wiling to put in the work it's pretty much over, just like any other relationship "

thanks captain obvious.

from my experiences, a long distance relationship is just like any other relationship, just over a longer distance.

[Edited on September 12, 2006 at 1:31 PM. Reason : df]

9/12/2006 1:30:49 PM

Why are you woman so stupid, a relationship with a guy on the internet is bound to never work out, get your anti social ass out of the house.

9/12/2006 1:32:59 PM

define long distance

9/12/2006 1:33:43 PM

I think the real key to a long distance relationship is communication and a good sense of humor. If you find that you have very little to talk about in person then obviously you will have a tough time on the phone/IM/or texting. Snail mail is a wonderful way to communicate. Letters are bit more time consuming and are more personal than emails. Small, stupid/random gifts are also a wonderful surprise and show the other person you were thinking of them.

You have to be sure to set some boundaries as with any relationship. Just like the others have said, If you don't see each other some agreed X amounts of times during a month or year then there is just no point in being attached anymore. A relationship with someone you don't get to see, is just a penpal.

Just my two cents...

9/12/2006 1:35:25 PM

You people don't realize the basis of the long distance relationship is the basis of the internet a whole lotta imagination and using your hands.

9/12/2006 1:35:39 PM

usually someone will end up cheating on the other

9/12/2006 1:39:12 PM

^6

i was making a point

it also helps if you have a deadline for the long distance part

like.....in x amount of time we'll be able to be together... of course this is why i mentioned it's better when you didnt start out long distance and are serious and actually want to be together in the same zip code at some point in the near future

i think long distance relationships can make a relationship stronger too

but if both of you arent willing to change your geography in an attempt at a local relationship at some point, i see problems

9/12/2006 1:43:22 PM

me and my wife (g/f then) had a long distance relationship for almost a year.. it's the worst thing ever if you are really in love But if u really want it, you will make it work.
[Edited on September 12, 2006 at 1:44 PM. Reason : .]

[Edited on September 12, 2006 at 1:45 PM. Reason : lalala...]

9/12/2006 1:44:12 PM

Quote :

"i think long distance relationships can make a relationship stronger too"

This guys checking options, oh man, you're so easy.

9/12/2006 1:45:52 PM

wtf are you talking ab

english plz

9/12/2006 1:47:15 PM

Quote :

"If it's too far/expensive/inconvenient for you to visit at least 1 or 2 weekends a month, I would be wary."

Truth, IMO.

9/12/2006 1:50:43 PM

Quote :

"If it's too far/expensive/inconvenient for you to visit at least 1 or 2 weekends a month, I would be wary."

9/12/2006 1:54:17 PM

When I get squirrelmail from some chick, who promises to make my dick bigger, I'm usually very excited about meeting strangers who've been hunting for my fame, and expect it will bring our relationship to the next level.

9/12/2006 1:54:21 PM

Well, long-distance (or not-so-long but still distance) relationships do have the advantage of the partners not having as much ability to bore each other. I'm sure we've all seen relationships which really should have worked out end up in the toilet because the people didn't give each other breathing room.

9/12/2006 1:57:07 PM

This says it best

Quote :

"once one person decides they aren't wiling to put in the work it's pretty much over, just like any other relationship it also helps when neither party is too clingy"

Any other relationship... you know those, those other relationships... OFFLINE. Ones you have to work on.

9/12/2006 1:59:56 PM

It's really hard.

I did it for a very long time (four years). It's doable, but man it's tough.

My girlfriend and I fought more than I'd like to have done, and it was solely because of the distance. Since I came back to school and have been in the same zip code as her, the fighting has virtually disappeared (besides the same knucklehead stuff everyone has).

9/12/2006 2:01:57 PM

Quote :

"it also helps when neither party is too clingy"

Critical. But this kills relationships of all sorts, so w/e

9/12/2006 2:02:28 PM

i just got out of one. When she first moved, I had no doubts it would work, but now i don't think i'll ever even consider it again.

9/12/2006 2:04:09 PM

i have told myself after all 3 of my past LDR (that didnt work obviously) that i would never be in another one again, yet i find myself in one this very instant

to top it all off the girl is in med school so anything that is to be done comes from my end as she is too busy to do anything but school work

that said, it is going very well after 2 months, takes a lot of work and dedication, especially if only one person can put forth effort in making the relationship work, but it is doable

but i agree with a previous statement, any relationship that didnt start off being a LDR has a much better chance of surviving than the other way around

9/12/2006 2:10:28 PM

In mine, we were together for almost 3 years, it died just 1-2 months after the move. I think it puts too much of a strain on both, and magnifies any little issue there may have been before the distance.

9/12/2006 2:16:05 PM

well i am about the feeling that if the relationship was great in whatever time frame it has been going on, there really shouldnt be any pressing issues, ya know?

i have been dating this girl for 8 months now, or so, and yes there were some issues but they were brought to the forefront and corrected and now we are on the same page.

i dunno, not everyone is going to be the same, so it is hard to compare stories, everyone is different

just have to work with what you have, if it works it works, if not, least you tried

9/12/2006 2:23:02 PM

Quote :

"just have to work with what you have, if it works it works, if not, least you tried "

couldn't have said it better myself.

We don't have ill will toward each other now, but I just don't think either one of us wanted that (me moving out there with her became a big issue, but I didn't know when I would be able to).

I've seen some people that tend to do well, if not better in LDR's, but not me.

9/12/2006 2:29:32 PM

Its better while in school unless youre a nympho.

Good luck and god bless

9/12/2006 2:46:54 PM

They suck, a lot. But if you both want it to last you can make it work.

9/12/2006 2:50:06 PM

Yes, the stereotype is that they don't work out...

... but mine did. And I got married. After 8 months of dating. So you can say, there are exceptions.

9/12/2006 2:54:21 PM

so you got married after an 8 month long-distance relationship?

9/12/2006 3:29:14 PM

I'm currently in an LDR with a girl I met here in NC. She moved back to her home state of Indiana a few months into our relationship. We've now been together for two years as of this past weekend. There really is no set way of approaching and handling LDRs. Some work and some don't. You just have to be willing to work hard at it. After I graduate in May and get a job, I plan to propose to her.

9/12/2006 3:43:44 PM

so are you going to have a non-"LDR" for a while before you decide to propose?

9/12/2006 3:48:29 PM

^That would be prudent

9/12/2006 3:49:59 PM

To answer questions-

Once a month alternating who goes where, is absolutely doable, no questions about it.
Twice a month might work out, if I can get a part time job which I honestly need anyways. (still alternating of course)

We'll definately talk about that.

As far as being together goes- he's got a job where he is (VA), and I'm still in grad school, so what happens to me in 9 months is very up in the air. I think it's a little early to be talking about that, but one or both of us moving is almost a sure thing. Now making that happen so we wind up in the same place is just as up in the air- but neither of us are completely tied to our current locations.


and firmbuttgntl- please, go get off while talking to *your* internet boyfriend because you obviously have a hell of a lot of experience in the area and apparently dont like the idea of any other creepy internet people dating, must want to keep him all to yourself huh? Now if you'll pardon me, i'll go back to the *real* relationship I'm talking about.

Continuing to answer questions- no, he is not a member of TWW nor did he go to NCSU

9/12/2006 3:50:33 PM

Quote :

"and firmbuttgntl- please, go get off while talking to *your* internet boyfriend because you obviously have a hell of a lot of experience in the area and apparently dont like the idea of any other creepy internet people dating, must want to keep him all to yourself huh?"

LOL, firmbuttgntl is a dude

but you shouldn't worry about long term plans yet....just work on making it happen now.

9/12/2006 3:54:33 PM

The plan is to get a job in Indiana and work for about six months to a year before I propose. We've already made the decision that we want to get married. I should also add that she's leaving next Wednesday to study in Japan for a year, which should make things interesting.

9/12/2006 3:55:08 PM

I dated a girl who lived about 3 hours away for Freshman year and we didn't break up until Junior year. We were only long distance for 1 year because she moved to state after that.

Right now I'm dating a girl who goes to state and I live in Charleston. We've done pretty well so far, but you definitely need to drop notes to one another often. She writes me once a week by actual letter, which is really nice. It brightens your day.

9/12/2006 3:58:38 PM

Quote :

"so you got married after an 8 month long-distance relationship? "

Yep, it's true. I destroyed your precious little stereotype.

But, I've heard worse... Have you ever heard of people "dating" for over 20 years... ROFL!!! Now that's deserves a true " ". Those people might as well not even have the word "marry" in the dictionary, much less their vocabulary.

9/12/2006 4:09:40 PM

Wait VA?

As in Virginia?

Thats not long distance.

Tough it up and drive.

9/12/2006 4:25:54 PM

THEY WORK. Actually they are the only relationships that do work flawlessly . . . its living together that's the real challenge.

9/12/2006 4:26:46 PM

^maybe if you werent bat shit crazy, girls wouldnt find it a problem living with you!

[Edited on September 12, 2006 at 4:35 PM. Reason : s]

9/12/2006 4:31:49 PM

Quote :

"Now making that happen so we wind up in the same place is just as up in the air"

you have no idea


and VA to NC and SC to NC is NOTHING

how about Illinois to NC then to make matters worse, even further

Kansas to NC

did i mention the airport is a 2 hour drive in each direction for me to get on a fucking plane?

if something happened and i had to get home it would take me 8-9 hours on a plane to get there and that's making good time...

9/12/2006 6:34:30 PM

i am in one now - i'm in NC and he's in NJ. we didn't start out long distance, and he moved about 1.5 months ago. one thing we did was buy webcams and we use them almost everyday.

as stated previously, it's good to have a deadline on how long you'll be apart. as long as both people want the relationship, it can work.

VA isn't a bad distance at all - good luck

9/12/2006 6:49:48 PM

^ ah yes i forgot ab webcams

those help too bc you can actually see each other

9/12/2006 6:51:01 PM

watch each other flick the bean

9/12/2006 6:51:25 PM

Webcams are awesome

Till you see the black guy sneaking out the door.

9/12/2006 6:53:19 PM