Charlotte Barbie Dolls released...

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Charlotte area market:

Gastonia Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
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Ballantyne Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit and cookie cutter house available.
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Matthews/Mint Hill Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of East Charlotte Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Chevy Corsica.
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Dilworth Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own platinum credit card,a country club membership, and a map to find her way to the beach. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
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West Charlotte Barbie: This recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.
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Myers Park Barbie: This Barbie is the most expensive, due to her
extravagant outfit: Mink full-length coat and 5 carat diamond ring,
Prada shoes and Versace pantsuits. This Barbie also has a blank stare and is nicknamed Botox Barbie. Myers Park Barbie drives a chrome accented Mercedes SUV that has never seen a dirt road. Myers Park Ken also comes with Prada outfit and is sold with a snifter glass of brandy, a Cuban cigar, and a 48 foot Hatteras Sport Fisher.
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Central Ave. Barbie: Attire includes: Low-waisted jeans, too long with rips along the cuffs, a T-shirt 2-sizes-too-small purchased in the little boys section of the thrift store, flip-flops & horn-rimmed
glasses. Hair is cut asymmetrically & dyed dark burgundy. This Barbie is pierced & tattooed & instead of a car comes with a Vespa scooter, which is all you need to get around downtown to-and-from.
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Lake Norman/North Charlotte/Ohio Transplant Barbie:
This Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (with Ohio plates), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, tons of makeup, and really big hair. Carnivore Ken sold separately. This Barbie is the same model as the Ballantyne Barbie that was released in 1996. She comes with shoulder pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut.
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Downtown Bar Barbie: This average looking, cigarette smoking,
bleached-blonde Barbie comes with sandals, tight pants, and a red spaghetti strap half shirt to show off her belly button ring and lower back tat. This Barbie comes with a Ford Mustang GT, a cell phone with an assortment of annoying ring-tones, as well as a night bag. She also comes with three "good-guy banker" dolls to match the local gender statistics. Additional options include the "skip the line" pass for Boppers and the "get out of the DUI free" card.
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Everything Sucks in Charlotte Barbie: This larger city transplant from mostly NYC and California comes dressed in almost designer clothes out of TJ Maxx. This model speaks phrases like "Everything is better in NYC" or "In California we don't have to do that." She can also *** up astorm about what Charlotte doesn't have, but forgets that this is her new home and moved here for a reason, (A better job with lower cost of living.) She comes with her own 10,000 sq. ft. mansion that was paid for by selling her 1,500 sq. ft. home at $900,000. She enjoys not working and spending Ken's money. You can purchase separately a local Charlottean doll that has lived here for more than 5 years holding a sign that says "If you don't like it here, move the hell back."

10/1/2006 3:25:26 PM

this has been done 1000s of times - just change the location names for each area...

10/1/2006 3:33:34 PM

I actually fine this quite funny because I fuckin hate Charlotte.

10/1/2006 11:57:07 PM

old as shit

10/2/2006 1:05:00 PM

Hey, it might be old, but I am never on the internet anymore so I missed it....

Either way, for every description I was able to visualize a person that fit it perfectly, so, works for me.

10/2/2006 2:09:31 PM

I got it in an email. They missed a new one--uptown residents.

10/2/2006 2:30:12 PM

Quote :

"Downtown Bar Barbie"

charlotte has no downtown

10/2/2006 3:30:35 PM

^you're not comparing that to Raleigh are you

10/2/2006 5:35:15 PM

charlotte's uptown isn't downtown. It's Uptown.

10/2/2006 6:31:47 PM

same thing though

10/3/2006 1:09:00 PM

from my experience, matthews/mint hill folk arent classy, but they arent white trash. that description would better fit monroe.

10/3/2006 7:14:51 PM

Quote :

"Ballantyne Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit and cookie cutter house available."

yay, thats mine!

but let me tell you, there are not too many fucking minivans in ballantyne. i rarely see a car worth less than 40k in my parents neighborhood

10/4/2006 10:04:02 AM

^ there are condos and townhomes galore down there


alot of ballentyne is just people who want to think they're rich
(don't get me wrong there are some nice houses there)

10/4/2006 5:04:16 PM

West Charlotte raise up.

p.s. Everything is better in NYC
p.p.s. My mom just moved in to your fake urban neighborhood, Jules. She's excited because she lives above a store!

10/4/2006 8:48:33 PM

haha, hey don't diss on Birkdale Ben... I have the option of getting trashed in a bar and then just walking upstairs (crawling) to pass out in the middle of my floor.

10/5/2006 1:00:40 PM

My girlfriend, who is from Charlotte, laughed out loud at the whole Charlotte barbie thing, FWIW...

10/5/2006 9:42:48 PM

whats up with Huntersville not getting one?

10/5/2006 11:30:45 PM

Huntersville= lake norman

10/6/2006 10:00:25 AM

that is not true.

We're the people not stupid enough to buy places on the lake so that it takes 3 hours to get to work every morning.

or we're just broke bastards that can't afford it

10/9/2006 8:30:53 PM

Quote :

"^ there are condos and townhomes galore down there alot of ballentyne is just people who want to think they're rich (don't get me wrong there are some nice houses there) "

when i saw ballantyne, i mean the hood, Ballantyne Country Club...not all the bullshit around hit

10/11/2006 6:17:29 PM

where is the eastover barbie?

10/11/2006 8:20:47 PM