http://www.autoweek.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070131/FREE/70129016/1028/FREE

Quote :

"I often get letters from car enthusiasts asking, “Am I an idiot?” Some people just don’t know, so I have provided a handy list. Keep a tally and at the bottom we’ll score you. 1. You have a car with fog lights. 2. You call them “Driving Lights.” 3. You switch them on. 4. You wear gloves when you drive. 5. You wear driving shoes when you drive. 6. You wear the driving shoes and the gloves to school/work. 7. You drive one or no races in the course of a weekend track event but you stroll around the paddock all three days with your driving suit at half mast, the arms of it tied around your waist “in case someone needs a backup driver.” 8. You know entirely too much about some obscure race car that no one else on the planet knows or cares about. 9. You talk about the car in #8. 10. You send condescending letters to your club newsletter correcting some minutia about the wind wing vent positioning of car #8, usually beginning with the line, “Anyone who knows anything at all about cars knows that the (car #8) blah, blah, blah…” Okay, let’s score you. One to three “Yes” answers means you need serious psychological help. Or a girlfriend. I suggest both. Ideally for you, get a girlfriend who also owns car #8. Four to six “Yes” answers means you should just give up now and please get off the internet for the good of mankind. More than six “Yes” answers, please, just donate all your internal organs to an internal organ bank then go jump in the nearest compost heap. This will be best for all concerned, mostly the compost heap. Now, those who see themselves in the above or, better yet, have friends and fellow racers say they see them in the above, please send your outraged hate mail to pfloraday@crain.com. He will dispose of it properly."

2/1/2007 11:36:39 AM

your name is TypeA

2/1/2007 11:39:59 AM

^haha

Quote :

"7. You drive one or no races in the course of a weekend track event but you stroll around the paddock all three days with your driving suit at half mast, the arms of it tied around your waist “in case someone needs a backup driver.”"

i lol'd.

Quote :

"8. You know entirely too much about some obscure race car that no one else on the planet knows or cares about."

that reminds me of some of the stuff zxappeal knows about.

2/1/2007 11:51:29 AM

Haha, my bro used his fog lights as driving lights cause his headlamps burned out and didn't know how to replace them. I wear gloves when driving when its cold outside. I take them off once the cabin gets warm and toasty. Love heated leather seats.

2/1/2007 12:15:49 PM

your name is TypeA and jsquared.

2/1/2007 12:19:37 PM

you've worked at or had work done by phantasm

2/1/2007 1:20:30 PM

you speak of import engines by their codes only and try to impress people by talking about how one is so much more powerful than the other.

2/1/2007 4:54:10 PM

you build a wheelin rig and never wheel it.

you have a jeep or landrover covered with stickers.

2/1/2007 6:30:05 PM

you drive ANYTHING covered in stickers

only exceptions are drag cars

2/1/2007 6:39:47 PM

The Goat stickers being the obvious exception

2/1/2007 9:13:18 PM

^^track cars in general for stickers.

Quote :

"1. You have a car with fog lights."

most new cars come with fog lights...i guess that makes most of us idiots

[Edited on February 1, 2007 at 9:25 PM. Reason : fda]

2/1/2007 9:24:51 PM

See #2 for clarification

2/1/2007 9:40:50 PM

what if they are driving lights?

2/1/2007 10:05:45 PM

Then I think that means a fag. Kill yourself.

2/1/2007 10:17:01 PM

quit talking about stickers. each adds 5 hp to your vehicle. lol.

i own a few but the only way i'll have them on there is if i own a product and i like it and i choose to advertise it. at my expense lol.

now let's talk about j-baz or kyle puttin a honda sticker on a yamaha or something like that, which one of you fucks did that

2/1/2007 11:26:29 PM

when you take this as a real comment empathizing with your figmented dillema...

Quote :

"ice is some pretty dangerous stuff. it'll mess up a car much worse than water, i'd be pissed too... also, you are correct about the blow drying. all certified collision repair shops located in regions where there is a chance of ice forming during the winter are required to keep a fully functional industrial grade blow dryer in the shop."

2/1/2007 11:32:31 PM

your name is TypeA

2/1/2007 11:46:29 PM

reminds me of all that other shit

Acura NSX I’m an impotent dentist
Acura TL I’m too bland for German cars. I like sporty Buicks
Buick Park Avenue I’m older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado I was a Mary Kay representative
Cadillac Escalade I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Cadillac Seville I’m a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro I’m out on parole
Chevrolet Corvette Ladies! I'm divorced and available.
Dodge Dart I teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower
Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get people to slow down
Ford Mustang I slow down to 80mph in school zones
Ford Taurus I like driving rental/company cars
Honda Civic I’m in the 11th grade
Honda Accord (old) I’m in the 12th grade
Honda Accord (new) I have no originality
Infiniti I’m a physician with too many malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes
Jaguar XJ6 I’m so rich I don’t give a damn what JD Powers says
Kia Sephia I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
Lincoln Town Car I live for bingo
Mercedes 500SL Don’t even think of asking me for an autograph
Mazda Miata I have no fear of being decapitated by an 18-wheeler
Olds Cutlass I just stole this car
Plymouth Neon Hey, at least it was cheap.
Pontiac Trans Am I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 My divorce is almost final
Porsche Boxster My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the house payments
Saturn Ion Look, my dad bought me a sports car
Subaru Forester I went to college where the girls didn't shave their armpits
Toyota Camry I am still in the closet
Volkswagen Cabriolet I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Bus I am tripping right now
Volvo Wagon I’m afraid of my wife


or



What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar
- Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLarean F1 forum
-Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
-Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

2/2/2007 12:17:47 AM

considering GT3's, testarossa's, SLR McLaren's, etc have fog lights, this list makes you/the author the idiot

2/2/2007 12:23:27 AM

you dont need supercars to support fog lights (and usage) anyway

2/2/2007 12:51:15 AM

Quote :

"2. You call them “Driving Lights.”"

fog lights and 'city' or 'driving' lights are two different things....most european cars come equipped with 'city' lights that are on during daytime driving (automaticly)

2/2/2007 12:53:30 AM

Quote :

"4. You wear gloves when you drive. 5. You wear driving shoes when you drive."

driving gloves on track = teh wInz

driving shoes are comfortable to wear and especially comfortable to drive in...they're like sneakers except not as bulky. and by driving shoes i don't mean 'sparcos' or anything of the sort...i mean the adidas motorsport inspired collection or the same over in Puma's.

2/2/2007 12:56:08 AM

I'd imagine them being as comfortable as my indoor soccer shoes

ie not nearly as comfortable as normal sneakers

2/2/2007 12:59:52 AM

Quote :

"Honda Accord (old) I’m in the 12th grade"

I was definitely a senior in high school when I got my accord

[Edited on February 2, 2007 at 1:37 AM. Reason : .]

2/2/2007 1:37:05 AM

I wear gloves, but i dont have a heater at the moment.

2/2/2007 7:15:08 AM

.... quad turbo evo

2/2/2007 9:45:04 AM

Quote :

".... quad turbo evo"

HAHA

2/2/2007 7:17:23 PM

Quote :

"I'd imagine them being as comfortable as my indoor soccer shoes"

well don't imagine...take my word for it since I actually do wear them and you don't :shrug:

2/2/2007 8:14:45 PM

like golovko said, the adidas, or whatever company that has the "inspired" driving shoes are nice, but its those niggers who actually wear driving shoes around.

ive seen a few. looks gay

2/2/2007 9:08:43 PM