older man, really nice about 60-65 years old

he stopped by to ask if we were the new owners of the house, I was like, well as soon as we close on it we are

after 5 minutes of chit chat and bs about where everyone is from and who they know, he hits me with the dreaded...

"So, where do you go to church?"

I was like, "well I used to go but not so much the last few years" and gave him the usual "I just don't have time" thing

I mean, it's not that I hate god, or chrisitians, I don't. I think there is nothing wrong with having faith just even though I choose not to.

but I felt really weird and awkward, I didn't want to tell him the truth because I didn't want him to look at me as a heathen and some godless criminal everytime he saw me, but I didn't want to tell him a lie either because he seems nice

I posted this in here because I'm more interested in yalls (soap box posters) reaction to a situation like this, I felt really damn awkward and it kinda irritated me at first that he put me on the spot like that from the get go, but then again now that I think about it, he may have just wanted to extend an offer for me to visit his church moreso than he was wondering if I was some heathen criminal


SOAP BOX IS A BLOG

2/21/2007 9:25:04 AM

"we"?

2/21/2007 9:28:32 AM

A) none of his business.

B) why do you care?

2/21/2007 9:29:59 AM

^^"we", as in people purchasing said house


I'm sorry I haven't informed TWW of all details surrounding my personal and business life

^ I mean, yeah, it's really none of his business and it sucked he put me on the spot like that

I care because I am going to live beside this guy for the next 3-5 years

[Edited on February 21, 2007 at 9:31 AM. Reason : ...]

2/21/2007 9:30:18 AM

Quote :

"B) why do you care?"

2/21/2007 9:30:24 AM

Yea, I've been put in that situation before as well and it's not exactly kosher to answer 'none of your business' or 'i don't believe in god' around here.

It usually works to change the subject though.

2/21/2007 9:31:44 AM

^^

Quote :

"I care because I am going to live beside this guy for the next 3-5 years "

^ yeah, I didn't feel saying what I wanted to say was the correct route with your new neighbor


[Edited on February 21, 2007 at 9:32 AM. Reason : ..]

2/21/2007 9:31:58 AM

So you are going to let someone else's faith and beliefs force you to feel uncomfortable?

2/21/2007 9:33:55 AM

He was doing the right thing. He came up and wanted to get to know if you were good or bad. Most sensible people do not see, oh you don't go to church you must be bad. IT's more or less should I talk god with this guy or stick to lawn and garage stuff.

2/21/2007 9:34:06 AM

^^ no, the situation was handled

I'm not trying to piss off the new neighbors before I even close on the house


^ yeah, I think he meant well, it jsut made me feel awkward

he probably won't give a shit that I don't go to church when I help him out around his place or give him some fresh vegetables or something I've grown

2/21/2007 9:37:56 AM

WHAT HAPPENED TO PEOPLE MINDIN THEIR OWN FUCKIN BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!

2/21/2007 9:45:21 AM

exactly

2/21/2007 9:48:38 AM

aha, most wolfwebbers would have ran in and made a thread FIRST, and then responded to the guy's question.

GG!

2/21/2007 9:53:07 AM

lol, I waited 14 hours

2/21/2007 9:53:46 AM

tell him CHURCH OF THE LATTER DAY SAINTS

he'll leave you alone

2/21/2007 10:08:16 AM

tell him you go to "the church"

http://www.thechurch.co.uk

2/21/2007 10:09:39 AM

He just wanted to see if you went to church. Older people like to see younger people in church because they feel like we all are not going enough.

2/21/2007 10:24:22 AM

So let me get a feel for some of these responses...

1) What's your name?

dismissed as chit chat and getting to know each other.

2) Where are you from?

dismissed as chit chat and getting to know each other.

3) Who do you know?

dismissed as chit chat and getting to know each other.

4) Where do you go to church?

Oh no. The conversation is now dreaded and spiraling out of control. It's not of his f-ing business! He must think I'm bad! He's already judging me!

or you could go back to the preferable

dismissed as chit chat and getting to know each other.

2/21/2007 10:26:12 AM

there are some things that may be to personal to some people, religion, political leanings, sexuality, etc.

generally advisable not to ask those questions on first contact.

2/21/2007 10:31:02 AM

yea I'm gonna agree^

2/21/2007 10:35:20 AM

I think some folks here are overreacting to his question about where you go to church. He comes from a generation where this question is as innocent as asking what brings you to the neighborhood and where you went to school. I don't think its some sort of grand morality test that he's scheming in the back of his mind. Yes, technically it is none of his business, but he's just being friendly and polite.

It sounds like you handled it reasonably well.

2/21/2007 10:41:39 AM

I love when people are pissed off at me for pretty feeble reasons. I feed off that shit.

At worst, he probably doesn't bother you because he thinks you are heathen. At best, he forgets about it in 1 hr. But I doubt he is going to be pissed.

And I admire your apparently caring nature, but I don't have time to befriend a 60-65 year old neighbor, or the desire.

[Edited on February 21, 2007 at 10:46 AM. Reason : a]

2/21/2007 10:44:06 AM

God, people are too sensitive. Did you ever think maybe a 65 year old man doesn't have much to chit chat with someone in their 20s about? He probably just thought maybe church would be some common ground (I'm sure just about everyone went when he was your age).

If he persued it further (doing the whole "do you know Jesus?" thing, or handing you a flier for his church) he was being nosy, otherwise he was probably just trying to find something you might have in common to talk about. Would you get that uncomfortable if he asked you what you favorite college basketball team was and you didn't really watch basketball (something that everyone around here is into)?

2/21/2007 10:53:25 AM

yeah, i had the same conversation recently.

Then I remembered I was talking to my grandparents, so I couldn't blow them off or get offended at them for asking....

2/21/2007 11:05:11 AM

I would have just been like "Nah, I don't go to church."

Simple enough.

2/21/2007 11:28:59 AM

when people ask me why i don't go to church or believe, i reply: 'when god is ready he will call on me, and i will have to make my mind up then when he shows me the light, and no flesh on this earth can convince me otherwise.' then when they go on about the bible and such, i say 'well i live by the 10 commandments anyway, since these are supposedly the only words of god in bible, and if i abide by them why would god let me go to hell?'

2/21/2007 11:59:45 AM

i had some one ask me at the State Fair, "Are you a Buddha?"

i think she meant to ask if i was a Buddhist, but I just went with it. i told her i had taken the Bodhisatva vow and talked to her about the eightfold path.

2/21/2007 12:50:58 PM

What is considered, "someone's business." His question would illicit such a response if he kept asking you about it. He asked once, he wanted to know, and now he's probably done with it. With the way some of you treat this, you would think that even speaking to your neighbor is out of line and an invasion of privacy.

2/21/2007 12:54:47 PM

asking people about religion is a breach of privacy. people ask these kinds of questions to size you up, or to gauge your intelligence. i tell the truth tho, as first of all as an adult i have gotten over the need to lie about anything, secondly i tell the truth about such things because i would rather be thought of as a heathen or stupid than otherwise burden myself with myriad of perpetual lies that i need to tell to make myself look good to others. you just talk to your neighbor about cars, or what kind of grass seeds are the best, and there is always the weather to talk about.

2/21/2007 1:07:32 PM

it really just boiled down to the fact that I don't want my new neighbor already judging me, which could lead to him prying into whatever personal business I have

I don't want this guy to form an opinion of me before I even move in and then be tempted to call the police eveverytime there are a few people over for a cookout or what not

so what, I drink, I'll have people over sometimes, he may hear me cuss... but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person

I do think he was just trying to extend an invite to his church since I am new to the neighborhood, we did find common ground in that my cousins go to his church, but it still kinda put me on the defensive because I just met him and I'm the "new guy" on the block

I kinda laughed it off when I left, but it still made me wonder if this guy is gonna be prying and looking for a reason to not like me now that I "don't go to church anymore".

I still have to live beside the guy, it's not like it's another apartment and one or the other will be moving at any time

2/21/2007 1:18:53 PM

I've been dealing with this question my entire life. My friend who grew up in a similar situation mentioned it to me recently, and she was like, "Isn't it kinda weird? I mean, like, when I was younger, I always felt so awkward." And I agreed with her, and we were laughing. And our other friend who went to church was like, "What are y'all talking about? Nobody ever did that to me." And we laughed some more.

Cause people absolutely did that to her; she just never fucking noticed cause she always had an answer, that she went to St. Francis. Shit, most of the time, she'd bring it up herself, trying to sniff out fellow Catholics so she could feel comfortable in Protestant North Carolina. And she and her mother totally tried to take me to church a few times. They weren't as bad as two of my other friends' mothers, both of whom came by the house in the middle of the afternoon after school--when they knew my parents wouldn't be home--to take me to Bible study. One bitch straight told me I was going to Hell. One of her daughters ended up crying to me about how she didn't want to see me go to Hell. I was 8-years-old.

And, by the way, folks, I think you're forgetting how old 60-65 actually is; it's not that old. At 65, he'd come in at 25 in the year 1967...it's not like he's some old-timer...

2/21/2007 1:38:30 PM

OMG HUMAN INTERACTION!!!!!

2/21/2007 2:06:34 PM

yeah I didn't know what to do when I had to speak to someone I didn't know

there aren't many people out in the Idaho backwoods where I am moving from

2/21/2007 2:26:43 PM

He didn't mean it like you heard it.

2/21/2007 8:53:47 PM

Quote :

"it really just boiled down to the fact that I don't want my new neighbor already judging me, which could lead to him prying into whatever personal business I have I don't want this guy to form an opinion of me before I even move in and then be tempted to call the police eveverytime there are a few people over for a cookout or what not"

hmm...something about that statement sounds...what's the word...?

2/21/2007 8:58:18 PM

paranoid

2/21/2007 9:22:57 PM

omg he's probably praying for your immortal soul RIGHT NOW!!!

2/21/2007 10:56:49 PM

Quote :

" it really just boiled down to the fact that I don't want my new neighbor already judging me"

This is how black people feel around white people

2/21/2007 10:59:57 PM

Quote :

""So, where do you go to church?""

Thanks for asking..but you know I've found there are a couple of things that I'd prefer to not discuss with strangers...politics and religion. Say when is trash pick-up day?

2/21/2007 11:35:48 PM

If you ever feel uncomfortable answering such a question--and you don't want to tell the person to "Fuck off!"--just firmly say the following: "I have my own system of beliefs and I would prefer not to discuss it."

In this way, you haven't revealed much, and the person should understand that the issue is out of bounds. I've used the abovementioned words on many occasions--it's good for people knocking on your door, too. If the person is still pushy about it, then you may tell him or her to "Fuck off!"

2/22/2007 12:54:22 AM

"to be honest with ya, i haven't found one around here that suits me very well, but thanks for asking. hey what do you use to mow your yard?"


i'd try not to sweat it, bud. sometimes Christians can assume that everyone is just like them, so they get comfortable with stuff. If he's worth his salt in character, he wont think nothin of it and just leave you be. Most 60-65 year olds, especially men, are pretty respectful of that sort of stuff.

2/22/2007 1:34:09 AM

You should have said something mocking religion to try and piss him off, so he'll know not to talk to you anymore.

For example...

So, where do you go to church?

I use to go to church at the First Baptist, until Jesus raped my dog, that bastard.

or

I don't really go to church because I could never figure out why god hid all those dinosaur bones in the dirt.

2/22/2007 1:44:14 AM

PWRSTRKDF:

i feel ya man.

my wife said the same thing happened to her all the time, anywhere she'd work. it drove her fucking nuts. everytime shed start a new job (she was doing biology temp work) people'd ask her where she goes to church. she doesnt go to church, and church people generally make her nauseous.

(and yeah, you gotta play nice with neighbors and co-workers. not everyone can be a tuff-talkin hero of teh internetz)

but you know what? when we moved out to the west coast, here in seattle NO ONE ever asks that question. plenty of people go to church, but they mind their own fucking business about it.

its funny too, the responses here. notice its the fundie nutjobs who are defending your neighbor.

sorry, but that shit aint appropriate to ask in polite conversation. wait til you get to know someone before you dig into their personal life. unfortunately the South is always about 20 years behind the rest of the country, socially.

2/22/2007 4:16:43 AM

One of the biggest problems these days is the canned communities that pop up. How many of you don't even know your neighbors in the apartment complex you live in?

Seriously.

My next door neighbor downstairs is an elderly lady who has her son staying with her. He just had heart surgery. She's a very nice lady.

My upstairs neighbors are two brothers and one of their girlfriends. One of the brother just got into a car accident and broke his femur. I let him use my phone in order to find someone to let him into his apartment when he locked himself out and his cellphone died.

My upstairs and diagnal neighbor are a quiet couple. One is a computer programmer the other is a life science masters working for NC State.

Now... Those of you who live in a house... how many people do you know in your area. What about the house two doors down... or three? Most of you don't know people except if they have kids or animals because they are loud.

He took the time to come meet you to welcome you to the community and see how you fit. It's something that is lost in this day and age. Tight knit communities are hard to find.

2/22/2007 7:17:41 AM

I don't even know what the people look like who live in the townhome connected to mine. But then again I am in Raleigh all of 3 days a week and I just really don't care. They aren't loud and don't bang on the walls so I leave them be.

Asking what church someone goes to without first knowing if you do or do not go to church or even if you are Christian seems really inappropriate unless their aims were to judge you or witness to you.


[Edited on February 22, 2007 at 7:33 AM. Reason : nvm]

2/22/2007 7:32:20 AM

It's only a problem if you actually want to know your neighbors. I have no want or need to know who lives around me. I'll say hello if I pass you outside, I'll help you move something heavy if you have nobody else to help, but I don't want to know you or make idle chit chat with you, period. Tight knit communities may be hard to find, but I like it that way.

2/22/2007 7:33:00 AM

Just tell the truth in a polite manner. People can swallow a whole lot of different if you package it nicely. I'd be more straightforward next time this topic came up, if for no other reason than the truth is the easiest thing to consistently remember for your 3 to 5 year neighbor relationship, even if it isn’t a close one.

2/22/2007 8:32:48 AM

Quote :

"He took the time to come meet you to welcome you to the community and see how you fit. It's something that is lost in this day and age. Tight knit communities are hard to find. "

hence me not wanting to be offensive on the first meting, dude was kind enough to come over and make sure the house wasn't being broken into in the first place, I think he'll be a good neighbor.

Quote :

"paranoid"

paranoid, yeah thats it

just because I don't want to offend the guy that I'll be living next to hardly makes me paranoid

2/22/2007 8:36:21 AM

its too bad that people feel uncomfortable when people ask them about where they go to church.

I think I woulda liked living back when the majority wasnt scared of religion for whatever reason (guilt, apathy, ignorance, ect.)

2/22/2007 10:47:05 AM

you mean like the 50's?

"gee Beav, do you think they're really communists? they don't even go to church!"

2/22/2007 10:50:55 AM