http://www.alternativereel.com/includes/top-ten/display_review.php?id=00087

Quote :

"#01 - Howard Beale, NETWORK [1976] Howard Beale, NETWORK 1976 "Listen to me! Television is not the truth. Television’s a goddamn amusement park. Television is a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers and football players. We’re in the boredom-killing business. So if you want the truth, go to God. Go to your gurus. Go to yourselves, because that’s the only place you’re going to find any real truth. But, man, you’re never gonna get any truth from us. We’ll tell you anything you wanna hear. We lie like hell. We’ll tell you that Kojak always gets the killer and that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker’s house. And no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don’t worry. Just look at your watch. At the end of the hour, he’s gonna win. We’ll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man. None of it is true! But you people sit there day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds. We’re all you know. You’re beginning to believe the illusions we’re spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you. You dress like the tube. You eat like the tube. You raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube. This is mass madness you maniacs! In God’s name you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion!""

4/17/2008 1:58:08 PM

Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Quote :

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol? "

[Edited on April 17, 2008 at 2:02 PM. Reason : quote]

4/17/2008 2:00:10 PM

quote it!

4/17/2008 2:00:31 PM

Quote :

" No, I didn't. Honest. I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts. It wasn't my fault!! I swear to GOOODDDDDDD!! "

4/17/2008 2:30:21 PM

I agree with JP

Before I even looked at their list I was hoping to see Chevy Chase in the top 3 AT LEAST. In my opinion, his is number 1 hands down. that list is worthless without him on there.

[Edited on April 17, 2008 at 2:34 PM. Reason : ]

4/17/2008 2:33:57 PM

#06 - Monty Brogan, 25TH HOUR [2002]


should be #1

4/17/2008 2:35:27 PM

Edward Norton in the 25th Hour.

Quote :

""Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe motherfuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. Twenty to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended 137 years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place . . . No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all, and you threw it away, you dumb fuck!" "

4/17/2008 2:35:52 PM

I always liked Alec Baldwin's speech in Glengarry Glen Ross.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI

[Edited on April 17, 2008 at 2:38 PM. Reason : ]

4/17/2008 2:35:59 PM

Ewan McGregor's opening narration in Trainspotting

Quote :

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin? "

4/17/2008 2:42:01 PM

C'mon you gotta include this one:

Quote :

"You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

-Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men

4/17/2008 3:20:42 PM

Not from a movie but it's a great rant

Quote :

"Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! […] Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."

4/17/2008 3:26:12 PM

I feel like Gordon Gecko's should on there too.

And didn't Ed Norton have a good rant or two in American History X?

4/17/2008 3:28:44 PM

Alec Baldwin in Malice when talking to lawyers.

4/17/2008 4:25:19 PM

Alec Baldwin:

Quote :

"Hey, I want to tell you something, OK? And I want to leave a message for you right now. 'Cause again, it's 10:30 here in New York on a Wednesday, and once again I've made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time comes for me to make the phone call, I stop whatever I'm doing and I go and I make that phone call. At 11 o'clock in the morning in New York and if you don't pick up the phone at 10 o'clock at night. And you don't even have the G**damn phone turned on. I want you to know something, OK? I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone. And when I come out there next week, I'm going to fly out there for the day just to straighten you out on this issue. I'm going to let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You've made me feel like s**t and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. And this crap you pull on me with this G**damn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly and over and over again. I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you. Do you understand me? I'm going to really make sure you get it. Then I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to turn around and come home. So you'd better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?"

4/17/2008 4:29:01 PM

Chevy Chase - National Lampoon's Vacation

Quote :

"I think you're all fucked in the head! We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! I've got to be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose!"

i still lose it whenever i hear this....gotta be the unedited version though. tbs loves to show this watered down

4/17/2008 4:29:24 PM

thats crazy, fight club didn't make it.

4/17/2008 4:33:25 PM

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS

4/18/2008 6:55:00 PM

Al Pacino - . . .And Justice for All (1979)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iIAODV43YGU

[Edited on April 18, 2008 at 10:35 PM. Reason : .]

4/18/2008 10:33:11 PM

no introduction needed

Quote :

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! Everybody strap in! I'm about to open some fucking windows. "

samuel l jackson- die hard with a vengence

Quote :

"Look, if you have to shoot me, then you go ahead and you shoot me! But I have to answer this phone, all right? "

Quote :

"Luke No, I am your father"

4/19/2008 12:10:30 AM

Morgan Freeman's 3rd parole hearing in Shawshank Redemption

Quote :

" Rehabilitated? Well now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means...I know what you think it means. To me, it's just a made-up word, a politician's word so that young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?...There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. And not because I'm in here or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then. A young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him. Tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone. This old man is all that's left. I gotta live with that. 'Rehabilitated?' That's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your forms, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit."

4/19/2008 12:15:59 AM

Samuel L. Jackson's rant before he gets eaten by a shark in Deep Blue Sea

4/19/2008 12:18:43 AM

^^^ none of those come close to counting as 'rants' based on the intent of this thread imo. maybe one liners.

[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 12:55 AM. Reason : ]

4/19/2008 12:55:01 AM

especially from 1:20 on

4/19/2008 1:18:01 AM

Quote :

"So Wayne, I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?" "

Glenn from Waynes World 2

And....I cant believe this hasnt been posted this awesome gem yet

Quote :

"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit! "

Team America

I also whole heartedly agree with the Jack Nicholson rant from A Few Good Men....his delivery makes it all the better.



[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 1:58 AM. Reason : ']

4/19/2008 1:50:37 AM

Quote :

"On a given day, a given circumstance, you think you have a limit and you go for this limit and you touch this limit. As soon as you touch this limit, something happens and you realise that you can suddenly go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct, you can fly very high."

Quote :

"One particular thing that Formula-1 can provide you, is that you know you're always exposed to danger. Danger of getting hurt, danger of dying. This is part of your life, and you either face it in a professional, in a cool manner, or you just drop it, just leave it and don't do it anymore really. And I happen to like too much what I do to just drop it, I can't drop it."

Quote :

"If I ever happen to have an accident that eventually costs me my life, I hope it is in one go. I would not like to be in a wheelchair. I would not like to be in a hospital suffering from whatever injury it was. If I'm going to live, I want to live fully. Very intensely, because I am an intense person. It would ruin my life if I had to live partially. (January 1994, 4 months prior to his death)"

-the late Ayrton Senna

not in a movie, but it should be

[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 9:10 AM. Reason : /]

4/19/2008 9:05:43 AM

Tom Wilkinson's speech in the beginning of Michael Clayton is up there. Same goes for Walter's foot fault tyrade in The Big Lebowski.

4/19/2008 12:01:12 PM

25th hour all the way, i was blown away watching it in the theater

4/19/2008 12:23:06 PM

Welcome to Marathon
-Can I help you?
-Yes
-How may I help you?
-you can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks, and then you can give me a fucking automobile, a fucking datson, a fucking toyota, a fucking mustang, a fucking buick, four fucking wheels and a seat!
-I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me right now.
-And I don't care for the way your fucking company left me in fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there and I really didn't care to walk down a highway and across a fucking runway to have you smile in my fucking face. I WANT A FUCKING CAR RIGHT FUCKING NOW
-May I see your rental agreement?
-...I threw it away
-Oh boy!
-Oh boy what?
- you're FUCKED







[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 2:53 PM. Reason : k]

4/19/2008 2:42:58 PM

"I apologize to you if I don't seem eager to jump into a forced, akward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, wondering Do I have food on my face? Am I eating, am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested. But I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? Now she's not interested. So all of the sudden I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her. Do I have to wait for the door cuz' then it's akward. It's like Well, goodnight. Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you hug each other and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you just go right in and kiss em' on the lips? Or you don't kiss em' at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering , Are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? And perhaps play a little game called, Just the tip. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. Or Ouch, ouch. You're on my hair. ... Great talk."

/thread

4/19/2008 3:36:36 PM

Quote :

"Ewan McGregor's opening narration in Trainspotting"

I'll second that one

4/19/2008 4:10:40 PM

Quote :

" I don't wanna sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't wanna sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed, you know, as a career, I don't wanna do that...right now I just wanna be with your daughter, sir."

hmm. . seeing as how that's not really a rant, a few favorite palahniuk quotes of mine:

Quote :

"There are worst things you can do to the people you love than kill them. No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close. "

Quote :

"If you love something set it free...but don't be surprised when it comes back with herpes. "

[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 4:54 PM. Reason : hmm]

4/19/2008 4:45:04 PM

Earl Partridge (Jason Robards) deathbed rant in Magnolia (remember, hes dying of cancer, fading in and out...)

Quote :

" Yeah...So I go to her school for that for grade twelve...and we meet...she was fuckin...like a doll...porcelain doll...and the hips...child bearing hips...y'know that? So beautiful. But I didn't have sex with anyone, you know? I was not...I couldn't do anything...always scared, y'know... she was...she had some boyfriends...they liked her y'know...but I didn't like that. I couldn't get over that I wasn't a man, but she was a woman. Y'see? Y'see I didn't make her feel ok about that....I would say, "How many men you been with?" She told me, I couldn't take it...take that I wasn't a man....because if I hadn't had sex with women...like as many women as she had men...then I was weak...a boy.... But I loved her...you understand? ....well, of course, I wanted to have sex with her...and I did and we were together....we met...age twelve, but then again...age seventeen...something, somethin... I didn't let her forget that I thought she was a bad...a slut.....a slut I would call her and hit her....I hit her for what she did...but we married...Lily and me and we married...but I cheated on her...over and over and over again...because I wanted to be a man and I couldn't let her be a woman...a smart, free person who was something...my mind then, so fuckin' stupid, so fuckin....jesus christ, what would I think...did I think....? ...for what I've done...She's my wife for thirty eight years...I went behind her... over and over...fucking asshole I am that I would go out and fuck and come home and get in her bed and say "I love you..." This'z Jack's mother. His mother Lily...these two that I had and I lost .... and this is the regret that you make...the regret you make is the something that you take...blah...blah...blah... something, something..... She had cancer...from her...in her stomach and I didn't go anywhere with her...and I didn't do a god thing... for her and to help her....shit...this bitch...the beautiful, beautiful bitch with perfect skin and child bearing hips and so soft...her namewasLilysee? (beat, fading) He liked her though he did, his mom, Frank/Jack...he took care of her and she died. She didn't stick with him and he thinks and he hates me, ok...see...I'm...that's then what you get? ....are you still walkin' in that car...? ...mistakes like this are not ok... sometimes you make some, and ok...not sometimes to make other one....know that you should do better....I loved Lily. I cheated on her. For thirty five years. And I have this son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there. And he's forced to take care of her. He's fourteen years old to take care of his mother and watch her die on him. Little Kid. And I'm not there. And She Dies. And I Live My Life. And I'm Not Fair. Thirty eight years and she has cancer and I'm gone...I leave...I walk out, I can't deal with that...who am I? Who the fuck do I think I am to go and do a thing? Shit on that and that lovely person. I'll go away...I'll go away...I can't hold this..you gotta take this fuckin' pen outta my hand...you fuckin' piss, cocksucker... .....take this..... OH FUCK...THIS FUCKIN STORY HAS FALLEN APART and I don't even think I can...I got no punchline -- we had good times later, the best times, the love of my life, I thirty eight years -- but never the respect and the...she knew what I did...she knew... all the stupid things I've done but the LOVE was stronger than anything you can think up. ...The attachment....I loved her so much. And I didn't treat her and the goddamn regret...THE GODDAMN REGRET...and I'll die... Now I'll die and I'll tell you: what? The biggest regret of my life: I let my love go..... ...I ruined my love...jesus...jesus christ. what did I do and I had to get away...? something, something to do....I can't explain. ....I love her so much....leave her there.... and to punish...punish her.... ....and the punishment for what? What? ...nothing....and I'm so embarresed.... so embarresed for what I've done... I'm seventy five years old and embarresed. ....million years ago...my fuckin REGRET AND GUILT AND these things...don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't regret anything.....don't do that...don't..... ...you fuckin' regret what you want... ...use that....use that.... ....use that regret for you any way you want...you can use that ok.... someone says not to regret or think about the past, something, mistakes we make.....bullshit. ....this is a long way to go for no punch...a little moral....story I say... Love. love. love....this fuckin' life.... ohhhhhhh, love..... ...it's so fuckin' hard....and so long.... life ain't short it's long....Life is long, godddmnit -- god damn....whatd I do? Whatd I do? ohhhh what'dIdo? "

4/19/2008 4:53:51 PM

that one made me

4/19/2008 5:06:44 PM

Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Lady: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT... FUCKING... NOW!

4/19/2008 7:38:00 PM

could've just named this thread [words]

lol

4/19/2008 7:46:47 PM

Brick Top in Snatch:

Quote :

"And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig"."

4/19/2008 9:25:27 PM

not too long

Soap from Lock Stock

Quote :

"Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro."

4/19/2008 9:52:11 PM

I definitely vote this one... love the end.

Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Quote :

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol? "

4/19/2008 10:00:33 PM

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see us squandering it. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off"

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

4/19/2008 11:12:47 PM

read the title and immediately thought of Edward Norton in 25th Hour...

good job eleusis, you beat me to it

4/19/2008 11:40:54 PM

Francis "Psycho" Sawyer from Stripes:

Quote :

"My name's Francis Sawyer... but everyone calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis... I'll kill ya. You just made the list, buddy. Also, I don't like no one touching my stuff. So just keep your meathooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff... I'll kill ya. And I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me... I'll kill ya."

[Edited on April 20, 2008 at 4:31 PM. Reason : uncle hulka?]

4/20/2008 4:31:04 PM

Pretty much any of Ben Stiller's rants from Heavyweights.

4/20/2008 6:39:21 PM

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

Long enough for a rant?

4/22/2008 8:42:28 AM

http://chunkaddressescongress.ytmnd.com/

4/22/2008 9:22:13 AM

The Good Will Hunting rant has always been one of my favorites

4/22/2008 10:35:07 AM