with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.


J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.


...


J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.

5/9/2008 1:28:36 AM

nah, i'm not really into pokemon.

5/9/2008 1:29:53 AM

lame

5/9/2008 5:06:09 AM

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

5/9/2008 5:36:07 AM

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

5/9/2008 5:37:03 AM

http://vonkempelen.com/audio/job-16604918-0.wav

5/9/2008 5:38:39 AM

Quote :

"The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?"

I lol'd

5/9/2008 8:29:36 AM

Quote :

"J: Has he the semblance of a harlot? B: Nay! J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus? B: I did not! J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!"

Clever

5/9/2008 11:08:32 AM

I dont remember verbatim the stuff about the harlot, but that was pretty good. If you could translate the whole movie like that, find some Shakespearian performers to do it, id pay $20 to see it.

5/9/2008 11:14:32 AM

OP 10/10

5/9/2008 11:55:06 AM

Quote :

"I dont remember verbatim the stuff about the harlot, but that was pretty good. If you could translate the whole movie like that, find some Shakespearian performers to do it, id pay $20 to see it."

Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?
No
Then why did you try and fuck him like a bitch?

5/9/2008 12:04:45 PM

http://pulpbard.wikispaces.com/

after some digging i found this

5/10/2008 3:11:49 AM

I would act in this play.



PUMPKIN-PIE: I say, enough, I shall not take this chance
Again, for I am finish'd with this crime.
MEADSWEET: And yet these words ring dull and have no note
Of truth, for thou hast spoken them before.
The danger is too great and yet thy thirst
Is not denied; Thou doth protest too much.
PUMPKIN-PIE: Alas, my heart is known to you too well;
'Tis true I spoke these words before, and yet
I may be struck lest they be true.
MEADSWEET: Thou cur!
Thou doth forget them with the rising sun
When next the bird doth chirp his morning song.
PUMPKIN-PIE: My mind is not as feeble as you claim,
My sweet, for on this day I say to thee
That now I am a man of clarity
Of thought and deed and word and act; Let no
Man tell you otherwise.
MEADSWEET: No man, nor fish nor beast. Dost thou regard
Thy voice as though thou ruled in Ancient Greece?
PUMPKIN-PIE: A Senator of ancient times could hold
No candle to the sense within my speech.
MEADSWEET: I harken rather to the sound which greets
My father in the dawn, when sailing on
The lake he goes in search of fish to feed
His kin. Thy speech, it seems to me, is near
To that of common duck, who lies upon
The lake and bleats his woe to those who come
Too near for his own taste.
PUMPKIN-PIE: And yet, take heart
For this shall be the final time these words
Of mine shall cause offense; For since I shall
Not rob, nor steal, nor kill again, thine ears
Are safe from my entreats. And ne'er again
Will quacks of woe distress you or disturb
The sweetness of thy youth.
MEADSWEET: After to-night.

[ THEY laugh. ]

PUMPKIN-PIE: Aye, 'tis true, after to-night. I may
be found to speak at length, in word or quack,
Until the morrow comes.

[ ENTER serving WENCH, bearing a large flagon of ale. ]

WENCH: More ale, good sirrah? Madam?
MEADSWEET: My thanks to you.
PUMPKIN-PIE: And none for me. [ EXIT WENCH. ]
I dare say as I sit here now that crimes
The sort of which we speak hold danger vast
And trouble sure; in faith, 'tis simpler still
To rob the treasure of a king. The scribes
Who toil to toll the wealth care not to stop
A knave who dares to tread on royal ground;
The saftey of their coin they leave unto
The guards who dwell without. A longsword, nay!
Thou needeth no such thing to steal from scribes
As these. A man, I hear, of body stout
And courage fair did enter Henry's vault
In search of gold to line his pocket with;
And to a scribe he handed thus a note
Inscrib'ed by a fellow rogue; which said,
In faith, we hold the daughter of a man
Who lives for naught but her, and if thou wish
This daughter live and so the father live
As well, then give to me the golden coin
Lest Providence send both to hell and on
Your head their spirits dwell.
MEADSWEET: And did this note
Entreat the scribe to giveth up the coin
Of gold?
PUMPKIN-PIE: It did, i'faith, a richer man
Did leave the vault upon that day and not
A hand was lifted hence nor voice was raised
Nor blow was struck.
MEADSWEET: But what of maiden fair and pure? A rogue
like this should hasten not to spoil such prize.
PUMPKIN-PIE: Hath ale besodden pretty heads which sit
Upon thy shoulders fair? The girl was but
A simple ruse; she sooner flew across the sea
Than ever was in danger true. But mark
You thus: The knave of which I tell thee now
Did line his pouch without a single act
Of strength, but with a note, and false at that.
MEADSWEET: Thou tells me of this story true, and yet
I fear I hear you not; Is it the gold
Of royal vaults that we shall seek?
PUMPKIN-PIE: I care'th not, but mean to say that work
As hard as we have toil'd is better fit
For foul beasts; and lower fruit doth hang
Within our reach if we but grasp it with
Our hands.
MEADSWEET: Thus robbing kings is not our aim.
PUMPKIN-PIE: In truth I know of those who try, and sure
As Hermes flew the sky, those men lay slain
Or in the gaol to spend their lives.
MEADSWEET: And what of blacksmiths in the faire?
PUMPKIN-PIE: Thine ears,
Have they been plugged with wool of lamb? And canst
Thou hear the words that I have said? I say
To thee that robbing blacksmiths is a game
Of fools and jokers, not of we. These smiths
That work within the faire, or in the square
In weather fair, speak they the tongue of
Foreign lands and not the King's fair English-speak.
'Tis men of Gaul, or Moors, or worse; and read
They not, nor comprehend a note upon
Which threats are scribed. To steal from one of these
Is surely folly, and invites the wrath
Of God, if not of he whose coin you rob.
MEADSWEET: I desire not this wrath of which you speak
Nor wish to slay a foreign smith, though he
May not be England from.
PUMPKIN-PIE: And nor do I;
But men as these leave knaves no choice, but choose
'Tween self and lesser man, but in the end
'Tis not a choice, and choosing self is but
A truth. Yea, even English smiths may bear
The brunt of our affections fair in search
Of coin for food and ale. Yet these are not
A better thought; Nay, pass'ed down from pere
To son their work may be for many years
And though they read our native tongue, in faith
Their hammers strike as hard as foreign brutes
And coin will not be cross'ed though thy steel
Be crossed with anvil true.
MEADSWEET: Then tell us, merry, what is left? Shall work
We find? A trade? A guild?
PUMPKIN-PIE: I will not bear a fate as such.
MEADSWEET: Then what?
PUMPKIN-PIE: GARCON! Some ale to quench my thirst and steel
Me for my task this day. -- 'Tis here.
WENCH: My Lord, though apples such as these are not often to be
found upon this land, I fain do not believe but that
thou hast mistaken me for a lad. [ EXIT. ]
MEADSWEET: But this is but a tavern green, a place
For folk to slake their thirst upon an ale
Or bite a bone of mutton fair and done.
PUMPKIN-PIE: But why is it that taverns green are not
The mark of knaves? An inn, a stable, these
Are known and frequent stops for men in search
Of rotten coin. A tavern, aye, doth not
Forsee the touch of knaves. And look ye now,
There are no guards nor men-at-arms to fight.
MEADSWEET: And gentle folk who sup and dine are not
The type to draw a blade, and save their kin.
PUMPKIN-PIE: Nor wench, nor barkeep, nor a guest, nor maid
Would lift a hand to tell us 'Nay'. The men
Who dine would knoweth not that which occurs
While tucking in; a faceful of the meat
Doth succor weariness and sleep. Yet well
Alarm'ed they wouldst be once blade of steel
Invade their seat. It came to me upon
The night that we didst meet and rob an inn;
Thy will was grace'd with bless'ed thought and took
You from each patron's pouch the coin which he
Had unto brought.
MEADSWEET: 'Tis so.
PUMPKIN-PIE: 'Twas brilliant, lass.
MEADSWEET: You flatter me.
PUMPKIN-PIE: And yet the coin from those
few men was more than twice the barkeep's hold.
Look thou now: how many folk do dine here?
MEADSWEET: I see naught but many pouches, bulging
Full of jealous coin.
PUMPKIN-PIE: 'Tis true, i'faith.
MEADSWEET: 'Tis wise, 'tis true.
I see the way; the path is true and straight.
It is for us to undertake as soon
As Providence allows.
PUMPKIN-PIE: And as before, my tongue shall quiet all
The wenches and the maids; Thou must control
The diners fair and watch thee well the doors.
MEADSWEET: It shall be done as you have asked.

[ THEY draw daggers and lay them upon the table. ]

PUMPKIN-PIE: Sweets with sweets war not.
MEADSWEET: Joy delights in joy.

[ THEY stand. ]

PUMPKIN-PIE: My fellows fair, of tavern green, I beg
Your leave; I would thy coin and precious jewels!
MEADSWEET: If but one of thy uncouth, base number
Stirs with unrest; then every mother's son
Of you, I will put in the earth by this
My very own long sword; Harken to'it.

[Edited on May 10, 2008 at 3:18 AM. Reason : ,]

5/10/2008 3:16:21 AM