So...most of you followed my bridesmaid from hell epic novel. The other bridesmaids finally stepped in, as well as my mom. The girl took some time to think, realized how shitty she's been, and apologized profusly. She's been a huge help since then, and has even offered to take care of my cat and water my plants while we're all gone on the beach trip.

Now the new fun stuff...my in laws have been a nightmare. 1st, they didn't want to even have a rehersal dinner, they said it was just an unnecessary expense since "half the people going aren't even our friends." So we finally beat them into doing it, and they said they couldn't afford more than 25 people, or a restaurant higher than maybe Applebees...so now we're at a point where we won't even have anything "special" and my grandparent can't come because it'd be over 25 people.

His mom called yesterday and told me she bought invitations, and that I need to drive to Charlotte to come get them (we live in Cary). I'm like "Why? I can just e-mail you addresses." And her response, verbatum was "I'm already spending money on this dinner, I'm not spending another $10 on postage." His parents are very wealthy, with millions in the bank, 2 houses, and all luxury cars. I never asked them for something special, I just assumed they'd want to since it's their son's wedding.

So here's my question...I'm pretty damn fed up. It's really hurt my fiances feelings, and it's making me angrier by the day.

I want to know if at this point it'd be ok to tell them to call the whole thing off and that their presence at the wedding is no longer necessary. Or would that be too bitchy?

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 9:33 AM. Reason : whoops!]

7/21/2008 9:23:09 AM

thanks for the update

7/21/2008 9:23:41 AM

let's see if she actually changes her actions

7/21/2008 9:24:12 AM

So you didn't

Quote :

"Kick that bitch in the cunt and tell her to stay away"

?

7/21/2008 9:33:24 AM

No kicking necessary. She knew she was being a whore, it just took 5 other people to confirm it in her mind.

7/21/2008 9:35:04 AM

Quote :

"So here's my question...I'm pretty damn fed up. It's really hurt my fiances feelings, and it's making me angrier by the day."

This is the part where your fiance has to give his parents an ultimatum. Don't get into a fight with his parents, he needs to be a man and lay down the law. It sounds like you're being pretty reasonable and his parents need to be told how ridiculous they're being. Your fiance needs to make you a bigger priority than his parents. Tell him not to back down.

7/21/2008 9:45:43 AM

You are not entitled to either your parents or his parents paying for a single thing. Take what they offer and be grateful.

His parents having money or not having money has nothing to do with it.

^that is horrible advice and a surefire way to start your relationship with his family on bad footing even if it supposedly comes from him

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 9:50 AM. Reason : d]

7/21/2008 9:49:03 AM

Yes, that would be too bitchy.

If it's upsetting your fiance, he should man up and talk to his parents about it how it's making him feel, and how it's upsetting you as a couple. That will more than likely get them to lighten up than if you were to tell them that you're upset with how the plans for the rehearsal dinner are panning out. With him talking to them, he can probably get your grandparents invited as well.

But if they still say no, then you're going to just have to accept what amount they give you for a rehearsal dinner. Millions or not--the appearance of their wealth could be deceiving...

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 9:56 AM. Reason : ]

7/21/2008 9:53:15 AM

what's the over/under currently for this marriage - i'll take the under if it's anything more than 2 years

7/21/2008 9:56:37 AM

Quote :

"You are not entitled to either your parents or his parents paying for a single thing. Take what they offer and be grateful."

I would agree to this if offers were made with good intention. They've been so pissy and half-assed, I'd rather they just said they wouldn't do it than do it with the attitude involved

Quote :

"what's the over/under currently for this marriage - i'll take the under if it's anything more than 2 years"

What does this mean?

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 9:58 AM. Reason : ...]

7/21/2008 9:56:43 AM

It means he doesn't think it will last longer than two years

7/21/2008 10:00:12 AM

We've already been together 4.5...so I'm not worried.

7/21/2008 10:01:17 AM

E

FUCKING

L

O

P

E

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:05 AM. Reason : .]

7/21/2008 10:04:28 AM

Elope? Why? My parents and I have already combined put in a lot of money and time, and my family is thrilled.

I'm not going to waste off my dream wedding because his parents are douchebags

7/21/2008 10:06:30 AM

do they even like you?

7/21/2008 10:07:03 AM

when dating you are nowhere as near as involved with someone's family as you are when married to them

if you're fiance hasn't handled this for you (much less that it's an issue to start with) then you're in for a world of fun

oh and hi chit chat

7/21/2008 10:08:28 AM

in-laws are probably why ill never get married

too many fucking problems and bitchiness

7/21/2008 10:08:32 AM

I've never had an indication that they didn't. They always got me nice gifts for christmas/birthday, his mom and I e-mailed a lot, I even added his mom to my family plan for my cell-phone when they moved to Italy for a year.

That's why this sudden attitude is such a surprise.

7/21/2008 10:08:56 AM

^^^^^It just sounds like this wedding is going to be more of a hassle then something you're going to enjoy.

I'd put money on your bridesmaid still fucking up pretty bad at some point between now and the wedding. And however you deal with this situation with the in-laws, I doubt it ends up going well.

Its just a fucking wedding. I'm not a girl...so of course I don't understand the big deal about weddings...but I do know they are important. However, if I could see that it was going to cause more trouble than its worth and be a HUGE pain in the ass...just skip it.

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:10 AM. Reason : .]

7/21/2008 10:09:53 AM

^^ maybe they were trying to kill you with kindness and you didnt get the hint

so they have changed tactics

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:10 AM. Reason : ^^ 

7/21/2008 10:10:13 AM

please go away. you've already proven yourself incapable of common sense thinking, so why not take a breather.

i quite enjoy some people and their stories, yours are not one of them.

the carl face works well here.

7/21/2008 10:10:14 AM

Quote :

"half the people going aren't even our friends."

hahah-- excellent rationale

7/21/2008 10:10:58 AM

he definetly needs to do something about it.. not you. you doing it is just going to piss them off a lot worse and probably piss him off too.

i wouldnt say "make" him do something about it but i would tell him you really think he should tell them how shitty they're being..

hell, tell her to f'in ship it COD, that's cheaper than gas

7/21/2008 10:12:37 AM

Quote :

"in-laws are probably why ill never get married too many fucking problems and bitchiness"

I get along great with my in-laws and my wife gets along great with my family - we both have pretty decent sized families and both love to spend time with them and do as often as possible - it definitely doesn't have to suck

just this past weekend my wife sister, her husband, their 4 and 5 yr olds and her brother came to visit and stayed with us - we had a great weekend

7/21/2008 10:12:43 AM

Quote :

"and my grandparent can't come because it'd be over 25 people. "

who did you put ahead of your grandparents? family should be first

7/21/2008 10:15:33 AM

The wedding party alone is 12, his parents and my parents, his brother and sister, and some of their friends.

7/21/2008 10:17:13 AM

Talk to your fiance about it. Tell him that you need something done about the situation and ask him what is the best way to go about it. Tell him you have no problem telling them that "their presence at the wedding is no longer necessary" but you don't want to overstep your boundaries.

In the end they are his parents and you should be more worried about how your actions will affect your fiance than how they will affect his parents.

Also, offer to send her $10 bucks for the postage (and $10 for her time lol jk that would really set her off). Add that its ridiculous to spend 5 or 6 times that in gas to go down there.

7/21/2008 10:18:12 AM

My fiance has already had multiple talks with them. Between rehersal dinner, the fact his mom said they won't give us money for a honeymoon (we didn't ask) so they could remodle the kitchen, the guest list (she added 30 more people the day I was sending out invitations so I had to rush order more and now have to add 2 more tables in the hall)...they just aren't getting it.

My parents offered to throw a rehersal picnic at their house, which I'd be completely happy with. I'll probably just tell his parents that I understand that they are unable to afford the time and the money for the dinner, and that my parents will be hosting instead and just tell them to show up.

7/21/2008 10:20:25 AM

It's Applebees. Just invite whoever you want. Throw in the extra $15 or so per person and move on with your life. What's $150 when it means you'll have 10 of your best friends/family around you. It'll far outweigh dealing with their bitchiness and posting about it on TWW.

7/21/2008 10:23:49 AM

They're right, there's no need to spend all that money. You're not entitled to a fucking rehearsal dinner, or for that matter anything more than a free church wedding and maybe a pig on the grill. Don't like it? Pay for it yourself.

7/21/2008 10:24:23 AM

man, weddings fucking suck

7/21/2008 10:31:16 AM

Quote :

"His parents are very wealthy, with millions in the bank, 2 houses, and all luxury cars."

Wealthy folks are often the most obnoxious tightwads. They didn't get wealthy by throwing money around, did they?

(Though straight up telling you they're not paying for your honeymoon so they can remodel the kitchen is kind of a prick thing to do. No, you're not entitled to it, but that's just a "fuck you" in other words. If they were previously nice to you, think back to when they started acting like this, and if you did anything that might have pissed them off.)

7/21/2008 10:31:29 AM

just in case anyone missed round 1

message_topic.aspx?topic=528906

7/21/2008 10:32:41 AM

I don't believe we're entitled to anything, which is why I'm paying for half my own wedding. I would just hope they'd want something special for their kid.

I can't imagine anything I've done to offend them. When they'd come to the states they'd stay in my apartment (so they didn't have to pay for hotels), I took care of all their bills and such while they were gone, picked up their new car for them, talked to their realtor daily when they were selling their house in the States, and asked his mom all the time if there were things she wanted in the wedding, what kind of flowers she thought were pretty etc...

I think it comes down that they just don't like spending money on other people.

7/21/2008 10:35:23 AM

send her a check for postage and email her the addresses. driving to charlotte is alot more than stamps.
don't fight with her. if you want more people just pay for them by yourself.

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:40 AM. Reason : .]

7/21/2008 10:36:46 AM

Quote :

"they said they couldn't afford more than 25 people, or a restaurant higher than maybe Applebees"

you're not really doing that, are you?

7/21/2008 10:38:05 AM

I think they may have decided to become critical of you due to your decision to wed their son. They may have liked you just fine while you were dating, but now that you are getting married they may have panicked and decided that you are not good enough for their son or are worried that you are after him for the money he will presumably recieve that they worked for. they're just being douches basically

7/21/2008 10:40:52 AM

Quote :

"This is the part where your fiance has to give his parents an ultimatum. Don't get into a fight with his parents, he needs to be a man and lay down the law. It sounds like you're being pretty reasonable and his parents need to be told how ridiculous they're being. Your fiance needs to make you a bigger priority than his parents. Tell him not to back down."

Good idea.

Quote :

"I'll probably just tell his parents that I understand that they are unable to afford the time and the money for the dinner, and that my parents will be hosting instead and just tell them to show up."

lol, telling a rich person that you understand they can't AFFORD THE MONEY is a sure fire way to make them hate you. However, just telling them that your parents are doing it is a good idea. With all this, you can expect some tough times with his family down the road. This whole thing sounds so much like how things will be for me if I marry my current bf. But... you marry the man, not the family!

Quote :

"the fact his mom said they won't give us money for a honeymoon (we didn't ask) so they could remodle the kitchen,"

To be fair, No one is supposed to give you money for your honeymoon unless its on your registry somehow. A honeymoon is supposed to be the grooms gift to the bride.

Quote :

"It's Applebees. Just invite whoever you want. Throw in the extra $15 or so per person and move on with your life. What's $150 when it means you'll have 10 of your best friends/family around you."

Great advice too.

You should also send her a check for $10 through the mail with your address with it, that way she can shut up about the invitations.

Hang in there, how soon is the wedding?

One more thing, I've never heard of having a rehearsal dinner at Applebees, or any other chain restaurant. Honestly, I don't like the idea, its kinda cheap and tacky. You'd be better off getting a fellowship hall or having it at a park and you can get food catered for cheaper than a bill for 25 people eating at Applebees.

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:43 AM. Reason : ]

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:45 AM. Reason : ]

7/21/2008 10:41:43 AM

5th of October. We didn't even expect a honeymoon, they just said this out of the blue one day. My mom is probably going to blow before me. She threw my fiance a graduation party (His mom said she didn't want to help) and his parents handed her a check at the end of the night for "all her troubles."

Maybe I should just chalk this up to the fact their German and they're disappointed their son isn't marrying a German?

7/21/2008 10:44:37 AM

Wow, that's pretty far off with all the trouble you've been having. I don't expect that this is the end either. Has the mother bought her dress for the wedding yet? Because I can see her telling you to pay for it because of how much money you've costed her thus far. And just let your parents throw the rehearsal dinner while you have time to plan it!

I mean, what kind of a irrational person would put her kids friends before the brides grandparents!? You could plan the rehearsal dinner and leave out some of their invites! But that would just be spiteful, and you're above that.

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 10:51 AM. Reason : ]

7/21/2008 10:49:03 AM

Quote :

"Maybe I should just chalk this up to the fact their German and they're disappointed their son isn't marrying a German?"

probably.

And sure your fiance should stick up for you if they are being rude or inconsiderate to you. However, by itself, not giving you the rehearsal dinner that you wanted is neither of those things and telling him he needs to law down the lay with regard to that is a terrible idea. It will make both of you look like spoiled children and you don't want to start your relationship with them that way.

7/21/2008 10:49:10 AM

Quote :

"I don't believe we're entitled to anything, which is why I'm paying for half my own wedding."

Anyone else see the humor?

7/21/2008 10:49:31 AM

Quote :

" E FUCKING L O P E"

A

FUCKING

M

E

N

7/21/2008 10:51:56 AM

My parents wanted to pay for the whole thing, and I offered to pay for at least half? Most couples don't even do that.

7/21/2008 10:52:41 AM

lol, you could try to work with them.

Caterer at your parents place for all the sides and shit (they could just drop them off, or you can pick them up cheap at a restaurant that does catering), and a big box of steaks from Sam's club. Could easily invite a few more people for the same price or even less and the food will likely be better. Not a lot of work for your mom, cheap for his parents, everyone is happy.

But no, we need the daily wedding drama quotient.

7/21/2008 11:04:14 AM

My dad offered to pay for a civil ceremony, adn give me $30k which would be what a wedidng generally costs.

I deeply regret not taking the option behind door #2.

7/21/2008 11:05:41 AM

sounds like the in-laws are gonna be suck-ass

[Edited on July 21, 2008 at 11:07 AM. Reason : glad i'm a guy]

7/21/2008 11:06:31 AM

Quote :

"My dad offered to pay for a civil ceremony, adn give me $30k which would be what a wedidng generally costs. I deeply regret not taking the option behind door #2."

Shit, I'd take that in a heart beat. Sadly my parents are not gonna pay for anything if I ever were to get married and they'd give me hell for eloping so more reason not to support the institution.

7/21/2008 11:07:47 AM

Well, his reasoning was because of all this drama...the man is full of untapped wisdom.

7/21/2008 11:11:28 AM

Wow. His parents must really not like you.

I mean, I would just lay it out for them. I would sit down with them, have a list of what I wanted to discuss. Make sure your finance is there and just talk about it.

People sometimes forget to communicate. Sure, they are being backhanded assholes but you're going to be connected to them for the rest of your life so it's better to talk about it now.

7/21/2008 11:20:00 AM