According to the Joke section, we haven't had anyone submit a joke since 2003.


http://brentroad.com/joke_list.aspx

8/15/2008 11:29:44 AM

The website turned out to be the biggest joke of all.

8/15/2008 11:31:09 AM

^now that's a joke (lol)

8/15/2008 11:32:13 AM

^^lol.

8/15/2008 11:32:28 AM

submission is nothing to joke about

8/15/2008 11:32:55 AM

lol cmon

8/15/2008 11:34:24 AM

Ok this is a bad rep. of the joke but i like it

at a Clinton convention, Hillary's daughter was there and asked the audience what some of the things they were concerned with.

one guy said osama

the next guy said obama

then she nodded and asked the last guy who said, your MOMMA.


hahah. the end.

8/15/2008 11:37:11 AM

...

8/15/2008 11:39:56 AM

hey i am the only one who has posted a joke.

8/15/2008 11:40:45 AM

Q: what kind of bees make milk?
A: boo-bees


Duck goes into a 7-Eleven and says, "Gimme some chapstick and put it on my bill"

[Edited on August 15, 2008 at 11:43 AM. Reason : AB]

[Edited on August 15, 2008 at 11:47 AM. Reason : one mo time]

8/15/2008 11:43:10 AM

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

8/15/2008 11:44:51 AM

What kind of bee you shoot from gun?

Bee-bee

8/15/2008 11:44:56 AM

what do you do w/ a dead chemist?

barium.

8/15/2008 11:48:11 AM

what did the black kid get on his SAT?




bar-b-que sauce

8/15/2008 11:49:05 AM

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs. When the doctor was notified, he called the husband and asked him to report to the hospital immediately. Upon his arrival the doctor explained that the nurse had seen a reaction when her private parts were stimulated. He suggested that the husband should have oral sex with her because it might lead to improvement in her condition. After about 15 minutes the husband came out of her room and announced that she was dead!

"How did that happen?" asked the doctor.

"I think she choked to death," said the husband.

8/15/2008 11:49:08 AM

What does Micheal Jackson and Santa Clause have in common?
They both leave little kid's houses with empty sacks.

8/15/2008 11:52:50 AM

ewwwwww

8/15/2008 11:53:23 AM

how do you know if a Chinaman has robbed your house?



your computer is reformatted, your kids calculus homework is all done and 2 hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway

8/15/2008 11:55:02 AM

lol

Cohen and Levy were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. “Cohen,” asked Levy, “Are there any Jews in Mexico?”

I don’t know,” Levy replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Levy asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”

“I do not know sir, I ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Mexican Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Levy asked.

“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Cohen said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Mexican Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Levy asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, grape Jews, tomato Jews and prune Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!”

[Edited on August 15, 2008 at 11:58 AM. Reason : lol]

8/15/2008 11:55:49 AM

There I was on my way to work. Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind... wasn't even on the horizon... I was in a great mood... and

then... I rear-ended a car.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get

funny)?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

...and that's when the fight started.

9/16/2008 11:39:25 PM

How many bike messengers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They shoot up in the dark.

9/16/2008 11:47:10 PM

So Obama is standing at the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks him for his name...
"I am Barack Obama, President of the United States."
"Oh really, since when?" Saint Peter asks.
"Since about 20 minutes ago."

EDIT: By Special Request:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma cumma first. Den I cumm. Two asses, they cumma together. I cumm again. Two asses, they cumma together again. I cumm again and pee twice. Then I cumma onceamore.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Ima just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

[Edited on September 17, 2008 at 12:08 AM. Reason : ]

9/17/2008 12:00:27 AM

haha, thanks^

9/17/2008 12:23:48 AM

I lol'd at this one.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous,I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, ,junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's,not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

9/17/2008 3:47:38 AM

my standby worst joke

So there are two sausages sitting in a frying pan. The pan starts to heat up and grease starts to crackle and pop. One of the sausages starts squirming around a bit. Finally he rolls over and says "man, it's getting a little hot in here, isn't it?" The other sausage spins around and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

it's really in the delivery

9/17/2008 4:26:06 AM

that's another good one.

9/17/2008 5:12:24 AM

hahaha i like that one

9/17/2008 2:02:31 PM