Quote :

"Five Biggest Excuses That Ruin Your Dating Life By Dating coach David Wygant Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Oct 7, 2008 Dating coach David Wygant RATING THIS ARTICLE Average (244 votes) stars Rate it: * * * * * * TOOLS * Email ArticleEmail Article * Printable ViewPrintable View * Add to del.icio.usAdd to del.icio.us * Add to DiggAdd to Digg Recently a reader posted a comment on my dating blog in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him find a mate. He said he has tried "everything" to meet someone. He's tried pickup lines and routines. He's tried what some term "natural game." He said nothing has worked. Then he started listing some of the reasons why things aren't working for him in his dating life. What did every one of his "reasons" have in common? They were all excuses. Worse yet, in his mind he perceives each of these to be unchangeable facts of life instead of seeing them for what they really are: excuses he's created so he doesn't have to face his dating difficulties. “So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves "out there" in the dating world” So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves "out there" in the dating world, or to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills. Here are five of the most common excuses people make about their dating lives, along with proactive ways to overcome those excuses. 1. I Am a Victim of Geography. I hear it every day from clients: "There are no good men (or women) to meet where I live." The fact is that where you live has nothing to do with you remaining single. It's your mindset and your belief system that are the problem, because there are great people to meet everywhere. I've worked with clients all over the world, and no matter where they reside I have always been able to show them how to meet people. You need to go out there with a better attitude. 2. I Attract All the Wrong Singles. The reason why you're attracting the wrong singles comes down to the way you go out and meet singles. Look at your life a little more deeply. Are you going to the same places over and over again and always meeting the same type of people? Are you not making yourself available so it's too much of a challenge for people to meet you? When you go out on dates, do you tend to talk more about negative things than positive things? Stop thinking about the people you are meeting and start thinking about how you're meeting them. In order to meet different people, you need to change your life immediately. The truth is that you have the power to do something about it. 3. I Don't Have Time for Dating. If you truly want to meet someone, you have to make time to do it. It's really that simple. Fifteen minutes a day devoted to going out there and meeting new people is all you need. Try setting goals for yourself, such as, "I'm going to talk to four new people today." Whatever your goal is, though, you need to make yourself reach it every day. “Singles aren't just going to start approaching you. You've got to make it happen.” Singles aren't just going to start approaching you. You've got to make it happen. I know you're busy. We're all busy. Just remember that this is your dating life, and only you can make your dating life happen for you. 4. I Can't Meet Anyone Until... My favorite one of these is the "as soon as" person. "As soon as I lose weight I'll go out and meet singles." There are a million other phrases that could be filled in here: as soon as I get back in the gym... as soon as I finish this big project at work... as soon as my kids get older. When you start using "as soon as" excuses, you become the person who truly believes that life is going to change the second you accomplish other things. Get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone "as soon as" you accomplish something else. Life is not about scheduling things like this and putting them on a timetable. You've got to be open to meeting someone all the time. 5. Only Losers Do Online Dating. I hear many singles who have never tried online dating tell me, "I don't want to do online dating. Online dating is for losers." This is a ridiculous statement. There are millions upon millions of people who use online dating. A client of mine once said to me, "I don't want to put my picture on my online dating profile because someone I know might see it and then they'll know I'm doing online dating." Let's put aside the fact that if someone sees your online profile, it likely means they themselves are doing online dating. Here again, there is an attitude problem at work. If someone has seen you online, then if they see you in real life they can walk over to you and say, "Did I see you on Yahoo! Personals the other day? I didn't know you were single." You've got to tell people you're single and, more importantly, stop feeling like there is something wrong with being single. Going online is making an announcement to the world that "Yes, I'm single, I'm available, and I want to meet someone.""

10/8/2008 8:06:31 PM

tl;dr

and what I did read, the author of this is mega-tuff

10/8/2008 8:08:48 PM

LOL

That cracked me up.

10/8/2008 8:09:43 PM

most people i know that don't date (or have "trouble" dating) don't try. they say they try. but i've seen the "trying" and it isn't good. one bad date and they don't go out again for like 9months. its like they're too uptight. but this is just from people i know, i'm sure other people have different issues.

10/8/2008 8:10:22 PM

That's really the reason, no matter your situation, if you don't try (or can't collectively) you will not date. Ever.

10/8/2008 8:12:54 PM

I have always found if you go out and get shitface drunk with enough women you will meet a cool one in due time.

10/8/2008 8:13:00 PM

I tried
but I gave up

10/8/2008 8:14:34 PM

Quote :

"most people i know that don't date (or have "trouble" dating) don't try. they say they try. but i've seen the "trying" and it isn't good. one bad date and they don't go out again for like 9months. its like they're too uptight. but this is just from people i know, i'm sure other people have different issues."

I've seen this as well. If I go out with my friends, if I'm not there, flying wingman, they always end up with trash or nothing. It's pathetic. Even if I'm there they start talking to the wrong types of girls or to none at all.

10/8/2008 8:15:18 PM

i see it from the otherside since i am female. some of my friends have seriously gotten pathetic. its like, we're 24...things are NOT as bad as they seem. but they don't even want to go out anymore. they whine and whine about not having a boyfriend but they do NOT even ATTEMPT to meet one. then when ANY guy shows interest be it a douche or a genuinely sweet guy, they get no chance. i realize that if you give someone a chance (and i think they probably need more than one) and they suck, then that is fine. but at least you tried. but one date or one convo probably isn't enough.

10/8/2008 8:17:26 PM

I've seen girls in that age group immediately write off guys with the slightest problem or who don't fit their narrow range of likes and dislikes.

Too young(a guy a year younger)
Too short (by an inch or so)
Too quiet (while they are talking above everyone)
etc etc

I know that guys are shallow too but I mean come on!

10/8/2008 8:31:28 PM

^ that's what i say!!!

i think they want a romantic comedy. but the way you meet someone is usually the way you least expected. if that makes any sense. not that i'm a dating expert. i've had a few questionables. but i'm just saying everytime i DID meet someone i ended upon a date with, it was in a way i didn't expect. like you find someone when you aren't looking or something.

10/8/2008 8:33:54 PM