Here's the scoop...

As I've gotten older and have started a family, had a child, traveled to many international locations, etc., it's become increasingly obvious that I don't share many, if any of the same views that many of my friends from early college and before believe in, EXCEPT for our love for sports and specifically all things NC State.

We are all successful in what we do, but for starters, they are very much republican, and I am very much a democrat. It doesn't mean we can't be friends, but I think this presidential election has really shined the spotlight on some big differences that myself and those friends have. We get together quite often and I really enjoy their company...hell, we've been friends for at least 10 years, but it's gotten to the point where I'm thinking "what in the hell do we all have in common other than sports and all of the rowdy memories of high school and college?".

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this before? Realizing you don't have as much in common with your "best friends"?

11/2/2008 10:25:54 PM

i've had similar thoughts but none of them are based around politics

a lot of my college friends have taken different paths but we can still get together over a beer and have fun every time

my college friends and high school friends are completely separate groups with basically no overlap - i recently got together with some of my old high school friends and they spent the weekend at my place and we haven't really hung out in a number of years except for random events like bachelor parties - we had a great time and our wives that had never met got along well either

11/2/2008 10:40:39 PM

yes, very familiar with that syndrome. it's not about republican or democrat necessarily, but most likely international travel has broaden your horizons and changed the way you think.

there was research somewhere that showed that rates of depression and loneliness go up the more education one has. if you think about it, 25% of USA has college education, which kind of limits your social circles. i mean how long and deep can you really talk about life with someone who only finished high school degree and never left north carolina. now add to the fact that if on top your education you add international travel, exposure to different culture, views and perspectives. now among those 25% of people there will be even less people with whom you will find similarities and common language. you have grown a lot while they changed only marginally.

becoming worldly had its price and that is you become more selective with friends, which usually leads to having less real good friends with whom you can share views.

when i talk to friends in north carolina who have college education, but never left north carolina i feel like i surpassed them. i hate to sound arrogant, but you feel like life is stagnant there.

11/2/2008 11:13:48 PM

yeah that definitely sounds arrogant.

11/3/2008 8:36:56 AM

^

11/3/2008 10:16:06 AM

^^^ yeah i agree that basing the idea of "surpassing" on moving is kind of ridiculous - you do have a different experience if you were to leave and move to a large city but it's merely a different experience and has nothing to do with surpassing

^^^^ good thing you added either to the end of that heh

11/3/2008 10:18:20 AM

I don't feel like I have surpassed them as much as I feel like I don't relate to them.

But yes, traveling abroad, working for an international exchange program, etc, have certainly changed the way I think about things.

None of the friends mentioned here have come close to doing something like that.

11/3/2008 10:41:55 AM

Most people I know become much more conservative as they begin to have families and buy homes - responsibility is a real motherfucker and you tend towards republican views as your income goes up and you start having real money.

I am not saying that it is right but I have certainly experienced it in my travels, even people I thought would be huge liberals are changing their views as they settle down.

Example, I was in LA last week and our rep (who has sleeve tats and drives a prius) was voting McCain - I was pretty surprised. But my other buddy who lives in SF (but went to NCS and grew up in the south) and always was very economically smart is voting Obama - but he has no wife/kids whereas the other does.

I personally have changed from ultra republican to libertarian/apathetic as I have gotten older, which has changed my views with old friends. However, don't be shocked when your friends who were liberal when it didn't matter in college become red staters when they start having families/incomes.

11/4/2008 10:12:14 AM

it happens with pretty much every transition you have in life. its happened with high school friends when i went to college; its happened with college friends when i moved out of state. when you change your lifestyle (not sure its the right word) your ways of thinking will evolve and change as well.

some friendships can survive that others can't. nothing wrong with that. I say as long as you can talk to them keep the friendship going. But the moment that ALL your converstions start with "remember that one time. . . " then its time to let that frendship fizzle out

11/4/2008 10:46:35 AM

my friends from high school generally all have the same views as I, and my friends from college had already developed other views that didn't get in the way of our friendship (if they were conflicting)

I also don't have very many friends that didn't go to college

[Edited on November 4, 2008 at 11:34 AM. Reason : .]

11/4/2008 11:31:18 AM

that saying about (paraphrasing) "if a young man doesn't vote democrat, he has no heart. if he grows up and doesn't vote republican, he has no brain" has some merit it seems to me

11/4/2008 11:46:06 AM

I've noticed this too. but i've also slowly began to realize how one friend in particular has changed a lot and I just can't tolerate things like discrimination based or race or class coming from here as much.

11/4/2008 3:31:38 PM

nothing22

I think Winston Churchill made that quote. (i found 2)

Quote :

"Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains"

Quote :

"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."

11/4/2008 3:40:56 PM

the more things you are exposed to in life, the more you realize that you can't change the world and that most people fall into stereotypes.

You have to group people into certain groups based on their appearance or the people they associate with.

If a guy hangs out with a gang, you can safely assume you don't want to fuck with him. Stereotypical yes, but as an older and wiser person, I would profile and thus leave said person alone.

oh, and HOLY SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SOAP BOX

11/4/2008 6:35:24 PM

Quote :

"I think Winston Churchill made that quote. (i found 2)"

thanks for the assist

too lazy to google

11/5/2008 10:45:47 AM

Lately, I find myself feeling the exact same way.

I have a husband, a kid, a mortgage. My life is completely different for me than it is for them. My priorities and values are also changing.

Sometimes, I feel very lonely. Even when I am with my friends because I no longer have that sense of likeness and oneness.

But y'know, I know that they love me. I love them. Even if we have diddly squat in common, we still like one another. So it's ok. Eventually, they'll become old farts too.

11/5/2008 9:20:44 PM

nice Churchill reference!

i don't have the problem discussed in this thread. i have more of a problem with friends blindly loyal to either end of the political spectrum - they'll argue their side with every bumper sticker slogan and catch phrase under the sun.

11/5/2008 9:35:21 PM

you don't see obama stickers on the back of many cars over 30K

im just sayin...

once you earn it, why should you have to give it back?

11/5/2008 9:37:58 PM

you don't see any stickers on a lot of cars over 30k that's b/c it looks tacky.

11/6/2008 8:04:26 PM

Quote :

"i have more of a problem with friends blindly loyal to either end of the political spectrum - they'll argue their side with every bumper sticker slogan and catch phrase under the sun."

Ain't that the friggin' truth.

11/6/2008 9:13:43 PM

that's every cunt on tww. walk it off and get the fuck in line

11/7/2008 3:49:40 AM

Quote :

"you don't see any stickers on a lot of cars over 30k that's b/c it looks tacky."

i have a state sticker on my >30k automobile

11/10/2008 12:21:03 PM

In all honesty, one of my two best friends (since like 7th grade) and I have absolutely nothing in common.

He went to UNC, graduated with a degree in Anthropology in four years, and is now the general manager of a Pizza Hut, making roughly 30K a year. (Not too bad for a single guy fresh out of college). He's a social liberal and agnostic. Extremely dry humor and sometimes socially awkward.

I went to NC State, dropped out, went back to Liberty University, and am just now finishing my degree with an internship in the Public Relations department of the Philadelphia Flyers. I'm a social conservative and Christian. I can talk to just about anyone and laugh my tail off about any humor, whether it be dry, slapstick, or just plain goofiness.

We're as different as night and day, but he is still one of my best friends. Whenever I get married, I plan on him being one of my groomsmen.

/shrug Sometimes it's just nice to have someone you've known for a long time and can lol about stuff with.

11/11/2008 12:55:48 PM

Quote :

"But the moment that ALL your converstions start with "remember that one time. . . " then its time to let that frendship fizzle out"

This is absolutely ridiculous.

11/11/2008 1:08:06 PM

Man-O-Man, me and best friends all have basically nothing in common except our love for our HS, all things NC State, and Hip Hop (but even in Hip Hop we barely like the same artist).

For one, I am black, my father is a Bishop and I Played football from 4th grade through Jr year in College (walk on at NCSU, and more of a practice squad guy, I never dressed). Came from more a moderate background with very little money. My First car was basically an old family conversion van (The Patty Wagon). I was a Business Man-Marketing Major, I enjoyed the occasional Frat party. I am non-partisan.

One my best friends was white, extremely wealthy, he drove a Porsche to HS. Played Golf, more high society, father was a NC State Senator, Staunchly republican, never in any trouble, all A's, with a degree in Aerospace Engineering and something else, and got his Masters at Stanford. Absolutely against Frats. Absolutely no experimenting.

My other best friend was white, more liberal, Democratic, drove decent older Honda in HS. Much more outdoors person, wealthy military family, more into the arts & drama, 100% frat guy at state, Hard parties, more into experimenting with substances. Park & Recs Major.

We are all best friends. We were all in or will be in each others weddings. I am the only one not married, but about to be engaged and they will be the best men. We have a great time together and never skip a beat when we hang out. We are total opposites of each other but get along better than other people I know.

All that being said, I think time and experiences do change you, but a true friendship evolves and grows with you.


III

11/12/2008 3:42:56 PM