Quote :

"Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML"

[Edited on March 10, 2009 at 12:42 PM. Reason : http://www.fmylife.com/]

3/10/2009 12:35:23 PM

Thats lame.

3/10/2009 12:35:50 PM

3/10/2009 12:36:02 PM

PHOTOSHOPPED

3/10/2009 12:36:39 PM

Whats up with drunk girls saying "Cum inside me!"

3/10/2009 12:39:09 PM

they know you can't get pregnant when you are drunk, so everyone is okay.

3/10/2009 12:41:28 PM

lol

3/10/2009 12:42:20 PM

Quote :

"ANOTHER FML THREAD"

3/10/2009 12:42:37 PM

Fuck. I can't get pregnant when I'm sober.

3/10/2009 12:43:08 PM

Quote :

"Whats up with drunk girls saying "Cum inside me!" "

cool

as

shit

3/10/2009 12:43:46 PM

Quote :

"HUMAN IN UTERUS"

3/10/2009 12:44:26 PM

[old]

^^LOL

3/10/2009 12:46:15 PM

oh look this is the what, 6th thread?

3/10/2009 12:49:32 PM

*awaits OmarBadu*

3/10/2009 12:50:37 PM

Quote :

"they know you can't get pregnant when you are drunk, so everyone is okay."

LOL

3/10/2009 12:51:55 PM

Quote :

"Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML"

3/16/2009 2:31:39 AM

I did over 10k worth of damage to my car. Now I'm driving a Nissan Altima for the next 3 weeks. FML

3/16/2009 2:46:32 AM

WOW

WHATS THIS SITE

YOU'RE DEFINITELY THE FIRST PERSON TO FIND IT

3/16/2009 2:49:01 AM

they need to make a seperate site that only has FMLs that do not a) mention the word "crush" or b) give a one sentence summary.

3/16/2009 2:49:09 AM

and they should immediately remove any that feature a girl or guy who is so bad at personal interaction they thought they were dating someone when they're not

those are both hilarious and maddening at the same time

3/16/2009 2:51:11 AM

Quote :

"Quality FMLs"

DOES

NOT

COMPUTE

3/16/2009 3:07:17 AM

all this fml shit sounds like of bunch of whiny emos. i have no respect for them.

3/16/2009 8:32:29 AM

they're all fake, anyway

3/16/2009 8:33:44 AM

FAKE

MY

LIFE

3/16/2009 10:17:51 AM

Quote :

"Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML"

wonder if m2c would like that.

3/16/2009 11:26:09 AM

i find the ones where the people are like "omg i went into the bathroom and my dog/cat was in there, and i got naked and i realized that they were the first member of the opposite sex to see me naked in x year and they puked/scratched to get out/ran" as if that should be a measure of their worth.

they really need to just post

"i posted that my life is fucked up because i want my animal to find me attractive. i'm dumb as shit. FML"

3/16/2009 11:28:29 AM

Quote :

"Today, my mom came to wake me up because my alarm didn't go off. She brought my dog in to wake me up and he came and laid on bed. I started to rub what i thought was his neck and playing with a random tuft of fur. I soon realized that it was his penis. I gave my dog a handjob. FML"

3/16/2009 11:33:33 AM

Quote :

"Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML"

3/16/2009 11:49:06 AM

Quote :

"Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML"

3/16/2009 3:42:45 PM

Quote :

"Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML"

3/16/2009 3:57:15 PM

Quote :

"Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomache hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and proceeded to take a huge dump. Turns out I chose the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML"

[Edited on March 16, 2009 at 4:33 PM. Reason : ]

3/16/2009 4:05:48 PM

Quote :

"Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML"

3/16/2009 4:37:05 PM

Quote :

"Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML"

haha. I think I've had a dream about that one before.

3/16/2009 4:43:04 PM

Quote :

"Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML"

3/18/2009 12:23:24 AM

Quote :

" Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML "

hahaha

3/21/2009 8:34:21 AM

I once called my bf out on looking at porn all the time. He snapped back with "At least they're hot." His brother who was in the room at the time: "OOOOH BURN".

FML.

3/21/2009 9:06:54 AM

Quote :

"Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML"

aha

3/21/2009 9:15:17 AM

Quote :

"Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML"

these are fairly entertaining.

3/21/2009 9:37:55 AM

Quote :

"Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML""

I have a friend who did exactly that in college. If I remember correctly, it was the same professor, but a different section, and he managed to get it worked out in the end.

3/21/2009 11:10:50 AM

Quote :

"Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML"

Quote :

"Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML"

3/21/2009 11:38:13 AM

Quote :

"Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML"

Hi-5!!

3/21/2009 2:09:50 PM

Quote :

"If I remember correctly, it was the same professor, but a different section, and he managed to get it worked out in the end."

It probably worked out in the rear end. FHL

3/21/2009 2:17:38 PM

Flood control.... FML

3/21/2009 2:27:59 PM

Quote :

"Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML"

Quote :

"Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML"

ahahahaha


[Edited on March 21, 2009 at 2:38 PM. Reason : .]

3/21/2009 2:31:17 PM

Quote :

"Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML"

[Edited on March 21, 2009 at 2:41 PM. Reason : looks like i have found my new addicting website ]

3/21/2009 2:41:18 PM

Quote :

"Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML"

3/21/2009 5:09:51 PM

the Mick Jagger one is pretty great

3/21/2009 5:13:30 PM

so we're just going to ignore the other thread?

3/21/2009 5:22:20 PM

^^ i was going to post that one but didn't want to double post.

3/21/2009 7:42:15 PM

set em up

3/22/2009 12:45:39 AM