Why did you tie the knot? What does marriage mean to you?

6/6/2009 5:47:45 AM

i often wonder what incites a thread of this nature at 6am on a Saturday morning...

6/6/2009 6:15:01 AM

boredom, i guess

6/6/2009 10:03:22 AM

I'd guess perpetual despair.

6/6/2009 10:25:43 AM

guess the guess game?

6/6/2009 10:32:54 AM

who the fuck else is going to cook my dinner?

6/6/2009 10:38:39 AM

We'd been together 5 years when we got engaged (married on the 6th year anniversary) so I guess we figured if we made it to the 5 year mark, that it was going to work out.

Made sure to get the wedding date engraved on the ring, now I never have to worry about forgetting the anniversary.

6/6/2009 10:52:38 AM

^^

winnar!

6/6/2009 10:53:32 AM

Why did we tie the knot? We wanted to be married instead of "just" engaged.
What does it mean to us? Same thing the relationship meant to us before the ceremony.

6/6/2009 11:08:08 AM

Josh and I married after being together for 4 years and being friends even longer than that. We married because it was the right thing to do and what our families expected out of us. We were already living together and sharing a bank account. The marriage part wasn't important to us, but it was important to the people who loved us and the world around us.

6/6/2009 11:15:50 AM

punchmonk and i started dating in may 2004 and got engaged that fall. We were married in june 2005. before we had started dating, we worked together at PackBackers for about a year and became bff almost as soon as we met. Though when we first met, she was in love with a good friend of mine, and I didn't feel right trying to move in on her while they were figuring out their feelings for each other. but then a few months later out of the blue she started dating that guy's best friend. but he was in VA and she and I worked together almost every day, so our friendship continued to grow. then in march 04 he broke up with her and I was "there" for her. As the weeks went by, it was clear we had feelings for each other, but I was graduating in May and had plans to move to Charleston. A week before I moved, we realized it would be too hard to just say goodbye to somebody you already loved so much, and we started dating. We visited each other on weekends and fortunately we were able to make the long distance thing work for a year until we could get married and then we moved to PA together.

as for what it means to us, our friendship initially grew in large part because of our faith. when we met, she had been part of a church for a long time, and a lot of corruption and other disturbing things had started to rapidly become evident and many of her friends had left the church, many very angry. at the same time, I had just become a Christian. So Amna and I were both struggling to understand that aspect of our lives, and had a lot of great conversations on the topic. As such, our faith has been an extremely important part of our marriage, and has certainly been a big factor in how strong our marriage has been. But we have a great relationship regardless of that too - we share the same sense of humor, have similar political views, similar life aspirations, etc. I think anybody who knows us would say that we are opposites in a lot of ways too, and I think that has been good for us as a couple as well.

/w♥rds

6/6/2009 11:25:00 AM

That's so sweet.

6/6/2009 11:28:45 AM

That's fucked up.

Quote :

"Though when we first met, she was in love with a good friend of mine, and I didn't feel right trying to move in on her while they were figuring out their feelings for each other. but then a few months later out of the blue she started dating that guy's best friend. but he was in VA and she and I worked together almost every day, so our friendship continued to grow."

She sounds like a doobie.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 11:32 AM. Reason : not in a mean way, just not how i do things]

6/6/2009 11:32:15 AM

it wasn't really her fault. while she and my friend both had strong feelings for each other, the guy had issues and kept brushing her off. so she was broken hearted and then his friend started showing her attention so she had to move on at some point. it was my fault for not making a move first, but like i said i was friends with the guy and was trying to let them figure things out. fortunately for me it worked out in the end

6/6/2009 11:42:47 AM

I'm not trying to criticize or anything, clearly it worked out.

It just creates such a headache when a friend has been involved that I usually just write off girls as soon as a friend touches them.

6/6/2009 11:58:55 AM

Monkeychow and i were officially engaged about 6 months after we started dating. we moved in together about 5 months after that, after i finished my BS. we got married about 2 years after we started dating, halfway through my MS.
we didn't get married just because it was the social norm. we just wanted to be a married couple (i guess it was just another "level" we could take the commitment to?). our wedding was more of a party than anything else since neither of us is religious.
and now we have the baby on the way. i see how excited he is about being a dad (he's talked about it for years) and it makes me smile.

6/6/2009 12:16:19 PM

married?

what was all of that "one in a million" talk?

6/6/2009 12:17:07 PM

Quote :

"we didn't get married just because it was the social norm. we just wanted to be a married couple (i guess it was just another "level" we could take the commitment to?). our wedding was more of a party than anything else since neither of us is religious. and now we have the baby on the way. i see how excited he is about being a dad (he's talked about it for years) and it makes me smile. "

This sounds very familiar...but in the future. He wants 9 kids. I told him he's got five pregnancies (assuming I can even have kids, and that a pregnancy doesn't endanger my life through mental health problems).

I guess I'll make a sappy post, too.

Before zorthage, I had a very definite plan for my life: graduate, and then job. I'd have some pets, and some friends for a social life, and that would be enough. I thought I was happy, and would continue to be.

I met him because I had a job in cary, and no car. Sugarush4u was my standing ride to work, but I always made sure she hadn't forgotten/flaked. One day, she did. I posted a thread saying I needed a ride ASAP, and Z came through. I was in a hurry, and he didn't have a cell phone, so I gave him my address and said to please hurry. I didn't think I sounded rude, but put that way... . I've asked him why he volunteered to do this that day, and his answer is that
1) he wasn't doing anything anyways
2) My posts had intrigued him, and here was a chance to meet the person behind them.

He was considerate right off the bat: I was putting my makeup on in his car as he drove, and he told me when the light was about to change so I could take the eyeliner away from me eye. I was floored.

Not too long after that, I was at a party, and miska had to go take care of a family emergency. Despite me being a drunken asshole that everyone at the party wanted to be rid of, and her saying she was back to pick me up, they turned her away. So I asked for a computer, PMed/IMed Matt, and he came and got me. My mother didn't approve of me drinking, so he sat with me for three hours in my parents' neighborhood while I sobered up enough to sneak in after my folks went to bed. He put up with a lot that night: me playing with his camera, falling out of his car into a ditch, trying to kiss him (he showed his morals that night: I was drunk, and he wouldn't allow me to do anything with him at all.)

I came in, posted on LJ that I liked the dude, and dammit, I was going to date him. I still had very major psychological problems then, and trusted no one. I felt safe around him like no one else. This was a big deal to me. I told him so much that night. I thought maybe if I told him of everything that was wrong with me, he'd run away. And unlike another guy who was very interested in me, he had self-esteem. He wasn't desperate for anyone to pay him attention - which was something that had framed my interactions with male peers. My thinking had been "Oh, he's interested in me. He's broken "

As a result of that night, my mother grounded me So he came over each evening, and we'd sit in his car and talk, or make out, or, one night, walk down to the creek and fool around (like, the night after I said "Hey...let's give this dating thing a try".) I still remember the day I took his virginity, because we did it between an annual event I volunteered at and a shift at work

Looking back, we both would have told him to stay the fuck away from that batshit crazy chick, and to run as fast as he could. We're both glad he didn't. I was so very happy with him that I kept thinking I was in a manic phase. Except after four years, it still hasn't subsided. Friends say my relationship with him flipped a switch in me. I would never, ever recommend pursuing the path our relationship took in hopes of effecting the changes that he did, and we didn't set out to do that. But it worked that way, and very well.

I would never say he cured some of my mental issues, but with his influence, I matured some more in ways that addressed some of them. And made me able to cope better with the ones that remain. When I am depressed, crying in the den and wishing I had the balls to kill myself , I'm able to recognize this as a problem, go to him, and address the depressive phase. Not only is it nice to have that insight, but have a partner who cares about those issues.

I moved into the dorms solely for the ability to spend more time with him. My mother said that spending the night with him would set a bad moral example for my sister He bought a house that school year, and asked me to move in with him. I did. It worked, and well. He had a two month period in 2008 where he thought maybe he didn't want to be with me, and quickly realized this wasn't the case. We'd been talking engagement before that, and it took some time afterwards for me to feel at ease in our relationship again. He proposed not too long before Thanksgiving of last year. We eloped because we didn't want to follow the plan we'd had for a wedding: I graduate, work for a year to help save money, and then have a big, huge wedding for the two big, huge families. We wanted to be married. eahanhan had something of a lonely apartment that year

One reason I wanted to be married is, sadly, because it mattered so much to the people around us - especially my family (they're all religious). But also because he wanted to take care of me. A friend had a situation where a coworker was in a relationship very similar to ours, and then her fiance died. It was actually all over the news. We didn't feel we could trust other people to honor the wishes we had for each other in the event of something happening to each other. The car accident in August helped to cement this. Also, health insurance (well, lack thereof ) was a major source of stress for me.

We're a little more official now We want the same things as before. Namely, to grow old together, and then roadtrip the US for our retirement.

[Edited on June 6, 2009 at 2:00 PM. Reason : as]

6/6/2009 1:59:33 PM

tl;dr

6/6/2009 4:08:50 PM

Wow yea that was really long

6/6/2009 4:12:23 PM

haha soon it'll be attn: divorced TWWers.

6/6/2009 4:19:21 PM

Quote :

"i often wonder what incites a thread of this nature at 6am on a Saturday morning..."

Chalk it up to being up all night.

6/6/2009 4:51:07 PM

Quote :

"haha soon it'll be attn: divorced TWWers."

But not before attn: bitter cunts.

6/6/2009 5:19:14 PM

^

6/6/2009 5:20:03 PM

Why? Tax deduction.

6/6/2009 6:15:51 PM

AVON CALLING!

6/6/2009 6:23:53 PM

Quote :

"she was in love with a good friend of mine, and I didn't feel right trying to move in on her while they were figuring out their feelings for each other. but then a few months later out of the blue she started dating that guy's best friend."

happens to me ALL THE
DAMN
TIME

well it used to, now i just avoid people. im getting my wife secondhand from kuwait or something in a couple years

6/6/2009 6:31:28 PM

too many faces for me to want to read anything ambrosia said

6/6/2009 6:37:49 PM

ok fine I read part of it, but I stopped

6/6/2009 6:39:22 PM

she does that a lot doesnt she

6/6/2009 6:43:21 PM

Why/When should you not tie the knot???

I realize society has changed it norms quite a bit. I guess I was just taught differently. I was taught that after you get to know a girl, and fall in love with her, you marry her. I'm not sure when the philosophy of life-long boyfriend/girlfriend came along...

So, why do people not get married? Fear? Lack of integrity? Selfishness? Just comfortable where they are? Waiting for something? A combination of several things? In any case, when I meet a couple and I hear that they've been together for 10+ years and still not married, I tend to think to myself, "Losers! Might as well be married." I mean, if you're still hesitant about your significant other after 10 years, you have some serious issues and the relationship should've ended after the first few years.

It just seems silly to date someone you love and not ever get married. Oh well, I guess I'm just a traditional kind of guy. Plus, I enjoyed Pixar's new movie UP, so that may have something to do with it.

[Edited on June 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM. Reason : meh]

6/6/2009 11:59:08 PM

Can't discount the wedding gifts, who doesn't need a new toaster?



But I think loving someone, & wanting them to be a part of your life for the rest of your life, and wanting all your family, friends, & community to come together to get to celebrate that part of your life make for good reasons to get married... in that sense I think a lot of people get married for ultimately the same reason. I also think there is in a permanence to a commitment in front of everyone you know, rather than just thinking "yeah everyone probably knows we've been dating for a long time by now & so we are going to keep doing that." And there are the practical benefits like hospital vitiation rights stuff that I imagine enter into the equation a little bit for most people.

And in a lot of ways its just throwing a big party

6/7/2009 12:29:48 AM

I gave her herpies - felt guilty over that.

6/7/2009 12:31:10 AM

awwww XTNE that post was so sweet to read!!! (even though I already know most of it )

how's the old married life treating you guys??

6/7/2009 12:37:14 AM

maybe it was one more event in a long chain of mistakes

6/7/2009 12:44:40 AM

Supplanter, your post seems focused mostly on the wedding...not the marriage.
The legal protections are nice.

^^We gotta come see you soon: neuservrrat, matt and I just burned through a good third of what we can set off here at the house

[Edited on June 7, 2009 at 12:45 AM. Reason : asdfg]

6/7/2009 12:45:24 AM

9 kids - ya, that will work well.

6/7/2009 12:46:19 AM

I'm still a little sad I didn't know about christine's wedding, but I'm starting to get over it.

I should be married by now, but I think that it's good I'm not. I'd probably end up getting in trouble or something lol

6/7/2009 12:48:51 AM

oh, the pictures are on facebook. That's the best everyone is getting

6/7/2009 12:49:33 AM

baseball team

6/7/2009 12:50:23 AM

getting married is the antithesis of getting in trouble, erica.




for all the future brides out there, eloping/getting married completely alone is definitely the way to go. why the fuck would you want to ruin you and the future husbands special day together by worrying about bridesmaids HAIR ffs

6/7/2009 12:52:00 AM

I'm confused antithesis? such large words at such a late hour

Oh and there's no way my ceremony will be small...cmon now..It's me we're talking about.

6/7/2009 12:53:24 AM

i ruined my own wedding trying to please other people and had to elope anyway. wish we'd gone that way from the beginning. we had a nice party later and I still didnt give a shit about anyone else's hair.

6/7/2009 12:55:04 AM

Oh...goodie

How was your hair though? I'm quite interested.

6/7/2009 12:56:25 AM

eloping ftw

We went ahead and got officially hitched with a weeks notice. Doing it in a church never was that important to us, and we didn't really want a huge ceremony.

There will still be a party though (two even!) - we need to get on that though...

6/7/2009 12:57:18 AM

LET ME PLAN IT

I PROMISE NO CRAZY HAIR!!!!

6/7/2009 12:57:55 AM

it was pretty cool and i had two separate appointments for it that day- my homeboy dyed it and my moms lady styled it

warning, fat ugly bride picture below

6/7/2009 1:00:32 AM

Quote :

"i ruined my own wedding trying to please other people and had to elope anyway. wish we'd gone that way from the beginning. we had a nice party later and I still didnt give a shit about anyone else's hair."

Meanwhile, your hair was THE ENVY of the night!

6/7/2009 8:16:25 AM

Quote :

"I usually just write off girls as soon as a friend touches them."

i've missed a lot of great opportunities to date wonderful girls because of this

silly though it may be, it remains a principle of mine


and what is a man without his principles

6/7/2009 1:55:59 PM

set em up

I LOVE BEING MARRIED

6/7/2009 1:56:49 PM