I am hosting conservative family members in the near future. I have a stripper pole in lieu of a kitchen table. Removing said pole is not an option.

How can I avoid tension during their visit? I need a story. Training to be an amateur firefighter, perhaps?

I need ideas.

6/11/2009 4:46:46 PM

hahahahaa you're awesome!

6/11/2009 4:47:50 PM

wrap it with christmas lights and tell you are celebrating festivus

btw... you should post some vids on youtube of your "training"

[Edited on June 11, 2009 at 4:48 PM. Reason : yes]

6/11/2009 4:47:51 PM

Tell them to remove whatever pole this have lodged up their ass. No offense to your family, just the ideology.

6/11/2009 4:48:13 PM

You need to do something to make it look ... decorative. I don't think that the christmas lights thing is such a crazy idea. Some lights. . .vine like greenery. You might be able to pull of "decorative column."

6/11/2009 4:50:00 PM

cover with removable contact paper in marble print, claim it's a support beam, call it a day.

(they make that paper in paler colors, more like the white 'veiny' marble that would look more like a decorative support.)

6/11/2009 4:50:14 PM

Im a conservative and I'd love to hang out with a chick that has a stripper pole in lieu of a kitchen table.



So fuck you and your stereotypes.

6/11/2009 4:50:40 PM

try to hang some hanging baskets from it

6/11/2009 4:50:57 PM

eahanhan wins!

6/11/2009 4:51:13 PM

Oooh! The marble is awesome!

And no youtube vid ATM, but there's a pic in mah galluhree.

6/11/2009 4:51:19 PM

i'm a conservative and i thought my friend's stripper pole was aces!

6/11/2009 4:51:51 PM

Perhaps I should say MORALLY conservative. Not politically. Big diff.

BTW, guys, if went on a first date with a girl and discovered she had a stripper pole in her house, would you assume she's a stripper?

6/11/2009 4:53:13 PM

family dollar or target should have something that would work, as would walmart and home depot. you'll probably end up needing a lot more than you think you will.

having a DIY home decorator mom and an HGTV addiction to go with it pays off at times, i guess.

6/11/2009 4:53:19 PM

With the "stripper workout" craze, I doubt anyone would just assume that a chick with a pole is a stripper. But I would hope and pray that she was!

6/11/2009 4:54:57 PM

Well, I never would have thought of something like that so yes, kudos!

6/11/2009 4:55:14 PM

They teach you how to conceal stripper poles on HGTV? Their programming is edgier than I expected!

6/11/2009 4:55:48 PM

Quote :

"Tell them to remove whatever pole this have lodged up their ass. No offense to your family, just the ideology."

yes fuck you and your family for possibly being disturbed by their little girl having fucking STRIPPER POLE IN PLACE OF A DINNER TABLE

[Edited on June 11, 2009 at 4:57 PM. Reason : "Stripper workout craze" how long did it take it sink in that cocaine is the "secret"]

6/11/2009 4:55:59 PM

Quote :

"Im a conservative and I'd love to hang out with a chick that has a stripper pole in lieu of a kitchen table. So fuck you and your stereotypes."

I know a few conservative family members that are no stranger to seeing a stripper pole being used....however they dont want their daughter, niece, cousin, etc being the one on the stripper pole. Hypocracy, double standards, call it what you wish.

In re-reading this i may just not be picking up on sarcasm, but i always thought it was funny how some men think whores are dandy but dont want any woman related to them to be one.

6/11/2009 4:56:25 PM

Quote :

"if went on a first date with a girl and discovered she had a stripper pole in her house, would you assume she's a stripper?"

no, not at all
just awesome!

6/11/2009 4:56:27 PM

patio table to go around pole

6/11/2009 4:57:21 PM

the important question is what gender are these relatives?

6/11/2009 4:58:23 PM

I'd totally tell them the truth.

"Yeah, that's a stripper pole. No, I'm not stripper" (Unless you are...)

Either it'll invite questions and you'll have a chance to elucidate, or they'll continue having a fit.

6/11/2009 4:59:27 PM

i'd also put some plants or something at the base maybe? disguise the metal base a bit.

6/11/2009 4:59:41 PM

Quote :

"if went on a first date with a girl and discovered she had a stripper pole in her house, would you assume she's a stripper?"

No.

However, if it was in her kitchen in place of her kitchen table; I would assume that she was at least an attention whore if not a full blown whore. Either way, it would probably be a deal breaker. Not so much for morality as for the emotional baggage that I would anticipate.

6/11/2009 5:01:42 PM

but i also sort of agree with the idea of saying "fuck it, let them know what it is."

6/11/2009 5:03:26 PM

Hmm, perhaps honesty is the best policy. I only have it for working out. It's an INSANE at-home workout.

There's no way in hell I could be mistaken for a stripper around here with my body. Florida is the land of the surgically enhanced.

6/11/2009 5:07:20 PM

I'll be the judge of that.

6/11/2009 5:08:04 PM

^ Can I have your pole in my kitchen?

6/11/2009 5:12:31 PM

ANYTIME BABY

6/11/2009 5:14:01 PM

hey, where and what size is your pole and how much did you pay for it. Im getting one for my b-day and am curious

6/11/2009 5:44:40 PM

Quote :

"where and what size is your pole"

6/11/2009 5:50:10 PM

poles are a dime a dozen

6/11/2009 5:50:14 PM

10-ft swiveling (not static) pole. $300. I got it in Florida though.

6/11/2009 5:52:28 PM

and Lucy has a dollar..

6/11/2009 6:05:42 PM

6/11/2009 6:13:49 PM

Im a conservative and I'd love to hang out with a chick that has a stripper pole in lieu of a kitchen table.



So fuck you and your stereotypes.

6/11/2009 7:13:20 PM

I will need to see a picture of you on said stripper pole topless. This will help give me inspiration for a good cover story.

6/11/2009 7:17:17 PM

You Lucy, are a whore.

6/11/2009 7:40:19 PM

Hmmm, don't whores get paid though?

I make it rain!

6/11/2009 7:46:18 PM

6/11/2009 7:49:11 PM

hire a hairy midget to run around at random in your house wearing only a leather newsboy's cap

they won't even notice the pole

BigMan157: PROBLEM SOLVER

6/11/2009 7:49:18 PM

Oh lol.

6/11/2009 7:54:56 PM

you're doing it wrong. How are you going to develop your legs if you're not wearing clear high heel shoes while swinging from the stripper pole?

You better not be referring to our aunt and uncle in Florida as conservative either.

6/11/2009 8:08:34 PM

If they are conservative, just tell them that it's your house, your money, and you can do what you like. They may disagree with why you have it but not the premise.

6/11/2009 8:09:37 PM

Quote :

"Perhaps I should say MORALLY conservative. Not politically. Big diff."

6/11/2009 8:15:04 PM

Whoops!

[Edited on June 11, 2009 at 8:15 PM. Reason : ]

6/11/2009 8:15:25 PM

the only "conservative" relatives we have would beat her with their bible for owning a stripper pole. They don't understand the premise of why Jesus would want her to have a stripper pole in the house.

6/11/2009 8:17:47 PM

Quote :

"Removing said pole is not an option."

How exactly is it "not an option?"

1: Remove pole
2: Put table where pole was at floor
3: Put light fixture (sans-wires) where pole was at ceiling
4: Entertain family
5: Replace pole, have T-Dub party in celebration of dining room debauchery?

6/11/2009 10:08:29 PM

5: Make that T-Dub party to celebrate dining room debauchery AND homebrewing.

6/11/2009 10:09:52 PM

I'm going to need to have a chat with my girlfriend about her kitchen table.

6/11/2009 10:10:17 PM