ok, i'll start

i was at work and went to the bathroom for a combo, i sat down started thinking about stuff, then i started to pee, later on i realized i wasnt hearing that familiar water on water splashing noise so i look down to see a fountain of pee shooting up over my knees and on to the ground in front of me.

turns out my akward sitting position (stall was tight) forced my legs so close together that my peter was sticking up, not down, so the whole time i was peeing up, over, and down onto my pants around my ankles.
so my pants are soaked in urine and the floor is covered in urine, and i sat there asking why me why me....

lucky enough no one else was in there so i cleaned up pulled up my soaked pants, ran out and managed to get to my car with no one seeing me. i was also lucky in that it was time for my hour break so i got home found identical pair of pants, changed and got back to work in an hour.
no one ever knew.

6/22/2009 3:18:32 PM

Yo homes to Bel-Air!

6/22/2009 3:20:17 PM

it doesn't sound like you were too embarassed

6/22/2009 3:20:46 PM

i have a bathroom story too!

i ate something one morning for breakfast that really tore my stomach up. so i was at the office, and instead of using the single bathroom inside my office (and leaving it smelling horrific), i went out to the main hallway to use the bigger bathroom (that has like 3 stalls).

i walked in and sat down and let it rip. and it was loud. fart, plop plop ploooop, faaart...i mean god, it was bad. and of course, it felt good to let loose so i'm all "aaah" and stuff.

so i am done in like a minute, maybe two minutes (cuz shitting never takes long for me) and i'm up and at the sink washing my hands. and then i realize someone was in the stall next to me.

6/22/2009 3:22:22 PM

if your situational awareness is truly that poor I forsee you getting hit by a car sometime in the future

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:23 PM. Reason : op]

6/22/2009 3:22:49 PM

yeah there is nothing embarrassing at all in that story. yes it had potential for catastrophic embarassment but you made it out alive.

6/22/2009 3:22:52 PM

^^^ God you just turned me on.

Oh I once sharted in my office, but no one knew. Ran out to the car, went home, cleaned up, came back inside an hour and.... nothing. I guess that wasn't too embarrassing after all.

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:27 PM. Reason : *]

6/22/2009 3:25:38 PM

^NOT the reaction i was going for

6/22/2009 3:26:48 PM

recently...

gave a presentation in front of about 40 people

Afterward I realize my too long bright yellow tie was sticking about two inches out of my fly the entire time

I made it a point to insert some humor into the speech, but I thought they were laughing a little too heartily

6/22/2009 3:29:20 PM

i get more embarrassed about fucking up stuff like not calling someone back or forgetting to finish a project than i do about farts and stuff

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:30 PM. Reason : ^i bet no one noticed, i just drink sodas and crash out in our conference roon]

6/22/2009 3:29:47 PM

Took a long walk off a short dock.

But I laffed.

6/22/2009 3:30:19 PM

our HS had a bomb threat, so we're all hanging outside while the authorities scoped the school. someone thought it was a wise idea to play Red Rover. this overly excited 15 year old sophmore girl was all, "hell yeah i'll play!!" no other girls stepped up. i didn't seem to think that playing Red Rover with 20 14-19 year old dudes could turn out poorly. 1st play of the game went like this

"Red Rover Red Rover send LK right over!!"
"alright bitches..." I spot my two guys that I will run through in attempt to break their chain.
*runs full steam*
*two dudes raise arms*

I am promptly clotheslined in front of the whole student body.

6/22/2009 3:31:12 PM

Oh yeah I get a lot more embarrassed when I mess up the path in a script that a cronjob's gonna run later on and stuff like that.

6/22/2009 3:31:22 PM

Yeah farts, dookie, piss, cum, blood, stds, etc...thats all stuff everybody goes thru, no big deal

real embarrissing is only the stuff you can control but fuck up anyway, like falling with a full tray of Sbarro in an airport food court

6/22/2009 3:31:35 PM

^oh OK i get it! like walking across the office (a wide open TRADING FLOOR full of people), tripping over absolutely nothing, and falling face first into the carpet, then getting up and having rug burn on my knees and hands? oh and i'm fat, so that makes it extra funny.

true story.

6/22/2009 3:33:22 PM

So I was in myrtle beach in may, and my friends and I decided to go out for dinner then clubbing... I decided to wear these cute seer sucker pants, which I knew had a tiny tiny rip in them. (well, idk if you would really consider it a rip. It was almost as if one layer of the fabric had pulled apart a bit but the other later stayed together.) anyway, I told my friends to not let me drop it.

We got to the club, and LITs were on special for $2 or $3 so of course I took advantage of it, and forgot about said rip.. We were on an elevated part of some stage they had, and I decided to drop down a bit - then immediately felt my pants split!! I had to wait in the bathroom while my friends tried seeing if hard rock cafe had shorts, a skirt, pants, anything! They had nada... So I had to pull my shirt down really far and run to the cab outside, run into wal mart, find a skirt, and change into it without any patrons seeing my bare ass (bc of course, I was wearing a thong).

Then we all laughed and went back to the clubs.

Did I mention I was facing the crowd? That was the worst part. I guess it brought it all on myself! Learned a lesson, that's for sure.

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:35 PM. Reason : oh and the rip was from the top of the pants to the top of my knee]

6/22/2009 3:33:24 PM

i got shanked in middle school. that's nothing major though, but it's all i can remember at the moment.

6/22/2009 3:33:52 PM

my attempts to keep dat 190% drunk Slave Famous from doing anything stupid on the NYC subway at 1 am

6/22/2009 3:35:22 PM

holy shit what kind of hardcore middle school did you go to ?

was it something he carved himself or an actual knife

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:36 PM. Reason : ^ haha I was a superstar that night]

6/22/2009 3:36:12 PM

in sixth grade i wore some loose biker shorts to school,
it turned out to be a very cold day
but the worst part was when i found out that biker shorts werent cool

6/22/2009 3:36:36 PM

Quote :

"dookie, piss, cum, blood, stds"

god.. because there are parts of my building where people could get seriously fucked up, i had to take this 2 or 4 hour presentation/class on bloodborne pathogens last week.

i was shuddering the whole time, to the point where the girl running it started picking on me

fucking cum and blood and hepB living for 96 hours outside the body or whatever

ick

6/22/2009 3:36:58 PM

I know cum lives for at least 72, cuz I heard of this guy busting onto the toilet seat at a Kmart and some other guy sat on it 3 days later and got his ghonarhea

6/22/2009 3:38:32 PM

pfft

he's just embarassed to have caught the ghonna from a dude

6/22/2009 3:39:29 PM

So I rushed to make this blind date at some music festival in Raleigh and brought my new credit card with me. Apparently, SECU had some security breach and had to send out new credit cards to everyone in NC. I met my date at the music festival and ordered two drinks for both of us. Unfortunately, every vendor there is cash only, so I get out my wallet only to realize I have zero cash on me! FML! So I go and wait in the really long ATM line with my date, who just bought our drinks for us, so I already feel like a royal fuckup. Eventually, it's my turn at the ATM, and I enter in my PIN, and it's fucking incorrect. Apparently SECU issued me a new pin as well, durrrrrrr, so I had to call SECU to get my new PIN, had to re-wait in the line again, just to get the cash. That was easily my most embarrasing date ever. Luckily, she was a sweetheart and could tell that it was an honest mistake on my part. Probably one of the top five dumbest things I've ever done on a date. Note to self - it's better to be late and prepared, than on-time and broke.

6/22/2009 3:40:34 PM

wasn't that big of a deal, but i was playing tennis in high school (i think at Bertie for an away match) and it was heavy in the pollen season

i do this massive power 1st serve that hardly ever goes in anyway, but mid-serve i sneezed and the ball went over the fence and hit our school bus about 50 feet behind the fence

6/22/2009 3:40:55 PM

better than a tractor seat I guess

6/22/2009 3:40:57 PM

yougot stabbed with an improvised weapon?

6/22/2009 3:40:58 PM

hahah i actually took notes the whole time, i'll try to remember to bring them home tomorrow and post them

aids only lives for a few minutes or something (dont live your life by that stat, its likely wrong).... but hep and some other stuff lives freaking forever.

the rule is basically treat anything wet like it has aids

6/22/2009 3:41:34 PM

your power serve is about as effective as Brian's pick up lines

6/22/2009 3:41:44 PM

10% like whoa

6/22/2009 3:42:31 PM

Ze baby got lucky on that one

I played the other day and picked up right where I left off

6-3, 6-1 domination

You wants none of this

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:43 PM. Reason : x]

6/22/2009 3:43:29 PM

I once had what I thought was an online girlfriend for my entire sophomore year. She said she lived a another dorm, but we would only chat and stuff but she said she loved me. We would even have fantastic cyber sex every so often. We would make plans to meet on in the library for a study date or outside one of her classes. Many times I would hold a yellow rose so she would know it was me but she never came. She would say she saw me but was too afraid or intimidated my my good looks. We would have the sweetest conversations for hours on end. I planned on asking her to marry me when we finally met.

It turns out she was nothing more than a fake AIM persona made up by the dickhead guys down the hall. The entire floor would get together and make a night of it.

To this day, I still consider her to be one of the most fulfilling online relationships I have ever had. Even if she wasn't real, she was real to me.

6/22/2009 3:44:41 PM

that's hilarious

6/22/2009 3:45:48 PM

shanked is what we called it when somebody ran up behind you and pulled your pants down really fast

is that not the term y'all used?

6/22/2009 3:46:57 PM

Yoked

6/22/2009 3:47:47 PM

shanked, where i come from

[Edited on June 22, 2009 at 3:49 PM. Reason : ha, yanked...words be fuckin w/ my brain]

6/22/2009 3:48:43 PM

shanked is when you get stabbed with a crudely made sharp object

pantsed is when someone pulls down your pants

6/22/2009 3:50:22 PM

pantsed?

seriously?

6/22/2009 3:51:07 PM

yeah thats right

everyone did it

once I got this kid where I snatched his pants and drawers off in one motion and flung them down the hall

ass out with a flopping schlonge

6/22/2009 3:52:36 PM

urbandictionary has 3 listings for shanked:

1. stabbed like SF said
2. pants pulled down
3. missed field goal

6/22/2009 3:53:12 PM

also missed golf shot

6/22/2009 3:54:12 PM

haha i've used "shanked" when i fucked up a cast and sent it sailing in some trees of bushes or something. it'll be headed that way and i'll be like "damn i shanked that one" and grab the line before it gets all tangled up.

6/22/2009 3:56:36 PM

shanked is what we called the pants thing

i always thought the prison thing was shivved, at least the implement is called a shiv. I HAD TONS IN THE PEN

6/22/2009 3:57:57 PM

I once rented a redbox movie for what I thought was unlimited time for $1. When I returned it after over a week, I saw they charged me $1 per night!! Then I made a thread on TWW about how Redbox fucked me over Fkn crooks!

Pretty embarrassing though.

6/22/2009 3:59:32 PM

Add me to the list on "shanked" meaning "pantsed." That's how we always used it in high school, although in college, I started hearing it more often to refer to someone fucking something up. I remember in particular rogueleader saying, "Way to shank it, retard" during Superbowl XL.

6/22/2009 3:59:55 PM

anyone who lived with me in college will tell you, i was the man at NFL blitz for N64

i was unstoppable, it wasnt a question of if i would beat you, but whether or not i would double your score.

this girl from down the hall (may have been stardust, but that was a long time ago) comes in and plays against me, and manages to beat me in overtime on a 2 pt converson. I beat her badly a few times after that, but my friends to this day still bring it up

6/22/2009 4:00:52 PM

while playing middle school football, I had a very small cup, and somebody stole it and the whole team passed it around and laughed their asses off at it

6/22/2009 4:01:46 PM

girls always win at video games, even if they never play them

its just one of those weird things

6/22/2009 4:02:51 PM

JeffreyBSG YOU SHOULD'VE HIT 'EM WITH "IT'S A SMALL CUP, BUT I GIVE FREE REFILLS"

6/22/2009 4:03:32 PM

set em up

6/22/2009 4:03:53 PM