I just sharted in my pants sitting here at my desk. There are people between my office and the restroom. I think it leaked through my pants, as it's been a LOT of water lately. WHAT THE FUCK TO DO? Of course it doesn't help that our office manager is the MILF from hell. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I've been having the butthole pee syndrome all afternoon.

8/26/2009 4:42:42 PM

THE QUARTERBACK
IS
TOAST

8/26/2009 4:43:08 PM

Hurry up and make a thread about it. That's what I'd do.

8/26/2009 4:43:37 PM

This is easy. Take your pants off. Clean yourself up with them and then walk out there in front of the MILF from hell pantsless and let her see that cock.

Problem solved.

8/26/2009 4:46:10 PM

I'm sitting here at my desk with a wad of Kleenex in my pants and a wad outside my pants, hoping to minimize any and all visual signs of such shart.

Meanwhile, half the office has decided to congregate between my office and the facilities.

8/26/2009 4:46:53 PM

nice reference gunzz.

8/26/2009 4:47:16 PM

Good thing you already had your annual review huh

8/26/2009 4:48:25 PM

wow

just

wow

8/26/2009 4:48:32 PM

That really sucks.

8/26/2009 4:48:54 PM

I once sharted at work. Luckily I had an outside door and got to the car with a quickness. It was right at lunch time too so nobody noticed I was gone for that hour.

8/26/2009 4:49:31 PM

Ahahahahahahahahaha

8/26/2009 4:50:18 PM

^^ Damn, that is awful. I can't imagine the car ride home or, even worse, having to stay at work with shit soaked pants in his case.

8/26/2009 4:50:43 PM

i sharted at work a couple weeks ago. i just threw my underwear away in the bathroom trash. luckily it didnt get any further than that.

you, however, are screwed.

good luck.




[Edited on August 26, 2009 at 4:53 PM. Reason : ]

8/26/2009 4:52:03 PM

i have never sharted.

you people need to stop with all the rough anal sex.

8/26/2009 4:54:43 PM

Well thank god I stuffed my britches in time. Just a lil bitty wet spot in back. It's been mostly water with little color to it at all. I think it was this powdered vitamin supplement I took today. Shit is hygroscopic as hell. Leave the lid off of it, and it clumps up in no time.

So I made it to the shitter in record time, all the while maintaining a strategic angle so as to minimize the possibility of my shitspot getting spotted. Luckily MILF was facing a direction that made this entirely possible and not too odd.

8/26/2009 4:57:37 PM

makes me think of zaxby's

8/26/2009 4:58:26 PM

Zaxby's has roughly the same effect on me. Jesus, I feel it brewing again. Oh jeez.

8/26/2009 4:59:31 PM

Quote :

"i have never sharted. you people need to stop with all the rough anal sex."

me either. wtf are you fuckers eating??

8/26/2009 5:00:19 PM

Of course it doesn't help that our office manager is the MILF from hell. you didn't just go to the bathroom.

8/26/2009 5:01:08 PM

enchiladas with mole sauce

8/26/2009 5:01:18 PM

is your boss named becky?

because then as you walk down the hallway a coworker could rat you out by saying

"OH. MY. GOD. Becky, look at his butt. Its just so BROWN"

8/26/2009 5:01:34 PM

http://www.life-enhancement.com/product.asp?SID=1&id=538

I don't think continuing to take this stuff is such a good idea. I hope I can make it home before filling my pants and car seat with warm yellow liquid.

8/26/2009 5:02:58 PM

It isn't enhancing your life, that's for sure.

8/26/2009 5:04:06 PM

Naw. But it sure is cleansing my colon.

8/26/2009 5:04:38 PM

It says it's for memory!

8/26/2009 5:05:07 PM

i agree

wtf is wrong with you people

8/26/2009 5:05:36 PM

Yeah, I'm ADD as hell, and I won't be seeing my doc until next week. yeesh.

8/26/2009 5:05:56 PM

This is proof that most herbal/non-approved meds are just concentrated industrial waste.

8/26/2009 5:06:38 PM

man ive probably shit my pants like 4 times. the best one was on the way to football practice though because I had all my friends in the car with me and we'd turn the heat up all the way to where it felt like it was close to boiling in the car so when we got out, the 100 degree july weather felt less life-threatening in comparison. i think someone got stabbed

8/26/2009 5:07:01 PM

does your chair have wheels?

scoot your ass to the bathroom, maybe improvise a game of office chair hockey to play it off

get in the bathroom and yell GOAL

8/26/2009 5:13:58 PM

IS THIS REAL??

8/26/2009 5:14:41 PM

I think so honestly.

8/26/2009 5:15:12 PM

what the fuck is wrong with you people

8/26/2009 5:22:28 PM

haha i enjoyed this thread

8/26/2009 5:26:05 PM

I was driving today, and almost sharted, but I realized the underlying motives of my asshole just in time, and held it in. Best decision i've made all day.

8/26/2009 5:54:36 PM

Barely made it home in time to make it to my throne. Holy shit.

My butthole is raw.

8/26/2009 5:55:52 PM

Quote :

"i have never sharted. you people need to stop with all the rough anal sex. you people need to stop being 10 year olds and learn to contract your PC muscles with extreme force"

8/26/2009 5:57:04 PM

yeah I hate it when it feels like a fart but is really just shit the whole time

8/26/2009 5:59:18 PM

I appreciate your honesty, zxappeal. I have probably sharted 3-4 times in my lifetime. It has nothing to do with weak PC muscles. When you try to regulate a big fart, but liquid comes out unexpectedly, there's not much you can do.

8/26/2009 6:05:19 PM

heh, I'll do you one better
I was out with the (ex)gf on our anniversary dinner and ordered lamb for the first time. I don't handle rare meat very well and this was bloody. I sharted but didn't realize it at first. when I leaned over and saw the big wet spot on the seat I know I was toast. wiped it with the napkin and took the road less traveled to the bathroom. shit the rest out, then attempted to wash my underwear out. then I put a nice papertowel lining in my underwear. there was still a big brown spot but I untucked my shirt strategically. I played it cool til she finished eating. my girlfriend knew I was up to something and speculated that I had taken some 18" shit and smuggled it home in my pocket only to find that I actually shit myself in the restaurant and made it all the way home without anyone knowing. victory was sweet.

8/26/2009 6:07:44 PM

i can honestly say this has never happened to me

from the description, i can honestly say that i never want it to

8/26/2009 6:09:15 PM

Quote :

"It has nothing to do with weak PC muscles. When you try to regulate a big fart, but liquid comes out unexpectedly, there's not much you can do."

Whenever I have had a similar fart, while just getting ready to let it out and releasing a few cubic mm of gas, I have realized that there is a shit behind it (or sometimes in front of it). And so I contract my PC muscles and not let it out, even if it means holding it for hours.

Nobody else can recognize it? It is called being intimately familiar with your body!

8/26/2009 6:17:21 PM

its not a real shart if you don't have to throw your underwear away

its just that simple

8/26/2009 6:18:18 PM

I don't know what's up with you people. Generally I was under the impression that shitting yourself after the age of 2 (or before the age of 70) was something that happened when you're very sick, not the result of a rather unfortunate fart.

8/26/2009 6:22:02 PM

I've never done it but I've come close. All bowel related gambles are better handled over water.

8/26/2009 6:27:17 PM

8/26/2009 6:32:03 PM

I did this when I was 11 and very sick. I was having diarrhea and finally went to bed. Well suddenly I woke up to this blinding pressure on my a-hole. I was on the top bunk clenching my little cheeks together harder than I ever knew how. On the way down my muscle shifted just enough for my butthole to open a little pinhole size hole. My underwear completely filled within milliseconds. I stood on the ladder stunned for a second and then cried for like 45 minutes over it.

Not since then have I ever been witness to such Hell.

8/26/2009 6:35:20 PM

ahahaha, haha, ahhh

8/26/2009 6:43:50 PM

The wave seems to have subsided. Now I have to go clean the toilet. Dammit.

^gimme tips on designing an LDP deck, f00l.

8/26/2009 6:55:11 PM

sounds like you've gotten too old to control your anal sphincter

or

your gym buddy opened things up and jarred something loose the other night

either way, it's time to switch to Depend

8/26/2009 6:59:21 PM