Ex fiancee moved out, our relationship is over, she has no property in the townhouse and willingly gave me her key when she moved out last week. However, she is still on the lease (we both are on it).

Now she is flipping the fuck out, calling me at all night saying that she wants her key back or she's calling the cops.

She already called the landlord, who came over and made sure that the place was looking good (which it was).

What can I do to get her to just leave me the fuck alone? What are my rights? Do I have to give her a key back? I don't want her fucking with my dog or my shit.

11/19/2010 11:01:20 PM

i have no practical advice for you

but i would like to offer my condolences in this time of distress

11/19/2010 11:03:06 PM

Have you asked her why she wants her key back?

I know this has to be tough. Perhaps you could have a mutual friend act as a mediator. Perhaps she has a legitimate reason for wanting her key. I would think if she is still on the lease she has legal rights to enter the premise.

11/19/2010 11:12:30 PM

on the bright side, this should reinforce how much better off you are without her.

11/19/2010 11:15:02 PM

i'm a lowly 1L and nothing can be construed as true legal advice anyway so i'm only using this as an educational tool to try and come up with some reasonable questions a real lawyer might ask...

how is the rent split? if she pays at all, is she current? When was the last time if any she paid?

what exactly did she say when she gave you the key? write it down exactly! as well as any important conversations you might remember that are relevant

when does the lease run out? what terms are on the lease that might help you out?

also try expertlaw.com and findlaw.com

when i was in college those sites came in very handy with Boone landlords even in undergrad

11/19/2010 11:17:29 PM

sent you a PM. my dad is a lawyer and so is my brothers' step-dad. my dad could give you free advice over the phone. he's dealt with so many situations like this.

[Edited on November 19, 2010 at 11:28 PM. Reason : /]

11/19/2010 11:22:01 PM

Quote :

" Have you asked her why she wants her key back? I know this has to be tough. Perhaps you could have a mutual friend act as a mediator. Perhaps she has a legitimate reason for wanting her key. I would think if she is still on the lease she has legal rights to enter the premise. "

Because she doesn't want to be financially responsible for the place in case I were to do something stupid like destroy the place I live in.

Quote :

" on the bright side, this should reinforce how much better off you are without her. "

very true, she's flyin the crazy train. been calling me all night

Quote :

" i'm a lowly 1L and nothing can be construed as true legal advice anyway so i'm only using this as an educational tool to try and come up with some reasonable questions a real lawyer might ask... how is the rent split? if she pays at all, is she current? When was the last time if any she paid? what exactly did she say when she gave you the key? write it down exactly! as well as any important conversations you might remember that are relevant when does the lease run out? what terms are on the lease that might help you out? also try expertlaw.com and findlaw.com when i was in college those sites came in very handy with Boone landlords even in undergrad "

The bills we had it split up like this, 68% me, 32% her. However, I have already given her back her share of the rent she put in for this month. (she is no longer on the joint account).

She said if I or the landlord didn't give her a key, since she has a right to the property, she will call the cops and they will make me or the landlord give her a key and she can come/go anytime she wants.

lease runs out in May.

Quote :

" sent you a PM. my dad is a lawyer and so is my brothers' step-dad. my dad could give you free advice over the phone. he's dealt with so many situations like this. "

pm replied.

11/19/2010 11:49:22 PM

Have you talked to her and the landlord about taking her off the lease? I mean, she'll probably just flip out because it sounds like she's in that flipping out mood, but offering a practical solution makes you look better if this goes to court for some reason.

Or just give her a key, change the locks, and don't tell anyone. It probably won't cost you more than $30. If she calls you on it then you can call her on being a crazy bitch who is trying to snoop through your stuff. If she doesn't then you're probably good whether she tries to visit the place or not.

[Edited on November 19, 2010 at 11:56 PM. Reason : s]

11/19/2010 11:54:18 PM

google ouster

11/20/2010 12:18:35 AM

As a practical matter until you get real legal advice from a lawyer, I would do ^^ or just not give her the key.

On principle, if she has no property in the house and she is not paying rent, she doesn't need to be in there and I wouldn't let her in there.

On a side note, why are you afraid of a crazy person? Don't let her histrionics affect your rational thought. She wants you to respond and take her seriously, which is exactly what you are doing.

[Edited on November 20, 2010 at 8:29 AM. Reason : .]

11/20/2010 8:25:19 AM

I'm not letting her in nor am I going to give her a key. She has no purpose for being here.

I'm not really afraid of her, but more of I don't want her to do something nefarious. I wouldn't put it past her at this point to turn this into a domestic issue. She's crazy. I almost wouldn't put it past her to do something to herself and then blame me for it.

I just don't want to be in a situation where anything retarded could happen. I seriously just want her out of my life. Which is what I told her at the end of our last phone call last night. After that, she finally stopped calling me.

11/20/2010 8:49:43 AM

Your best avenue is to speak with the landlord and have her removed as soon as possible from the lease. If she voluntarily moved out, and you refunded her rent money, she will have no claim to contesting the change of the lease. Her signature will not even need to be on the new/modified one. You won't even need her present, just sent her a certified letter in the mail with a copy of the modifications removing her from the lease. When you're dealing with anything that can become a legal issue (I don't think it's to that point yet), you want to make sure you have proof that she's received your communication, etc.

11/20/2010 10:10:09 AM

Quote :

"Because she doesn't want to be financially responsible for the place in case I were to do something stupid like destroy the place I live in. "

Exactly. Talk to the landlord, they can do whatever they want and will probably be happy to help you out. Just understand that they too will want some protection, so if she donated anything towards the security deposit, mail her a certified letter and check for her share with "refund of security deposit in full" in the memo. If she signs and cashes the check, it becomes an enforceable contract terminating the relationship for both sides.

That said, she has nothing to complain about. Her having a key does not protect her from any liability. If anything, her having a key puts her more at risk because then she could not argue she vacated the apartment before the damages occurred. You should have had the landlord modify the lease when they did the walk-through. You don't need a new lease, just cross out the ex-fiancee's name and both you and the landlord initial next to it. If you want to be uber-complete, include a copy of the modified lease in the certified letter to your fiancee.

Whatever you do, do not give her a key. The most the police could do is make you let her in to get her stuff, of which you have none.

[Edited on November 20, 2010 at 2:54 PM. Reason : ^]

11/20/2010 2:49:46 PM

yeah I'm not giving her a key. and I'm wanting the landlord to change the lease.

we'll see what happens. I've not heard from her since last night after telling her "I just want you out of my life".

11/20/2010 8:12:57 PM

I just don't understand why people like her are such idiots. Why can't she just gracefully bow out of your life? Why so much drama, doesn't she just realize she's only making herself look insane?

Last night my fiance and I called it off, I'm packing and flying out tomorrow morning to stay with my family for a few months and have some time apart. We're both very civil about it, we had a nice sit down and a cup of tea to talk about it again this morning. Do I want us to break up? Hell no, but am I going to jump onto the crazy train and maybe ruin any sort of credible evidence that I'm an adult, fuck no.

11/21/2010 11:04:05 AM

You had a "nice sit down and a cup of tea" as you broke up with your fiancee? WTF?

11/21/2010 11:17:10 AM

no, the next day^ but the break up was just as civil.

11/21/2010 11:20:44 AM

I still don't understand how there can be no emotion involved.

"Hey, it's not working out, I'm calling this wedding off."

"I hear that you want to call this off. I accept your emotional sentiment, and see that it is the rational. I suppose we should talk logistics, now. I'll move out, no need for conflict there. "


WTF MINKA?

[Edited on November 21, 2010 at 11:29 AM. Reason : no wonder it was called off--you must be emotionless, cold, and a deadfish in bed]

11/21/2010 11:28:20 AM

Some people are better at accepting reality than others. If it won't work out and they both see it, there should be no drama trying to hang on to failure.

11/21/2010 11:32:12 AM

I'd agree, but I think a break up going as even keeled as an NPR segment is a little off.

11/21/2010 11:37:20 AM

my condolences

also, you can't make a hoe into a housewife, or something along those lines.

11/21/2010 1:17:54 PM

yeah actually the whole breaking up deal, and her moving out was relatively drama free. Except till now, which I'm sure everyone can tell is fucking awesome.

11/21/2010 1:47:48 PM

i can't wait for the third thread in this series

good tww itt

11/21/2010 2:01:53 PM

Sometimes you guys kill me. If a woman acts all emotional and dramatic, you call her crazy, like with Raiden's ex, but if she's actually civil and acts like an adult with a break-up, like Minka, you call her cold and dead in bed. I mean, take your pick.

As for personal experience, the last guy I broke up (well over 3 years ago), was the most drama-free I ever had. I just sat him down one dayand told him I was reluctant he should move to Durham, because I didn't think the relationship was going to make it long-term. We were just too different in lifestyle and beliefs. He dropped off my stuff several weeks later and that was that.

11/21/2010 3:48:52 PM

+1 for talking to the landlord and see if he'll let you sign an amended lease.

11/21/2010 4:14:43 PM

Quote :

"no wonder it was called off--you must be emotionless, cold, and a deadfish in bed"

I think you are confusing civil and calm with being void of emotion and cold. The break-up and moving out is hard enough without any added drama.

11/21/2010 5:56:09 PM

pay landlord to change locks and give that b her key back...

also, if the landlord is on your side then he should be able to change the lease.

11/21/2010 8:04:06 PM

did my dad help you with this?

11/21/2010 11:02:36 PM

yeah we talked and he gave me some good advice. I'll be calling him probably tuesday or wednesday again to check out some documentation.

Thanks RachelMarie.

11/22/2010 8:25:38 AM

I went through a break-up when both of our names were on the lease.

Our landlord just required her to show up at the office and put it in writing to have her name taken off the lease, which she did. I also had to sign off that I agreed to release her from the lease, which I did.

Try that route.

[Edited on November 22, 2010 at 9:56 AM. Reason : a]

11/22/2010 9:54:10 AM

That's what I wanted to do and thought that was going to happen, but then she got lawyers involved.

So after speaking with the landlord, he's removing her from the lease. I'm hoping that this is the end of it. I'm tired of dealing with her.

11/24/2010 9:32:16 AM

pro tip - go fuck her best friend.

11/24/2010 2:10:26 PM

she got lawyers involved?

11/24/2010 2:31:28 PM

Quote :

"but then she got lawyers involved. "

wtf

11/24/2010 2:42:42 PM

she has the crazyitis

11/24/2010 3:17:48 PM

thanks to your thread, I have learned that if im going to live with a girlfriend, not to put her name on the lease.

gracias amigo

11/24/2010 3:21:38 PM

yeah did I forget to mention that one? After she called me threatening the cops on me if I didn't give her a key, she went to an attorney (that her parents had hired) and threatened the landlord with a lawsuit.

The crazy part was that me and the landlord were already talking about how to remove her from the lease, and how to go about it properly so that it would be legal. She didn't even need to use lawyers.

Anyway, after started saying she had claim to the security deposit on the place (which she didn't), the landlord said that since he had to go consult an attorney and put up with everything she brought forth, then the deposit is gone. I can still get it later, but he ain't lettin her have it.

Yeah, the lesson here is to not be co-owner/co-leaser of anything with anyone for any reason without some sort of legal protection.

11/24/2010 3:55:02 PM

Why would she want to leave her name on the lease? technically you could just bail and she would be responsible for half of it, or they could even try to get all of it out of her if they couldn't track you down. In fact, in this situation if it goes to collections, I think it hits both of your credit reports for the full amount.

If she were smart, she would have demanded to be taken off the lease.

11/24/2010 4:40:22 PM

chock full of cray-cray

11/24/2010 4:44:50 PM

^^ I think she's pretty much proven herself not smart

11/24/2010 5:22:48 PM

Quote :

"chock full of cray-cray"

11/24/2010 6:03:47 PM

she misses you and also hates you at the same time. Eventually this will all pass. Part of coping is anger.

11/24/2010 7:00:05 PM

I'd recommend this guy for help, he seems legit.

http://www.attorneycjones.com/profile.html

11/25/2010 2:07:04 AM

Good luck dealing with this. I hope that the lawyer situation is cleared up and she is removed from the lease.

What is she trying to gain out of all of this? I still don't quite understand after reading the thread. All I've gathered is that she still wants access to the property so she can make sure you don't destroy it which doesn't make any sense at all since you still live there and (hopefully) wouldn't destroy it.

If she literally has no property in the house why the fuck is she trying to gain access. She wants to destroy the place while you're gone and blame it on you somehow.

11/25/2010 9:12:48 AM

She wants to be back in his life. It's a crazy control thing. She's not firing on all cylinders.

11/25/2010 1:29:50 PM

^yep exactly. I've had to shake some crazies like this before. Man is it a while ride. I'm happy I can look back know and chuckle about it

11/25/2010 3:36:26 PM

Do not give her a key.

the landlord does not have a right to withhold security deposit because he chose to seek and pay for legal advice. What she does not have a right to do is seek her deposit back before the lease is up. If she is owed deposit, then you must give it to her, not the landlord.

11/25/2010 7:32:09 PM

Quote :

"thanks to your thread, I have learned that if im going to live with a girlfriend, not to put her name on the lease. gracias amigo"

you should've learned to just not get so involved with the cray-cray

11/25/2010 8:26:18 PM

yeah, cray cray is not good.

so yeah, the landlord removed her from lease, all is settled now. I'm glad to be done with this shit.

11/25/2010 10:54:02 PM

Hopefully she'll leave you alone now and you can go about your happy life.

11/26/2010 10:22:26 PM