*Relationship Advice*

-Probably the worst place to ask, but I need a second opinion...

So two years ago I was home from NCSU on Christmas break...met a beautiful girl from the same county, but went to a different high school growing up. she was super cool, we hit it off, began fucking and hung out for about 3 months. She visited me in Raleigh and I would sneak home on random nights and wknds to be with her. She is incredibly sexy, was a ring side girl for mma fights and a charlotte checkers dancer. The downside is she never has really left home, got a nursing degree from community college and works at the local hospital. Her mindset is different from most others in our town though, but she's never had the means to get out and travel/explore/grow as an individual....after our first few months together I began hearing rumors of her hanging around some local cop. Sure enough we talked later and she cant do the long distance thing, needs companionship etc. etc. I was upset, but brushed it off, living at the beach there were tons of rebound girls. Regardless, it sucked and I missed her. I think about her often...To this day I've never felt so connected to any girl and she said the same of me...I even get random text messages after all this time from her telling how she's thinking of me....

Since then we have never talked in person. I've never felt as strongly towards anyone in my life and I called her to tell her this as I felt that was important to lay out. She cried and said she felt the same way and was intimidated by her strong feelings towards me, but just couldn't do long distance so she chose to be with a local guy...(a lame ass, juice-head cop)

I show up, back home, last weekend...since having joined the military as a reservist, earned a college degree, and coming home to take over the family business. Just got word I'm leaving for a 6 month deployment to Iraq in February though, so I call her to see if she would like to go out for a night. She said yes, we go out to a local bar and have a kick ass time and totally reconnect. My buddies thought she was coming home w me that night, but...she's still with her boyfriend...


In the last week I've been back at the coast preparing things for my move back home...she's called me every night to talk and catch up. We talk 30min a night at least.... We made plans to hang out last night, but her current bf found out and got pissed. Rescheduled for tonight, show up at the bar and her fucking, douche bag cop boyfriend is there with her staring me down....Obviously we couldn't hang in front of him, but she texted me all night while sitting beside him....she wants to meet up tomorrow...says she misses me, always has a blast chillin with me etc. etc. She initiated all conversations, i never once called her...

Is she just wanting attention and leading me on or is this for real? I rarely have a problem with women, and hate drama, but this is confusing the shit out of me...should I be upfront with her about my feelings? Her bf is jacked and a cop, but I will gladly put up a good fight if it comes down to it. Can girls like this ever be trusted? am I wasting my time on a small town girl who's never gotten out of town much? Should I trust my strong feelings and work for this?

* Girls advice greatly appreciated.......

9/25/2011 3:23:11 AM

Sounds like a waste of time to me.

9/25/2011 3:28:29 AM

I'm kind of upset.

If you stand back for one second and put yourself in the cops place, you'll understand the whole situation.


Him and her are boyfriend/girlfriend
You're the douchebag that calls his girl and wants to hook up
Her and you keep talking behind his back. Your intentions are to steal his girl.
He finds out and tells her he's coming with her out to dinner (to meet you, the douchebag, and stare him down hoping he gets the hint)
Douchebag never gets the hint.


Now that we know you're the douchebag... let's talk about her.

You're going to be in a relationship with this girl knowing that she talks to guys behind your back. You're going to be in the same predicament as the cop. Trust is going to fade. You know she is hot. You know men are going to hit on her. You know men are relentless. You know men don't care about you as long as they get their dick wet. You know she is able to be wooed by flirtatious words.


Why in the world would you want to put yourself in the cop's shoes.

[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 4:16 AM. Reason : .]

9/25/2011 4:15:42 AM

So you're trying to get this girl to cheat on her boyfriend even though you know she can't do the long distance thing? Is Iraq more or less distance from her than where you used to live?

Quote :

"Obviously we couldn't hang in front of him, but she texted me all night while sitting beside him"

That is so unbelievably shitty. I get it, you don't like this other guy (as if you even have an objective stance on the matter). He's an actual human being. Be a fucking man and respect his relationship.

9/25/2011 6:21:53 AM

This is going to go well.

9/25/2011 6:47:55 AM

PS: A girl that will cheat for you, will cheat on you.

9/25/2011 6:55:48 AM

Girls' Opinion: ^

She's not an honest person. She's yanking your chain. She loves how you make her feel, but she's too selfish to be honest with you or her boyfriend.

A dishonest person rarely changes into an honest person. She'll have honesty issues her entire life. And the people around her will suffer.

Sorry.

9/25/2011 7:58:25 AM

If you want drama and trouble, this one would be a good option. Otherwise, run like hell.

9/25/2011 9:25:32 AM

^^ totally agree

9/25/2011 9:29:02 AM

I have to agree with GeniuSxBoY.

Plus, if this girl really wanted to be with you, especially now that you're coming home, she'd dump the boyfriend and go straight for you. But it hasnt happened and will never happen. She is comfortable with the cop boyfriend and it sounds like he plays a somewhat blind eye to her hijinks.

It's not worth it - not even worth being friends with her.

9/25/2011 9:50:33 AM

What everyone else has said is spot on.


Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. Cut all ties or you will keep on getting your heart yanked around.


in this case, run....run far far away.

9/25/2011 10:05:29 AM

Quote :

"Her bf is jacked and a cop, but I will gladly put up a good fight if it comes down to it."

you're seriously willing to get your ass kicked over some hoebag? she doesn't want you; she just wants the attention. you should have figured this out by the facts that she's a ringside MMA girl and a semipro sports cheerleader, not just because of all the things she does right in front of you that point to that conclusion.

If you'd think of this from a perspective other than she's hot and you want to get your dick wet, you'd run like hell and not even respond to her text messages ever again. there are no good possible outcomes to this situation.

9/25/2011 10:17:48 AM

Yea, it is a pretty shitty situation I guess...thanks for the advice

Also, I'm normally not the type to try to steal girls or ruin relationships. I'm usually the "nice guy", which doesn't pan out very well. However, when me and this girl originally dated he moved in on her knowing we were together. She told him several times that we were dating, but he kept pushing. With me living a few hours away and being in college I couldn't give her the attention she needed I guess and eventually she got with the cop. So I see this situation as Karma and I don't feel bad or shitty about it for one second.

I don't know if it's a pride thing and my subconscious male ego wants to reclaim what was "mine" or if I actually want this to work out. She's a damn good girl and deserves good things in life. This guy is not it...

9/25/2011 10:24:08 AM

^^ this

couldn't agree more

avoid attn: whores

[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 10:25 AM. Reason : e]

9/25/2011 10:24:54 AM

Quote :

"avoid attn: whores"

9/25/2011 10:30:42 AM

This seems slightly relevant to this discussion:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-gauvain/post_2388_b_970586.html

And it doesn’t seem like she’s “officially” cheated yet anyway.

And you can’t blame a woman for staying with the stable guy vs. the risky guy. It sucks to have a bf going away for 6 months + at a time to a war zone.

You can’t ask her to change her lifestyle around for Tarpon, just like she couldn’t expect Tarpon to change his (or can she…).

9/25/2011 10:51:07 AM

While I wholly agree with and would echo almost every response in this thread, the thing that worried me most (of course compounded by earlier points) is that she's an impressionable small town girl....trust me, I've been there. You're an amazing catch, different from anything she's ever come across in her limited world-view. What do you think is gonna happen when you sweep her away to "show her the world" and she's just as impressed by all the other new people she meets? Now I'm not trying to say you aren't the bee's knees but given her behavior she's not gonna realize that before a lot of experimenting, texting, and fucking up behind your back. Not worth it and you can always do better, IMO. You'll forever have those nagging doubts about what she's doing while you're overseas or working long nights...that in itself will tear up a relationship

9/25/2011 10:56:37 AM

9/25/2011 10:56:38 AM

^^that pretty much, has been my exact line of thinking.

I hate drama and usually avoid it as much as possible, but this has been fucking with my head. Thanks for the voice of reason guys...I really do appreciate it.

9/25/2011 11:12:28 AM

Quote :

"a lame ass, juice-head cop"

Quote :

"douche bag cop boyfriend"

Quote :

"Her bf is jacked and a cop"

Why does her boyfriend's occupation bother you so much? Just seems like you have a derogatory definition of the word cop. I'm simply curious...


[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 11:25 AM. Reason : .]

9/25/2011 11:24:51 AM

He is trying to justify his actions in whatever means he can. It doesn't matter how she is acting, or how he is acting, you're trying to put yourself between two people already in a relationship.

9/25/2011 11:29:30 AM

Quote :

"I don't know if it's a pride thing and my subconscious male ego wants to reclaim what was "mine" or if I actually want this to work out. She's a damn good girl and deserves good things in life. This guy is not it... "

do you really think you're the only guy she's ever pulled this stunt with? do you even know the guy you're talking shit about, or do you just assume that cop = asshole?

9/25/2011 11:41:14 AM

Edit: ^this. I'd be willing to stake a lot on it. You aren't the first, you aren't the last, and you likely aren't the only one at the moment. These types of girls just live to have multiple guys chasing after them at any given point. That gives them some strange sense of self-worth. I'm also guessing the 'asshole' use comes from 1) jealousy and 2) things that she has told him about how horrible he is to her..... most of which probably aren't even true, she just knows it'll keep you on the hook to really believe she's "stuck"

As already mentioned, don't do it.

The fact that she sits there and texts you sweet nothings right beside of him should tell you alot about her. Also, The fact that she's still with him even though she (claims) she's not happy with him...uh huh. Right now i'm sure you're 'exciting', 'new' and 'wrong'...which it seems like she likes. You date her for awhile, and it's likely she'll have some 'new and exciting' secret flirt.

It's also possible she's happy with her current boyfriend and she just hopes to keep you hanging around in case they break up. Maybe she likes the attention you give her? When you said she 'needs companionship'...I've always thought that was a red flag and a huge cop-out (no pun intended).

Take it from experience. The hotter they are, the harder it usually is. If you take away how pretty this girl is, she sounds like she's not that good of a person and not the type of person you want to be with. No matter how hot they are, it's not worth it to be screwed around on if feelings are involved. You could easily be her current boyfriend, and you're kidding yourself if you think 'our relationship is special...she's just not happy currently' and that'll never happen to you.


[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 11:50 AM. Reason : ]

9/25/2011 11:45:30 AM

Quote :

"I couldn't give her the attention she needed"

and you never will

9/25/2011 11:53:18 AM

Quote :

"However, when me and this girl originally dated he moved in on her knowing we were together. She told him several times that we were dating, but he kept pushing. With me living a few hours away and being in college I couldn't give her the attention she needed I guess and eventually she got with the cop. "

this is bad. It's not like this guy is some abnormality. She's hot, therefore she will constantly get attention from other men. If she can't handle male attention and remain faithful to you when you're 2 hours away, she definitely won't be able to if you're 2,000 miles away.

get out!

9/25/2011 11:53:23 AM

I'd rethink the decision to fuck around with a jacked cop's girlfriend.

Hot chicks are a dime a dozen; finding one who isn't crazy, can cook, and is intelligent is another story. Luckily I've scooped up one for myself

9/25/2011 11:58:30 AM

don't be that guy.

forget her, move on - she's a skank.

and thank you for your service

9/25/2011 12:07:45 PM

I agree with the other girls on this, no, don't do it.

Attention whores are usually younger, immature and inexperienced in the ways of the world. And, the hotter they are, the crazier they can get away with be being. This is a well known fact. The girls with more average looks tend to have better personalities . Do you want "wifey" material or "fuck buddy" material? Something else to think about.

My sentiment should be you should deploy, come back, then think about finding another nice girl with less drama. She's there somewhere.

And, I'm also not really sure of military vs. cop problem. Maybe because I never really hung out with either group I don't get the dynamics? I've seen both kinds be bulls and meatheads on different occasions.

9/25/2011 12:13:25 PM

Quote :

"It's also possible she's happy with her current boyfriend and she just hopes to keep you hanging around in case they break up. Maybe she likes the attention you give her? When you said she 'needs companionship'...I've always thought that was a red flag and a huge cop-out (no pun intended). "

Maybe she likes the attention her boyfriend is giving her. She's probably using you as a pawn so her boyfriend will pay more attention to her and do things for her that maybe he wouldn't have done prior to him knowing you were hanging around her.

End result: she is using you and has no regard to your feelings. Like I mentioned earlier, if she wanted to be with you, she would end things with the boyfriend and be with you. And she hasn't and she won't. It's like people who have affairs outside of their marriage and tell the person they're leaving their spouse for them. 9 times out of 10 that doesn't happen.

9/25/2011 12:19:49 PM

sound advice itt

get out and save face...and the douchebag cop you hate so much will get his when she cheats on him with somebody else.

9/25/2011 12:37:30 PM

If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. That simple.

9/25/2011 1:05:26 PM

GeniuSxBoY nailed it, along with the posts after his I'd imagine (though I didn't check).

The old adage, essentially:
"A woman that cheated on her husband to marry you, will cheat on her husband."

[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 1:42 PM. Reason : The end will not justify the means.]

9/25/2011 1:41:30 PM

Quote :

"Why does her boyfriend's occupation bother you so much? Just seems like you have a derogatory definition of the word cop. I'm simply curious..."

I don't mind the police...but I don't like this guy. He's the stereotypical small town cop who could never do anything with his life and became an LEO so he could act tough. I've heard the dude openly brag about beating up black kids and how fun it is to pepper spray people. He's going nowhere in life and at thirty years old (6yrs older than us) making less than $30 grand per year. He can't afford to do anything nice for her...I just think she deserves better, but doesn't have the means or will power to improve her situation.

Ya'll are right though, she doesn't have a very good track record and obviously is only worried about herself despite anyone else's feelings. I don't think I could trust her while I'm deployed and I don't need that clouding my head while I'm over there. Shit will naturally work its way out I suppose, I'm not going to be the instigator here.

I woke up this morning to more texts from her...I think we are going to have a serious talk about this tonight and I will let her know I can't continue doing this anymore....

Thanks so much for the advice. You guys are awesome

9/25/2011 1:58:01 PM

P.S. You said she's a nurse? I'm assuming an LPN based on your ages, maybe an RN if she got her associate's...either way tell her to go back to school for her next degree up (ADN or BSN) and GTFO of the small town.

9/25/2011 2:28:18 PM

Quote :

"PS: A girl that will cheat for you, will cheat on you."

amen

9/25/2011 3:02:56 PM

Quote :

""

9/25/2011 3:16:15 PM

Quote :

"after our first few months together I began hearing rumors of her hanging around some local cop. Sure enough we talked later"

Quote :

"PS: A girl that will cheat for you, will cheat on you"

Sounds like she already did once?

9/25/2011 3:58:10 PM

Quote :

"He's an actual human being. Be a fucking man and respect his relationship."

lol at this

9/25/2011 7:25:34 PM

Tell her to drop the relationship or else you walk

If she doesnt want to drop him then get over her and find someone else.

Its as easy as that

9/25/2011 7:36:38 PM

Quote :

"Her bf is jacked and a cop, but I will gladly put up a good fight if it comes down to it."

You're gonna get harassed so bad. Better plan to never go over the speed limit in that town

9/25/2011 7:37:05 PM

This hoe is absolutely not worth it, btw. She will cheat on you the first weekend you're deployed.

She needs companionship. The douchebag cop hung out with her. He won her over. She eventually realized he was a complete tool and doesn't make jack shit for money. She hears you're not only back, but now you have money, a degree, and a much better personality.

Either way, first weekend you're out, the cop is coming over to hang out.




Why can smart guys be so fucking stupid about women.

[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 7:44 PM. Reason : lkj]

9/25/2011 7:41:17 PM

Quote :

"Cut all ties"

I repeat

Quote :

"Cut all ties"

It's the only way you will get over this broad

9/25/2011 8:41:20 PM

P.P.S. Surely you can't find another girl in the military who has no drama/less baggage, and is cute enough to bwn? None of this ringside girl/cheerleader nonsense.

Women are all about hotness until age 25 or so, then they start wanting stability/good personality/husband material. Keep that in mind when looking for one (been there, done that).

[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 10:30 PM. Reason : can't spell when drunk, durr]

9/25/2011 10:29:21 PM

Even if you two start dating again, once you are deployed and she needs dicattention, she will go back to the cop or the next guy in line.

9/25/2011 11:55:21 PM

My thinking is that if she really wanted something more than friendship, she would have already left the boyfriend.

9/26/2011 1:13:25 AM

read the first post, didn't read anything else and the verdict is...PASS

come on, this "perfect" girl is willing to hang out with you, knowing y'all have a connection, even though she has a boyfriend...that just SCREAMS trust to you? yuck

this won't end well

9/26/2011 7:49:52 AM

she's fucking with your head man, walk the fuck away.

9/26/2011 9:31:43 AM

Quote :

"She's not an honest person. She's yanking your chain. She loves how you make her feel, but she's too selfish to be honest with you or her boyfriend. A dishonest person rarely changes into an honest person. She'll have honesty issues her entire life. And the people around her will suffer."

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

One of my very dear friends pulls this sort of shit on the guys she dates alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time. The dudes end up getting hurt and she acts like she can't understand why. I love her but I don't understand for the life of me why guys put up with her drama llama bullshit. She must be an expert at sucking cock or something.

9/26/2011 11:22:12 AM

ive been in this situation.

lets be real here-

he just needs to find an excuse to keep fucking her.

9/26/2011 1:47:54 PM

Quote :

"he just needs to find an excuse to keep fucking her"

is he fucking her? I thought they were just talking on the phone and he was showing up at the place where her BF and her were out

9/26/2011 1:57:38 PM