I have struggled with bulimia since I was 14. Please ask all questions you may have regarding the topic. I can answer as best as possible, even if my answer doesn't seem rational. I'm an open book.

10/15/2012 10:55:11 PM

what kind of condition are your teeth in from the repeated exposure to stomach acids? (serious question, I heard once that it has an effect)

10/15/2012 10:57:26 PM

My teeth are terrible. Not sure if its from the eating disorder or not. My front, top teeth are both crowned though. I think I have 5-6 natural teeth in my mouth.

Of course, my dentist is really good, so hopefully no one can tell.

10/15/2012 11:02:28 PM

What was (or is) your motivation?

Are you in a treatment program? What type of program is it?

10/15/2012 11:11:28 PM

The motivation is a mystery. I'm not sure why I do this. I always blame it on my body image, even if that's not the case. It's usually more deep-seated issue that makes me want to binge, but I blame it on feeling fat.

I am on meds right now and have seen both a couselor and a psychologist. I have been pretty good about not purging the past few months.

[Edited on October 15, 2012 at 11:23 PM. Reason : ]

10/15/2012 11:19:59 PM

For a few years I binged - never puked, though So...not sure if that's a thing or not

10/15/2012 11:21:11 PM

Just binging is a thing also. I do that sometimes.

10/15/2012 11:24:56 PM

That...sounds terrible

10/15/2012 11:25:51 PM

What prompted the thread?

10/15/2012 11:51:11 PM

Is treatment relatively recent, or have you been receiving some sort of treatment over the course of the disease?

(is disease the right word? disorder?)

10/15/2012 11:54:11 PM

I first admitted to having an eating disorder last year. I first asked for medical treatment in May of this year.

10/15/2012 11:57:44 PM

What got you to the point of admitting you had an eating disorder?

10/15/2012 11:59:30 PM

I decided to make the thread to give me some accountability, and to "talk" about it instead of the alternative.

I decided to talk about my issues when I felt so obaessive about my it. There wadls a point where I no longer felt in control.

10/16/2012 12:05:56 AM

Do you remember when/where this first started?

10/16/2012 12:38:50 AM

Do you think the treatment has helped? Or is it just a coincidence that you've recently reduced the purging?

10/16/2012 1:50:10 AM

kudos on going public with your disorder. good luck overcoming it!!

10/16/2012 6:18:54 AM

Let us know if there is any additional support we can offer.

As you know some will be a douche just for fun (kinda sick I know) but there are some really great people on here too that will help if you need us too.

10/16/2012 6:27:54 AM

Quote :

"Do you remember when/where this first started?"

It first started the summer between 8th & 9th grade. In middle school, I started having anxiety issues to the point where I would puke every morning if there was anything on my stomach. I got so used to do this that puking wasn't a big deal. I first started using it because I thought it was a good way to be able to eat whatever I wanted. However, that doesn't even make sense because I never really counted calories or anything. I only binged/purged on occasion from then until a few years ago when it got worse. The last year I was married, and the first year of my separation/divorce (this past year), it became a real problem.

Quote :

"Do you think the treatment has helped? Or is it just a coincidence that you've recently reduced the purging?"

I think that realizing I needed to go to treatment has helped more than anything. But I am taking an anti-depressant which has helped a lot. Eating disorders are very much a type of anxiety and depression. I work hard to not purge because I know that it harms my body both mentally and physically. But it is a "high" that I can't explain, and there is always a pull to do it again.

Quote :

"As you know some will be a douche just for fun (kinda sick I know) but there are some really great people on here too that will help if you need us too."

Yeah, I expected this. To be honest, I have been thinking about making this thread for a while, but I had a few drinks in me last night when I actually created it. I needed a bit of liquid courage. But I figured there will be dicks.

10/16/2012 9:06:39 AM

Quote :

"But it is a "high" that I can't explain, and there is always a pull to do it again."

Your "high" is likely the relief you feel from the anxiety. Your anxiety builds up and purging gives you a sense of control and ability to relieve your anxiety.

Good luck your therapy.

10/16/2012 10:14:33 AM

^ That's probably true, but it's also been found that endorphins can be released during a binge/purge cycle that can also have a substantial effect on desire to continue doing so. This probably explains why I tend to have binge/purge cycles. For example, I usually will do this a few days in a row once I break-down and binge/purge once.

Quote :

"What prompted the thread?"

I didn't fully answer this question. I started the thread, not to be an attention whore, but to give people insight on what a person with an eating disorder feels. A little over a year ago, I would deny having a disorder at all. I would say that I don't purge enough that it would be considered problematic. I'm assuming many girls are like this, so people don't get much insight on the life of a person with an eating disorder. Also, I wanted to raise awareness on the disorder overall. I doubt people would thing I have a disorder. I'm not stick-skinny, I workout, I'm pretty social, etc. So you never know who might be affected by this stuff.

10/16/2012 10:38:18 AM

A couple of my best childhood friends have been through this...

Anorexia too, it's no joke; good luck to you in your recovery.

Have doctors indicated if you have any permanent damage done to your body?

10/16/2012 11:01:30 AM

How much of it is weight/looks motivated?

Do you find yourself looking in the mirror a lot, looking for flaws?

Do you weigh yourself a lot?

Did you or do you keep track of weight at all and if so what was the lowest you weighed?

[Edited on October 16, 2012 at 11:50 AM. Reason : also, I'm glad you're okay. keep up the good work! ]

10/16/2012 11:49:35 AM

^are you the person who used to tout the benefits of anorexia and bulimia, or am i thinking of someone else?

10/16/2012 11:57:19 AM

Quote :

"Have doctors indicated if you have any permanent damage done to your body?"

Not physical damage like esophagus issues. My teeth aren't in the best shape, but they never have been. I do think that has an impact on things like my metabolism. But I am not sure. I think that people who have severe health issues have been doing it longer and more frequently than I have.

Quote :

"How much of it is weight/looks motivated?"

I can't really answer that. I will always say it's only weight related, but it's not the truth. Often I really don't even know why I do it. Sometimes I will have an awesome day, and go home and have the severe urge to binge/purge.

Quote :

"Do you find yourself looking in the mirror a lot, looking for flaws?"

I look in the mirror every time I am in my bathroom, or at the work bathroom. Sometimes I like what I see, sometimes I don't.
To answer your question more honestly... I don't have to look for flaws. They are there.

Quote :

"Do you weigh yourself a lot?"

About every other day. I never weigh anytime after I've eaten breakfast though. And Monday is my "weigh-in" day, which is the weight I track.

Quote :

"what was the lowest you weighed?"

Highest (recorded): 181
Lowest: 117
Current: 136
I am 5'5"

I would really like to be 125 again, but it's very hard for me to lost weight right now.

[Edited on October 16, 2012 at 12:26 PM. Reason : ]

10/16/2012 12:18:58 PM

must be someone else...

There are no "benefits" to extremes like anorexia or bulimia. I've seen it destroy lives and families and have had to spend years listening to a family member purge on the other side of a bathroom door. it's a helpless feeling when you don't understand how someone like my family member could do this to themselves. But I'm so glad NCSUHippie can provide some insight in to why someone might do this. In my family, we're not allowed to really talk about it. I'm also glad she's doing okay, I hope she has a good support system in her life.

10/16/2012 12:20:14 PM

ha ok!

10/16/2012 12:26:59 PM

Don't have any questions, I just want to say good luck and thanks for starting this dialogue.

10/16/2012 12:27:30 PM

When you binge, why do you do it? What is your relationship with food? Do you really enjoy food, and what kinds of food do you tend to binge on? How much do you eat during these episodes, approximately?

After a binge, do you feel guilty? Are those feelings of guilt what drive you to purge? If so, have you considered other ways to counteract the negative effects (weight gain, mainly) of a binge?

10/16/2012 12:30:00 PM

Do you think there is any good way for someone who sees a friend with this kind of problem, but who doesn't accept it as a problem, to help them realize they need help?

It was really hard watching you deny that you had issues, but I didn't know what to do other than try to support you with healthy thoughts. I am proud of you for how far you have come.

10/16/2012 12:36:59 PM

How long have you been on meds? Have you tried more than one type/cocktail? Has your psychiatrist mentioned giving other options a try?

10/16/2012 12:44:00 PM

Quote :

"When you binge, why do you do it? What is your relationship with food? Do you really enjoy food, and what kinds of food do you tend to binge on? How much do you eat during these episodes, approximately?"

I binge because I like food, and somehow it makes me feel better. Often I don't realize I'm binging until I'm "into" it. Like, I will be cooking something and start taking tastes to make sure it's ok. Then I will start eating other things around the kitchen. Once I realize that a full on binge will occur, I know I will purge and I decide on what I want to eat from there.

I love food. I usually eat pretty healthy. However there are occasions where I end up with chocolate or cookies at my place and I will often give in after a crappy day. My favorite binge food is ice cream. But there are other foods that work well too. Lots of times I binge on whatever is around when the episode starts. Often it's at a family gathering where there is just a lot of food sitting around. I have never really measured out my binges in terms of volume or calories, I prefer not to. But I have done things like eaten an entire package of oreos within a few minutes.

Quote :

"After a binge, do you feel guilty? Are those feelings of guilt what drive you to purge? If so, have you considered other ways to counteract the negative effects (weight gain, mainly) of a binge?"

I feel guilty a lot without having to binge. I think sometimes the guilt causes the binge, and then it just cycles.

Quote :

"How long have you been on meds? Have you tried more than one type/cocktail? Has your psychiatrist mentioned giving other options a try?"

I've been on meds for about 4 months. I have only had one kind, but it has worked well for me. And yes, my therapist and I discuss many options to avoid getting into a binge/purge cycle. Which is why I think I'm doing so well right now. I also have the best friends ever, who I know I can rely on to help me out.

Quote :

"Do you think there is any good way for someone who sees a friend with this kind of problem, but who doesn't accept it as a problem, to help them realize they need help?"

I think the way you handled it was spot on. You basically told me that you don't like what I am doing, because you care about me. I really started trying to get better after the night you stayed at my apartment, we both got drunk, and I pretty much ate an entire pizza. Our conversation woke me up a lot. I was having a hard time really understanding how binge/purging was that harmful to me. Sometimes I still have thoughts that it's not that bad, but I've been working on reminding myself of the mental turmoil that it causes. I'm not completely done with this answer, I will have to think about it some more.

10/16/2012 1:34:25 PM

What exactly are the medicines for this disease?

10/16/2012 2:04:39 PM

Do you have a strong support system in place if you feel like you are going to purge/binge? Like close friends or family?

10/16/2012 2:16:55 PM

How did your eating disorder affect your marriage?

10/16/2012 2:22:56 PM

Go back to reddit with your AMA.

Seriously.

#downvote

10/16/2012 2:48:35 PM

Quote :

"What exactly are the medicines for this disease?"

Really the only thing they can do it treat the underlying issue. For me, it was anxiety and depression. I was really opposed to taking meds for depression because for some reason it seemed like I was a failure for doing so. However, now that I am on them, I realize how much it has helped.

Quote :

"Do you have a strong support system in place if you feel like you are going to purge/binge?"

Yes, very much so. I am working on finding alternatives to binge/purge sessions, and one is calling or talking to a friend. I've have dones this a few times. My brother and sister know about my issue. But I haven't told my parents.

Quote :

"How did your eating disorder affect your marriage?"

It really didn't play much of an impact. At that time, I was keeping it really secret. I never told my ex that I really had issues. I would do all the tricks to keep it from him, too. However once I finally broke down and told him (just a few months before we ended). His reaction was to wag his finger at me, like a dog, and tell me how disappointed he was in me. This didn't really help, so I just made it harder for him to know when I was purging. He did start keeping close tabs on me when we would go to family stuff after that, which I found very annoying.

10/16/2012 2:56:17 PM

why havent you told your parents?

How would you hide it?

[Edited on October 16, 2012 at 3:19 PM. Reason : extra ?]

10/16/2012 3:04:37 PM

Did you find it difficult to make yourself throw up in the beginning? What technique worked best for you and how long did it take before you could practically empty your stomach on command?

10/16/2012 5:58:57 PM

Quote :

"why havent you told your parents?"

I don't tell my parents a lot of things, this is just one of them. Basically I don't tell them anything about me that would disappoint them in some way. I have never told them that I drink, that I'm an athiest, a slew of other things, and now this.

Quote :

"How would you hide it?"

Sneak away to purge, run water, lie about it if someone figured out that I purged and say I was just feeling sick.

Quote :

"Did you find it difficult to make yourself throw up in the beginning? What technique worked best for you and how long did it take before you could practically empty your stomach on command?"

Since I started doing this, in part, because throwing up was no big deal for me, I never found it difficult. I can sometimes purge without gagging myself at all. But I usually resort to gagging because it's faster.

10/16/2012 6:35:22 PM

How much does treatment cost?

Good luck in your recovery! It's good to have a support group.

10/16/2012 7:49:15 PM

Quote :

"why havent you told your parents?"

I know the OP has already answered this, but honestly when it comes to stuff that makes you look bad, the parents are usually the last to know if you don't live with them anymore.

10/16/2012 9:03:58 PM

First of all, best of luck in your struggle.

Question: How do you feel about how eating disorders like bulimia are portrayed in books, movies, and TV shows? Is there a right or wrong way to do so? Have some handled it better than others? The most hokey that comes to mind was some Lifetime special my then girlfriend was watching. The most sincere portrayal was Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson (author of Speak).

10/16/2012 9:10:20 PM

Quote :

"It was really hard watching you deny that you had issues, but I didn't know what to do other than try to support you with healthy thoughts. I am proud of you for how far you have come."

Ditto

10/17/2012 7:47:43 AM

10/17/2012 8:43:48 AM

Quote :

"How much does treatment cost?"

I'm not at a hospital or anything, nor have I ever needed to be hospitalized for this. I see a psychiatrist about every other month for a check-up and a medication adjustment if needed. I also see a counselor whenever I want. I've been meaning to make an appointment with her actually. Both cost $40 a visit (my co-pay for a specialist with my insurance). The meds are cheap.

Quote :

" How do you feel about how eating disorders like bulimia are portrayed in books, movies, and TV shows?"

I remember a long time ago I saw an episode of Intervention where a woman was bulimic, and it really struck a chord. I knew that I was also bulimic, but I convinced myself that my version wasn't as bad and therefore didn't need to be discussed or treated. I think that it's good for these kind of disabilities to be portrayed, but I would also like more common treatments to be portrayed also (I don't think hospitalization is as common as it's made out to be). I recently saw a show about teen girls where in one episode they were making fun of people that went to a counselor or psychiatrist. It really pissed me off because there is already a stigma about mental health in this country. Fortunately the show redeemed itself later on down the road, but it still wasn't cool.

10/17/2012 8:54:00 AM

good thread. My wife had an eating disorder for a long time (once before I knew her when she was younger, and then again starting in college for several years) and it was a pretty terrible thing to be a part of. From a bystander's perspective, I was seriously at a cross roads for awhile about how much longer I could deal with it/try and be supportive because it was mentally draining, especially for someone who is logic-driven and always wants to help fix things for people. I'm a problem solver, but you can't "solve" an eating disorder and that just killed me.

My wife has been completely "over" that for a couple years now thankfully and even tries to help a few girls she knows who are struggling with eating disorders as well (people that have come to her for help). Now that she is over it, I can tell she is frustrated in the same way I was when she tries to help them. It's a mindset and she says once you are out of it, the people caught up in it seem so illogical that she actually has a hard time helping them even though they are going through the SAME thing she was.

10/17/2012 8:57:55 AM

^^^ dude, head to chit chat with that shit.

10/17/2012 1:56:56 PM

Didn't read the thread, but what's your secret to concealing your breath?

10/17/2012 5:33:33 PM

Thanks for making this thread.

You are awesome.

10/17/2012 8:22:59 PM

The next post in this thread will appear at the top of page 2.

10/17/2012 9:51:02 PM