Wife and I are about to head down this tricky road. I'm more of a spender, she's more of a saver. She wants everything in one account, I want a joint account with individual "fun" money accounts.

How do you married tww'ers handle money?

7/29/2013 9:56:35 PM

Quote :

"a joint account with individual "fun" money accounts"

this is what we do

[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:01 PM. Reason : she buys shoes with hers. i buy guns. works well]

7/29/2013 10:01:17 PM

^ I think that may be what we end up doing, I just don't know what percentage of money goes in the fun account.

7/29/2013 10:02:59 PM

^^this, though most of my slush fund just goes to concealing purchases around bdays, christmas, etc



[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:03 PM. Reason : .]

7/29/2013 10:03:01 PM

we just share everything. one checking account and one money market account (everything else is invested).

We have one joint budget for everything and just kind of use personal judgement within that. Sometimes I spend more in the entertainment/shopping category and some months she does. Works for us, might not for everyone.

7/29/2013 10:04:27 PM

^^^i make significantly more money than her. i didn't think it was really fair to base the fun money accounts on a percentage since she could probably make more money if we didn't move around for my career for the past 3 years. we get $200 per month each. after savings, the rest goes into the joint account to pay bills. the amount will have to be decided case-by-case. we only have our mortgage and a very small car payment that'll be paid off in a few months. there's no way we could piss that much away if we had kids, credit card debt, student loans, etc.

[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:09 PM. Reason : adfs]

[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:10 PM. Reason : the separate fun money accounts eliminates a lot of arguments for us]

7/29/2013 10:09:17 PM

It sounds like if you keep everything in one account, she will scrutinize everything you spend money on.

I think having a separate personal account helps alleviate a bit of the financial bickering, because you can decide how much you get to spend no questions asked. I've talked to people who have only joint accounts, and it seems like that often leads to one person nagging the other one, even if they're pretty well off. Unless you're both generally chill people with similar financial goals and spending styles.

Take a look at how much fun money you've spend in the past and go from there.

7/29/2013 10:13:25 PM

What's mine is mine and what she makes is hers. Cost of living items are split between parties 50/50.

7/29/2013 10:20:16 PM

Quote :

"joint account with individual "fun" money accounts"

7/29/2013 10:22:22 PM

throughout the years i've had this conversation numerous times - most people are very polarized on this and it seems to largely depend on the amount of money the person is used to spending on themself for fun items without having to justify it before the couple got together

we put everything together and don't have any his/hers money

if it doesn't all go together to start with it usually changes after kids

[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:41 PM. Reason : .]

7/29/2013 10:26:05 PM

Joint Account.

You probably don't want to start off with a precedent of hiding money just to avoid hearing the other one bitch.

7/29/2013 10:26:18 PM

Quote :

"Unless you're both generally chill people with similar financial goals and spending styles. "

that pretty much describes us and is key if you do everything joint I think. Otherwise, the joint + "fun" money account probably works well if two people aren't financially very similar.

[Edited on July 29, 2013 at 10:27 PM. Reason : ]

7/29/2013 10:27:00 PM

For discretionary spending, either we are together when it happens, or we've cleared it with the other one before it happens.

Within reason of course -- she's not gonna bitch if I stop by Starbucks and get a $5 coffee, but if I take out a couple hundred in cash to blow on a bender with my friends and I don't warn her ahead of time, she'll have something to say.

7/29/2013 10:35:41 PM

I have to agree with having a joint account with separate accounts for fun money. Don't base how much each other gets to spend based on what each person makes. What's yours is hers, what's hers is yours. Agree on a number where you're capable of paying for the rest of the bills and where you're comfortable saving a certain amount. You can agree to rollover your fun money, so if you can save month to month, then you can stock up and pick up on a large purchase.

7/29/2013 10:45:24 PM

Joint checking, separate savings (though no real reason), and $150/month fun money each.

7/29/2013 10:51:15 PM

We have a joint checking account, joint savings, and personal "fun" accounts as well.

7/30/2013 12:01:18 AM

Wow, you guys are shit outta luck for a whole month if you spend a hundred or two bucks on something?




If I ever get married, I would keep separate finances for sure, other than a common account to share common expenses. Like, that would be a dealbreaking sort of issue that I wouldn't budge on. Even if she made more than me, I'd want it that way, unless she was, like, trust-fund rich and wanted to combine finances for some reason. Then I'd go for it, I guess.

7/30/2013 12:42:16 AM

We have two joint accounts. I managed all our finances though. I deduct our monthly expenses (including 401k, savings, etc) from the overall income, then we split what's left in 1/2. Her half goes into her joint account.

It works out really well for both of us, and has stopped nearly all the debates/arguments over finances. She prefers to live on cash in hand, and I prefer to maximize credit rewards. With a 50/50 split, we each cover our own food for the month but we take each other other for dates, make dinner for one another, etc. If one of us (usually me) wants to buy something stupid like a new monitor or tablet, as long as its coming from my half of my monthly half, there's no problem.

For larger expenditures (trips, vehicles, etc) we both put money back monthly to save for them.

7/30/2013 5:20:52 AM

^^, a couple hundred a month is just the no questions asked. For me at least, if I want a new gun, it means I need to budget about 4 months of saving the allotment if I don't want to hear any complaints about the purchase.

7/30/2013 6:31:45 AM

Yeah we talked about the joint accounts (savings and checking) and seperate fun accounts, and its what we will end up doing. It was our compromise between our two preferences. She's more of the saving for large trips type, and I'm more of the " I see a gun in a gun shop and want it right now " type.

Right now we don't make enough money in our jobs to put that terribly much money in the fun accounts, but that should change for us in the near future.

I'm also keeping a 100% separate account to run my business out of. I still own the business, but I'm letting a buddy of mine run the operation. It should pay for itself, but I'm keeping a few hundred in that account in case the trailer needs a new tire, new pressure washer, etc...

7/30/2013 6:46:06 AM

^^same here. i've bought guns out of the joint account, but only after we discussed it. that's usually only with guns where i know there's no way i'll lose money on them. it helps that she likes guns too. if she needs some clothes for work, that comes out of the joint account. gas, groceries, eating out together, etc. all comes from the joint account. if i buy some reloading components or ammo that we're both going to shoot, that'll usually be joint, but we talk about it first. if i go out for lunch, then that's from my personal account. i usually only spend about half of my fun money each month, so i'll save for a few months and buy some toy i've been wanting. it works for us. based on what i've seen of duke's lifestyle on here, i can see why it wouldn't work for him and that's fine. the key is to talk about it up front and revisit the issue if it's not working out.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 6:51 AM. Reason : asdf]

7/30/2013 6:50:27 AM

We divvy up expenses and have shared savings account,college funds, etc we both put into every month but everything else is separate. Been working for 9 years.

7/30/2013 8:41:50 AM

We have the same accounts we had when we got married, completely separate

it's worked for over a year, so whatever

I think eventually we'll get a joint account, but there's no rush

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 8:58 AM. Reason : but I don't have a wife, so I guess I can't contribute to your thread]

7/30/2013 8:54:32 AM

Quote :

""joint account with individual "fun" money accounts""

THIS!! We tried the joint account with no "fun money" accounts or as we call them "allowance accounts" and it was a disaster. We each get $200 a month allowance which is to be used for non-essential items. The only issue we have had with this method is defining what is essential or non-essential item. To her, a hair cut and color at a reputable salon is essential. I tell her she can go to Quick Cuts and do dye in a box (in other words the salon cut should come out of her allowance, Quick cuts and dye in a box would come out of joint account). But other than a couple discussions over what is a "need" and what is a "want" it's worked out very well.

7/30/2013 8:59:27 AM

Joint checking and savings. Each get a small cash amount at the beginning of the month for eating out/etc. and any purchases above $50 are discussed and agreed on. We do occasionally fight over money but it forces us to be on the same page and we are on a pretty tight budget, so it's good to have the check and balance.

7/30/2013 9:13:23 AM

You should have past records, and use those to set expectations for your partner.

This is easier if you've been into Mint.com or something. Bullshit like hair coloring shouldn't be an issue because it's historically been an expense for that person. There should be some black box that represents whatever bullshit your partner will probably consider valid living expenses. If you don't know how much this is for yourself, you should know.

I don't want my partner to be like "why did you spend $50 last month on capacitors?" BECAUSE THEY HOLD CHARGE ALRIGHT

7/30/2013 9:20:06 AM

separate accounts. he's a spender and I don't want him pissing away my money on stupid shit.

7/30/2013 9:21:06 AM

We have separate accounts, but my husband pays all the bills. Most of my paychecks go to his account unless I drop below a certain amount or we are saving for a vacation. So basically we have a household expense account and a fun account. He controls the boring stuff and I control the fun stuff. Neither of us are frivolous spenders.

7/30/2013 9:35:13 AM

We have joint checking/savings and a 10% discretionary fund for whatever we want.

For those of you who keep your personal finances separate, how do you make that work with paying the bills? I found that I was constantly asking my SO for bill money when it came due and it caused some tension.

7/30/2013 9:36:10 AM

Some bills are in his name, some are in mine. I pay less than he does, but more than I would if we divided it by income. (for example, I might make 30% of the income but pay 40% of the bills)

7/30/2013 9:38:56 AM

I'm honestly surprised we are one of the few people here with joint accounts with joint budgets / no real individual budgets. I figured it would be more split.

7/30/2013 9:41:51 AM

^ I'm surprised as well. All of my fiancee's friends have one joint account...but all of them are friggin loaded and don't really have to worry about it. Her "less loaded" friends also have husbands that couldn't balance a checkbook...so the wife is kind of forced to handle it. I've been financially stable since I was 18...so that's not an issue. We've already had a few "discussions" about it and I think it could become a small issue.

In general, we both watch our spending pretty well. Obviously everything is still separate in regards to our account...but I pretty much pay for everything with the exception of groceries because she's normally goes on one big shopping trip and plans out our dinners for the week. I pay the mortgage and all the bills and have her cut me a check for half (with the exception of the mortgage...she covers the same amount of rent as my prior tenant...which is $150 less than half).

The only reason I want to keep it separate is because I'm slightly worried that if she sees more money in the account, it will loosen up her purse strings in regards to certain purchases. As an example:

Last year she really wanted to replace our couch. I also wanted to replace the couch, but I was more inclined to check craigslist and discount furniture stores first. She went to a nice interior/design furniture store and fell in love with a couch. The couch was $3,000. I told her that if she wanted the couch that bad, that it would have to come out of her money, because I would never spend $3k on a couch with our current financial situation. She did...and she's still struggling to replenish her account since that purchase. There have been a few other large purchases that she's wanted to make, but her accounts can't handle them as easily as mine could.

She's a teacher and has developed a pretty tight budget over the last 7 or 8 years being a single teacher. But her sister and all of her friends live quite lavishly (houses in the Hamptons, vacations in Cape Cod, boats and hoes, etc). She knows we're nowhere near that, but I fear that I'd start coming home to new pieces furniture every now and then if she had access to my checking. It's not like I'm hiding away $100k in my checking...but my account can handle those purchases a lot better than hers.

I just think having separate accounts would give us more of a "checks and balances" system. I'm not saying that we don't need that nice secretary from Ballard Designs...but lets sit down and look at our budget and talk about it before we hit "complete purchase" on the laptop.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 10:04 AM. Reason : .]

7/30/2013 10:03:09 AM

Each have our own accounts. I pay most of the bills. She pays for most of our home improvement projects. Neither one of us are big spenders. We consult with each other on purchases over $200

7/30/2013 10:08:12 AM

^^^ We don't really have individual budgets either, other than him pulling out a certain amount each month for his personal savings. I guess we're sort of in between the fully joint account and separate fun money accounts.

Pretty much all his spending comes from our joint account, because he puts all his money into it. When I get paid with checks I put them in there, but I often get paid via PayPal, and that money usually either goes to buying household stuff online, my personal entertainment spending, or to our wedding fund. We have personal accounts partly so if we are saving up to buy something we can separate the cash for it from the bulk of our money. It also helps with buying gifts and whatnot so the other person doesn't see where you made purchases.

It sounds confusing to explain complex financial situations sometimes. But we follow the "generally chill with similar financial priorities" model, so the particulars of which dollars go where has not been much of an issue.

7/30/2013 10:08:58 AM

We have joint everything, even credit card. Neither of us are mega-spenders or waste money on random crap. We do, however, have a "rule" (if you even want to call it that) that if there is a personal purchase either of us wants to make that is over $100, we check with the other. This is not getting permission to make the purchase but more so that we're both not making huge purchases at the same time that may cause payment issues by end of month.

I will say, though, it helps that we both work and make similar salaries so there's not animosity about one spending the other's money.

Most friends of mine that have major salary differences pool their monies, but each get an equal "stipend" of fun money. Any bills, joint activities, dining out, etc comes from the joint account, but individual shopping or dining with friends/bars without the SO comes from the fun money.

7/30/2013 10:09:57 AM

We used to keep a joint account and then each have 10% of our salaries for play money, but then I started making more money and she is now preggers.

With that said, we are 100% joint on everything - one checking, one credit card, etc. She isn't a spender - I am, but then again, I'm making $100K+ and I spend within reason with the exception of a home renovation we both wanted that set us back $30K .

7/30/2013 10:14:17 AM

Yeah, uh, I think I'd only be down with the "roommate model" of sharing finances. Split the mortgage, bills, meals out together, and shared vacations. Other than that, I don't want to worry about anyone else's money habits, and there's no way I'd be willing to answer to anyone about mine. I don't want it to be anyone's business but mine if I drop $1000, let alone $100.

I'd only be concerned with whether or not she was saving enough for retirement, because I wouldn't want to diligently save for my whole life, then not be able to enjoy retirement with my wife because she didn't have any money put away.

Of course, what're the odds I'll ever get married? Haha, this is probably moot.

7/30/2013 10:23:23 AM

^ I like you duke, but you're going to need to find a very unique woman to co-habitate with. Relationships are all about give and take...and you don't appear to be very giving (to a SO at least).

7/30/2013 10:47:53 AM

We have seperate accounts and usually just split everything we do together, then again we don't live together so there's none of that bill shit going on.

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

7/30/2013 10:50:03 AM

We have only been married for 4 months, but we are entirely separate. We are both savers, but as jbrick83 mentioned, I think she wouldn't be as thrifty if she saw more money in her account. She does have more than me in her savings account, but that was because she saved all her money when she lived at home for 5 years.

I still pay all the bills/mortgage and most dates (as I did before she moved in). She covers a lot of the groceries and errand type bills (dry cleaning) because she enjoys grocery shopping and running errands. She's a teacher, I'm an engineer, so there is a large salary difference.

I make sure she maxes out her 403b and Roth IRA, then she can spend the rest however she likes. I save the rest of my paycheck for vacations and larger expenditures.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 10:53 AM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 10:52:31 AM

Nah, we do about the same as Duke talks about. We should probably do a joint account for shared expenses just so he realizes how much I'm spending (he refuses to believe that groceries for 2 people are $300 to $400 a month because when he was single he never cooked).

7/30/2013 10:53:23 AM

I'm with jbrick. Marrying someone means they're a lot more than a roommate you have sex with. It's a partnership, and that includes involving them big decisions, monetary and otherwise. If you have the cash to go drop $1,000 when you feel like it, that's fine, but odds are that's some kind of somewhat important purchase. I'd be sure to talk with my SO about it before I made that kind of purchase, and I'd expect the same from him. It's not a control issue or even about the money, but more of an "I can't imagine making a significant decision without involving them at all" thing.

Also, Duke, if you're staying in the military, you'd have to consider that your theoretical wifey would have to move around with you, which is probably going to hinder her career development a bit.

7/30/2013 11:02:16 AM

The way I see it, once you're married your finances aren't about just you anymore (neither are your SO's). Doing things to make each other happy, including spending a little money in areas where you generally wouldn't, is part of what being in a relationship is about.

No offense, but "if you want a $3k couch you have to pay for all of it because I'd never spend that on a couch" seems like a hugely douchey thing to do. Either talk to her and convince her that the two of you can't afford the couch, or suck it up and pitch in. You're using the couch, too, after all.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 11:32 AM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 11:30:59 AM

idk it's $3k on a friggin couch, and you can't stop her from buying it herself, but you don't have to contribute. I think he made that clear that he felt like it was an irresponsible purchase and she did it anyway....

tough luck for her I guess. But I tend to have a super saver mentality.

7/30/2013 11:39:05 AM

Quote :

"No offense, but "if you want a $3k couch you have to pay for all of it because I'd never spend that on a couch" seems like a hugely douchey thing to do. Either talk to her and convince her that the two of you can't afford the couch, or suck it up and pitch in. You're using the couch, too, after all."

Its all situational I suppose. First...she had just moved into the house and we were over a year away from getting married. So basically we were just starting to spend money together.

Second...I don't think I've ever spent more than $300 for a piece of furniture. She comes from a family that uses interior designers and her sister easily drops money like that on furniture all the time.

It served as a learning experience. She saw what a purchase like that can do to your finances. She really wants this $800 secretary but we're putting it off until after the wedding to see what our finances are like and whether its really worth it. I think the couch buying experience has made her "see the light" in these terms. If/when I start making more money, it won't be as big of an issue. But we're trying to save for the future...possible kids, bigger house, etc.

Quote :

"Doing things to make each other happy, including spending a little money in areas where you generally wouldn't, is part of what being in a relationship is about."

We go to nice dinners and I buy her nice things all the time. IMO, me okaying the purchase of a $3k couch isn't necessary to make her happy. Our everyday activities accomplish that all the time.

7/30/2013 11:44:09 AM

^^I think the key to his statement was based on their financial situation at the time she wanted the couch. We're pretty big savers too, but depending on the type and size of the couch, $3000 isn't that crazy for a sofa of actually good quality if you're buying one new and don't plan to craigslist it 5 years down the road. You're paying a bit of a premium there, as they probably could have found something sub $2000 with the same build quality but maybe not the exact same fabric, but without any more details $3000 doesn't raise an eyebrow to me for a nice sofa.

However, it was clear that a $3000 sofa wasn't the priority understandably.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 11:51 AM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 11:47:18 AM

Lots of people in here saying "this is what marriage is". Marriage is different for everyone. theDuke definitely isn't the only person in the world who prefers separate accounts.

7/30/2013 11:48:28 AM

^ I think it's less of the "I want to have separate accounts" and more of the..."I will buy whatever the fuck I want and no one is going to tell me different mentality"...which is basically what he's saying.

I want to try and keep the separate account thing going...but I still think every big purchase should at least be discussed.


Oh...and I love our $3k couch. Its comfortable as fuck and looks great in our living room. I just think we could have found something similar for around $500...

7/30/2013 11:57:36 AM

Quote :

"No offense, but "if you want a $3k couch you have to pay for all of it because I'd never spend that on a couch" seems like a hugely douchey thing to do. Either talk to her and convince her that the two of you can't afford the couch, or suck it up and pitch in. You're using the couch, too, after al"

doesn't sound like a douchey thing at all to me

3k on a couch is A LOT of money for somebody on a teacher's salary, and it sounds like she wouldn't take no for an answer when he said he wouldn't chip in.

actually, i hope when they fight jbrick gets to sleep on it!

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 12:01 PM. Reason : didn't read the entire thread before i hit reply ]

7/30/2013 12:00:13 PM

Separate accounts wouldn't work for me. I'd still want to know what's going through her account because if she runs out of money, I'm still on the hook. Not like you can say "sorry you can't eat today, you're out of cash"

7/30/2013 12:00:45 PM