Quote :

"^The cop was cool with it at the end, but at first, he was all, "Ma'am, do you mind if I ask why you have a spoon in your purse?" After I explained, he offered to hold on to my (confiscated) fork for me in case it was "part of a set." (LOL, what a nice guy!) But the pimp--who had followed me down the street, into the Justice Building, through security, out of the building, across the street, into the courthouse, and through security again--did not relent. While the police questioned me about my utensils, he waited around the corner, holding the elevator for me. Naturally, I hopped on and thanked him for it! Once alone on the elevator, he caught a glimpse of my silly shoe liners (socks). He said they looked cute and that he wanted to see them. I showed him the heel to demonstrate what a liner was and how they were basically nerd socks for people who didn't want smelly shoes. He told me he wanted to see the whole sock...and I seriously almost pulled my whole foot out of my shoe for him. But we were approaching the tenth floor, and I knew the bailiff would be there waiting for me. So my safe brain kicked in, and he was denied access to my feet. Before the elevator doors opened, he was like, "Come on, girl. Just show me your sock. It's not that big a big deal, is it?" I departed the elevator, and the pimp guy followed me until the bailiff shooed him. Obviously, the bailiff was my hero, so I did sex stuff with him. Later, I may have seen him slipping cash to the pimp guy. "

WTF?!

Are you the one who writes short stories as a side hustle?

5/1/2017 2:52:39 PM

I should get her some candy, or flowers or something.

5/1/2017 3:12:54 PM

You should do the things that keep a smile on her face. Perhaps, say the words that make her feel better, every day.

5/1/2017 3:14:45 PM

Make her pussy wet, not her eyes

5/1/2017 3:21:40 PM

or both

5/1/2017 3:32:39 PM

break my bed, not my heart

5/1/2017 4:00:58 PM

What's a chick do to make a guy all googly eyed about her like this? I be tryna date dudes for like 15 years and always get the form job application rejection letter.

Quote :

"Dear Ms. C123, Thank you for the interest in the position as [dude]'s girlfriend. You have many of the qualifications required of the position and should be proud of your experience and education. However, we have decided to move forward with another candidate. Best, Life "

5/1/2017 6:14:06 PM

EMCE, BUSTED!

5/1/2017 6:24:18 PM

5/2/2017 6:06:26 AM

OP may have made the mistake of letting her know he likes her. many womens just want what they cant have

5/2/2017 7:37:09 AM

But I really like her! I should give her a massage...

5/2/2017 9:20:12 AM

Have you taken her out for ice cream?

5/2/2017 9:35:29 AM

Aww yeah

5/2/2017 9:39:44 AM

I'm going to cook her sexy ass some breakfast this weekend. It's going to be awesome.

5/11/2017 11:43:55 AM

do it Uncle Buck-style

5/11/2017 12:07:18 PM

???

5/11/2017 1:21:19 PM

5/11/2017 2:02:50 PM

How crass!

5/11/2017 2:04:12 PM

[Edited on May 13, 2017 at 2:42 PM. Reason : Hh]

5/13/2017 2:41:51 PM

does she know you posted this on one of the hottest message boards on the entire internet?

5/13/2017 3:10:10 PM

she does now!

5/13/2017 6:18:36 PM

sup to thee ma'am

5/13/2017 8:01:08 PM

she seems delightful

the rest of this post has been redacted but it was funny as fuck

5/13/2017 9:24:11 PM

I think that things are going well. She's so awesome, in like every way conceivable.


shes my Jazzy Belle




[Edited on October 5, 2017 at 10:13 PM. Reason : ff]

10/5/2017 10:11:08 PM

She's my love. I'm don't even care when she poots on me

10/21/2017 11:58:14 AM

I've got $100 that says "she" used to have a dong. Send me pictures of "her" genitals for me to review.

Also, I thought you were only into obese white women?

10/27/2017 1:44:48 PM

Quote :

"Also, I thought you were only into obese white women?"

Dude, I fucked your mom once. ONCE. Let it go...

10/27/2017 3:32:51 PM

Quote :

"Really hope this relationship goes all the way. I've been planning to bwn EMCE's future wife for years now."

Thanks! Looks like we are heading towards nuptials. She accepted the ring, and her father accepted the dowry of 40 goats

6/29/2018 8:37:45 PM

i thought a dowry is what they paid you to take her off their hands. i think you got jipped, dude.

6/29/2018 8:44:14 PM

I started dating an amazing lady near the middle of last year. It was broken off at the end of the year.

I still have the major feels.

6/29/2018 9:13:56 PM

^^ you're right. I had that flip flopped

^. Sorry to hear that man. The next one might be the one!

6/30/2018 8:32:11 AM

So which username is she lurking with

6/30/2018 11:24:04 AM

She said yes to the dress

8/19/2018 7:35:19 AM

The future Mr. and Mrs. EMCE



[Edited on August 28, 2018 at 8:15 AM. Reason : Size]

8/28/2018 8:12:57 AM

sparkly

8/28/2018 8:23:42 AM

So you married her like in a year?

8/28/2018 8:33:00 AM

This is a great picture!

However, I cannot un-see how ridiculously long the ribbon to her balloon is.

8/28/2018 8:39:14 AM

^^ No?

8/28/2018 9:04:02 AM

How did you meet?

8/28/2018 9:15:24 AM

FarmersOnly.com

8/28/2018 9:23:32 AM

We linked up on Match.com

8/28/2018 9:50:54 AM

Quote :

"However, I cannot un-see how ridiculously long the ribbon to her balloon is her balloon knot."

8/28/2018 10:41:05 AM

happy for you man

8/28/2018 11:31:53 AM

Quote :

"However, I cannot un-see how ridiculously long the ribbon to her balloon is. that obvious camel toe"

8/28/2018 11:56:04 AM

You guys have the exact same shaped nose

8/28/2018 11:59:40 AM

Precious.

I love her outfit.

8/28/2018 4:43:35 PM

Precious.

I love her outfit.

8/28/2018 4:48:57 PM

Precious.

I love her outfit.

8/28/2018 4:54:33 PM

Precious.

I love her outfit.

8/28/2018 5:01:46 PM

Outfit

I love her precious.

8/28/2018 5:05:20 PM