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 Message Boards » » Dating in your 40s Page [1]  
0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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Anybody in the same boat?

What are your avenues?

Go to bars and chat up girls? Talk to women/girls at the gym, grocery store, park, etc? Sign up on dating sites? Have your friends find for you/set you up with potential dates? Ask your relatives for help? Colleagues?

I have tried just one of those avenues. Full experience coming soon within the next couple of days. Have to get back to work and some other errands.

5/20/2022 3:40:11 PM

bbehe
Burn it all down.
17894 Posts
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Talk to them about DeFi

5/20/2022 7:16:31 PM

zxappeal
All American
26811 Posts
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WAS in the same boat. No longer in my 40’s, and in a committed relationship for about 9 years.

Between 39 and 42, I pretty much threw caution to the wind and engaged in frequent debaucherous behavior. It was very much worth it.

5/20/2022 11:06:15 PM

theDuke866
All American
52227 Posts
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It’s pretty much terrible. I’ve basically set the bar at “attractive/in-shape”. Even that narrows it down to nearly no one, at least where I live. In 5-6 months, I haven’t found anyone who satisfies anything beyond that, and only a couple who meet that minimal standard. I expect the odds are pretty high of that remaining the case, or maybe having a long-distance travel buddy who will meet me at cool places, for the next few years until I can move somewhere else.

5/22/2022 6:35:51 PM

FeebleMinded
Finally Preemie!
4470 Posts
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In a tangentially related topic, my wife didn't know what FDT mean, which made me really sad.

5/23/2022 11:56:32 AM

tchenku
midshipman
18528 Posts
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^^

Local kayak/hiking groups and buy yourself a Spartan Race shirt or two

0EPII1, dating in your 40's and not being white/black is going to be impossible unless you have a work friend who fits the bill. Us foreign types ain't gonna cut it on first impressions; shit takes time.

[Edited on May 23, 2022 at 12:51 PM. Reason : truth]

5/23/2022 12:24:28 PM

Nighthawk
All American
19523 Posts
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^^^Need to move somewhere more liberal and outdoor focused like Chapel Hill or maybe Asheville. Rural outdoors is usually just hunting, fishing, and drinking beers. Urban outdoor people are all about hiking, biking, rafting, etc and are going to be a lot more in shape.

5/24/2022 6:07:12 PM

0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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Ugh, I need to find the time to write my experience here... just so damn busy with 2 jobs and a mountain of urgent/important tasks to do, including getting a divorce and figuring out how I can be reunited with my daughter

I am glad to read the replies here so far, and will reply to each one. I really hope I can come back here and talk about my experience.

Need to go get supplies for making my famed tiramisu to impress this girl I met... she is a mirror image of me; it is really surreal how alike we are and all that we share. I accompanied her to her place at midnight (returning from a gathering with friends) on Tuesday (she said she would go herself, but I insisted because it was late), and then we just stood outside her building and talked about deep issues* from midnight to 2 am. I was literally floored that she has the same issues close to her heart that I do. But she is probably leaving this place and going back to her home country in a couple of months... as if my life couldn't possibly get any more complicated than it already is

*We talked about the environment and sustainability (a lot about how fast fashion, fast food, and fast tech are destroying the planet), languages (esp. endangered ones) and cultures, our careers and hobbies, life experiences from our past, crypto, social justice, Trump, Bezos, and Musk, how the rich and famous get away with everything, big corporations against family owned businesses, and other similar issues.

Also, she is 29 and I am 45, so I don't know if she would be ok with that or not even if she does feel the same as I do about her. Add to that the fact that I have a 13 year old daughter and am not divorced yet.

She is having a hot pot at her place tomorrow, and I will take the tiramisu there (we are both crazy about desserts and we chatted for an hour about that yesterday on WhatsApp). There will be 10 other people there.

P.S. My lower back was dead after standing in one spot for 2 hours

5/26/2022 5:38:14 AM

BubbleBobble
9TH PLACE EGG HUNT
109948 Posts
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>crazy about desserts
> :3

6/1/2022 5:44:59 PM

0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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Update time!

Quote :
">crazy about desserts"


It's serious business bro... I don't mean I stuff my face with cake and ice cream (other than once in a while ). It means I seek out desserts with unusual ingredients (taro, ube, chestnut, black sesame, gingko nuts, lotus seeds, balsamic vinegar, peach resin), make wholefood plant-based versions of popular desserts (tiramisu, cheesecake), look up histories of popular desserts, explore different versions in different countries/cultures of a given dessert, etc.

She gobbled that tiramisu up like there was no tomorrow, and even wiped clean the big serving dish with her fingers.... I am hopelessly in love

After that we went to LKF (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lan_Kwai_Fong) by tram (told her my life story on the tram, that I was going to get divorced soon and have a 13 year old, and am looking for someone new) at bloody midnight to party! Met her friends there (4 couples, all professionals, interesting convos) and had/did shisha, drinks, dancing... took her back home at 3:45 and I got back home at 4:30. That was last Friday. Then on Saturday, went to an African cultural event and she came there too... I got the feeling she came there to see me, as she said she probably won't, but I asked her to come. Then we went partying/clubbing in LKF again and met up with some of her other friends, really crazy [single] friends who only wanted to talk about drinking and clubbing. Went to a full-on nightclub with music at 100 dB and indoor visibility of just a few feet (full of artificial smoke). Not my thing, at all. Took her home again, around 2 am, and then I went back.

This Friday (tomorrow) is a public holiday, and a couple of days ago she messages me at 1:30 am with "wanna go party again on Friday?"... obviously she likes to hang out with me, but does she like me more than that? I need to find out, but I don't want to ask her either, at least not so soon, as it might jeopardize the friendship.

********************************************************************

[A new contestant enters]

Yesterday I went on a dinner date from someone who clicked "like" on me first on the CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel) app... well first meeting to get to know each other, not really a 'date'. We sat in the bar/resto for 3.5 hours and chatted away with no end in sight of the things we wanted to talk about. Talked about our life histories, mass shooting and gun control in the US, human rights, dictators, Putin, Ukraine, George Carlin, Uncle Roger, food, future plans, hobbies, everything. She makes mechanical keyboards as a hobby!!! She is 39.

We agreed to meet again, but she also made it clear that she can't date me until I am divorced, and I told her that's how I want it too.

Now I am confused between the 29 and 39 year olds. Very different from each other but also have important-for-me commonalities (love to discuss serious global issues), and I like them both.

Wish I could combine them into a single person.

********************************************************************

[New contestant unwittingly enters on this Sunday]

Sunday I am meeting a colleague for dinner, a 30 yo. We have been colleagues for 3 years ever since I joined my current employer, and I have liked her since day 1. We get along really, really well, and shoot the shit all the time at work, but have never gone out for lunch while at work. Maybe I will tell her that I am about to get divorced (first one from work), just to plant that seed in her mind.

********************************************************************

Since I will be blogging updates here (TWW is a blog), I will start referring to the girls by their initials:

29 yo: WL
39 yo: WA
30 yo: M

********************************************************************

Just cancelled my paid one-month subscriptions for Tinder, CMB, and OKCupid.

********************************************************************

Yes, I will still reply to some of the interesting points some of you brought in response to my OP.

6/2/2022 3:16:20 AM

Wraith
All American
26919 Posts
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You should have kissed WL that first night you were up late talking. She's clearly into it. Don't worry about age difference -- it would be an issue if you were both 10 years younger, but that at this point 29 is old enough to where there really isn't that much of a difference in maturity.

6/2/2022 12:24:12 PM

0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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^ I would have if I was already divorced...

I really, really like her a lot. She is amazing. I prefer her over WA and M, for sure.

WA is amazing too, but a bit too serious for me, and not as silly and fun-loving from what I could gather from the only meeting I had with her.

6/3/2022 3:24:01 PM

The Coz
Tempus Fugitive
19893 Posts
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Thread is not legitimate until Smath74 weighs in.

6/7/2022 9:42:27 PM

Bullet
All American
26646 Posts
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Good luck!

6/8/2022 3:49:02 PM

0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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As promised, replies to the replies:

Quote :
"Talk to them about DeFi"


I actually did talk to WL briefly about crypto and DeFi on May 24, but only because she brought up the LUNA/UST crash. Unless people bring it up, I don't broach the subject.

Quote :
"WAS in the same boat. No longer in my 40’s, and in a committed relationship for about 9 years."


You in your 50s now? Damn. Scared of hitting the big five O. Glad to hear you are in a committed relationship. How old were you when you guys got together?

Quote :
"Between 39 and 42, I pretty much threw caution to the wind and engaged in frequent debaucherous behavior. It was very much worth it."


Not my thing. Never did that in my 20s or 30s, and not going to start now.

Quote :
"It’s pretty much terrible. I’ve basically set the bar at “attractive/in-shape”. Even that narrows it down to nearly no one, at least where I live. In 5-6 months, I haven’t found anyone who satisfies anything beyond that, and only a couple who meet that minimal standard. I expect the odds are pretty high of that remaining the case, or maybe having a long-distance travel buddy who will meet me at cool places, for the next few years until I can move somewhere else."


You are in Murrca -- expect it to get worse. You should try meetup.com. I have been told by a few friends it's a great app for meeting like-minded people. You can join different groups (fitness, sports, hiking, crochet, etc) and meet like-minded and like-bodied people. Or move to East Asia. Here in 5-6 months you will meet a couple of girls who WON'T meet your minimal standard! I love it here for that reason (among many other reasons)... hardly any obese people in sight, so my eyes rarely ever get assaulted by overflowing rolls of fat. And the biggest people I see here? Almost always white/black Americans (still quite rare). Lots of French here, but nope, never obese!

Quote :
"In a tangentially related topic, my wife didn't know what FDT mean, which made me really sad."


Soooooo do you say it to her 5 times a day now?

Quote :
"0EPII1, dating in your 40's and not being white/black is going to be impossible unless you have a work friend who fits the bill. Us foreign types ain't gonna cut it on first impressions; shit takes time."


I was gonna say "I know bro, but I don't have to worry about that because I am not in the US", but it's the same for me here (HK) as I am in a foreign land and am part of a small minority just as I was in the US, so yeah, it's hard. That's where the dating apps come in because they give me a chance to meet that tiny percentage of local women (or just to meet, period, as people here stick with their type) who are not insular and maybe even are into brown guys. Of course, if I was white, they would be all over me (global hierarchy of races).

Quote :
"Thread is not legitimate until Smath74 weighs in."


LOL... should I DM him? Come on TWW, get with the program: tagging a person should give them a notification on the TWW mobile app!!!

Quote :
"Good luck!"


Thanks dude. You not in the same boat, right?

6/11/2022 11:31:31 AM

0EPII1
All American
42298 Posts
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My own updates coming soon!

6/11/2022 11:36:32 AM

synapse
play so hard
60311 Posts
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Do these women know about your dirty boxer fetish yet?

6/14/2022 8:27:51 PM

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