Quote :

"Math Tutor Reply to: sale-642603748@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-14, 8:45PM EDT I need a tutor for my daughter and my son. They are in 4th and 5th grade. I cant afford much money and dont really know how much a tutor normally cost. I would like a high school student or maybe a retired teacher.Your help would be greatly apprieciated. I would help them my self if I could but I dont understand alot of it myself.Thank you so much. You can call or email Stacey 919-496-1980"

america is doomed

4/14/2008 11:37:57 PM

holy balls that's sad

4/14/2008 11:38:43 PM

wasn't 4th and 5th grade just learning division and multiplication tables?

4/14/2008 11:45:21 PM

today, we are all white trash

4/14/2008 11:50:14 PM

Before we all roll up our 'Jump to Conclusion Mat', we could consider that Stacy might be a only parent working multiple jobs to make it. Attempting to aide her children in math is at least an effort.

4/15/2008 12:18:05 AM

The new best ofs are up

This is my new favorite craigslist post

Quote :

"GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you - m4w Date: 2008-03-11, 4:52PM EDT Dearest GameStop Girl, When I walked into your store that fateful Tuesday, I expected only to find a smattering of half-decent titles tucked back there amongst the used 360 games. Instead I found you, surrounded by a beam of light, halfway between Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty 3. Your gorgeous dark hair was radiant in contrast with the rainbow of colors on the deluxe Bioshock behind you. The Game of the Year held no interest for me when I saw you look up and smile, even though both could hold me in Rapture. You commanded the register when it was my turn to check out with the Orange Box. Yes, I was finally getting to play Portal. Lucky me, you said with the cutest smile. Lucky me, I thought, and then knew you had the Portal to my heart. I could care less if the cake is a lie, I'd still want to share it with you. Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF. So, yes, GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you. You can even have the deluxe shotgun with explosive scattershot. I'll just use this knife over here. I'll do anything for you, just for the small, slightest chance that someday - someday - you and me could be a Wii. "

4/15/2008 10:53:55 PM

dammit I was about to post that

4/15/2008 10:55:40 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/zip/644755497.html

Quote :

"adult bladder control undergarments (nw raleigh) Reply to: sale-644755497@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-16, 3:31PM EDT Adult bladder control undergarments with super absorbent center core in an opened package. 28 aprox inside. Harris Teeter brand. "

4/16/2008 4:46:15 PM

Quote :

"You work at Harris Teeter on Duraleigh - m4m - 26 (Raleigh - Edwards Mill / Duraleigh Rd.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-644775899@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-16, 3:46PM EDT You work there....You were using the bathroom and I caught you looking at me taking a piss. You went into the stall beside me.... After I was done using the bathroom, I went into your stall. We have some fun. Tell me the name on your name tag and lets hookup again. This time somewhere you dont work! "

4/20/2008 7:37:02 PM

LOLWUT

4/20/2008 7:37:53 PM

^^ hahaha.

4/20/2008 7:42:47 PM

Quote :

"Hot TA in Daniels Lab - m4w - 24 ((ncsu)) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-647416529@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-18, 4:54PM EDT (Slightly fatuous) I have a CSC friend who lives in the Daniels Lab due to excessive work (grad school is where fun goes to die) - and omg he raves about you. Says you, the CSC 116 TA, are (like Moby Dick) i.e. 'the white whale' i.e. the one that got away. Be on the lookout for Ahab. Stay fly, Sincerely, - the non-CSC guy who hears about you (and will probably walk to the lab one day just to see what you look like in person, *sigh*)"

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/647416529.html

somebody on tww's got to know who this is

4/20/2008 7:43:05 PM

yep.

4/20/2008 8:02:28 PM

Quote :

"the white whale"

4/21/2008 4:22:06 PM

that's just not nice at all

4/21/2008 4:38:54 PM

Quote :

"wasn't 4th and 5th grade just learning division and multiplication tables?"

yes and word problems involving it

sad

4/21/2008 4:41:14 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/648049745.html

Quote :

"Raleigh gamblers study (raleigh) Reply to: job-648049745@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-19, 8:07AM EDT Hello we are in need of participants for a market research study. You will receive $50.00 and a chance for more. REply if interested."

4/21/2008 8:47:13 PM

haha sounds like a good business model

4/21/2008 9:09:56 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/rid/650839012.html

Quote :

"Please help stranded and walking Reply to: comm-650839012@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-21, 4:20PM EDT Hello my friend Ricky is stranded near the North Carolina/Virginia border and trying to get to Atlanta, GA where he has a job waiting. He is walking South on Hwy. 330 (he was walking down I-95 but the Virginia State Police picked him up and told him it was illegal) They dropped him off on Hwy 330 near Jarrat, Va. He is 60 miles away from Rocky Mount, NC. If there is anyone traveling South on I-95 who can help him get a little closer to Atlanta it would be greatly appreciated. Please call me Scarlett at 770-358-4226"

4/21/2008 9:28:08 PM

Quote :

"BOTTOM LOOKING TOPS - 35 (RALEIGH) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-651251830@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-21, 9:39PM EDT during the day & sometimes after 12 am,im bi looking other bi guys,i like big dicks,i want some one to fuck me like alittle slut & make me your fuck bitch,im 6.5 cut,long blonde hair blue eyes.send pic for fast responce,especialy of your dick.can host"

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4m/651251830.html

4/21/2008 10:04:49 PM

4/22/2008 1:38:28 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/651334235.html


what about that makes you think it's a good idea to post it. hey girls i have a small flaccid penis... come to the beach with me.

4/22/2008 1:40:00 AM

Quote :

"you flashed me your labia for a quick second. i think you might have been looking for a relationship. coffee?"

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/652027428.htm

4/22/2008 3:48:43 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/651877968.html

I flagged it for best of.

[Edited on April 22, 2008 at 4:17 PM. Reason : lfjd]

4/22/2008 4:17:20 PM

Quote :

"I don't have any redeeming qualities -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2004-05-28, 3:16PM EDT I can hardly believe how shitty I am. Really. Not even for a second. I am such an asshole. I was going to title this post "I suck", but that seemed to be too positive. There might be those of you out there who would have made a mental connection between me sucking and someone sucking a dick. I do that, I'll admit, but I'm such a fuckup that I am not even particularly good at it. Never heard the raves and moans like I hear coming from my neighbor's apartment. Not once. Not even before getting a throatful of semen. I am not pretty. Nope. My boyfriend and the guy I'm cheating with (oh, did I not mention that I'm an asshole?) both seem to enjoy saying that I am, but that is likely because they seek out further ineffective and ill-executed blowjobs. Because they, too, are sick. I wonder about them, and am sometimes embarrassed by them because they are not ashamed of being seen with me. I am average from a distance and stupendously ugly upon close inspection. In the proper dim light, being seen through thick lenses of smoke, THC, and liquor, I am clearly devastatingly gorgeous. Which means that I am really quite repugnant. So I am unfaithful. Too bad about that, huh? And I actually believe that a person can be in love with two people. Because I am. Because I have no morals and am compulsive about my double standards. I am not kind. I don't really like people. But in the vaguest sense I appreciate them, because I would feel guilty if they felt bad. I, in fact, do all of my "good deeds" (eg. basic politeness, smiling while saying hello) out of a dirty sense of self-preservation. To prevent myself from feeling guilty about their sadness, which would fuck up my day. And then, you know, make me resent them for forcing me to feel something and to think about them any longer than is necessary. When I am talking to people that do not interest me, it is very difficult for me to hear them; I eventually end up fantasizing about being home driking wine in my armchair and reading, or perhaps fantasizing about fucking my boyfriend or my adulterous lover. Sometimes I even fantasize about walking away mid-sentence and, out of nowhere (because I don't really like to carry things) pulling out a giant placard that reads "Guess what, fuckhead? Your talk talk talking drives me motherfucking mad from boredom. Please don't approach me again. Ever." I would hold it over my head, words facing backwards towards the still-chattering bugger, and on the front it would read "I'm a very nice person. I believe I might be deaf. Please do not approach me. Thank you." I believe for ease of reading it should be in Times New Roman. Everyone is familiar with that and it should prevent the lack of clarity that might be found with other, more interesting fonts. I don't have a job. I am unemployed. I am unemployable. Not because I am disabled. I am flawed mentally, and lack the visual appeal that seems to negate that factor for all of the other shit-for-brains tissue clumps with steady jobs. I am not intelligent. I enjoy reading but never remember anything I've read, except for particularly salacious or manipulative "yarns". I don't like it when other people use quotation marks in that "fashion", but I do it all the time. I also am intolerant of puns, yet insist upon making them. I form my opinions on gut instinct and then seek out questionable facts to back them up. I don't back down. I don't even listen. I tend to respect people less when they don't agree with me. I drink too much. I enjoy being drunk. I probably can't help it. I don't entirely want to. When I am drunk, I am even more boring than I am when sober. I am boring. I tell the same stories all the time, but they aren't even stories. Generally a person wants a beginning, middle and end to a story. There should be something intersting in the tale. Something should happen. There might even be a punchline. I don't know how to formulate these things. It doesn't stop me from telling stories. I am very poor at math. I am overly defensive. I am very critical of othere people's grammar and yet don't understand how to execute proper sentences myself. My clothes are stupid. I am cheap. I am such an asshole. this is in or around bitchville"

4/23/2008 1:43:12 PM

^ Nicole?

4/23/2008 1:49:38 PM

Quote :

" ILL EXECUTED BLOWJOBS "

4/23/2008 2:03:56 PM

ahahahaha

4/23/2008 2:19:43 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/653878817.html

Quote :

"Re: Hey Mr. Bus Driver ( --I AM THE BUS DRIVER-- ) - 30 (NCSU) Reply to: pers-653878817@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-23, 8:10PM EDT I have to say this is a new one for me; First, to see a post starring me after reading hundreds that did not Second, to have a girl step in front of a 50 foot long 25 ton transit bus to get my attention. Well you did get my attention it started making me think about how easily I could lose my job if somone was hurt because of your stunt. Unfortunantly I will not be coming over to give you any "safety lessons" as much as I want to, and by the way you were one of the most attractive girls that I saw yesterday(and driving a college shuttle bus I see a shitload).Dont get me wrong, I need a date in the worst kind of way(I just moved back to the area)but I also know that if you will do this to get my attention than most likely you will either set my car on fire, or stalk me for the next four months after I stop calling you. Maybe Next Time... and thanks for playing..."

to http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/652568106.html i guess

4/23/2008 8:52:05 PM

Quote :

"To RS - m4w - 29 (NCSU) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-652836654@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-23, 1:46AM EDT RS, I'm sure you don't read these but I needed an outlet where I could tell you how I feel without feeling like an asshole afterwards. First off, I'm sorry. I never meant to put you in a situation where you would be tempted to go against your morals. Even though nothing really happened, part of me wishes it did. I wish you were not getting married in two months because I love you. RH \m/ "

it says NCSU, set 'um up

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/652836654.html

4/24/2008 2:39:37 AM

[Edited on April 24, 2008 at 5:17 AM. Reason : d]

4/24/2008 5:17:22 AM

Quote :

"A few months ago Deleny Clifton told me he wanted to purchase my car. It is a 88 BMW 735il. He gave me a $100 down payment and took the car, but since february has told me numerous excuses why he couldn't pay the rest (only $400). He went to jail for 2 weeks in the middle of all this when he got out told me he had a job and would pay me April 1st. April 1st came and i got more excuses. Haven't herd from him since and will not answer his phone. If anyone knows Deleny Clifton please email me and inform him that he will have GTA on his record soon. But if anyone has seen an 88 735il, black, with corroded chrome rims (probly still says $500 on the windshield)please email me, it "supposedly" doesn't run right now but i think that was a lie also. If you have any information on "Deleny Clifton" or this car please contact me. This item has been posted by-owner. Location: Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 645129794 "

4/24/2008 8:56:39 AM

Quote :

"I hate all of you -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2008-04-20, 11:50PM EDT I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked. I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You. Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough. Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says 'step on the gas'. Fuck you wheelmen and women that think it's okay to sit in a left hand turn in the middle of morning traffic, even though there is a protected left in the intersections before and after where you need to make your turn. Fuck you too cyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. You don't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic. Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus. Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change. Fuck you bottles of water. You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars. Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi. Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all wrong. Fuck it. Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable. I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it. "

lol

4/25/2008 9:33:27 AM

that was some froshkiller shit right there

4/25/2008 9:35:52 AM

it sounds like something from fight club or trainspotting or something

4/25/2008 9:36:17 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/egr/656163619.html

Quote :

"The Company: Our client employs the best and brightest talent to provide energy to more than five million customers located in 11 states. They reward their employees with a competitive pay and benefits package, including work/life programs that help achieve balance between their job responsibilities and personal life. Won various awards including “100 Best Places to Work” “Family Friendly Workplace” and “Best Companies for Women of Color.” "

4/25/2008 4:32:03 PM

Quote :

"The cashier at the Zebulon Gas Station on Tuesday - m4w - 36 (Raleigh) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-653942128@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-23, 9:08PM EDT You ask me how was I doing.."

lol

4/26/2008 10:14:28 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/ers/656903151.html

4/26/2008 11:22:07 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/657504084.html

lol

4/26/2008 7:33:11 PM

this is where mike from the showgram comes to get his wacky craigslist shit.

EVERY MORNING WHEN IM STOPPING TO GET COFFEE AND ROLOS

4/26/2008 7:58:04 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/656282602.html
Little Person under 4 foot (Raleigh)
Reply to: gigs-656282602@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-25, 5:32PM EDT


Little person or midget wanted on the weekends to drink and party with a motorcycle crew. Must be able to ride on back of motorcycle and hold your own at drinking lots of alcohol. !!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT A JOKE WE ARE SERIOUS PLEASE CALL IF INTERSTED!!!!!!!!

CALL PAPPY at 919-262-6372 Please call Emails will not be returned. Thanks

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!COME HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH US STARTING TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4/28/2008 9:43:11 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tix/658507081.html

I know somebody on here will take advantage of this

4/28/2008 10:07:39 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/med/658801282.html

This is got to be some sort of affirmative action infringement...

Quote :

"Art Center Front Desk - Male Preferred (Raleigh) Arts Center in Raleigh is seeking a Front Desk attendent. Responsibilities include processing patron course registrations, art supply store sales, and handling all front desk inquiries. Position requires a very dependable personable individual, who is detail oriented. Hours are generally weeknights and weekend days. 10-20 hours per week. Ideal position for the right NC State University student. Compensation: $8.25 per hour, parking privileges adjacent to NC State University, art studio privileges. "

4/29/2008 9:17:01 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/660316628.html

Quote :

"my dearest roommate - w4w -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-660316628@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-28, 11:53PM EDT i cant sleep in my bed at night because it is so lonely. i cant stop the onslaught of thoughts. but i cant sleep in your bed because of the anticipation. it always leads to sex. i just want to cuddle and feel truly loved. youre always welcome in my bed. especially when you cant stand your fiance. "

4/29/2008 9:54:48 PM

haha. im a trainer at a tech company so i love to read the missed connections. theres one from some girl talking about how she (basically) wants to fuck this dude from training "in a male-dominated field."

she gave her first name nad his so i cant wait to go walk around the room in my friend's class he's training to see if i can have a spotting.

4/29/2008 10:13:51 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/662115094.html

Quote :

"Casting for Print Ads by Two Local Photographers (Raleigh and surrounding area) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: gigs-662115094@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-30, 11:17AM EDT Two local commercial photographers are casting for upcoming print ads in the Raleigh area. Character Descriptions: Ad One: SHOOT DATES: 5/7; 5/8 or 5/9 1- Caucasian Adult Male: 40s, Dad. 1- Caucasian Adult Female: 40s, Mother. 1- Caucasian Teenage Male: Preteen/Teen, Son. 1- Caucasian Boy or Girl: 7-10 years old, Sibling. Ad Two: SHOOT DATES: 5/15; 5/16 1- African American Adult Female: 30s, gardener. 1- Asian Adult Male: Late 40s, bowler. 1 - Caucasian Adult Male: 60s, swimmer. 1 - Hispanic Adult Female: 40s, mother. 2 - Hispanic Infants/Newborns: twins preferred. 2 - Caucasian Child Male: 5-6 years old, with buzz cut. 1 – Caucasian Child Female: ~4 years old. If you would like to be considered, please email the following to the address above: -name and age - a photo -the character you would like to be considered for -your availability on the dates listed -your phone number Casting will begin immediately. Compensation, portfolio and schedule details provided. "

wut

4/30/2008 5:09:45 PM

i'm gonna apply for the 30 yr old black woman job

4/30/2008 5:24:20 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/bar/663108325.html

Quote :

"Vintage playboys for women's bike Reply to: sale-663108325@craigslist.org Date: 2008-05-02, 10:28AM EDT I'll trade two boxes of vintage playboys from late 50's to late 70's for a women's bike. Must be in working condition and have gears, I'll be using it for transportation in downtown Raleigh. Please keep in mind that I am 5'2''."

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/wan/665569667.html

Quote :

"Someone who buys egg cartons (Garner) Reply to: sale-665569667@craigslist.org Date: 2008-05-02, 9:26PM EDT I have a bunch of egg cartons, probably 3 large boxes worth. If anyone is interested, drop us an email."

5/3/2008 10:51:48 AM

Quote :

"I need a tutor for my daughter and my son. They are in 4th and 5th grade. I cant afford much money and dont really know how much a tutor normally cost. I would like a high school student or maybe a retired teacher.Your help would be greatly apprieciated. I would help them my self if I could but I dont understand alot of it myself.Thank you so much. You can call or email Stacey 919-496-1980"

this b!tch should not be qualified to parent.

5/3/2008 11:17:51 AM

Quote :

"Little Person under 4 foot (Raleigh) Reply to: gigs-656282602@craigslist.org Date: 2008-04-25, 5:32PM EDT Little person or midget wanted on the weekends to drink and party with a motorcycle crew. Must be able to ride on back of motorcycle and hold your own at drinking lots of alcohol. !!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT A JOKE WE ARE SERIOUS PLEASE CALL IF INTERSTED!!!!!!!! CALL PAPPY at 919-262-6372 Please call Emails will not be returned. Thanks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!COME HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH US STARTING TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

haha. they called this guy on the Showgram last week.

5/3/2008 11:27:08 AM