knock 'em down

9/3/2008 10:28:21 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/825762473.html

"I am a 37 yo mwm and would like to meet a sexy, sweet N.C. State coed who can appease my Daddy fantasy...I am a sweet, nice guy and will be very $generous$...this must happen at your apartment not a dorm...I work very close to Western Blvd...I am a nice looking chubby fellow at 6'2" 265 lbs...I have short brown hair and hazel eyes and will be glad to exchange pics with you...Again...to reinforce to you...I am a nice guy and will $look$ out for you.

Thank you !"

9/3/2008 10:52:51 PM

ugh...

9/3/2008 10:53:29 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/wan/826380306.html

Quote :

"gargage kit Reply to: sale-826380306@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-04, 12:03AM EDT gargage kit * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

9/4/2008 12:17:05 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/830104439.html

Quote :

"blk ncsu student here...and bored as crap. If you're interested in a deepthroating dick blow job I'm your guy. Just a blow and go. Will travel. Pic please"

And the pic:

9/6/2008 4:48:53 PM

is that Gary Coleman?

9/6/2008 5:04:45 PM

is that Tracy Morgan?

9/6/2008 5:07:14 PM

Quote :

"Reply to: pers-831074704@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-07, 9:36AM EDT So there is this girl I want to know more about (is she single? I don't know) But I can't see her facebook because I'm not a member of the NC State network. does anyone have an NC State email I can use to make a facebook account, look, and then delete?"

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/831074704.html

in missed connections wtf

9/7/2008 11:21:05 AM

why the hell are you always on craigslist?

9/7/2008 11:23:18 AM

Because it's awesome

(sometimes in a really scary way )

9/7/2008 11:24:34 AM

craigslist>*

9/7/2008 11:25:28 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4m/831340679.html

9/7/2008 9:56:06 PM

Lolz http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/831701100.html

Quote :

"Now auditioning - 34 (Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill) Reply to: pers-831701100@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-07, 7:03PM EDT The following is a list of requirements that I have for my next (ideally, my last) girlfriend. I'm tired of dead ends, so I'm going to be pretty specific about what I'm looking for. If you meet ALL of the criteria, please contact me. If you contact me and you don't meet all of the criteria, either A. I'll ignore you or B. I'll explain to you in small, simple words what's missing. OK. Here goes.... - You're successful; not necessarily monetarily, but you're at or near the top of whatever field you are in at the moment. You've achieved success through working hard and being smart. You are NOT an aspiring artist/musician/whatever that is currently waiting tables/bar tending/running a cash register/administrative assisting. You've got some plans and goals, and have achieved at least some of them by now. - You can speak, write, and read English. If you can't write a grammatically correct email, then please don't bother. If you don't know the difference between "you're" and "your" or "there" and "their", then you're not really literate. - You're intelligent. You can and do form your own thoughts, ideas, and you can discuss and argue them with others. The smarter, the better, as far as I'm concerned. Profoundly intelligent is ideal. - You don't have any kids. I don't like kids, and I'm not going to pretend to. Besides, you have too many interesting things to do to be bothered with changing diapers. - You like to have fun. You're smart and successful, and as such, you live life to the fullest. No teetotalers, please. Drinking and drugs are a plus. Burning the candle at both ends is another plus. - You don't particularly care what people think. You're your own person, and will do whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of what the mouth-breathers think. - You're thin. You're not "average". You're not "curvy". You're thin. This is what I happen to find attractive, and it also says something about your personality (ie: if you realize you're putting on weight, you have the self-control to eat less) and your level of self-awareness and self-respect. If you're not sure, then you're probably not thin. - You like sex. You enjoy it frequently, and don't have any hangups about sex. - You're disease-free. - You have a sense of humor and are not easily offended. - You're not religious. That's goes hand-in-hand with intelligence, but a lot of people who think they're intelligent don't understand this. I have nothing in common with anybody who talks to an invisible being who lives in the sky. That's about it. I really don't care about background, race, height, how you dress, or anything like that. I'm just looking for a partner in crime that is my equal. "

yes, there are loads of successful, literate, profoundly intelligent, childless, fun-loving, sex-loving, drinking, drug using, disease free, non-religious, funny women waiting to be picked up on the internet

9/7/2008 10:19:40 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/hsh/832522976.html

Quote :

"gorgious vase - $20 (wake forest) Reply to: sale-832522976@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-08, 12:49PM EDT Gorgious vase!! with flower arrangements! $20.00 or best offer"

9/8/2008 1:08:37 PM

I've got some small stuff listed for free on CL. Nothing big, at all.

So I just got this reply:

Quote :

"this stuff is free and im located in gillburg can we meet like in the middle and whats the catch."

9/8/2008 7:58:39 PM

don't use CL for free stuff...use wake freecycle

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WakeFreecycle/

9/8/2008 8:27:39 PM

If I wanted to sign up for that by now, I would have.

9/8/2008 8:44:52 PM

hey, i posted in your classifieds thread with the free stuff

[Edited on September 8, 2008 at 8:54 PM. Reason : i want dat pimpin purple chair]

9/8/2008 8:54:31 PM

I know

Someone's coming to get it; I was going to get up with you if they didn't

9/8/2008 9:02:49 PM

9/8/2008 9:08:28 PM

Quote :

"yes, there are loads of successful, literate, profoundly intelligent, childless, fun-loving, sex-loving, drinking, drug using, disease free, non-religious, funny women waiting to be picked up on the internet"

also thin with self-control/self-respect.

that's pretty much the perfect woman.

9/8/2008 9:09:32 PM

I've got some furniture listed for sale on craigslist. With dimensions of the furniture included.

This woman wants to know if one of the pieces will fit in her car

9/10/2008 3:59:07 PM

I had posted a free lawnmower on Craigslist back in the Spring. There was something wrong with the engine and I had already bought a new one anyway. The title was something like "FREE LAWNMOWER, FIRST COME FIRST SERVE" or something like that. Then in the body of the listing again that it was FREE, and it was down on the curb. Posted my address. I got no less than 10 e-mails asking me how much i wanted for the lawnmower.

[Edited on September 10, 2008 at 4:07 PM. Reason : a]

9/10/2008 4:05:24 PM

hahahahahaha

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/apa/836030514.html

Quote :

"$1000 / 2br - Upscale Condo available!!! 2 bedroom/2 bath 1300 Square feet (Cary, NC) Reply to: Dgiambelli@gmail.com [?] Date: 2008-09-10, 10:02PM EDT Beautiful Upscale condo in cary available for rent. Has two bedrooms and two bathrooms. In a great location and available immediately! Will rent furnished. Has a clubhouse and a pool across the street. Great place for a family. Please contact Daniella at 919-862-6819 "

9/11/2008 4:04:49 PM

ok well we have her full name now first is on the ad, last is no the email address.

somebody find the myspace.

9/11/2008 5:20:19 PM

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=207540213

http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniella_Giambelli/648794130

Three pics total, all three she is posing on a tree, LOL

[Edited on September 11, 2008 at 5:29 PM. Reason : d]

9/11/2008 5:27:32 PM

I remember my 11th grade english teacher was obsessed with Freud and talked about how trees could be a phalic symbol.

9/11/2008 5:33:54 PM

If that's the case, you should set up an appt. to see the condo and show up with a big sausage pizza

9/11/2008 5:36:27 PM

(in yellow)

(on the right)

9/11/2008 5:36:46 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/sha/836679704.html

Quote :

"$600 Women: All i want is a room and to do ALL the cleaning/errands (rtp) Reply to: hous-836679704@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-11, 1:20PM EDT I'm a 26 year old male, professional working in RTP and I'm looking for a somewhat unique housing situation. First, let me be clear that I don't want nor do I expect any kind of compensation, discount in rent, favors, or anything in return for what I'm offering. I'm looking to find a beautiful female roomate or group of roomates that I could rent a room from and do everything for. Some of the things I could do include: dishes, laundry, vacuuming, washing windows, mowing lawn, running errands, doing school homework, picking up dry cleaning -- pretty much anything and everything to save you time or work. So, I'm sure you're wondering: 1. Why would I want to do this? I am a normal, quiet, professional, but i have a submissive personality towards beautiful women. The enjoyment that I get out of this is in knowing that because I work all day or night to do laundry and run errands, you can just relax, go out with your friends, or watch tv. 2. What do I get out of this? I dont want any physical contact or discounts in rent, I really just enjoy being put to work. I'm not going to lie and say I dont love the idea of being put to use by a beautiful woman, but I dont want anything more than just doing the jobs. You could leave a list every day of errands you need done, and I could just regularly maintain the home (cleaning all the bathrooms, laundry, organizing closets, etc). * Location: rtp * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 836679704"

9/11/2008 6:59:25 PM

^i want a female version of one of those

9/11/2008 7:11:57 PM

Quote :

"Fill My Valence Electron Shell Date: 2008-08-02, 8:33PM EDT A little about me: My name is Selenium, but you can just call me Se. I take good care of myself--78.96 amu and disease free. I've been ionized before, but I'm not really into that anymore. I'm looking for someone to really bond with. Covalently. I want to be in a truly stable relationship. Do you have what I need? I'm not just looking for another Bromine. I want someone who will treat me like a princess and together we can become noble. * Location: Unknown * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

9/12/2008 1:26:23 AM

i lol'd

9/12/2008 7:09:12 AM

link, please.

So we can flag it for Best Of.

9/12/2008 9:27:37 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/wan/841018279.html

Quote :

" 20wk Siberian Husky in need of a home. Having a baby soon and will not be able to manage a 3yr old, Newborn and dog.. Name is chico and has a shot plan covered until July 2009, Please call or email me if interested for more information 919-413-6743 OR mariloveson@yahoo.com"

9/15/2008 8:56:50 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/837079964.html

Quote :

"seeking a personal assistant for part time hours(20-25 per week).Must be computer literate.some travel involved.flexible hours. * Location: wake * Compensation: $7.50 per hour "

hahahahahahaha

9/15/2008 9:26:21 AM

I have this ad up.

I just got an email asking if it'd work in a chicken coop.

...

9/15/2008 10:20:29 AM

the answer is yes.

9/15/2008 12:42:04 PM

Oh, holy shit.

^^That ad, I arranged a pick-up, and then promptly hopped in the shower, and then headed to work.

I checked my email just now, and had this in there. I don't care enough to add the HTML for the various sizes, color, and effects. It's bad enough without it

Quote :

"** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY ** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home ** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping ** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html PLEASE,,,,, Do not list it as PENDING PICK UP,,GONE, TAKEN, ETC,,,, IF YOU PROMISE IT OUT,,TAKEN,,,, JUST DELETE YOUR AD ASAP,,,YOU CAN ALWAYS REPOST,,,,,,READ ON,,,,, DO NOT EDIT,,,,,,,,,JUST DELETE YOUR AD,,, Just a reminder,,,,Rules and Regulations on Craigs List,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, PLEASE,,,,,Do not list it as PENDING PICK UP,,,,,GONE,,ETC,,,,,,,,,, WE NEED YOUR HELP TO STOP THIS PRACTICE ON CRAIGSLIST BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO IT,,,OTHERS THINKS IT IS OK,,,,, BUT IT IS NOT OK AND AGAINST CL POLICIES,,,,,,,,, DO Not edit it as Gone,,,, Taken,,,, Sold,,, Or "Pending" READ ON,,,,,, ******READ FORUM FROM CL BELOW IN DARK BLUE******* *********READ CRAIGSLIST FORUM BELOW CONCERNING PPU******* ************************************************************************************************* ************************************************************************************************* that is not allowed < ellabella > 04/29 13:48:29 Please don't modify your ad to say "pending pickup" (or "gone" or "spoken for"). Cl requests that you don't do it. It is done on Freecycle, but CL is different from Freecycle. You can delete the ad, if you wish, and then un-delete it if the pickup person doesn't show. Or just leave it up until the item is taken. http://miami.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=90001325 ************************************************************************************************* ************************************************************************************************* LISTEN, IF YOU RUN A NEWSPAPER AD,,,DO YOU CALL THE NEWSPAPER AND SAY,,, I THINK IT IS GONE,,,OR,,,PUT ON MY AD PPU,,,SOLD, GONE OR TAKEN,,,NO YOU DO NOT,,,YOU CALL THEM UP AND TELL THEM TO DELETE YOUR AD,,,IT IS GONE,,,HELLLOOOO,,,SAME HERE,,,ON CL SIMPLE>>>>>IF YOU PROMISE IT OUT,, IS GONE,,,OR TAKEN ,,, JUST DELETE YOUR AD,,, YOU CAN ALWAYS REPOST,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, AGAIN,,,In Free Stuff it is First COME,,,,First Served,,, SO IF YOU DO PROMISE IT OUT,,GONE, TAKEN,,,,JUST DELETE YOUR AD,,, YOU CAN REPOST,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, REPEAT AGAIN,,,,,,,You MUST delete this ad when Sold, Gone or Taken,,, Hello... That is what you are supposed to do on Craigs List,,,, DO Not edit it as Gone,,,, Taken,,,, Sold,,, Or "Pending" You should have seen that when you edited your ad,,,,,, People do NOT show up,,,,Take down #'s, IF YOU DO NOT WANT ANYMORE EMAILS,,, JUST DELETE YOUR AD,,, LIKE WE SAID,,,,,,YOU CAN ALWAYS REPOST,,, OR,,,, Just wait till GONE and THEN DELETE your AD,,, So ,,,,IF AND WHEN GONE,,, go back to your account,,, sign in,,, bring up this ad,,, edit it again and delete it this time>>>>>YOU CAN ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT AT "MY ACCOUNT"... AT TOP LEFT HAND SIDE OF CL STARTER PAGE,,,, THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION,,,,,,,, **************************************************************************************** ************************************************************************************************* ****SUGGESTION,,,MAKE A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS JUST FOR CRAIGS LIST,,,AT YAHOO OR HOTMAIL,,, SO YOU CAN SEPARATE ALL EMAILS YOU MIGHT GET,,,, AND NOT CLOG UP YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS*** ************************************************************************************************* Warning>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 13. TERMINATION OF SERVICE Craigslist, in its sole discretion, has the right (but not the obligation) to delete or deactivate your account, block your email or IP address, or otherwise terminate your access to or use of the Service (or any part thereof), immediately and without notice, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, if craigslist believes that you have acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOU. Further, you agree that craigslist shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service. Further, you agree not to attempt to use the Service after said termination. Sections 2, 4, 6 and 12-18 ************************************** *******************************Note****************************************** This email was sent in response to your Ad and is Not Spam. Your ad is against Craigslist rules and regulations,,,,,or TTU's,,, Or ???? If you do not want anymore emails from us,,,then put your ad in correctly or if you cannot obey CL rules and regulations,,,,, delete your ad , get off Craigs List and find another source,,, Thanks for your co-operation,,,, ************************************* ************************************************************ ************************************* **************************************************************"

[Edited on September 16, 2008 at 12:17 AM. Reason : the email addy it came from? craigslistdeals-no-reply@hotmail.com ]

[Edited on September 16, 2008 at 12:18 AM. Reason : oh, and they set the reply-to as hotmil.com]

9/16/2008 12:16:17 AM

holy shitfuck

9/16/2008 12:31:26 AM

hahahaha i knew that daniella girl years and years ago

thats humorous.

9/16/2008 12:35:34 AM

what's with all the commas?

9/16/2008 9:18:41 AM

http://winstonsalem.craigslist.org/sys/840223270.html

9/17/2008 8:14:36 PM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/grp/836350675.html

9/17/2008 8:54:51 PM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/sys/841429154.html
(FOR SALE SOLD!) 5.3¢/GB

9/17/2008 9:02:09 PM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/796258913.html

9/17/2008 11:01:40 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/spo/821109468.html

Quote :

"I know, I am stupid for buying it for him, but my loss is your gain. Up for grabs is the bag, ball, and a pair of bowling shoes. I'd like to sell it all together, if not, I guess I will sell it all separately. The ball says savage on it. It was catered to his small pathetic fingers. You can easily go to your local bowling alley pro shop and get it adjusted to your much more cool fingers. I weighed it on a scale I choose to not step on, and it said it weighs about 14,15 pounds. The carrying bag is black and it says strikeforce on it. The shoes are made by Dexter and they are white. They are a men's size 11. His shoe size proved nothing on his behalf. Best offer will "strike" ! "

haha

9/19/2008 12:41:31 PM

Quote :

"Free Laptop Computer (free) Reply to: sale-848606311@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-20, 4:45PM EDT I am looking for a Apple Laptop Computer that is in good condition. If there is anyone who has one that they are giving away,or is not wanting anymore, please contact me. I live in Clayton, and I will travel to Raleigh and here in Johnston County. Thank You."

...

9/21/2008 12:47:17 AM

paging ambrosia!!

Quote :

"Seeking a woman to keep me locked in a chastity belt - 30 (Raleigh) Reply to: pers-853356144@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2008-09-24, 12:01PM EDT I enjoy making the woman a Queen in a relationship and that I am here to make her happy. That means all my sexual energy is devoted to hear and that I am always thinking of her needs first. I own a chastity belt that really does lock on and keep me from having sex or masterbating. You could keep me locked until you think I have earned release. I know this is not you norm so I am looking for someone with an open mind. Please feel free to ask questions if you are curious. "

9/24/2008 12:31:11 PM

Fuck you.

dnl writes better than that

9/24/2008 12:37:32 PM