3

1/7/2008 1:32:29 PM

Tax season coming up again.

Pretty sweet that even though I pay for every last cent of my daughter's expenses, her mother gets to be the one who claims her as a dependant and take all of the tax credits and deductions ( a few thousand dollars worth, i think).





and I still effectively pay for her mother's car payment, too.

1/20/2008 7:31:54 PM

also, I love how the > $12,000 I paid in child support last year isn't deducted from my income

1/20/2008 8:05:28 PM

This is exactly why I plan on getting snipped at some point soon and don't plan on ever getting married. There is no reason for a man to get married.

1/20/2008 10:44:29 PM

Uh, Duke never got married. He just has a babies momma.

And if your in love with somebody and want to spend the rest of your life with them, there is no reason to NOT get married.

[Edited on January 21, 2008 at 8:34 AM. Reason : ]

1/21/2008 8:33:37 AM

no reason not to if you get a good pre-nup and think you can count on it.

1/21/2008 9:04:51 AM

Alright I have a serious question and I hope I can ask it without offending anyone, but here goes...

If you are going to get married and the topic of pre-nup comes up, doesn't that set you up for "hey when this doesn't work out, you keep your shit and I'll keep mine"? How do you talk about that without offending each other, and if you do decide to get one (for those that have) how does it affect your marriage?

I guess I just feel like a pre-nup says that you don't think it will work. I realize that statistically and realistically 50% of the time or more it's not going to work, but it seems hard to make it work if you go into it planning for it not to. Make sense?

1/21/2008 10:38:58 AM

Yeah, prenup really only isnt offensive if you are super rich.

1/21/2008 11:33:55 AM

I tend to agree with ^, unless you aren't super-rich, but have a large inheritence promised to you (like set to inherit a company or a substantial estate), or have significantly different assets entering the marriage... like one just graduated and has nothing, but the other has a house and significant other assets. Any major inequity, pretty much.

1/21/2008 12:12:58 PM

offensive or not, i wouldn't even entertain the idea of getting married without a prenup

1/21/2008 10:18:02 PM

I would prenup it up at this point in my life. I have put too many hours and shed too much blood in this house for anyone else to take it without paying me a small fortune. I'd expect the other person to have some serious thoughts about that decision, but if she is truly offended by it then I'd question her integrity in the matter.

1/21/2008 11:35:37 PM

thats a good point. if i lost my house that i bought myself and then had to pay alimony on top of that, i would turn into a horrible person.

not to say i would do horrible things, just that i would be a grumpy sob all of the time.

1/22/2008 11:34:46 AM

im curious as to how many people on here who are actually married have a prenup.

not to sound critical or anything, but i hear "im going to make them sign a prenup" far more then i hear "we signed a prenup" (other then celebs, etc). maybe theres a reason for that.

[Edited on January 22, 2008 at 11:57 AM. Reason : d]

1/22/2008 11:47:58 AM

^ i was one of those - said i would when i was younger but when it came down to it i never even brought it up

1/22/2008 12:01:37 PM

^^ you're right

but my parents have been divorced for 7-8 years, and my dad STILL has to pay $2000/month in alimony until my mom either remarries or dies (or if he dies, but in that case mom gets a life insurance policy that he's required to keep with her named as the beneficiary)

couple that with ridiculous, bullshit side of family law i've already been afflicted by, and there is absolutely no chance whatsoever I will ever get married without a prenup. It's enough of a stretch to consider it WITH a prenup.

[Edited on January 22, 2008 at 12:06 PM. Reason : asdfadf]

1/22/2008 12:06:12 PM

I didn't get a prenup. Ever said I would though. I didn't have shit but my student loans and she had nothing but her old car. Since then I have been the financial provider of the family, but she does a lot of shit around the house and raising our boys, and working part-time and going to school.

We pretty much have said if one cheats, the other takes everything. Now how well that would hold up in court, probably none. But if I can't keep it in my pants, then I don't deserve to keep the house. If she just bugs out or some shit though, fuck that, the gloves are off. But I would understand halving everything as she does a lot for us and I didn't have anything but debt to my name when we got hitched.

1/22/2008 12:20:20 PM

Josh and I talked long and hard about getting a prenup before we got married. If we'd had more time, we probably would have ended up with one. Not because we counted on our marriage not working out, but because we're realists.

We talked about it because I stand to inherit a great deal of property and money that has been in my family for generations. I was concerned that if things eventually did not go well that he may end up with part of it, when I felt like it should stay in my family no matter what. He completely understood how I felt about it and he was not in the least offended by it. (probably because he realized that since I planned on being a stay at home mother and he makes all of the money, a prenup could protect him as well.)

We didn't really get our behinds in gear to get a prenup because we're trusting one another to be decent people if our marriage happens to end. Hopefully that won't ever blow up in our faces.

1/22/2008 1:25:29 PM

Along those lines - has anyone ever heard of a post-nup or does such a thing exist? For couples in your situation, or sometimes a couple's financial circumstances change drastically and they might want to put an agreement in writing.

1/22/2008 2:19:29 PM

For richer or poorer ... or according to the postnuptial agreement

http://www.bankrate.com/yho/news/advice/20021021a.asp

1/22/2008 2:25:09 PM

Quote :

"Yeah, prenup really only isnt offensive if you are super rich."

Quote :

"I tend to agree with ^, unless you aren't super-rich, but have a large inheritence promised to you (like set to inherit a company or a substantial estate), or have significantly different assets entering the marriage... like one just graduated and has nothing, but the other has a house and significant other assets. Any major inequity, pretty much."

my mom flat out told me this summer that if i want 1. my inheritance and 2. my parents to help pay for my wedding, i will have to get a prenup. but thats largely because i'm set to inherit a decent amount of real estate from my grandparents, via my parents.

1/22/2008 4:35:26 PM

^ fair enough in my opinion

Even though my parents are still married, if the guy I was to marry wanted to sign a pre-nup, I doubt I'd be offended.

I think a lot of people get offended because it's OH MY GOD A LEGAL DOCUMENT - well, marriage is a legal agreement (and a religious one if you're into that). By and large prenups seem to be offensive to most people (except for the super-rich) because of the stigma associated with them, the "assume you'll fail and divorce" thing.

1/22/2008 6:54:38 PM

Quote :

"Yeah, prenup really only isnt offensive if you are super rich."

Unfortunately, the super rich aren't the only ones who need a prenup to protect themselves from asinine divorce laws.

1/22/2008 8:14:39 PM

^ agree, prenups = good idea

1/22/2008 10:01:38 PM

oh sweet, half of this tax break stimulus package will get swiped away from me, too.

1/24/2008 11:52:24 AM

Just kill her and run to mexico.

1/24/2008 12:02:58 PM

Damn.

Quote :

"prenups = good idea"

I expect that my bf and I will get a prenup. Although his parents had a messy divorce, we both expect and plan to make the marriage work (shit, we just put more work into our relationship the past few weeks than some folks put into their whole marriages), and a prenup isn't a "when" thing; it's an "if" - like any number of things people protect themselves against.

I think he has inherited all he will ever inherit; I may or may not get a nice inheritance (living in sin in a baptist family...). We plan to marry roughly 1-3 years after I graduate. By that point, he'll have been working in his field for 6-7 years, and I'll be relatively fresh out of college with little to no assets He's already got a house now. A pre-nup would be for peace of mind - his, mine, and our parents. And, I don't know that he's even thought about this. He tends to not think about legal and financial things. I worry about all that for him.

You want to marry a girl who is decent enough that you're not afraid to not have a pre-nup, but who is realistic enough to not object to a pre-nup.

[Edited on January 24, 2008 at 12:27 PM. Reason : ask]

1/24/2008 12:26:27 PM

Discussions like this make me, in a strange way, happy that I don't stand to inherit much of anything. My parents are NOT well-off and while I have one great-uncle who is wealthy, he is A)in excellent health and B)has already said his money will be split equally among the 15 blood relatives he has living.

Not that I'm getting married anytime soon...but unless I win the lottery I don't think I'll ever have any reason to worry about a prenup, I'm a couple years removed from college and still have nothing to my name except some debt.

(Maybe I need to seek the services of a financial planner though...)

[Edited on January 24, 2008 at 1:03 PM. Reason : f]

1/24/2008 1:02:26 PM

You realize that doesn't matter too much?

Women are, by and large, vile creatures, and a pre-nup is one of the defenses you have against some of them.

Even if you and your wife come in on equal footing, the way I understand it is if she were for some reason to work less or not at all...if yall divorce, you run the risk of being forced to support her in a lifestyle she's accustomed to.


In my inheritance situation, it's my grandfather's. I have always assumed that he was comfortably retired through careful planning. Then he decided to give away 70K because he and his brothers cut timber on some of their land. I've realized that even if he allocates my dad a small, unequal piece of the pie...that's more than any of us expected.


[Edited on January 24, 2008 at 2:03 PM. Reason : klf]

1/24/2008 2:02:45 PM

yeah, i would want a prenup regardless of any potential inheritance. i don't mind splitting assets that we jointly acquired, but I'm not paying any fucking alimony, and i don't plan on anyone taking any more of my money or stuff that is rightfully solely mine.

I also won't get married unless she agrees to keep our finances seperate (which will also be in the prenup). I mean, we can have an account that we both put money into to cover joint expenses (mortgage, groceries, homeowner's insurance, child(ren) we have together, vacations, etc), but all of my savings/investments, any "toys" (my cars, motorcycles, maybe boat and airplane later on, and whatever silly shit she wants to blow her money on), etc, will all be kept in our own accounts.

That way if I save and invest more and/or better than she does, I don't lose if she leaves...and I won't care if she has $10,000 worth of shoes that she never wears, and she won't care if I buy a badass sports car.

[Edited on January 24, 2008 at 6:27 PM. Reason : although i do stand to inherit a considerable amount, too...which will also be in the prenup]

1/24/2008 6:26:56 PM

<- Three passports soon FTMFW. Not paying a dime if crap like this happens.

1/24/2008 8:54:35 PM

In regards to the pre-nup. I believe it's much easier to decide who's going to get what when you actually like each other than if things were to go sour. At the same time, I don't feel I have to sign one, but I would. Like others have said, it's not like signing one is saying well I'm not sure this is going to work out...it's just protecting yourself for the future.

1/28/2008 4:40:34 PM

If you owe alimony in the US and you go to another nation, I don't think you can come back without facing the charges.

2/2/2008 7:15:33 PM

^i know. probably would never come here again anyway if i did move.

2/3/2008 11:13:29 AM

yeah right

2/3/2008 5:46:23 PM

Damn, I was expecting BridgetSPK to come into this thread bitching about how Duke is an asshole and arguing that he should be paying every cent he earns to the mother.

Maybe that'll happen on page 4.

[Edited on February 4, 2008 at 1:30 PM. Reason : 2]

2/4/2008 1:29:51 PM

Quote :

"In regards to the pre-nup. I believe it's much easier to decide who's going to get what when you actually like each other than if things were to go sour"

Pretty much agreed.

2/4/2008 4:21:08 PM

If you want a pre-nup, then you should be marrying the kind of person who honestly- thinks the same way.

Frankly- *I* want a pre-nup, and I'm female. I'd MUCH rather have it laid out - hey, if things go bad, this is what we do. It's no different than having an emergency fund, or a fire extinguisher in the kitchen in my book. You don't neglect these just because something isn't what you plan on, or even likely. It's just reality, people change and so do relationships. The drama in a relationship is more than enough without greed and stupidity coming into play once people are already angry.

Then again, I'm strange for a girl or so I hear. And have this strange notion that it's not entirely a guy's fault when a kid shows up. It's about 50% his. Go damn fig. telling guys to keep it in their pants is silly when the girl is pullin down her own.

That and the system of choosing who a kid lives with is fucking broken, so is child protective services, so is most of that shit.

2/4/2008 11:32:26 PM

Pretty much everything about the system is broken.

2/5/2008 2:46:53 PM

the only thing i can count on is my Sig.

2/5/2008 10:41:00 PM

Duke probably cant even get $300 for the kid off the rebate, probably the mother will get it...

2/7/2008 8:46:53 PM

correct

i don't get any of the tax benefits, even though i pay ALL of the costs

[Edited on February 8, 2008 at 1:57 AM. Reason : ^^ yeah, SIGs are certainty in an uncertain world.]

2/8/2008 1:57:05 AM

I don't feel your pain Duke.

But I do admire the hell out of you.

[no homo]

2/8/2008 2:58:46 AM

so the house belonging to that fuckhead lawyer that I so despise burned down!

HA HA!

[Edited on March 30, 2008 at 10:38 PM. Reason : He had no honor. He had no code...and God was watching.]

3/30/2008 10:27:25 PM

That's awesome

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 8:57 AM. Reason : here's to hoping he didn't have very decent insurance]

3/31/2008 8:57:00 AM

lol

3/31/2008 2:49:42 PM

Wrap it before you tap it.

3/31/2008 3:31:10 PM

Quote :

"If you are going to get married and the topic of pre-nup comes up, doesn't that set you up for "hey when this doesn't work out, you keep your shit and I'll keep mine"?"

I would be extremely happy even to be allowed to have this awkward or offensive conversation. I mean I watched my parents go through a divorce and truly feel for those who are negatively effected by unfairness in the system.

But at least you get to be part of the system. My engagement will have to be followed through in Canada or South Africa (MA doesn't work unless you're a resident) to have legal standing there, but still wont do much for me here in NC.

4/4/2008 8:20:11 PM

First, I love how this thread is totally not about the topic anymore.
Second, my GF and I have both already told eachother that there is going to be a prenump.
For the next 8 years or so, she will be making significantly more $$ than me. After that, it will even out. I on the other hand, have many more assets than she does, and am currently better off financially with 0 debt. I also stand to inherit a very large lump sum when my last surviving grandparent does pass away.

Now days, mairrage is a betting game, being that half of them fail. I strongly believe that if people would work on the relationship instead of bailing out and trying to fuck the other person, the whole institution would be better off.

4/7/2008 2:56:32 PM

Quote :

"I realize that statistically and realistically 50% of the time or more it's not going to work"

Actually, that statistic can be brought down significantly by several factors.

- College Education
- Getting married after 22 years old (or somewhere around that age)
- Not having a kid within the first year of marriage
- Having parents that are still married
- Having a similar faith (or no faith)

The divorce rate is extremely high when you consider people that are too young, uneducated, or bring a kid into the relationship early. Really drives % up.

[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 8:53 PM. Reason : jjj

[Edited on April 19, 2008 at 8:53 PM. Reason : l]

4/19/2008 8:53:01 PM

^Wow, I'm fucked.

- College Education: Working on it
- Getting married after 22 years old (or somewhere around that age) Well I was 21, she was 19
- Not having a kid within the first year of marriage Whoops
- Having parents that are still married Yea on both sides, but her mother is remarried
- Having a similar faith (or no faith) Both Baptist/Methodist, so we are fine there

4/20/2008 8:32:35 AM