i am TERRIBLE at waiting to give or open gifts & have to wait to buy them until last minute most of the time bc i'll try to force them on the person days/weeks in advance. i was the kid who sneaked downstairs to see what santa brought before mom & dad got up, and hunted through all the closets to try to find gifts too...

that said, not knowing the sex of the baby hasn't been difficult at all. it wouldn't change anything that we're doing in terms of decorating, and would only slightly affect clothing selection. other people though seem to get pissed, like actually mad, that you're not going to find out. i don't get it. it's not eating me alive to know, not even the slightest.

6/5/2012 1:25:55 PM

It is completly your decision whether or not you find out the sex. People should not get pissed off.

We haven't really thought of a theme yet but I am leaning towards doing wall clings instead of painting or murals (we plan on moving in a year or two). I found some Lilo & Stitch wall clings on Ebay.

6/5/2012 1:37:19 PM

I love the wall clings. We have to paint the room anyway since it's an ugly ass beige color but I'll probably still do wall clings. There's some really cute ones on Etsy.

6/5/2012 2:21:16 PM

i personally can't stand branded/themed rooms, but i'm all for decals. here's where we'll get ours
http://www.etsy.com/shop/designedDESIGNER

6/5/2012 3:54:21 PM

^I bookmarked that etsy page b/c I love all of those

And good prices too from what I've seen so far

6/5/2012 4:10:33 PM

We had a miscarriage.

6/5/2012 4:26:47 PM

oh I'm sorry Steven

6/5/2012 4:36:34 PM

I am so sorry

6/5/2012 4:46:26 PM

6/5/2012 4:48:40 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that.

6/5/2012 4:50:05 PM

oh no i'm so sorry *ehugs*

6/5/2012 5:19:31 PM

I feel so bad for her. 3rd in a row. I have no idea what I'm suppose to do:/

6/5/2012 5:32:18 PM

I'm so sorry.

6/5/2012 5:53:50 PM

Just love her and show her that you feel the loss as well.

Also, if they haven't before, they may begin to look for a cause (genetic or otherwise) for the miscarriages.

6/5/2012 6:19:14 PM

That sucks

If she doesn't know the site already I recommend http://www.glowinthewoods.com/ It helped me a lot. I can also give you support group resources in the Triangle if you pm me.

As far as what you can do, just hold her and let her cry and whatever else she needs to let out the grief. I also found it helpful to hear what my husband was feeling about everything because otherwise you feel so isolated in your grief. Also be prepared for family, friends, coworkers, etc to say amazingly insensitive shit. I swear some people just don't think before opening their mouths.

6/5/2012 8:22:51 PM

My mom and dad have been quite supportive. her parents have been as well...co-workers I expect to be douches about it, but im used to that...

Thanks for the site, I will pass it along to her.

We do not live in the triangle area, we live in Washington state. Thank you though...I really do appreciate it a lot!

6/6/2012 3:01:21 AM

I would definitely start pushing her ob for testing. Honestly I'm kind of surprised they waited so long to bring her in considering her history. With me they had me going in every two weeks starting at six weeks, which was a bit overkill imo but I guess it gives them more chances to catch things going wrong sooner. If she had a D&C they'll send some of the tissue to pathology but they'll want to do hormonal tests and the like as well.

6/6/2012 8:58:44 AM

I too am sorry for your loss.

Serious question: being prone to miscarriages, wouldn't it be prudent to do genetic testing on the man as well?

6/6/2012 11:01:28 AM

Actually, doctors do eventually look at the husband once you enter the realm of multiple miscarriages. But many doctors don't really start to take an in depth look until you get to 3+ miscarriages. That's just because of the nature of miscarriages. They're incredibly common and most women with children have had a miscarriage, though not always knowingly.

6/6/2012 11:23:50 AM

Quote :

"Serious question: being prone to miscarriages, wouldn't it be prudent to do genetic testing on the man as well? "

Depends. If all of the miscarriages happened with the same partner then they most likely will. But if they happened with multiple partners they will probably start with the woman. And it also depends on insurance. For example my husband and I are on different insurance policies. My company's policy is very generous when it comes to fertility issues. His company's policy is pretty much non-existent. So it's doubtful his plan would even cover his testing.

6/6/2012 12:18:25 PM

So no baby yet....I had high blood pressure again and I have been officially put on bed rest with appointments every other day until I deliver. They expect to deliver me next week. I am pretty frustrated. It is such a hullabaloo to drive the 40 min there and get worked in and drive back.

My blood pressure is bad enough where I am seeing spots, getting dizzy, etc.

Oh well, I don't know how the hell I am suppose to lay around. That isn't my personality.

6/6/2012 8:51:21 PM

Well after a massive fuckup thanks to the specialist I'm going to, I'm going to have to sit in their office for a couple hours before they'll do the NT scan today. I'm super pissed I have to use a half day of PTO because of their incompetence.

6/7/2012 11:27:06 AM

Steven, I'm so sorry to hear that

For the genetic testing comment, wolfpackgrr is right in that testing usually starts with the woman especially if she has had miscarriages with different partners as well. However, with the same partner it's becoming more common to test both people as there are conditions that can be found in either partner, such as a balanced chromosomal translocation. Basically, all the necessary material is there but it's rearranged so when someone goes to have a baby it can become unbalanced in the fetus thus causing too much or too little genetic information to be present. Testing for this requires just a simple blood draw, but we also try to consider if multiple people in the family have a similar history and not just one person. (It's still possible even with one person but you're more likely to see others with multiple miscarriages as well or a child with a chromosomal condition)

[Edited on June 7, 2012 at 12:52 PM. Reason : .]

6/7/2012 12:51:33 PM

Wow, Steven. Big e-hugs for you and her and the big sister.

[Edited on June 7, 2012 at 3:15 PM. Reason : When does genetic counseling come in? Samwise16]

6/7/2012 3:09:38 PM

Different hospitals vary slightly but the norm is to be referred to a genetic counselor after at least 2 miscarriages. Some places wait until after 3, though. And of course genetic counseling is recommended if they do lab work on a miscarriage or stillborn and it's abnormal

[Edited on June 7, 2012 at 3:17 PM. Reason : .]

6/7/2012 3:17:16 PM

Sam, have you heard of Harmony genetic testing? I heard a bit about it last week, and it seemed to be pretty hyped up. One of the perinatal nurses I was talking to said it was 99% accurate, and you could take it any time after 8 weeks gestation.

6/7/2012 3:20:24 PM

You shouldn't have it done after a certain point because of the validation studies only looking at a certain time point, so you can't be sure what's truly accurate at say, 25 weeks. It is same thing as MaterniT21 and Verify - noninvasive prenatal testing. There are pieces of the baby's DNA that float around in mom's blood and we know where those pieces should come from in respect to the genome. They use statistical analysis to determine if there's a proper ratio of segments from chromosomes 21, 18, and 13. The problem is, it is NOT 100%, and the detection rate isn't always even 99% for the different chromosomes. This is mainly because the validation tests can only look at so many babies with trisomy 18 or trisomy 13 because those conditions are rare (T13 being the rarest out of 21, 18 and 13). They're trying to market these tests as noninvasive prenatal diagnostic testing, but it's not diagnostic. They still recommend you follow up with a CVS or amnio if it comes back positive. Some companies are better than others, too - I think Harmony is very new and I'll be completely honest when I say Integrated Genetics isn't my favorite company. I personally like Verify by Verinata because they have a positive, negative, and "uncertain" result (aka they recognize the limitations of this testing).

Bottom line - I recommend it for screening, just don't trust it as if it's 100%. We are still learning a lot about this technology and as time goes on we might feel comfortable saying it's 100%, but not right now.

6/7/2012 3:32:30 PM

That makes sense. Thanks!

6/7/2012 3:36:00 PM

No problem

I think people should also remember if it comes back "normal" that doesn't mean nothing else can happen.. And it only looks at 21, 18, and 13 so obviously it can't tell you the sex of the baby or tell you if anything is wrong with the structure of the chromosomes.

6/7/2012 3:49:32 PM

The ultrasound portion of the NT scan looked good today! Which doesn't mean a whole lot until the blood work comes back but the doctor seemed confident

6/7/2012 5:38:25 PM

My wife gets mouth ulcer, 16 weeks now. What shall I do?

6/7/2012 7:29:20 PM

Wait it out. It should heal on it's own. Cinnamon hard candy can numb it if it hurts.

6/7/2012 8:36:26 PM

uh. don't put it in her mouth.

6/7/2012 8:42:00 PM

She had her D&C surgery today. She is taking it pretty rough, but she is tough and hanging in there. We will try again some day. If not, adoption is always an option. Just hate seeing her beat herself up and blaming herself.

6/8/2012 12:44:11 AM

It breaks my heart when women blame themselves unless there was a known cause like drugs or alcohol, people can't control what their body decides to do.. How are you feeling during all this?

6/8/2012 8:47:04 AM

I know how she feels The night before my D&C I went into labor which was just an awful experience. It took me days before I even wanted to get out of bed. I would spend long stretches when I was at work crying in the bathroom. You can't help but feel like there was something you could have done to prevent it even though there usually isn't. Is her doctor planning on doing testing beyond the D&C pathology?

6/8/2012 9:02:48 AM

I hurt because she hurts. It sucks...just hurts. I am just being strong for her.

I really hate how she blames herself so much. It really sucks when she is like "you can leave me, this is your out, i understand if you want to go find someone who can have babies"...

I do not believe there is anymore testing, that is what the impression I got from the doctor.

6/8/2012 9:50:49 AM

Honestly she might want to go get a second opinion then. After three miscarriages most doctors will want to look to see if there are hormonal issues, cervical issues, etc. My doctor told me when I got pregnant the second time that if I miscarried again they would begin doing tests to rule certain issues out because they don't like telling women to just wait and see if there are things that can be potentially identified. If they can identify something then there are preventative treatments they can give when a pregnancy is first detected to decrease the risk of miscarriage. For example I have a friend that after two miscarriages they discovered her body wasn't making enough progesterone I think it was to keep a pregnancy going so she would have to take hormone shots in the beginning. Now she has two kids.

6/8/2012 9:59:38 AM

^^

6/8/2012 10:14:28 AM

Gonna know the sex of baby this afternoon. Many people say it's a girl.

6/8/2012 10:54:59 AM

Steven, that's terrible one thing I would suggest is looking up a support group in yalls area..it might help her to talk to others after she has had a little time to herself

And I agree with wolfpackgrr. At this point there should be more testing, not just for cervical or homonal issues but genetic abnormalities as well. It might be too late now because if there wasn't more testing wanted they might not have saved a sample but it might be worth calling the doctor to double check

6/8/2012 11:51:46 AM

Quote :

"It really sucks when she is like "you can leave me, this is your out, i understand if you want to go find someone who can have babies"..."

If ever there was a time to tell a woman to STFU and kiss her....

6/8/2012 1:03:49 PM

Quote :

"I hurt because she hurts. It sucks...just hurts. I am just being strong for her. I really hate how she blames herself so much. It really sucks when she is like "you can leave me, this is your out, i understand if you want to go find someone who can have babies"... I do not believe there is anymore testing, that is what the impression I got from the doctor. "

Coming from the husband's side of things:

The most you can do is ride it out and protect her from things that might make her feelings worse for the time being. Make sure she has no other worries other than just getting through the day. I busted my ass and kept everything running just so it wasn't another stressor on top of everything else.

I am sorry for the loss.

6/8/2012 4:45:54 PM

6/8/2012 8:01:34 PM

I am hoping to have the baby tomorrow....crossing fingers. We will see what the doc says.

6/11/2012 9:16:57 PM

good luck!

6/11/2012 10:19:35 PM

^^ You can do it!!!

Well I'm assuming that the NT results were good since I had a voicemail from the genetic counselor at 7pm (talk about working late ) saying she had good news. Guess I should get around to calling her back today. Yesterday I had my monthly checkup and they realized that while they did my pap smear, they never actually sent it out to the lab. So I had to get another pap smear Then the doctor was telling me how NC requires all pregnant women to get three syphilis tests over the course of their pregnancy. That seems a bit overkill lol.

6/12/2012 9:38:43 AM

Do what? Three? I'm pretty sure I only had the one gamut of STD tests in the beginning and that was it.

6/12/2012 10:07:36 AM

^this. well, i'll be 32 weeks on thursday & haven't had another std test since the very beginning.

6/12/2012 10:17:53 AM

^^ They probably just didn't tell you they were doing it when they were drawing your blood for other things. UNC seems to say it's only twice: http://www.med.unc.edu/nursing/programs/women/womens.ed/english/Lab%20Studies.pdf I wonder if the third one is done when you check into the hospital for labor.

6/12/2012 10:21:25 AM