41

2/16/2011 6:36:03 PM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/etc/2220528892.html

Quote :

" Night Babysitter (28213) Date: 2011-02-17, 9:16PM EST Reply to: job-nhtcm-2220528892@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I have 2 children ages 3&2. I'm looking for someone to come to my home and watch them overnight while I work. Hours would typically be 4pm-4am Wednesday-Sunday. Mondays&Tuesdays off. I will already have dinner prepared and pajamas laid out. Please respond with picture, and references. Location: 28213 Compensation: $100 per week Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests"

lol @ $1.67/hr
Why would you leave your kids with someone who will work for $1.67/hr?

2/17/2011 11:05:37 PM

Quote :

"I will already have dinner prepared and pajamas laid out."

I read this and thought it meant pjs laid out for the babysitter and I was like

2/18/2011 12:46:50 AM

^^I once had someone offer me about that much to do full time nanny.

She asked me what I wanted per week and I said no less than four hundred and she was like 'well the last babysitter we had only got one hundred a week'

and I responded back with "well that's why you're looking for a babysitter now"

2/18/2011 12:49:31 AM

Quote :

"Vanity Light fixture 4 glode - $50 (Cary) Date: 2011-02-20, 8:04PM EST Reply to: sale-gnrgm-2225411477@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Everything included to work, including bulbs - excellent condition. Globes have a warm rich golden-brown huge when lit. Nothing wrong with it, my wife is out stimulating the economy. Or Best Offer. "

2/22/2011 10:24:45 PM

Quote :

"MR MOM?? WILL YOU GIVE (US) A CHANCE? (LTR CHARACTER LOYALTY LOVE..WILL IT ...) Date: 2011-03-08, 6:00PM EST Reply To This Post WILL IT BE ENOUGH? My name is Robert, i am seeking a LTR but also A SLIM POSSIBILITY TO Having something that was taken from me in my past...I would like a chance at fatherhood ( i will explain what happened)..Please give US a chance..don't we deserve something special? I feel i do. If your a single Mom, i am good with that, however i doubt you will be GOOD with ME after you finish reading..just saying... The following is laden with reality. If you are looking for A LTR, LOYALTY, RESPECT CHARACTER AND TRUE HONESTY.. with the possibility of expansion, in ways you or I can't possibly envision unless were HONEST RIGHT FROM THE START. I should tell you now that you may not like what you read...judgments & misconceptions abound. Should you respond, let's not waste each others time, lets learn IN ALL HONESTY WITH OUT OMITTING about each other... The following is me in ALL HONESTY, that some just can't handle...it is a lot to take in and or consider with out MORE INFORMATION.. so please take your time. I know i want to learn about you too, see i have talked to many, considered by some, asked to come in there life, BUT I AM NOT GOING TO JUMP INTO CHAOS OR SOMEONE THAT IS HEAVILY MEDICATED !! Trust me there out there, both genders, Heck your counterparts have suggested i am the one that needs to be medicated, yeah lovely world we live in cynicism and judgments abound...cont. ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS, THE MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS; LIKE DOES ROBERT HAVE ANY CRIMINAL RECORD? NO ! DOES ROBERT HAVE ANY DUI'S NO ! DOES ROBERT USE DRUGS NO !..I have had some that have said i need fixi'n. Believe me i have talked to some that eventually reveal heavy chemical dependency, ie. drugs, alcohol...now i am not perfect. NEVER HAD A DEPENDENCY, JUST A DEPENDENCY TO BE LOVED FOR ONCE...YES; THEY HAVE SAID THEY LOVED ME, BUT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS RIGHT? I am 48 & 5'6" and exceptional oral & physical hygiene, and i do not compromise on this key issue, nobody wants to kiss an ashtray, BESIDES.. I watched my father suffer many years because of smoking, so why would i want to see my soul mate, lover, future love expedite her life with US? HE PASSED AWAY A LITTLE OVER 3 YEARS AGO AND YES; IT HAS AFFECTED ME PROFOUNDLY. BELOW IS AN EXCERPT OF HOW BOTH GENDERS PLAY GAMES AND OMIT KEY INFORMATION: OMITTING LEADS TO... It started out in anxiety which melted very fast..We found so much in common, a bond that could last. We laughed and talked for hours; and then we talked some more. Then the anxiety and fear set in, and cut us both to the core. Happiness was in reach...but one soul mate had many doubts, fears, and feelings of guilt that could not be lessened. Too many fears that the happiness wasn't real (it was), that it wouldn't last (it wasn't given the chance), or that one didn't deserve to be happy (he did). Arms and hearts remain empty except for questions (what might have been?) and pain instead of happiness. Fear, doubt, and feelings of guilt will not allow love to grow, happiness to have a home, and will not hold you tenderly at night. Fear will keep you cold, doubt will keep you unhappy, and guilt will keep you sleeping alone instead of having someone to love in your arms. I find myself alone after i have invested so much time with this woman i wrote about above; I cannot say i did not share some of those fear and doubts.. But when she told me she was BI after what i thought would be a special life together, I COULD NOT OVERCOME THAT. Why did she wait so long to reveal this? She said it happen in college and not since? Well then why call yourself BI if it only happen one time? Why say it would have nothing to do with us? I DESERVE BETTER, IT IS YET TO BE PROVEN THAT HONESTY FROM THE START IS THE BEST POLICY. I can be someones RIGHT ONE but so much (we) have to consider when we expect someone to have (our) back & best interests. If you would like to explore HOW WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER PLEASE ASK ME TO SEND YOU MORE INFORMATION AND THEN YOU CAN MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION ( more info. is a profile of Robert lots there to crack me over the head with) But there will be some questions you or I may have before i consider sending this personal insight. There is much to read about me & you can do so with out any obligation other than your time & UNDERSTANDING, BECAUSE IT WILL REQUIRE "UNDERSTANDING" RATHER THAN JUDGMENTS TO LEARN ABOUT ME. If you have any questions, please ask. I am seeking to LIVE TOGETHER AND MAYBE MARRIAGE AT SOME POINT DOWN THE ROAD, YES; COMMITMENT. MARRIAGE IS NOT A DEAL BREAKER, JUST MY PREFERENCE, BUT THERE IS A DECEPTION ON THIS SUBJECT THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT ALSO, SO DON'T JUMP TO QUICKLY ABOUT THE M word. I am currently residing in Tarpon Springs Florida, but i am willing to come to you, trust (we) are HONEST FROM THE START AND NOT OMIT "KEY" INFORMATION AS WE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER..FAIR ENOUGH?..This is taking slow right? I will need some assistance to get there, the leap of faith requires BOTH of US. Thanks for your time & consideration. Robert PS; I certainly like animals & believe they should be part of the household. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/2254782863.html

3/8/2011 10:17:43 PM

Quote :

"human toilet - m4w (RTP) Date: 2011-03-05, 11:30AM EST Reply To This Post I'd love to find someone with the desire and patience to make this happen. We'd set goals and milestones that we'd meet together, with the goal being me taking care of making everything that comes out of you disappear. Let's have a great time and share alot of smiles as we make this happen. Pick a nickname for me and let me know on your response line. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/msr/2248542295.html

3/8/2011 10:39:04 PM

^what. the. fuck.

3/8/2011 10:43:51 PM

You know you like it.

3/8/2011 10:46:43 PM

What does LTR mean?

3/8/2011 10:59:47 PM

long term relationship


or loves to rape

3/8/2011 11:03:51 PM

lord of the rings

3/8/2011 11:05:03 PM

Haha somebody request more info from mr mom up there ^ I tried but couldn't do it from phone.

3/8/2011 11:07:43 PM

there are so many things on here i don't need but find myself wanting anyway

example:
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/fuo/2273433459.html

3/19/2011 12:11:21 AM

ahaha

3/19/2011 2:28:07 AM

That is awesome

Im' AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

3/19/2011 2:52:42 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/2293053423.html

Quote :

"I am looking for a few females for something new and exiting I looking for several females to doll up two nights a week (just like the images on my web site) And have clubs book them to make appearances, mix and mingle and have the club alive all night. You must be able to be in heels dancing up to 4 hrs will have to have a wide variety of fashion and colors. Must be polite and flirtations and able to walk up and start conversation with both gender’s. I am looking for this to expand into other promotional gigs if it takes of well. Looking to do this only weekends at first but hopefully will be getting calls to include weekends. Promoters needed as well to book clubs. Please submit 1 photo face 1 photo full body and 3 to four photo’s of you in different outfits no casual please. In the photo I am not looking to see if you can do hair and make-up looking at your clothes and physical attributes. Check out web sight perfectmotionimages.com "

Wow. Be sure to check out the web sight.

3/29/2011 10:40:12 AM

Photo's

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

3/29/2011 2:43:44 PM

Yeah, not to mention:

"new and exiting"

"polite and flirtations ... gender's"

"Looking to do this only weekends at first but hopefully will be getting calls to include weekends." - wat?

And the web sight is pretty bad, as well.

3/29/2011 3:11:20 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/roo/2293297169.html

Quote :

"$367 NEED BITCHIN HOUSEMATE BY JUNE 1ST. (Raleigh) Date: 2011-03-29, 12:12PM EDT Reply to: hous-mamjm-2293297169@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] ATTN: Also despite the copious usage of the word "bro" this position is not limited to male roommates. Just gotta impress me with your awesome bean power. Also property is not determined yet, there are places we have in mind but it depends on how soon we are able to fill out the application and if the property is still available. Current top choice is 3bd/3ba. Price will be around $1100 split 3 ways plus utilities. In my current house living experience it's usually around 450-475 a person. Sorry for ignoring some previous emails, reddit fucked me up and one of our roommates recently backed out. Little dawg, Are you at a crossroads in your life? Do you need some friends to help you through? DID YOU BRING YOUR NOCS? I am losing a fellow bro and roommate in our 3 bd house. We are in search of a new one and have some places picked out. BUT WE'RE DOWN A MAN, WE LOST HIM IN THE SHIT, IT WAS LIKE 'NAM ALL OVER AGAIN. THERE WERE FLESHLIGHTS AND EXPLOSIONS AND GODDAMNIT, JIMMY'S NOT COMING HOME! Anyways, We'll be moving around June 1st and starting a 12 month lease. We're looking for a student 20+ who doesn't smell like doritos. About us: - We're 21-22 - We like kitties and doggies as long as they're not dicks - We play stayplation tres and x-bawks circle. - We're students at NCSU and WE WORK HARD! - We cuddle, CONSTANTLY! - We do not have bedtime restrictions (I'm not saying we yell at 3 in the morning, but there's a possibility on weekends, I mean if you need to sleep before 12 you're probably not our man/woman) - One of us plays guitar so deal with it nerd. - Every once in a while we play that song by kings of leon that's all "SOMEONE LIKE MEEEEE" while we're making out with our super hot girlfriends and the room spins. About you: - 20+ - Crazy hot (We're both hot so it'd be weird if you weren't) - Into cuddling - Pillow talk is a must - Gotta love Taylor Swift or J-Biebs but preferably both - Must be into Nicolas Cage movies - If you play WoW a server transfer is required, I will smother you in loot. (JK I don't play that gay game...mostly) - Is totally fine with listening to Kenny G while we clean the house - If I die you will carry my coffin - Serious bro, you gotta carry my coffin...by yourself - Not required but making french toast is a bonus So if you're curious or just wanna tell me how bro I am send me an email. Maybe we can get together sometime and talk things over, just you...me...a fine box of wine....THE MOON! Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all Sharpton for President, - Papa Georgio "

3/30/2011 9:23:28 AM

old?

3/30/2011 10:24:08 AM

mayhaps...

3/30/2011 10:24:55 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/2294553348.html

Quote :

"Wanted: Midget to hide under girls bed (Campbell University) Date: 2011-03-30, 12:02AM EDT Reply to: gigs-8ya32-2294553348@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I need a midget to hide under my friends bed and scare her. submit pix so i can confirm that you are a midget. * Location: Campbell University * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests * Compensation: $12 "

LOL... $12

3/30/2011 11:09:39 PM

Quote :

" Drive Me to court in Richmond VA (HENDERSON, NC) Date: 2011-04-03, 5:28PM EDT Reply to: job-qbsg7-2303332128@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] who need a lil extra money. have a court case in richmond va. the case is for a brawl had at a bar. my license are no good and currently in a custody battle for my child. trying to get everything right and not miss this case. just moved to the henderson nc area three months ago. just don want to risk driving. also to consume ur time will pay you 250.00 when we leave. while n court you can go eat or shop. will give you and extra 100.00 to blow. you can drive my truck which is fully insured. a 2005 cadillac escalade. yes am a black male. will not rob shot or kill you. just wanna go to court. know do smoke and love to sip just a lil henny. if you honest and can do this Please reply. must have and can show me license. man or woman My court date is 04/06/2010 Wednesday $250.00 For your time driving. $100.00 For you to browse around/eat MY Vehicle. 2005 Cadillac Escalade Fully Insured. # Location: HENDERSON, NC # Compensation: $350.00 # Telecommuting is ok. # This is a part-time job. # This is a contract job. # This is at a non-profit organization. # OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities # OK for recruiters to contact this job poster. # Please, no phone calls about this job! # Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/trp/2303332128.html

hope he wins that custody battle

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

4/3/2011 10:01:40 PM

^ If that is legit and I had the time, my buddy and I could totally do that. I drive my own car, dude sits in front passenger seat, and my buddy rides in the back seat so that if anything goes down, my buddy can take care of bidness. YA DIG HOLMES?

4/3/2011 10:05:53 PM

^ that doesn't sound half bad.

4/3/2011 10:07:00 PM

Don't forget to collect half before the trip, and the other half before you take him back. I'm pretty sure the LAST thing he wants is to be left up in VA with no ride... Worst thing after making the trip up is something happens and he gets sent to jail/prison and never makes it out of the courtroom I guess you can set a predetermined time (reasonable) that you'll leave if he doesn't come out or contact you.

[Edited on April 3, 2011 at 10:12 PM. Reason : .]

4/3/2011 10:11:15 PM

Quote :

"yes am a black male. will not rob shot or kill you"

Disclaimer made me lol.

4/3/2011 10:15:07 PM

I like how "Telecommuting is okay"


[Edited on April 3, 2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason : ]

4/3/2011 10:28:38 PM

Ha I'm gonna email that.

4/3/2011 10:35:06 PM

Sounds like a drug/cash run

4/3/2011 10:38:20 PM

He's gonna give you the money.. you're gonna be all then you're gonna get robbed, shot, and killed.

JUST SAYIN'

4/3/2011 10:39:37 PM

my cousin found this looking for odd jobs (hes from michigan)

http://grandrapids.craigslist.org/fbh/2311666092.html

Quote :

"I am looking for one or two midgets to serve appetizers at a weding reception. They will wear a large sombaro with something like nachos in it. It will be a fun event for all involved. Please let me know if you are a midget and interested in making a little extra cash while having a great time. Event will be in September. "

4/7/2011 9:38:49 PM

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/res/2337782849.html

Quote :

" Local Hockey Team Seeks Head Coach We here at the Washington Capitals organization are willing to admit we have made mistakes. The abysmal adornment of black and gold, vouching for the sanity of Dale Hunter, letting Olaf Kolzig go ten years before his prime. These decisions made perfect sense at the time of their selection and furthered our twenty-year plan to have an exciting and winning team (in any sports) back in the nation's capital. Now that our plans have finally come to fruition, we can safely say we have the most of the necessary ingredients to move forward: a core team of talented young superstars; an owner who shows great passion in a DC team making the playoffs; and a casual, if confused, fan base that is now aware of their hometown hockey team, which started along with the rest of the NHL in 2005. We do not expect our search for a motivating, hard-working, and relentless coach to be easy, especially since we found out Herb Brooks died in 2003. The ideal candidate will: - Maintain consistent lines on a period-by-period basis, utilizing the "Wheel of Destiny" to pick positions - Make solid trade decisions in the offseason, in NHL 11 and in real life - Keep a kempt and well-groomed appearance for next season's 24/7 - Research sound statistics in selecting a starting playoff netminder, in addition to using our proprietary Magic 8-Ball - Enjoy the benefits of our partnership with Haggen-Dazs within reason. We greatly appreciate any and all inquiries! If you refer a General Manager, you get a million dollar bonus. Double bonus if his initials are GM. "

4/20/2011 10:05:54 PM

found this gym in the part-time job section....

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tfr/2337397455.html

Quote :

"Modeling opportunities (Raleigh, NC) Date: 2011-04-20, 6:12PM EDT Reply to: job-mrycm-2337397455@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Hey Ladies, We are looking for attractive models (amateur or professional) that are interested in being filmed. The type of shoots range from R to XXX and are determined by what the model is comfortable with. If you are interested in this opportunity please email pictures of yourself. All models must be over 18. Try and take one picture of your face and two of your body (from the front and behind). Please include your name, contact info and birth date with the pictures. Look forward to meeting attractive ladies in Raleigh... PS. Put the title as "Real" to eliminate spam. We have already began interviewing some candidates and only need a few more talented ones to interview... Location: Raleigh, NC Compensation: Depends on the movie type and experience This is a part-time job. This is a contract job. Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests."

4/21/2011 8:41:22 AM

^ *gem not gym.

haha that probably works..

4/21/2011 9:20:09 AM

Damn it, oh well it goes with the awesomeness of the ad.

4/21/2011 9:48:49 AM

Hi my new roommate

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/roo/2341600858.html

Quote :

"$362 Hi my new roommate (E.S King village) (map) Date: 2011-04-23, 12:12AM EDT Reply to: nejati1360@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?] HI I am third years PhD female student and am looking for a FEMAIL roommate for june contract . I am looking preferebly for gradute student- non smoking and no pet keeper. I will be Glad if you are my new roomate. The apartment has good condition and very comfortable for Grad students. I am living here for 1.5 year. please let me know if you are interested. "

4/23/2011 11:19:43 AM

E.S. King = Asian

4/23/2011 11:24:50 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tfr/2382651658.html

Quote :

"Open Casting Call for Cinemax (Raleigh) Date: 2011-05-15, 3:06PM EDT Reply to: job-xb4y4-2382651658@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] We are currently in town looking for individuals that have the look and ability to perform in roles on the hit After Dark Series Co-ed Confidential. We have immediate openings for both Males and Females from the ages of 18-32 that are height weight proportionate. Please take time to look at the Cinemax After Dark website and ensure that this is a role that you feel comfortable with before contacting us. Acting coaches will be provided, as well as all transportation and lodging to and from the set. Our company is an International Talent Agency that is well recognized as one of the top agencies in the world. We have been in the business for well over 40 years and represent some of the biggest names in the business. Location: Raleigh Compensation: 30-40K per single series shooting, Approximately 3-4 days total. Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. "

If I had the body for it, Id be all over it.

5/15/2011 3:23:40 PM

http://www.cbs8.com/story/14640525/three-teens-accused-in-craigslist-murder-plead-not-guilty

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/15/2011 7:59:28 PM

Quote :

"LOST DOG! Our Dog Spaz ran away yesterday afternoon. He is a miniature schnauzer, grey in color, small, about 12 lbs. He is very friendly and full of energy. He didn't have a collar on or any id. Please if you have any information please call 904.347.6143 or 919.249.8383. We will give a reward. "

Guess their dog...

spazzed out...

5/21/2011 12:40:03 PM

Quote :

" Chinese letters 'Tattoo' (Raleigh, NC) Date: 2011-05-22, 3:53PM EDT Reply to: gigs-zuezf-2396310845@craigslist.org I need someone to tattoo Chinese letters (with meaning) on my forehead and neck area. I would appreciate that the artist have experience or have a nice touch - it is my forehead after-all. Email me back with the amount charged for the following, and I will go with the best price/highest quality tattoo artist: ????? = Faith in Jesus (Forehead Area) ???????? = From the beginning until forever (Neck Area) Sam Location: Raleigh, NC it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: $20/hr OBO "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/crg/2396310845.html

[Edited on May 24, 2011 at 2:30 PM. Reason : /]

5/24/2011 2:30:05 PM

Going to end up saying "unload here" on the forehead...

5/24/2011 3:01:19 PM

yeah there are a few things that aren't worth bargain hunting for:

-plastic surgery
-forehead tattoos

5/24/2011 3:10:25 PM

http://wilmington.craigslist.org/boa/2411577626.html

Quote :

"90 hp johnson hydrochloric steering Date: 2011-05-30, 8:33PM EDT Reply to: sale-gezvz-2411577626@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] 1998 90 hp johnson outboard runs great. Time for a up grade. 910 367 3177. Bryan "

HYDROCHLORIC STEERING YOU GUISE

how bad do you have to fuck up "hydraulic" so that the top spellcheck suggestion is "hydrochloric"?

[Edited on May 30, 2011 at 11:03 PM. Reason : dsf]

5/30/2011 11:00:55 PM

Quote :

"I need someone to tattoo Chinese letters (with meaning) on my forehead and neck area. I would appreciate that the artist have experience or have a nice touch - it is my forehead after-all. Email me back with the amount charged for the following, and I will go with the best price/highest quality tattoo artist: ????? = Faith in Jesus (Forehead Area) ???????? = From the beginning until forever (Neck Area) Sam"

He should talk to this dude's artist... he at least gives awesome UNC facial tattoos



[Edited on May 31, 2011 at 1:18 AM. Reason : ]

5/31/2011 1:18:06 AM

Quote :

"Free tuition & board for female (Wilmington) Date: 2011-06-01, 4:36PM EDT Reply to: job-3udjy-2415321433@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Attractive, athletic, active, personable businessman will help with tuition and expenses for the right attractive, personable, female. This is an arrangement with benefits for both parties. Breast size does not matter but personality, open minded, goal oriented, trust worthy, healthy and pretty smile and nice butt helps! You can live in my house or have your own place. I like a focused attitude with desire for positive school results. I am a great mentor, friend.--- don't worry, I can cut loose and have fun--- hope you have a bit of a wild side on occasion too! This can be short or long term. Please send photos in confidence and a bit about your goals and dreams and current situation. Tell me what sets you apart from all the other interested ladies."

http://wilmington.craigslist.org/etc/2415321433.html

This ad will surely work...

6/1/2011 5:07:59 PM

So... all that.. and all you have to do is fuck that dude once every couple days.


A whore's got it made.

6/1/2011 5:14:19 PM

cheaper than marriage

[Edited on June 1, 2011 at 5:17 PM. Reason : and a sweeter deal for the guy]

6/1/2011 5:16:53 PM