42

6/1/2011 5:17:30 PM

Førte-Two

6/1/2011 5:19:11 PM

repostin from reddit

6/10/2011 1:31:19 PM

::shudders:: I can never un-see that

6/10/2011 1:37:14 PM

I....

well....

I have no words

6/10/2011 1:37:21 PM

6/10/2011 1:37:52 PM

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha that has to be fake

6/10/2011 1:49:09 PM

that was on 4chan too

6/10/2011 9:12:55 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/dmg/2447403284.html

This spelling makes my eyes bleed.

6/21/2011 2:57:59 PM

Quote :

"Date: 2011-06-17, 11:23PM EDT Reply to: gigs-emmbm-2447403284@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey we ar looking for and expirience babysiter to watch our two year old boy the job is nigths and weekends from thursday to Sunday from 5 pm to 10 pm please email me back and tell me a litle about u self and we can exchange fhone number and meet thank u. Y name is. MANNy •Location: Cary nc •it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests •Compensation: We talk about u rate when we meet "

[Edited on June 21, 2011 at 3:00 PM. Reason : thats one long sentence]

6/21/2011 3:00:08 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/boa/2455413391.html

you couldn't even take the goddamn tarp off? why did you even bother uploading pics?

[Edited on June 30, 2011 at 11:04 PM. Reason : er]

6/30/2011 11:04:03 PM

^ you know better

6/30/2011 11:14:21 PM

***REDNECK*** WINE GLASSES - $8 (Cary/Apex/Fuquay/Holly Springs )
Date: 2011-07-01, 1:33PM EDT
Reply to: sale-my5y5-2472599396@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


*Redneck Wineglasses* are a fun conversation piece! The lid ensures that if you are on your 4 wheeler, headed to a shot gun wedding, swimming in the pool or lounging on the beach, you can keep your wine (or sweet tea) free of skeeters, bees, water, sand or sip stealers!

I accept cash or PayPal

http://www.facebook.com/twistedsistersglassware

7/2/2011 2:48:01 PM

^I'm pretty sure a TWWer's relative/friend is over that

7/2/2011 2:53:10 PM

Order placed.

7/2/2011 2:58:37 PM

yea boy, need me some skeeter hidin' mason jars

7/2/2011 3:06:59 PM

Good way to fuck up a perfectly good mason jar

7/2/2011 5:44:23 PM

7/11/2011 2:49:53 PM

And that's the coolest he is ever going to seem

see roommate thread

7/11/2011 2:55:14 PM

AW SHIT.
That was hilarious.
Now I'm gonna go read craigslist... heh.
My mom sold a ginkgo tree on it once...

7/11/2011 2:57:46 PM

In Missed Connections:

Quote :

"Part time girlfriend - m4w - 26 (Durham) My girlfriend is heading south for a week to the sunshine state. I am left with no girlfriend. I am looking for a live in girlfriend for a week.. you dont have to pay for anything. Just request that you be fun and not aginst "puddin" lol... Please reply if you would be interested to the link above.... "

Hope the girlfriend doesn't see this...

7/11/2011 8:16:24 PM

Unless you're Bill Cosby, puddin' is just a terrible sexual euphemism.

7/11/2011 8:20:19 PM

Quote :

"Girlfriend says cat has to go!! Free tonight!! (central) Date: 2011-07-09, 1:02AM CDT Reply to: comm-txbba-2484811230@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] My girlfriend said the cat has to be gone by 12:00 tomarrow. She left a little while ago to hang with her friends. I put all her crap on the lawn and will try my best to find her a new home but if not there is always the shelter. So what we have here is one mildly attractive yet bitchy soon to find out she is a homeless exgirlfriend. She is somewhat house broken (but i think she is still connected to her mom by the umbilical cord). She is in her midtwenties and is NOT SPAYED (though she usually takes the pill) Lot of life left in this one. She is up to date on her shots and is great with dogs and small children, but does not seem to get along well with cats. She is playfull and bathroom trained (If takeing over every inch of horizontal surface with her stuff in the place is house broken. Then she is the Queen of house brokeness!!!) She has somewhat of a special diet though i never figured it out fully, but pretty much it is dictated by what ever her closes friend of that week is into (Raw, vegan, atkins, hostes) You get the picture. She will be comeing with a whole lot of stuff!! (If it is still there when she comes home, but when iam done here Iam heading right over to the free section so maybe not) There will not be a rehoming fee (As a matter of fact i got $34 cash if you can get her tonight, If you need more we can hit the atm unless you have paypal then we have lots of options) The main reason Iam rehoming her is becuase she moved in about 9 months ago, and for three months everything was great, but then she started bitching about my cat. My cat has lived with me for 11 years since he was abandoned in my yard at about 3 weeks old, and i had too bottle feed him and teach him how to do everything a cool male should know (hunt, nap, play, hide, chirp like a bird. how to use a litter box!! This was the most challenging as i did not know how to use one myself. That made for some awkward moments) In other words Misdemeanor and I have been kicking it for a long time, and if she thinks I would even consider kicking him to the curb. Well need i say more? I may put her up for auction on ebay tonight if my lawyer gives me the okay. "

http://austin.craigslist.org/pet/2484811230.html

7/12/2011 10:29:04 AM

Eh, he's probably gay anyway. Single male with a cat. Get a dog!!!

7/12/2011 10:39:00 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/muc/2494062487.html

Quote :

"Popcorn sluts on meth (Alamance) Ok, now that I have your attention, I'm another guitarist/vocalist with pro gear looking for the rest of a band. BUT WAIT, it gets weirder. What I'm looking for is a drummer and bassist (25-45) that are t-folk (preferably mtf) to write some sick, nasty hardcore in the vein of hatebreed, shai hulud, soia, Frankenstein drag queens from planet 13, etc. I have some songs already to start from, and if you have anything to bring to the table to get a head start as well, that would be wicked. You can hear some songs that I have written and a cover of "99 Red Balloons" on myspace (yeah, I know. Nobody uses myspace anymore) at http://www.myspace.com/sueasydale I'm in the Alamance County area, and currently hav no space for rehearsal. I am willing to go as far as Chapel Hill, Durham/RTP-ish to GSO/Kernersville. If you, or someone you know, would be interested in trying this, drop me a line, and we can see what works out. I know this is a stretch, but grow a pair, and let's jam out with our clam out. ~Sue "

[Edited on July 14, 2011 at 2:11 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2011 2:10:54 PM

"I caught someone trying to steal the bikes on the side of my house today... I wrote him a missed connection."
A friend of mine just posted this (and no, he's not kidding. He's a little creepy.)

Quote :

"Beautiful bicycle burglar.... - m4m - 21 (Gainesville) You were the sexy african american boy, with skin the color of freshly brewed espresso and eyes big and wide and white and brown trying to jack my bike next to my house on 6th place. I was the guy looking out the window, wondering at this gorgeous man. You must be pretty brave, pretty brash, to be stealing a bike from someone's yard in broad daylight at around 4pm on a Thursday. Or really, really, stupid. I was admiring your muscles, showing through your wifebeater. You were so fast, running away like a scared little bitch.... and I was the one standing there with a broken heart, feeling the warm sweat of your nervous little palms still fresh on my bike handles. Don't come back to my house again unless you're in the mood for love. I'll bring the handcuffs. "

7/20/2011 5:53:58 PM

Quote :

"Hey slutbag, instead of calling out someone who thought it may have been them, NEARLY BY NAME, why don't you think about what you wrote there. Read it again. Calling him out for looking on here? Bitch, you are trying to get a deep dickin' from a married man. You've acknowledged he's married and has kids. You dumb, probably white trash, and probably ugly jezebel of a homewrecker. I hope his wife knows its you, and gives you ass kicking you deserve. Slut. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2490710305.html

this one got me good:

Quote :

"boy in wal-mart buying bullets - w4m - 23 (Chapel Hill) I was looking around in Wal-Mart last saturday when I saw you - the hottest boy I have ever seen. You and a friend were buying ammunition in teh gun section. You had buzzed hair and a unc shirt. I was wearing a pink tank top and cut-off shorts. I thought you were amazin and I wanted to talk to you but I was too afraid to. I wanted to say that I have a concealed carry permit to, and that i like shooting guns to..but i didn't. we should go "shooting" some time in the woods of pittsboro. you can show me your 'gun' and i'll show you how to 'handle it. Plz respond soon so we can get this started."

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2439054869.html

a redneck match made in heaven...added plus for Wal-Mart Carolina fans!

7/20/2011 6:27:55 PM

^^I've been doing way too much bar studying. My first thought wasn't for the content of the post, but rather that by definition, a burglary cannot happen in "broad daylight."

7/21/2011 11:31:12 AM

This guy seems legit:

Quote :

"49 year old male, 5'8", 180#, muscular and fit, looking for 1 or more women to accompany me to nude beach about 3 1/2 hours away. I've been several times and am comfortable there, but it's nice to have company. This is a large beach on the ocean; on a hot weekend there can be up to 5,000 people there. I often camp nearby when going there, so it helps if you like camping. I generally go 1-2 days at a time. Motels are also a possibility. Ideally I'd like to be contacted by women who have been curious about trying this, but don't know anybody who goes or where to go. Try it, you'll like it! E-mail me for more info. "

7/25/2011 2:56:58 AM

Legit, amirite?
Machine may cause change of race.

8/4/2011 6:38:03 PM

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/for/2530212621.html

Quote :

"Free Pet Cat/Dinosaur (Chicago) Date: 2011-08-04, 3:55PM CDT Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?] I just got this awesome cat costume for my birthday. I always joked that I would do anything to be a cat for a day and my girlfriend totally called me out on it. Not to be out done, I would like to be your pet cat for 1 day. It is totally free. I can walk behind you or you could put me on a leash. I am a rather large guy so I need a regular door to walk through (no kitty doors please) and access to an actual toilet (kitty litter would get gross fast, and no one wants that). I could also be a dinosaur, cuz honestly the costume looks a little dinoish. I just need 2 weeks advance notice. No awkward sex stuff please. I'm straight and totally uninterested in crazy nonsense. call or text any time if you're interested: 630.890.4012"

8/4/2011 10:13:07 PM

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/for/2530212621.html





I just got this awesome cat costume for my birthday. I always joked that I would do anything to be a cat for a day and my girlfriend totally called me out on it. Not to be out done, I would like to be your pet cat for 1 day. It is totally free. I can walk behind you or you could put me on a leash. I am a rather large guy so I need a regular door to walk through (no kitty doors please) and access to an actual toilet (kitty litter would get gross fast, and no one wants that). I could also be a dinosaur, cuz honestly the costume looks a little dinoish. I just need 2 weeks advance notice. No awkward sex stuff please. I'm straight and totally uninterested in crazy nonsense. call or text any time if you're interested: 630.890.4012

HOLY SHIT IDIDN'T EVEN SEE YOUR POST



[Edited on August 4, 2011 at 10:29 PM. Reason : i'm special]

8/4/2011 10:13:21 PM

[old]

8/4/2011 10:14:49 PM

lol wat

Quote :

"Hi Wifey! - m4w - 32 Just wanted to let you know that you are welcome to come home. Even if you still suck your thumb and even though you have hrrpaghonnasyphyllaids. I married you for a reason. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2529295815.html

8/4/2011 10:27:04 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/lab/2547743696.html

Quote :

"Our company is searching cashiers for our fuel desk and for our deli place. I am looking for candidates to train to work both areas, allowing for more flexible timing and freedom to do work as many timings as possible. This position is for a mature, self-sufficient people candidate. You would require to be acquaintance in handling money; should be computer literate and should be able to type. You should be able to multitask and work in a quick-paced environment. A impressive approach and disposition is important. * Location: Raleigh nc * Compensation: $16.00 - $21.00/hour * Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. * Please, no phone calls about this job! * Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 2547743696"

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 11:49 AM. Reason : [-]

8/15/2011 11:49:12 AM

8/23/2011 9:35:48 AM

8/23/2011 10:03:13 AM

8/23/2011 10:05:04 AM

8/23/2011 10:16:53 AM

Come on guys, it is a heart shaped design! It's romantic!



(You'd think they would at least spray some bleach on it. A big white spot would look a lot better)

8/23/2011 10:35:25 AM

AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHA oh geez

8/23/2011 10:36:18 AM

8/23/2011 10:38:50 AM

baby, i placenta you .

8/23/2011 10:39:57 AM

"You'd think they'd at least..."

No I don't think that because it's a joke.

8/23/2011 10:58:47 AM

how is that "sanitized"??!

8/23/2011 11:51:48 AM

Quote :

"Going to jail sale! (Cary) Date: 2011-09-02, 10:31AM EDT Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?] I have a 46 inch of flat screen tv for sale 150 Obo must go in the next hour "

9/2/2011 11:18:27 AM

every time i read the "Hi wifey" one i bust out laughing

9/2/2011 12:32:37 PM

oh come on everyone knows something can be clean without being perfectly white.

dont you people have underwear?

9/2/2011 3:10:30 PM

oh come on everyone knows something can be clean without being perfectly white.

dont you people have slaves?

9/2/2011 3:25:38 PM

Everyone knows slaves are dirty

10/4/2011 6:30:18 PM