5

10/23/2007 6:40:18 PM

Quote :

"Crystal Ball for: I need some assistance...Suing my ex-fiance -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2002-10-09, 2:11PM PDT >Can I sue for an engagement ring? My ex-fiancee took my ring without my permission because I broke it off with him. I feel as though it's a gift he gave to me so it is mine. Is it worth suing over? Can I legally sue him for the value of it? Yes, you can sue him. Since the value of the ring probably exceeds the small claims limit, you will need an attorney to file the lawsuit. Then you will need to subpoena your ex's records in order to present evidence of the actual price of the ring. Next your attorney will have to take depositions from your ex, you, any witnesses to your engagement, and the jewelry store clerk. Then you will get a court date approximately 9-12 months later. At trial you will then need to explain to the court how you have the outrageous, materialistic, money-grubbing gall to try to keep this symbol of his LOVE which YOU rejected! Your ex will take the stand and reveal all your personal secrets, and disclose the fact that having sex with you was about as fun as penetrating a jack-o-lantern. You will be publicly castigated, abrogated, and humiliated in front of the entire court, and your shame will be forever preserved in written form in public records. Because our legal system is dominated by morons, the court will rule in your favor and award you a few thousand dollars. Your attorney will subtract his/her expenses and then take 40% of the balance. The TV media will pick up on the case and you will find yourself becoming a pariah, unable to get so much as the time of day from another man for the rest of your life. Your employer will then fire you for lacking character Your loneliness and poverty will lead you to become an adult film actress specializing in lesbian bondage and bestiality films. You will make very little money and acquire several canine STDs. Your father will discover your new career during one of his late-night porn-surfing forays and promptly write you out of his will. You will die a lonely premature death before descending to the deepest crevasse of hell for your heartless greed. So yes, you can sue your ex and you will probably win. Think it's worth it? "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6139113.html

10/24/2007 3:15:20 PM

hilarious

10/24/2007 3:53:43 PM

Quote :

"Sorry, mistook "indie" for "Indian" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2002-07-17, 5:14PM PDT I am a male from India currently serving time in Bay Area. Am lonely here, responded to a few W4M ads which mentioned they were looking for "indie" boys. Thought "indie" was Marina chicks' cool way of saying "India." Most didn't reply back to me, a few wrote back like "you computer geek, why don't you go back to Taliban. I HATE Indian guys. HATE HATE HATE." What does "indie" really stand for? West Indies? Indonesia? "

10/25/2007 4:13:47 PM

Quote :

"At trial you will then need to explain to the court how you have the outrageous, materialistic, money-grubbing gall to try to keep this symbol of his LOVE which YOU rejected!"

ahaa

10/25/2007 4:27:03 PM

Quote :

"Why won't anyone date me? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2001-12-13, 2:17PM PST I mean, I'm not too needy. Just because he got a restraining order against me doesn't mean the medicine is helping now. Okay, so he didn't call me back. Boiling his chinchilla was only my way of telling him that it is unacceptable to pretend he doesn't know me when it is SO OBVIOUS THAT I AM THE ONE WHO IS SENDING ALL THOSE INSTANT MESSAGES TO HIM. I am 33, look 18, act like grown-up. I expect someone to give me lots of cheese at all times. Do you like cheese? Sometimes I take the 38 Geary even though I don't live on that line. I hear that is called the "Husband Express" because of all the husbands on it. I guess that is what I am looking for. A husband. Here is a husband haiku: where is my husband i last saw him on polk street in some stranger's car That's another thing. I have no time for whores. Are you a whore? Then don't call me. Are you planning on being a whore? Call me, but when you become a whore don't call me anymore. Are you from Nebraska? Don't call me because you will creep me out because Nebraska has such a strange shape. I have shape issues, and I cannot deal with anything remotely Nebraska-shaped. Also, Nebraska is just chock-full-of-whores. I think my feelings are best-expressed in the following haiku: i hate nebraska fucking creepy nebraska die motherfuckers ..................................... okay the medicine is kicking in. Now where was I? Oh yeah, husbands. Does anyone want to go on a date with me? Please? I'll give you a dollar. I am 5 feet 1 inches tall (look 6' 3"). Licky licky licky licky licky. I love you long time until News Radio comes on at 11:30 because I love Andy Dick. No freaks. Other ways to contact poster: Throwing your toys on the sidewalk and screaming "

I have to fight not busting out laughing at work.

11/1/2007 2:57:03 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/ers/454332048.html

You can see the pimp's peach suit pants in the pic.

11/1/2007 6:31:27 PM

furburger

11/1/2007 7:34:05 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/tlg/468771203.html

11/5/2007 7:58:44 PM

Quote :

"Road Rage -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2007-07-04, 7:24PM PDT So, driving home from work today I have some fuckwad tailing me, just banging on the horn. I look in my rear view and it is some dork in a BMW or Mercedes or some other overpriced piece of shit. I can see dude's veins bulging in his forehead and literally I can see the specks of saliva splashing off the windshield and he is LEAAAANNNNNING over the steering wheel yelling at me as if this was going to help me hear him better. By the looks of him, he is a pretty big dude. So, unluckily for me, I have to stop at a light. At this point, my girlfriend is kind of freaking out. I am probably, 5-7 or 5-8 with my hair standing up and don't weigh much more than a buck fifty, maybe 60 after a big meal. Never been much of a fighter, didn't really have to. I have to say, it kind of freaked me out. So, of course Mr Testosterone has to get out of his car and confront me. Like I said, he looked big, and when he got beside me, unfortunately again for me, he was probably 6-2 and maybe 200-220. Dressed in a pretty sharp suit with no jacket and his tie loosened. Probably had a pretty bad day as he proceeded to call me everything but an english speaking white man. On and on, if I was to get out of the car he'd beat my ass blah blah blah. Finally he called me a little cocksucker and then he told my GF that I was a bitch. LOL. The old bitch card. So, I continued to look straight ahead, I rolled my window down, maybe a 1/3, not quite half and asked him if he was having a bad day. Without warning, Road Rage Guy punches at me. Fucking longest light in the history of Vancouver right here...sadly for him, his big fucking mitt hit most of my window--shaking his hand he yelled for me to get out of the car--LOL, here is where it gets funny. I am still looking straight over my steering wheel. He takes one step closer to the car to open it as the light changes. Again, sadly for this fucking meathead, I had already locked the door, still looking ahead, I lunge through my partially opened window, grab him by his tie and pull him towards my car, frantically I rolled up my window and hit the gas, dragging this fuckwad through the intersection--have you ever seen a cursing, swearing salesman do a sidestep at 15 KM/H? I am still kind of laughing, and of course my GF thinks it is hilarious--I am still a little pissed off that I didn't hit 30 and drag this fucking monkey through the streets of Vancouver. So, if you were the dork that assaulted me, too bad you are a such dick head, but I sincerely hope that you have another tie and pair of dress shoes, those shoes have to be scuffed the fuck up. I do admire your agility at running beside my car doing cross overs. Your football training probably saved your life. "

11/6/2007 3:47:16 PM

you guys missed a good one a while back.... needless to say, you'll never participate in Gang Bang Saturday.

11/6/2007 4:07:42 PM

Quote :

"Life, Circumcision, and the Cannon -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2006-11-24, 6:53PM PST I want to share this story. I can't make this stuff up. One day at work, I was in the hallway talking to a colleague about circumcision. You are familiar with this conversation - the health gains, societal standards, and religious laws associated with being snipped. The conversation was a bit one-sided since neither of us ourselves have an anteater. At the height of the conversation, another coworker, we will call him Jiminy Bonerpants, walked by. Jiminy is a 25 year old, college educated, married engineer from a Middle American state. So as Jiminy passed, we inquired as to the state of his foreskin. Very matter-of-factly, Jiminy replied no, he was not circumcised. Being the first person we had come upon who would admit to having a meat tulip, we were intrigued and my colleague started asking him some questions. These questions were about fundamental mechanics of operating an uncircumcised penis, i.e. sex, hygiene, etc. I am no doctor, but Jiminy's answers did not make any sense. Physiologically, the answers did not add up. Upon further questioning involving some rudimentary diagrams, the following became clear: Jiminy Bonerpants was and is circumcised, but he did not know this. Where he got this idea, i cannot tell you, but somewhere in the last 25 years, Jiminy gained the impression that male circumsion involved removing the entire head from the penis. Logically, since he still retained his helmet, he sincerely believed that he was uncircumcised. We laughed at him, and then showed him some German porn to try to clear up his misconceptions. I struggled with whether or not I should tell anyone at work about this. Surely this would make him a laughing stock and severely damage his reputation. This struggle lasted approximately 10 minutes and within 2 hours, everyone at work was laughing at him. If you draw the emblem of the "cock-and-balls", (if you are a guy you know what i am talking about), and square it off where the head is supposed to be, it looks like a cannon. Over the next month or so, cannons were being drawn up everywhere- on post-it notes and whiteboards, and being etched into tables. This lasted until management caught on and outlawed any graven images of the cannon. This story does not say much for the health education being administered in Middle America. As far as I am concerned, there is a minimum amount of operator knowledge that should be required for ownership of any equipment. If you own a car, you should at the least understand why it needs gas and how to check the oil. If you operate a washing machine, you should understand what most of the noises mean. If you own or ever operate a penis, you understand, at the least, how to put on a condom and what it means to be circumcised. Please pass this on. Knowledge is power. "

Kind of weird to be asking a dude about his johnson though.

11/16/2007 4:12:52 PM

more weird that he though a circumcision meant chopping teh head off!

11/16/2007 4:17:32 PM

lawlz

11/16/2007 10:10:58 PM

top of the page...omg
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4w/481200996.html

11/16/2007 10:13:34 PM

11/16/2007 10:52:54 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4m/500962040.html
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4w/481200996.html

[Edited on December 8, 2007 at 5:27 AM. Reason : i love the internet]

12/8/2007 5:20:53 AM

http://eastnc.craigslist.org/mis/469408263.html

Quote :

"Looking for lil Girl and her Mom We ran into each other at Old Navy on Saturday 11/03. We talked a few minutes about your daughter and I. I was so excited when I saw your beautiful daughter and it reminded me when I was her age. It brought lots of memories for me. I would love to stay in touch with you and your family. Maybe lunch or dinner here and there. I hope you read this...I never did give you my name but I know your daughter's"

12/8/2007 11:04:08 AM

Quote :

"To the Woman who maced me - m4w -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2007-11-10, 8:43PM CST I saw you jogging around the lake and followed you to Dunn brothers. I was trying to work up my courage to get out of my van and go into Dunn brothers but you were only inside for 30 minutes. As you left the coffee shop I followed you slowly as you walked up the block. I think you got nervous when I hit the garbage cans that some jerk left on the boulevard! I guess I did hop the curb, but still, they were pretty close to the street. Anyways, I watched you start to run and I wanted to explain what happened, you started screaming for help as I tackled you, whats with the screaming anyways? And why do women always scream when I try to talk at them? Anyways, thats when I got a face full of mace...that was three days ago, and I was just released from the jail. I was hoping you could meet me and possibly drop the charges. "

Yay for updated the best of section

12/12/2007 11:50:57 AM

Hmmm, they updated "best of" again, and some of the entries are dated before yesterday's update

Quote :

"Superstars of San Francisco -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2007-11-08, 4:19PM PST Guy who pretends to be blind Walks around all day with sunglasses and a white tipped cane, but I've seen him at 4am buying dope on Leavenworth and reading a newspaper. I know it is the same person- he wears a really dirty 49ers jacket and pj pants. He is not blind. I don't get it. Woman with fish I was walking behind her and I smelled fish. Not necessarily rotting fish, but definitely fish. When we got to the intersection I saw that she had a bunch of whole fish strung around her neck. I want to be classy too. Toothbrush woman Today she was sitting outside the Hall of Justice at about 2-2:30 pm brushing her teeth with an electric toothbrush. When I unlocked my bike and walked past I saw that she was dipping the toothbrush into a bottle of nailpolish remover. What the FUCK?! Teenage girl with boyfriend on a dog leash On the 30 early in the morning I have twice seen the girl (age 15 or 16) sitting with her boyfriend. Normally I would think "aw, what a nice looking highschool couple" Except that the boyfriend had a red dog collar around his neck, and the girl was holding the end of the chain leash. Does anyone else think this is scary? Shower puff woman Homeless woman in north beach with many plastic shower loofahs adorning her hair. Giant baby carraige fetish Guy pushing around his lover (?) in a giant baby carraige in soma. The man sitting in the stroller was wearing a diaper. I'm not even joking a little bit. Come on, no one wants to see that. Man with wrinkled anus tattoo This guy was shirtless and had what from a distance looked like a huge back piece of a hot chick with a thong on. When we got closer we realized she was spreading her cheeks and her bumhole had been rendered in stunning detail. Peeface Peeface is a name my friend gave to the guy who sleeps outside her building. She and her boyfriend have both seen this fascinating ritual performed: When most people wash their faces they use some sort of cleansing material and water. When this guy wakes up, one of the first things he does is pee in a bottle and then ceremoniously douse his bald head and face in piss. Now you know how it is possible for people to reek so strongly of urine. They bathe in it. This is a missed connection with things that don't baffle me. "

12/13/2007 12:58:28 PM

Quote :

"Why did I post on craigslist? Well, I did start talking to a decent looking freshman girl so it wasn't totally worthless."

Its sketchy as shit, and most of the responses you get will be crap - but occasionally there are [attractive/intelligent/non socially inept/sans baggage] people that either post or respond to an ad

[Edited on December 13, 2007 at 8:09 PM. Reason : but, generally speaking, it can be a great source of amusement to read peoples posts]

12/13/2007 8:09:25 PM

bttt

Quote :

"Anyone having knowledge of the persons who attempted to steal our two trucks and car on Saturday night Dec. 22th, please call Diana Jeffries at 336-364-1005. Other items that were stolen are a Garmin Street Pilot GPS,Black & Decker Alligator Lopper chain saw a Swarovski figurine 2 cases of beer. Please help me stop them. I know they were drunk, because they used screw drivers and pliers and had red muddy shoes. Location: Timberlake/Rougemont/Roxboro "

12/24/2007 3:47:12 AM

Quote :

"It's me! Every girl ever. Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST Knock knock Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in. Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment. You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it. Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles! Come on into the living room. Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen. Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches. Let's go back into the hallway! Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back... Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe. Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales. Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out. Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on! See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back. I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now. Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night! "

12/26/2007 11:08:25 AM

classic

12/26/2007 6:35:59 PM

^^that made me giggle

12/27/2007 6:15:06 PM

http://fayetteville.craigslist.org/m4w/526627238.html

Quote :

"Scurvy Friendly? - 25 Reply to: pers-526627238@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-02, 10:41PM EST Avast!! My ship is in for repairs, and I'm looking for a scurvy wench to sail the seven seas with. If yee believe you bee thee fair lass I bee searching for, send me a message and we will go hunt for booty togeather!!! yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! * Location: Fayetteville * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 526627238"

1/3/2008 8:59:01 PM

the pirate captain has hit a new low :[

1/3/2008 9:03:19 PM

Quote :

"fayetteville"

1/3/2008 9:04:27 PM

Quote :

"Before any females start reading this ad please do not be offended by it. Most likely you will not be what I am looking for in a real woman here in the Charlotte, NC area. I am very picky and I know what I want. If you do not meet even one requirement below then you do not meet my strict standards of what I am looking for in a lady and you are of no interest to me as you are less than me. I am willing to trade pictures with you. I am a 37 year old white Italian Male living in Charlotte, NC. I am 5'7", 165lbs, brown hair, brown eyes, drug free disease free, never married, no kids. I am independent, outgoing mature and responsible, and spontaneous at times. If you fall into any of the categories on the list below in a negative way then you are not allowed to e-mail me as you have not met my standards and you are below to what I am looking for. 1. You must be between the ages of 18 - 42 years of age 2. You must be white (caucasian) or latino 3. You must be height to weight proportionate 4. You must have never been married or engaged currently or in the past 5. You must have no kids 6. You must be drug free and disease free (also you will need to show proof of disease free or be willing to go get tested within the 1st week of us meeting....no proof then you will not be considered) 7. You must be a non-smoker 8. You must have a job 9. You must be independent and self sufficient 10. You must be supporting yourself 11. You must have good personal hygiene (bath on a daily basis) 12. You must be manicured and pedicured 13. You must have a car or your own mode of transportation 14. You must be willing to get your hair done at the least every 3 weeks 15. Tanning is preferred but not required 16. You must have no birth marks or beauty marks of significant size anywhere on your body 17. You must have clean and straight teeth 18. You must have no stretch marks anywhere on you 19. You must like animals especially dogs 20. You must have a clean criminal record (no felonies or misdemeanors, you will need to show proof of your criminal record of yourself and also a proof of residency history of yourself) 21. You must have good to excellent credit scores (you will need to show proof of good to excellent credit scores from 2 of the 3 major credit recording bureaus) 22. You have to at least have a high school diploma though I am preferring a female with college degree(s) 23. Must be goal oriented both with your career and personal aspirations If you can meet the above 23 strict requirements at 100% then you are most likely the female for me. Most of the females will not be able to meet this requirement but if you do please respond to this ad you will not be disappointed. Thanks, Chris :o) "

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/527218990.html

1/3/2008 11:38:04 PM

^

hi, my name is chris and i will never get laid.

1/3/2008 11:46:32 PM

hahaha nice

1/4/2008 12:04:24 AM

^^^damn, and i thought my ad was demanding/specific... it was nothing compared to the info that guy wanted

[Edited on January 4, 2008 at 12:05 AM. Reason : .]

1/4/2008 12:05:48 AM

Quote :

"(you will need to show proof of good to excellent credit scores from 2 of the 3 major credit recording bureaus)"

wtf does this have to do with how much she puts out

1/4/2008 12:08:37 AM

in response to the italian ad...

Quote :

"Give me a freakin break...........And you actually expect someone to respond? Jeez, and they think women are bad."

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/527476249.html

Quote :

"pathetic go marry yourself dude...better odds"

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/527530140.html

Quote :

"This guy is named Chris and he IS italian but he is NOT hot. LOL he's an idiot. Be careful before you give any information about yourself. he will stalk you. he will not leave me alone. i met him several years ago and at first thought he was a nice enough guy but the older he gets the worse it gets. he's short. he's not very attractive. he's weird. and unfortunately, he is very serious in his post. he thinks he's quite the catch and really expects some girl to read that post and respond with her tongue hanging out. it's apparently warm in his fantasy world."

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/527594720.html

Quote :

"You are a F*#$ing idiot!!! Jackass!!! There is no way in hell you going to find someone that perfect. Go get one of those life like blow-up dolls that talk. Then you want have to worry about a thing. LOL"

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/527702507.html

there are more responses to his ad, i'm just tired of ctrl+c, ctrl+v

1/4/2008 12:14:20 AM

i had to put a response for him.

i posted a link to www.realdoll.com

1/4/2008 12:15:08 AM

That's not the perfect woman - that is just someone as psycho as he is....

I'd be ashamed to match all of those, as it'd make me a prude, idiot, and would waste a lot of money.
Eewwwww

1/4/2008 12:27:51 AM

ok first things first...craigslist people are like .8 human

1/4/2008 12:29:04 AM

^^^ aww... i don't see it. did you reply on the charlotte craigslist?

1/4/2008 12:30:37 AM

Most of those seem like reasonable things to me. I think he'd be fine by saying what his preferences were, but saying they are required makes him an ass.

And the requiring proof is just stupid. It shouldn't be that difficult to discern those things with conversation or at the minimum looking for proof after you actually get to know the person a little. I'm suprised he doesn't say that he wants a virgin and medical proof saying so

1/4/2008 1:38:26 AM

the two i found silly/ridiculous (other than having to prove your credit score) were these:

Quote :

"12. You must be manicured and pedicured 14. You must be willing to get your hair done at the least every 3 weeks"

mostly the 2nd, because wtf does it mean for a white girl to get her "hair done" at least every 3 weeks?????

1/4/2008 12:38:00 PM

The "never been married or engaged" part seems silly to me. If you're 37 and ruling those people out, you're looking a very narrow pool of women.

1/4/2008 3:16:21 PM

best thing I have read today

Quote :

"Are you from Nebraska? Don't call me because you will creep me out because Nebraska has such a strange shape. I have shape issues, and I cannot deal with anything remotely Nebraska-shaped."

1/4/2008 3:27:31 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/532249668.html

Quote :

"Need to know if my wife will cheat - w4m - 36 My wife is 34, and Im 36. Here lately my wife has been wanting to go out more and more. She plays pool alot, but this is more than normal. What I want is a sure way of knowing how faithful she is. So what do I need? I need a guy to hit on her this Friday night and see if she bites. What do you get out of it? Well, sex if she goes that far. I just want a full report on Monday so I can figure out what is going on with her. I do have a couple pictures of her, and if this interests you shoot me an email. ALSO--I think she has an interest in Black Men just from certain comments she's made...so if you're black, thats probably better"

1/8/2008 8:37:42 PM

^^hahahahahahahahahahahaha that is awesome

1/8/2008 9:34:39 PM

Quote :

"I'm a big girl - about 70 lbs overweight. My resolution for 2008 - get fit! Yay! Except I have no willpower. Sweets just scream my name, and I'm almost incapable of resisting. So I think I need... incentive. It'd be a lot easier to say no to that chocolate-chip cookie if I knew I'd get an ass-blistering spanking for eating it. (And you'd know if I did, because I can't lie worth a damn.) You: a man with a hard hand, who can't be swayed with tears and promises. Me: willing to be obedient... even though I need a push. I'm not looking for a 24/7 arrangement, but something ongoing would be nice. Drill sergeants, master chefs, and cantankerous CEOs encouraged to reply. Please be single or poly. Please don't send a cock pic. Also, I'm black, and you should be okay with that. "

1/9/2008 12:54:43 AM

Quote :

"any hot thinkers? there must be atleast a handful... - 24 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-540939631@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-16, 10:40AM EST im scott. im 24. im 5'11, white, average build, short brown hair, green eyes, i wear glasses. i have a car, my own apartment (well, share with a room mate), high school diploma ('02 east chapel hill), a degree from wake tech ('04). im very liberal. i am big into indie music. i have an extensive cd/mp3 collection. my ipod is loaded with great shit. i am into philosophy, religion, spirituality, prophecy, shamanism, the occult, mysticism, comedy, criticism, etc. i read alot. i do alot of research on these topics. i love the tar heels. i do smoke cigarettes, drink occasionally, but do NOT do drugs (despite actually using the word "shamanism" in this post, hard to believe? heh heh). im kind of a nerd yet have been experienced in alot of things that nerds probably arent usually experienced in/with. i am a very good listener and intellectual conversationist. i have a good sense of humor, pretty sarcastic. i believe in having a balanced personality with both feminine and masculine traits present and developed (i am very compassionate and caring). so i guess if youre looking for a macho man or some shit like that, it wouldnt be me. i will be straight forward about this; had some mental health issues a few years ago that have pretty much gone into remission or some shit however you would word that. i have recovered very nicely. i do take antipsychotic medication still, but that does not make me a waste of a person or crazy or anything like that. ive had to overcompensate and i think now i am more sane and mentally together than alot of people that i know and alot of college age/peer group people with latent issues that lead them to self destructive behavior. ok enough about me... you: please be beautiful, inside and out. age 22-26 or so. i may give a little bit in either direction. especially if you think we would be a really good match. looking for commitment! intelligent, compassionate, a good listener, not vain or egotistical. INCLUSIVE. i would hope that you are into indie music, maybe a casual sports fan, and into the topics i listed or atleast dont think im deluded for being into them myself. ive kind of grown out of alot of the cynicism, so i wouldnt want to be with a curmudgeon-y kind of girl. also, i dont want to be with an atheist. ive been with one in the past and it really sucked. its totally cool if you smoke, id almost rather you did so you would understand why i do. i dont care either way about drinking or drugs as long and youre not into hard drugs. college educated is alright or not is totally alright too. i would hope youd have atleast a little money but im not asking for a sugar mama/rich girl. thanks for reading and i look forward to some interesting responses (with pictures!). "

[Edited on January 16, 2008 at 7:10 PM. Reason : pic]

1/16/2008 7:07:15 PM

^ highlights

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"my own apartment (well, share with a room mate)"

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"i am into philosophy, religion, spirituality, prophecy, shamanism, the occult, mysticism, comedy, criticism, "

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"im kind of a nerd yet have been experienced in alot of things that nerds probably arent usually experienced in/with."

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"i believe in having a balanced personality with both feminine and masculine traits "

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"i will be straight forward about this; had some mental health issues a few years ago that have pretty much gone into remission or some shit however you would word that. i have recovered very nicely. i do take antipsychotic medication still, but that does not make me a waste of a person or crazy or anything like that."

1/16/2008 7:12:28 PM

Quote :

"My name is Nolan. I like videogames and hanging with my buddie boys. I'm looking for a good girl to snuggle with and watch scary some movies with. Im sooo good at Guitar Hero 1, 2 and 3. I hope to meet a good beautiful girly pretty soon. E-mail me a picture and some information about yourself as well so we can begin talking about all the dank things ahead of us"

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/541271556.html

1/16/2008 7:13:12 PM

http://neworleans.craigslist.org/w4m/540447602.html

Quote :

"Are you a boyfriend that spanks? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-540447602@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-15, 7:31PM CST For some reason I keep getting flagged and I don't know why. I am not the only person on craigslist that mentions spanking in their personal ad and they aren't flagged. I am not talking about abuse or s/m. My posting read: I am not good with posting ads about myself because I feel as though I am selling myself like a piece of merchandise, but here goes. I am in my mid twenties and I am seeking a gentleman that is honest, caring, and has a sense of humor. I need someone that I can have fun with, but also someone that can put me over their knee for a spanking when needed. I need someoene who can play two roles, a paternal one and my man. I am goal oriented and you need to be too. Please don't reply if you don't have command over the english language. I am not looking for an english professor, but please know how to speak and write a decent email with details of why you think we would make a good match. Age really isn't an issue, but I don't want someone that is knocking on heavens door either. "

1/16/2008 8:56:26 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/rnr/541964767.html

which one of you is this?

1/17/2008 2:07:47 PM