Can't find keys to the company van. Ask coworker who last checked out the van if he has the keys still. "Oh yeah, I left them in my sister's car. Do you need them?"

"Uhh yeah, that's why I'm asking. I need them in the next hour."

"Oh well I don't know if she can make it here in an hour. You could just drive my sister's pickup truck that I'm driving today."

"I don't think our boss will be happy about me picking up clients in a beat up pickup truck."

"They could always ride in the truck bed from the airport."

I laughed, but then I realized he was being serious

7/27/2012 10:10:04 AM

i'd be annoyed if i had to run errands too

7/27/2012 10:22:07 AM

I like picking people up from the airport. Gives me an excuse to leave the office and I get to give them a tour of the area. Usually it's their first time in the US so they're all while we drive around lol.

7/27/2012 10:23:38 AM

where do you work?

7/27/2012 10:25:11 AM

Quote :

"I absolutely HATE having to tell the kids "those are boys toys" or "those are girls toys." It will probably be what makes me leave this job."

Are the boys/girls not allowed to play with toys that are "for" the opposite sex? That's a really strange policy...

7/27/2012 2:01:35 PM

Dude left baked goodies in the breakroom with church propaganda

7/30/2012 8:35:09 AM

2^I'm a nanny now, not a preschool teacher. And the parents are having a a hard time dealing with the fact that the boy like to play with the girl stuff, but he's only 4 and he has two sisters and I think it's natural to experiment.

7/30/2012 8:39:24 AM

Take him to Chick-fil-a. They'll straighten him out.

7/30/2012 8:42:44 AM

tester: i'm working on X test case.
me (developer): what do you need?
tester: [big block of text vaguely describing X test case]
me: ok, what exactly do you need?
tester: [same big block of text vaguely describing X test case]
me: right, but what exactly are you looking for?
tester: [same big block of text vaguely describing X test case, again]

sigh.

7/30/2012 5:29:53 PM

OH. MY. GOD.

Just sat in a webinar with 4 adults over the age of 50. We were logged into the system watching the folks click around on their end before the training started.

My boss was like "HERE I HAVE THE LOG IN...TYPE IT IN"

I go: No we can't do that...it's not our desktop we're looking at. That's the FCC people.

Boss: GUISE I HAVE THE LOG-IN INFORMATION RIGHT HERE

Me: That is what we will use when were doing this at our desks, they are logging in to the demo site.

Boss: Oh ok........HERE'S THE LOG-IN AND PASSWORD!

7/31/2012 5:30:21 PM

why can't you just cc that email box on your correspondence? the boss has asked you multiple times so that we all know what's going on and yet you don't.

STOP OPERATING LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT WORKS HERE

8/1/2012 11:32:31 AM

music loud enough i can hear it across the hall. oh must be listening to his laptop speakers! nope, headphones.

his hearing must be shot.

8/2/2012 9:21:59 AM

Quote :

"Take him to Chick-fil-a. They'll straighten him out."

The only fast food I've ever seen them eat is Five Guys, but maybe I'll suggest it

8/2/2012 9:27:18 AM

^^ I had to sit across from a guy like that the last time I flew. Thankfully it was a short flight.

8/2/2012 10:46:47 AM

i can't do my job today because the system is down.

this kind of sucks.

8/2/2012 11:29:31 AM

- being put in charge to determine the value/use of office365 and/or gotomeeting for use with our new sales manager (I'm the only person in the office that has half an understanding how computers and programs work, so I am the 'guru')
- now I get to argue with upper management in the next weekly meeting because we can't utilize that shit effectively, even though new guy wants it.
- I'll be forced to order, install, set up, trouble shoot and teach one of those programs to the sales people, it will be pointless and rarely used... and I won't use the shit at all. fuuuuuuuuuuuu

[Edited on August 2, 2012 at 4:34 PM. Reason : -]

8/2/2012 4:34:12 PM

When you manager gets in your face and starts throwing her hands around yelling at you FOR NO REASON in front of your coworkers, customers, and associates you manage.





[Edited on August 3, 2012 at 1:39 AM. Reason : This is what I have to deal with tomorrow and every day from here on out.]

8/3/2012 1:38:04 AM

Quote :

"(I'm the only person in the office that has half an understanding how computers and programs work, so I am the 'guru')"

hahah same here! They call me "F1"

8/3/2012 1:44:06 AM

people playing cornhole in the hallway.... that's not loud.

haha

8/3/2012 4:16:41 PM

the printer now smells like hot sesame oil in a wok when it's printing a big job

standing there waiting for my shit to print when im hungry sucks ass

omnomnom

8/3/2012 4:23:50 PM

Boss really, really needs to stop this whole "hey, I need samples for tomorrow" shit. I have better shit to do than make demos all day, just keep the ones I give you

8/6/2012 1:48:14 PM

Coworker: Hey, guess what!
Me: What?
Coworker: I just read that [athlete*] didn't medal in the [olympic event that took place today but doesn't air on tv until tonight*].....not to spoil anything.
Me: Well, you just did. Thanks a lot.


Thanks for spoiling it, asshole.

* I refrained from using the name and event that was mentioned, so as not to spoil it for anyone here just like I had it spoiled for me.

8/6/2012 3:56:56 PM

if you're gonna watch the olympics at work, at least turn down the sound so everyone doesnt have to listen to the referee's whistle blowing every 10 seconds

8/6/2012 4:01:24 PM

hahaha

i just don't have the volume on

8/6/2012 4:01:42 PM

well you're not in my office

8/6/2012 4:06:38 PM

no

8/6/2012 4:08:31 PM

8/6/2012 4:10:11 PM

I have a counterpart that handles service issues, I handle sales issues. The person in that role changed in July & everyone has met the new person.

DAILY I get phone calls & emails related to this persons job. I handle commercial issues! Not service issues! I've been here 4 years & have never handled that stuff. No idea why suddenly everyone is sending me shit.

It's getting really old to have to keep forwarding everything to this dude... I think it's because he has been taking forever to relocate & people hardly recall meeting him & know I will reply with something even though it's not my problem, even if I am just passing them off.

8/6/2012 5:11:39 PM

So...I send you three emails asking you to check up on this very important thing for me....this happens to be you ONE AND ONLY FUCKING JOB, and you never respond. I call you today and you tell me that you don't know why the paperwork has been kicked back >_> were you ever going to look at it if I didn't call you? Signs point to know, thank you for not being a huge bitch to me over the phone though.

8/6/2012 5:24:11 PM

Quote :

"SIGNS POINT TO KNOW"

8/6/2012 5:36:59 PM

Quote :

" SIGNS POINT TO KNOW NOT FLYING TO TX TO SEE EX-GF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS THAT JUST BROKE UP WITH YOU BUT WHAT THE HELL DO ALL OF US KNOW? "

8/6/2012 7:10:49 PM

Apparently the client's idea of motivation is to tell me that the project is really important and then tell my manager that I don't seem excited enough about it. And we've been given weeks to do it when it normally takes months, so we're having daily status meetings.

8/6/2012 9:22:02 PM

So.... My boss is leaving the company in 3 weeks. He's a department head and just before he leaves, he has decided he is going to have the company spend 40K+ to remodel an office trailer that is located inside the plant so he can move his former department into this shithole. The people currently in there are a part of the department, but about half the building is not being used. Originally, the plan was to do some minor expansion into the unused area (basically take a wall down, do some minor remodelling, though not relocate anyone except within this office). Now, like 5 people have to be moved out of the building (3/4 of which aren't in the department, as 2 offices belonging to different departments will be torn down and reclaimed as the department I'm in).

Central AC is going to be added, as well as shitty insulation, and a whole bunch of other shit. What should have cost less than $10K (basically restoring the trailer into an earlier configuration, so it may have been way less than that), is now going to cost us $40K of money we don't have. Not to mention people like me who are in a nicer office now get to move into that sunshineless shit hole.

I seriously hope my bosses decision is overridden on the basis that it's fucking stupid, he won't be there, nobody wants this big of a project to take place, we don't have the money and nobody wants this. One guy wants a remodel, but not this. He just wanted a wall to be taken down and the office space expanded into that area.

And the plans for the current office I'm in is stupid. They're going to add carpet (our plant is oily as shit. Keeping the carpet clean would be impossible), put up cubicles and all that shit (though I wouldn't mind a cubicle).

8/6/2012 9:38:30 PM

I pray your work situation works out (no pun intended)

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

8/6/2012 10:15:41 PM

Email from my boss. MBA, PHD, etc

Quote :

"FYI – For all intensive purposes, we have the agreement in place with "

8/7/2012 9:19:53 AM

The salesperson and VP got an award for a project I was on. The people who did the project got pride knowing that the salesperson and VP got an award (if they happened to read the news article.)

8/7/2012 7:11:21 PM

speaker phone conversations between coworkers 10' apart.

8/10/2012 4:24:52 PM

Lawd have mercy on me these next few weeks/months

8/10/2012 4:32:02 PM

50 billion emails at 4:30 the Friday before I start my vacation.

Y'all, this is why I told you to send all time-sensitive things to me for review by 5:00 on Thursday, or else there's no guarantee it'll get done before vacation time!

8/10/2012 4:38:12 PM

when your boss turns down 2-3 weeks of work in China because:

"its Dangerous" and "I don't trust those communists"








meanwhile every year half our department goes to Chihahua, Mexico where people's heads get cut off every other week

8/10/2012 6:04:35 PM

To be fair, China does pose more of a security risk for infecting your entire company with spyware

8/10/2012 6:10:09 PM

email server goes down at least 1 time/week.

8/13/2012 8:55:05 AM

got an order in for commercials from "Restore Our Future" (a super PAC)

religious coworker goes: "Only God can restore our future"

I just start laughing

8/13/2012 9:46:02 AM

Heathen

8/13/2012 10:31:09 AM

the girl in my office is eating the smelliest shit ever.

literally smells she used the fire from burning tires to cook her rotted shrimp

8/13/2012 12:14:23 PM

No matter how many times I tell one of my co-workers you don't hyphenate -ly adverbs, she still does. It's not that annoying when it's her own writing and I delete them, but when she marks to add them in mine,

8/13/2012 5:54:31 PM

Changed my facebook profile picture to Obama @ Reynolds to troll my Rush Limbaugh-fan coworkers. Took like an hour to reel one in.

8/13/2012 8:31:50 PM

Currently having issues with a network printer, found out when admin lady was having troubles sending jobs to it... next thing i know estimating department lady is frantically telling me WE HAVE PROBLEMS and something needs to be done... yeah ok, I get it, make plans, and she's still talking about it. So i tell her to just print to another network printer... "well I have my own printer in my office, I'm just worried about everyone else." No fucking shit, tell them to print to the other one for the interim.

every FUCKING TIME we have issues with a printer, estimating lady gets all worked up like it's the end of the fucking world. There are (3) letter sized network printers people!!!!!!

8/14/2012 9:42:48 AM

Apparently some salesdouche promised a feature that was never supposed to be supported. Now they're trying to get it fixed at the last minute.

8/14/2012 2:42:48 PM

Today's annoyance - People using my water pitcher without refilling it. Bastads.

8/15/2012 12:05:19 PM