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ncsuapex
SpaceForRent
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Quote :
"i have no problem with people choosing not to have kids. it's the pretentious attitude some of those people throw in everyone's faces that is irritating."



You mean like the same pretentious attitude parents have when they are gushing over their little spoiled ass rugrat?

2/27/2014 11:18:36 PM

Smath74
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no...not at all comparable.

2/28/2014 9:06:03 AM

Exiled
Eyes up here ^^
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I would say it's plenty comparable. I don't want to hear about your mundane little snot any more than you want to hear about my choice not to continue overpopulating our planet.

2/28/2014 9:56:05 AM

lewoods
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Yeah, people act like they have climbed Mt. Everest because their kid met some developmental goal on time. Congrats, you managed not to screw up something that every animal ever has done. Maybe I should start bragging about how I was able to drive my car to work without hitting anything or one of many other tasks that everyone else can do and shouldn't be a big deal.

2/28/2014 10:19:44 AM

Klatypus
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^ well I think they are just happy they have a healthy baby? not sure where all this irritation comes from. I take it you met someone with a kid and they non-stop talked about the kid and everything they did from shitting to growing teeth. That can be annoying, but that is more a personality conflict, not so much a parent thing. I have plenty of friends that are now parents, and I love it when they tell me how their child is doing, mostly because it is such a huge part of their life now and of course they are proud. I am proud of my friends that are raising good kids. They seem to understand the line of how much is too much though, perhaps that is the difference.

2/28/2014 10:38:42 AM

Smath74
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^.

2/28/2014 11:17:57 AM

elkaybie
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Also I would say there is a lot of worry that goes with parenting from are you doing it right to is your child on track. Sometimes those developmental mile stones are a huge celebration bc of some internal worry or even a delay that they haven't made complete public knowledge. It's not always going to be the case, but it's certainly something to consider when parents are "over sharing" their child's seemingly normal achievement.

2/28/2014 11:38:53 AM

Klatypus
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it is when they judge me for not wanting kids that crosses over into irritating, but I am not typically friends with people that judge your life decisions.

[Edited on February 28, 2014 at 11:47 AM. Reason : ^that seems reasonable as well, it is probably what they think about a lot]

2/28/2014 11:43:51 AM

afripino
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some pet owners are the same way. they just talk / obsess about their dog/cat/etc. some people are like that about their jobs. people get passionate about things and want to share. if you don't like the A-B conversation, you can always C your way out. if they get judgmental it's them, not society.

2/28/2014 12:05:24 PM

lewoods
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I know people that have kids but it's not all they talk about. I'm good with that and remain friends with them. Even one relative that's a stay at home dad can talk about other stuff. It's the people that have nothing else in their lives except taking care of their kids that I can't deal with.

2/28/2014 1:35:39 PM

cyrion
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this page is yet another great example of you ppl (not childfree ppl...YOU ppl) being overly sensitive.

I have a dude sitting next to me who is childfree and he has 0 problems telling you why and not getting defensive about it.

2/28/2014 2:07:17 PM

afripino
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Being a previous fatty, fatty, fat, mcfat fat for two years in highschool- I learned that unattractive people will search for any way to get attention (positive or negative). I'm kinda super hot now, and ENJOYING it, but would never give up those 2 years of life experience. But yeah, some people just crave attention when they wouldn't get it otherwise.

2/28/2014 5:46:42 PM

BridgetSPK
#1 Sir Purr Fan
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What?

2/28/2014 8:36:42 PM

lewoods
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The unattractive people are usually the ones that are super obnoxiously obsessed with their kids. I have found this to generally be the case as well.

3/1/2014 7:36:26 AM

cyrion
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ITT ppl who like their kids and dont understand childfree are terribl, nosey ppl with no hobbies except their spoiled rotten kids...and they are fat and ugly too.

3/1/2014 9:31:16 AM

d357r0y3r
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Quote :
"I'm kinda super hot now, and ENJOYING it"


Quote :
"some people just crave attention"

3/2/2014 2:51:40 PM

BridgetSPK
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Quote :
"cyrion: this page is yet another great example of you ppl (not childfree ppl...YOU ppl) being overly sensitive.

I have a dude sitting next to me who is childfree and he has 0 problems telling you why and not getting defensive about it."


Well, it is a sensitive topic. Obviously, you don't want to ask someone who can't have children or someone who is nearing the end of their childbearing years. Plus, a lot of people regret having children or at least the person they had children with, and it's awkward for the childfree replier when those people are around.

3/3/2014 6:36:07 PM

JeffreyBSG
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just to weigh in with my worthless opinion...

I wouldn't ask somebody if they were gonna have kids unless I knew them mighty well. It's certainly not a casual question I'd ask a stranger, or even a fair acquaintance, at a party or something. For a couple reasons

Well...really only two reasons.
1. It's none of my goddamned business
2. It's a sensitive topic, for a combination of reasons
a. it evokes, implicitly, the couple having sex, and the woman pushing a baby out of her vagina. and these are rather personal topics.
b. it half-presumes that having kids is a "good" or "desirable" thing to do, which I don't believe and certainly don't want to push on anyone
c. it presumes that both of them are physically capable of having kids
d. as jlbrick pointed out, it puts them in an awkward position if they haven't decided yet, or if they hold differing views on the matter.

Basically, if they don't have kids, I assume they've got some sort of reason for that, and if that reason is satisfactory to them, it's satisfactory to me. It's sort of like asking a 40-year-old bachelor if he plans to get married: I mean, if he does, he fucking will, but it isn't your concern and it's kind of rude even to suggest the possibility, since it's clearly opposed to his own current views.

3/4/2014 11:38:33 PM

StillFuchsia
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Quote :
"It's sort of like asking a 40-year-old bachelor if he plans to get married: I mean, if he does, he fucking will, but it isn't your concern and it's kind of rude even to suggest the possibility, since it's clearly opposed to his own current views."


I wish people also understood this about 40-year-old unmarried women as well... Because they're basically looked at like lepers for it.

3/6/2014 9:25:03 AM

gunzz
IS NÚMERO UNO
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How do you know the person is clearly opposed?

Maybe the have never been lucky with love

Maybe they have AIDS or something they do not want to spread


Being single and unwed into mid adult years is not a good indicator into reading someone's personal views

3/6/2014 10:17:48 AM

JeffreyBSG
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^
yes, a very small portion of such people have horrible diseases which make marriage impractical

but I feel like most middle-aged men who've never been married, and aren't dirt-poor or butt-ugly, are probably unmarried by choice. because if nothing else, there are tons of gold-diggers out there who'd cheerfully marry them.

3/6/2014 11:45:11 AM

Klatypus
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http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-berube/2014/02/you-shouldnt-need-a-reason-for-not-having-kids/

that article basically has the simplest and best response to the 'why no kids?' question


"why do you ask?"

3/19/2014 6:23:21 PM

BobbyDigital
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Shit, so it's rude for me to assume that the 40something dude named Merlin that lives in my neighborhood is a child molester?

it might be more because his name is Merlin than being 40-something and unmarried/single. I'm not sure tho.

3/20/2014 10:14:20 AM

rjrumfel
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Quote :
"ITT ppl who like their kids and dont understand childfree are terribl, nosey ppl with no hobbies except their spoiled rotten kids...and they are fat and ugly too.

"


This is a pretty ignorant statement. One I wouldn't expect from the Old School posters. I guess some folks never really grow up. Childfree folks don't understand that for many, their children ARE their hobbies and that may be for many reasons - mostly love for their children, or maybe no disposable income for expensive hobbies. Its just one of those things you won't know unless you have children of your own.

You just assume that children are spoiled. Just like anything, you're gonna see anecdotes that support your theory, but it doesn't apply to all families. Sure that kid at the restaurant that hasn't looked up from her iPad might be spoiled, but there are probably that many kids at home hanging out with their family around the dinner table.

3/21/2014 1:08:45 PM

Dr Pepper
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^while I agree with pretty much your entire statement...

Quote :
"their children ARE their hobbies and that may be for many reasons - mostly love for their children, or maybe no disposable income for expensive hobbies. "




Are you shitting me? - the cost of raising a child outside of poverty or government assistance is quite an expensive endeavor relative to what I consider a hobby.

3/21/2014 3:25:45 PM

Klatypus
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Quote :
"Childfree folks don't understand that for many, their children ARE their hobbies and that may be for many reasons - mostly love for their children, or maybe no disposable income for expensive hobbies. Its just one of those things you won't know unless you have children of your own.

You just assume that children are spoiled. Just like anything, you're gonna see anecdotes that support your theory, but it doesn't apply to all families."


you seem to be assuming some things about childfree folks yourself. I think the comment was stupid and assuming way too much about parents, but it is what it is.

And just because you have kids didn't mean you grew up either.

3/21/2014 4:31:26 PM

BridgetSPK
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Quote :
"rjrumfel: Sure that kid at the restaurant that hasn't looked up from her iPad might be spoiled, but there are probably that many kids at home hanging out with their family around the dinner table."


Family? Dinner table?

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

3/21/2014 10:00:50 PM

rjrumfel
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Come on, there has to be SOME families out there that still eat around a dinner table. We do. Abby's 10 months, but she takes part in her high chair. I guess that might change as she grows older.

And know, I haven't grown up. In many ways I still feel like that freshman that sweat his ass off in Owen before A/C. But that comment wasn't qualified by the fact that I have had a child. Having children to me, doesn't really make you necessarily grow up. Maybe for some.

I just think the guy's comment was immature. Not because he has or doesn't have kids, just immature.

3/22/2014 10:37:53 PM

theDuke866
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Quote :
"It's sort of like asking a 40-year-old bachelor if he plans to get married: I mean, if he does, he fucking will, but it isn't your concern and it's kind of rude even to suggest the possibility, since it's clearly opposed to his own current views"


Quote :
"but I feel like most middle-aged men who've never been married, and aren't dirt-poor or butt-ugly, are probably unmarried by choice. because if nothing else, there are tons of gold-diggers out there who'd cheerfully marry them."


Who wants a fucking gold-digger?

and I'm not 40, but I'm 34, closing in on 35, which is getting close enough to start thinking about it.

I've never been married or even been remotely close...like, never been involved with a woman where I gave it even the slightest consideration. I've never even been in what I'd describe as any particularly serious relationship. It isn't because I'm opposed to it; it's because I'll have what I want or not at all.

It's pretty tough to find someone who is good looking, fit, smart, successful in life (not in terms of salary--i mean in terms of not leading a mundane existence...working as a waitress in a sports bar and making no moves to do anything else, for example), fun & agreeable...and still unmarried with without children. I mean, those are, like, minimum qualifications. With what, 70% of the population overweight, and probably 90% fucking stupid, it's pretty much a search for a unicorn--and then the odds are slashed again by the fact that I'm not what each one of those unicorns wants.

That, and moving around every few years, living mostly in small towns, and existing in an almost exclusively male environment probably hasn't helped. Maybe I'm an asshole or something without realizing it, too, but if so, it's mostly a moot point, because I don't really meet women I'd want to date, anyway.

I'm really more amazed that pretty much everyone IS married than I am when I see someone who's 40 and never married.

[Edited on March 22, 2014 at 10:46 PM. Reason : ]

3/22/2014 10:43:54 PM

Smath74
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Quote :
"Come on, there has to be SOME families out there that still eat around a dinner table. We do. Abby's 10 months, but she takes part in her high chair. I guess that might change as she grows older."


we do for dinner. lunch and breakfast we do independently.

3/22/2014 11:16:46 PM

slappy1
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Quote :
"It's pretty tough to find someone who is good looking, fit, smart, successful in life (not in terms of salary--i mean in terms of not leading a mundane existence...working as a waitress in a sports bar and making no moves to do anything else, for example), fun & agreeable...and still unmarried with without children. I mean, those are, like, minimum qualifications. With what, 70% of the population overweight, and probably 90% fucking stupid, it's pretty much a search for a unicorn--and then the odds are slashed again by the fact that I'm not what each one of those unicorns wants."


this.

if you remove all the people who settle for the sake of being with someone (or for security, baby daddy, societal pressure, etc), then I think you've nailed down exactly why the rest of the singles are single. the odds of finding your unicorn, and then being THEIR unicorn, are so infinitely small - it's still crazy and awe-inspiring for me to see lifelong couples.

that said not all couples are each others' unicorns, but close enough and they'll make it work. which borders on settling, IMO.

3/22/2014 11:23:19 PM

BridgetSPK
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Yeah, my coolest aunt and coolest uncle both have gone unmarried. I've never thought of it as weird, especially given the truly hilarious numbers of people who do it only because they feel like they should.

Regarding the unmarried as "weird" is just another facet of social pressure.

[Edited on March 22, 2014 at 11:59 PM. Reason : They're both straight, I swear.]

3/22/2014 11:54:03 PM

Smath74
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i feel bad for folks who think selecting a mate is a process of elimination.

[Edited on March 22, 2014 at 11:59 PM. Reason : ]

3/22/2014 11:59:19 PM

OopsPowSrprs
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Elmo thinks there is no right cookie. You just have to pick one and take a bite.

3/23/2014 12:01:11 AM

BridgetSPK
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^^I agree totally. His attitude is pretty sad.

But the melodrama of marriage/divorce is a little obnoxious to those of us who aren't fucking stupid.

[Edited on March 23, 2014 at 12:01 AM. Reason : ^LOL]

3/23/2014 12:01:22 AM

elkaybie
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Quote :
"Come on, there has to be SOME families out there that still eat around a dinner table. We do. Abby's 10 months, but she takes part in her high chair. I guess that might change as she grows older."


we also have family dinner. lunch on days I'm at home, my son and I sit at the table together to eat. Breakfast is usually separate.

3/23/2014 9:27:02 AM

JeffreyBSG
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Quote :
"i feel bad for folks who think selecting a mate is a process of elimination."


well I mean, it kind of is, whether one likes it or not

I'm not marrying anybody who's not pretty damned intelligent (since such a marriage would be totally unfuilfiling for me)

I'm not marrying anybody with whom I don't possess excellent conversational chemistry (ditto)

and I'd prefer to marry somebody attractive, and with nice breasts

and these three requirements immediately disqualify at least 95% of the female population of Earth from ever marrying me (an. which is sad, but I don't see any way around it.) you can have standards, or you can settle; and if you have standards, you are, by definition, eliminating those who don't meet them.

3/23/2014 4:18:27 PM

theDuke866
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Exactly; you beat me to it.

It absolutely is a process of elimination in large part. Obviously it doesn't (or shouldn't, rather) end there. At some point, you get into intangibles and choose based on "we are just really into each other", but there's a ton of process of elimination up to that point.

I have never made it past that process of elimination (at least not without being eliminated, myself), so in that sense, the statement was accurate, but no, my overall view of dating isn't that oversimplified.

[Edited on March 23, 2014 at 4:53 PM. Reason : ]

3/23/2014 4:52:17 PM

jbrick83
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Duke...you need a change of scenery...or change and then stay. I feel like I have pretty high standards (no fatties, above average intelligence, funny, etc)...and I've found shit tons of decent girls over the years. You've normally been in military cities, correct?? I think that might be about 90% of your problem.

3/23/2014 5:56:12 PM

theDuke866
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I think that's certainly a contributing factor. Since leaving Raleigh, I've lived in Quantico, VA; Pensacola, FL; Oak Harbor, WA (a tiny town on an island in the Puget Sound), New Bern, NC; and back to Pensacola, FL (and now don't even live in Pensacola proper...I live in a little outskirt town due to my daughter's school district).

I can't really move, though. Leaving here would cost me half custody of my daughter, which isn't on the table at all.

3/23/2014 7:15:43 PM

BridgetSPK
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LOL Super smart, good at conversation, and nice breasts aren't even the right requirements for a life partner.

1. If you are exceptionally intelligent, you gotta get over the fact that other people are dumber than you. You were supposed to get over it by the fourth grade.

2. Most breasts are nice when they belong to someone you care about.

3. If you're a good conversationalist yourself, then you should have good conversational chemistry with most people. It's great for first dates.


If I had to pin down three things, I'd say: reflective, honest, and genial. You know, actual character traits that make someone a desirable mate for life.

[Edited on March 23, 2014 at 10:22 PM. Reason : ]

3/23/2014 10:21:18 PM

JeffreyBSG
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^

1. Seriously, I'm going to be conversing with this person every day for the next 40 years. I want her to be able to think/talk on my level, get my jokes, and not offer up obvious or well-known insights as if they're profound.

2. Really, while no pair of titties lasts forever, I really, really, really love boobs. They're one of the best parts of a relationship - of life, in fact - and if I settle down with a chick who has small/no boobs, I'm pretty much saying goodbye to boobs forever. I'm not ready to do that. And no personality can make a pair of mediocre boobs nice, I'm sorry.

3. No, quite the opposite...I'm a terrible conversationalist. That's why it's so hard for me to find someone I can talk to.

Quote :
"If I had to pin down three things, I'd say: reflective, honest, and genial. You know, actual character traits that make someone a desirable mate for life."


I get what you're saying, I think. You want to person to have character, and to be objectively admirable and also trustworthy. But those traits are pretty easy to find, I think, compared to intelligence and conversational chemistry. I dunno, maybe we just differ in what we value. I DO agree with you that honesty is necessary, so now I've narrowed the field a little more.

3/24/2014 12:23:18 AM

theDuke866
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The thing is, those qualities don't make them desirable mates at all. They just make desirable mates desirable for life.

I find it hard to imagine that your'e seriously suggesting that dumb girls with ugly, misshapen breasts who happen to be reflective, honest, and genial are what we should be going for? That's no more desirable than the opposite. Hell, that's less desirable than the opposite, because at least a smart, hot, shallow bitch is desirable for a brief time.

I mean, yes, the qualities you mention are very important, but they're far from an end-all, and looks & brains count for a ton.

and let's not discount rocking out in bed, either, haha. the last girl I dated had big boobs and was about to finish her Ph.D, and was reflective and genial, to boot...but she was pretty restrained in bed, and I don't mean with ropes. The worst was that she absolutely refused to either give or receive oral sex. Even if she had been perfect in every other way, that would have been a 100% certain dealbreaker.

Dating is not just a process of elimination, but I don't see how you could not view it as exactly that in large part.

^ yep, I have relegated women to the JV team based simply on their admissions of dishonesty on significant past matters. Like, I went out with a girl who once told me how she'd intentionally gotten pregnant to dodge a military deployment because she didn't trust her [now ex] husband to properly care for their first kid. Now, maybe I'm a little more sensitive than some to things like that due to past experience, but that's a big deal in terms of character and honesty, and the fact that she continued to justify it when I said that was fucked up just made it a double dealbreaker.

[Edited on March 24, 2014 at 1:36 AM. Reason : ]

3/24/2014 1:30:17 AM

EMCE
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lol, what subject is this thread even about now?

3/24/2014 8:32:25 AM

OopsPowSrprs
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^ Duke and Jeffrey excusing each other for being single.

Also how it's hard to find big titted unicorns

3/24/2014 8:57:49 AM

David0603
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Quote :
"1. If you are exceptionally intelligent, you gotta get over the fact that other people are dumber than you. You were supposed to get over it by the fourth grade."


Psh. Fuck that.

3/24/2014 9:40:29 AM

lewoods
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I think the problem is that intelligent women with nice boobs who don't want kids can do better than a military guy with a kid. For me the whole purpose of not having kids is so that I can live the lifestyle I want, and a guy that had a kid already would ruin that. I don't want to be a step mom in a screwed up situation.

3/24/2014 9:43:05 AM

jbrick83
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Quote :
"I think the problem is that intelligent women with nice boobs who don't want kids can do better than a military guy with a kid."


lol

3/24/2014 9:46:03 AM

cyrion
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Quote :
"This is a pretty ignorant statement. One I wouldn't expect from the Old School posters. I guess some folks never really grow up. Childfree folks don't understand that for many, their children ARE their hobbies and that may be for many reasons - mostly love for their children, or maybe no disposable income for expensive hobbies. Its just one of those things you won't know unless you have children of your own.

You just assume that children are spoiled. Just like anything, you're gonna see anecdotes that support your theory, but it doesn't apply to all families. Sure that kid at the restaurant that hasn't looked up from her iPad might be spoiled, but there are probably that many kids at home hanging out with their family around the dinner table."


READ...THE...THREAD...CHAMP.

The post you quoted from me was SARCASTIC. Right above my post for about a page, childfree folks were talking about how parents were awful and their kids were spoiled assholes. I've been arguing that just because you are a parent doesn't make you a douche.

I've maintained the entire time that both lifestyles are perfectly fine and I don't think anyone should be sensative about their choice nor should they care if people inquire about their choice.

If you are going to dedicated time to write a paragraph or two arguing with me, please take the same amount of time to read the previous posts.

3/24/2014 11:03:35 AM

disco_stu
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I now love this thread. Thank you Page 4.

3/24/2014 1:36:18 PM

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