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BridgetSPK
#1 Sir Purr Fan
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To be clear, I'm not suggesting you guys should go after unintelligent women who you don't find attractive. But "everybody else is dumb and ugly" is a very tired refrain that demonstrates a pretty immature understanding of other people, relationships, and life. It also does not jibe with this notion that you are soooo intelligent.

Quote :
"But those traits are pretty easy to find, I think, compared to intelligence and conversational chemistry."


I disagree. The majority of people I know are incapable of honestly assessing themselves and the world for a sustained period of time. They reflect superficially and rarely produce original or applicable insights. And they are genial only when things are going their way. Of course, I still dig these people and enjoy interacting with them, but being with someone like this romantically is like acting in a show.

3/24/2014 2:01:29 PM

slappy1
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sometimes I think Bridgette is hilarious, witty, and has an amazingly refreshing perspective on things.

other times I wonder how one person could be so far off.


also,
Quote :
"I think the problem is that intelligent women with nice boobs who don't want kids can do better than a military guy with a kid."


that is some dumb shit right there, not to mention rude as hell

3/24/2014 2:01:55 PM

lewoods
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None of the single ladies I know that don't want kids would be okay with being a step mom. I even knew a woman that had kids of her own but refused to date guys with kids because she didn't want to deal with baby momma drama.

3/24/2014 2:26:41 PM

slappy1
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yeah, but saying "can do better" is not the same as "don't want to deal with"


I'm going to go out on a limb and say that theDuke866 is a far, far better catch than the guy that any of your single friends are going to end up with, "baggage" and all.

3/24/2014 2:40:52 PM

disco_stu
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3/24/2014 2:48:23 PM

jbrick83
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Tons of chicks avoid military guys and guys with kids...so her statement isn't really off. She might have been a little rude...but theduke is also spouting off about how most women are dumb and fat (I also said "no fatties"...so pot/kettle/black and all).

tit for tat...and this is t-dub.



and just to be on topic...my wife's sister and her husband have made the final decision to not try and have kids. They were pretty set on having kids about 5 or 6 years ago and found out that one of them (actually I think it's both of them), has issues reproducing. They took some tests and decided to take a break for a few years and re-visit the situation. Well they recently re-visited and decided that they love their life now, and all of the money procedures it would take to get pregnant would not be worth it right now. They're in their mid-30s (him 37/38, her about to turn 35), he has a great job, she works part time at a job she likes. They have a lot of friends, go out to eat a lot, have time to go see their respective families, and go on frequent, fun vacations.

I'm fairly envious of their lives. I mean...we do a lot of the stuff they do, but I have a feeling we'll be getting into baby territory pretty soon. I'd like to have a good five years of their life before we get to that point...but I'm thinking I might only get one more.

[Edited on March 24, 2014 at 2:54 PM. Reason : .]

3/24/2014 2:48:24 PM

NeuseRvrRat
hello Mr. NSA!
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mid 30s is too late to be having babies anyway

3/24/2014 3:02:38 PM

jbrick83
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Eh...I know the ability to reproduce drops by that point...but I'm seeing TONS of people having kids in their mid 30s these days. Pretty much all of my friends are at least in their early thirties when they have their first one.

3/24/2014 3:14:10 PM

disco_stu
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I have paid over 125k just on childcare in the last 6 years. We just installed a 2,000 dollar playset. I haven't bothered to calculate the clothes, extra food, diapers, college fund deposits and everything else. Oh and we're planning a trip to Disney in January which will probably end up costing between 7-8k.

I know we could have gotten by with a lot less, but just sayin, I could have probably done a lot of really fun shit with that kind of money. I don't question or scorn in the least childfree folks.

3/24/2014 3:16:14 PM

jbrick83
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Quote :
"I have paid over 125k just on childcare in the last 6 years. We just installed a 2,000 dollar playset. I haven't bothered to calculate the clothes, extra food, diapers, college fund deposits and everything else. Oh and we're planning a trip to Disney in January which will probably end up costing between 7-8k."


Need to get a couple more examples of this to show my wife that we aren't financially ready for a kid.

With that being said...I've got some fairly poor friends that are doing just fine with their kids. I mean...they're not living the life of luxury, but they are living normal lives and appear to be happy.

3/24/2014 3:21:33 PM

David0603
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Quote :
"I might only get one more"


Hah. Do you not have a say?

3/24/2014 3:22:23 PM

Beethoven
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$7-8k for Disney? How many children are you taking? A small army? $125k on childcare in 6 years? Christ sakes - budget man!

3/24/2014 3:22:57 PM

David0603
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20k a year seems fairly normal from what I've heard

3/24/2014 3:23:55 PM

Beethoven
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For how many children? That's the key. For comparisons sake, we're going to Disney with one kid in December and we're budgeting $1k. Childcare runs $600/month for one.

[Edited on March 24, 2014 at 3:25 PM. Reason : ]

3/24/2014 3:25:19 PM

David0603
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2

3/24/2014 3:26:02 PM

disco_stu
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1 for 6 years, 2 for 3 years. Fuck Cary.

Quote :
"7-8k for Disney? How many children are you taking? A small army? $125k on childcare in 6 years? Christ sakes - budget man!"


4 people, airfare, 6 nights at a resort hotel, tickets, food, stroller rentals, character meals, it adds up.
Oh, and that's the "budget" resort hotel. Maybe it's closer to 6k though; I don't have the spreadsheet in front of me.

[Edited on March 24, 2014 at 3:34 PM. Reason : .]

3/24/2014 3:26:45 PM

slappy1
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Quote :
"6 nights"


disney world for 6 nights?? holy crap.

3/24/2014 3:51:01 PM

Beethoven
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We're staying for 5. There's a lot to see in Disney/Universal, and if you want to see it all, it'll take a week to do it and not burn out with 14 hour park days.

Also, I love how the childfree thread is now talking about Disney.

[Edited on March 24, 2014 at 3:56 PM. Reason : ]

3/24/2014 3:55:54 PM

slappy1
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I don't doubt you could stay there for a month and not see/do everything, but the thought of being on such a high-intensity vacation with a couple kids for 7 days is crazy to me. that's like going to vegas with adults for more than 2 nights.

3/24/2014 4:04:31 PM

lewoods
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When poor people go to Disney they stay off park in a place with a kitchenette, pack snacks to sneak into the park, and drive down there.

This is why I'm not having kids.

3/24/2014 4:10:07 PM

OmarBadu
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haven't followed this thread too closely but read every once in a while - when it started i didn't have a kid and now i do

Quote :
"Childcare runs $600/month for one."


going rate in ATL is about 275-350 per week with the middle being a average decent place - i'd love to pay only $600/mo

3/24/2014 4:13:59 PM

slappy1
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I feel like you could get a really good au pair for $1400/mo (under the table).

3/24/2014 4:27:30 PM

jbrick83
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Quote :
"

Hah. Do you not have a say?
"


Happy wife, happy life. And she will be 33 this October...clock is ticking. I'm trying to hold her off until 35, but I wouldn't bet on it.

3/24/2014 4:42:07 PM

slappy1
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unless you're just being hyperbolic, I think having kids now (when you're not necessarily ready) because your wife hears her clock ticking is a terrible idea.

imagine the resentment on both your parts in a couple years

3/24/2014 4:48:24 PM

jbrick83
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I mean...we're not having one in the next 6 months. But I imagine the talks will start to surface after her next birthday. I'm actually surprised they haven't recently with her sister making her decision not to have kids and her best friend from back home just getting pregnant. So I could be entirely wrong and maybe she's starting to re-think the whole situation...but I doubt it.

I'm really not worried about it. I'd prefer to wait a little bit longer, but I know I'll be ecstatic with whatever little fucker pops out of there.

3/24/2014 4:51:56 PM

theDuke866
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Quote :
"lol, what subject is this thread even about now?"


Shit, I know. Whoops.

Quote :
"I think the problem is that intelligent women with nice boobs who don't want kids can do better than a military guy with a kid. "


Sure, that's valid. I'm aware. I mean, I don't think that being in the military has been a hindrance in and of itself; I think that at a minimum, it's a wash, and likely a small plus (until you factor in stuff like living in small military towns). I'm sure that having a kid is a net impediment in that regard, but I'm not going to ditch my daughter, and I'm not going to settle, so it'll either work out despite that or it won't.

Quote :
"sometimes I think Bridgette is hilarious, witty, and has an amazingly refreshing perspective on things.

other times I wonder how one person could be so far off.
"


Believe it or not, I concur. Like, with both parts, haha.

Quote :
"but theduke is also spouting off about how most women are dumb and fat (I also said "no fatties"...so pot/kettle/black and all)."


I mean, it's not just women, and that's not what I said. It's everyone (and particularly so in the coastal NC and the panhandle of FL, haha). That's hardly some unenlightened thing to say, either. I mean, it's a very simple and straightforward matter of statistics.

...and I don't think it's hypocritical or wrong to say "I'm neither dumb nor fat; why would I want to date anyone who is either?" That's no different than saying "I'm honest and genial; why would I want to date either a habitual liar or a fucking asshole?"

Quote :
"Need to get a couple more examples of this to show my wife that we aren't financially ready for a kid."


not really what you're asking, but over 7 years, I've spent probably $90k in child support and I'd guess roughly $30k in legal expenses. I wouldn't even know where to begin guessing on what I've spent directly on my daughter and indirectly on things such as a 70 mile round trip commute to be in the right school district, a more practical car, etc, and I just turned in my resignation paperwork for a 6-figure job in order to stay in this small city where I'm only aware of one job opportunity that wouldn't amount to a significant pay cut (even engineering jobs down here don't pay; if I don't get that job, I'll probably go military reserves and take a 50% pay cut in exchange for only working half the time. Fuck it, if I'm not gonna get paid, I'm at least gonna hang out on the beach a lot and have a good chunk of the work I do be in an airplane).

at any rate, i say all that to say that you can raise kids without them being exorbitantly expensive (or like anything else, you can spend as much as you want)...but in your calculus, don't forget stuff like "will I need a different car? House? Are there any career implications? What, then, are the opportunity cost of all these things?"

...although then what? you consider all that against the benefits, almost all of which can't really be quantified...haha.

Quote :
"I feel like you could get a really good au pair for $1400/mo (under the table)."


a friend of mine has had a bunch of au pairs...like probably 5-6 of them. One thing that he's adamant about is to only go through agencies specializing in them. Apparently, you're liable for them otherwise, and sometimes that ends poorly.

3/24/2014 6:06:03 PM

AntiMnifesto
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I concur with Bridget. A few single women I know in their 30s gloss over military dudes they meet or see on dating sites. Why?

Because a good friend of mine had to move to SC for a while to get away from one she was engaged to. Turns out he was stalking her, threatened domestic violence, and punched a wall instead of her face. I'm going to say unresolved PTSD/anger issues from his multiple tours in Afghanistan. She even got a concealed carry permit to protect herself. And this was a previous strict gun control liberal

Are all military folks like this? Obviously not. (I work with some great nurses who worked in the field and in combat). But the deployments, potential psychological effects of war, military culture concerning women, and stories like this would sure as hell make me think twice about dating one.

3/25/2014 11:06:03 PM

theDuke866
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Quote :
"Are all military folks like this?"


NO, WHAT THE FUCK, GODDAMMIT BITCH, OF COURSE NOT. SOMEONE OUGHT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH.

Quote :
"But the deployments, potential psychological effects of war, military culture concerning women, and stories like this would sure as hell make me think twice about dating one."


GOOD RIDDANCE. DON'T NEED YOU OUT SPENDING ALL MY COMBAT PAY AND FUCKING JODY WHILE I'M OFF FIGHTING FOR YOUR FREEDOM, ANYWAY.

[Edited on March 25, 2014 at 11:18 PM. Reason : ]

3/25/2014 11:16:41 PM

BridgetSPK
#1 Sir Purr Fan
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Quote :
"AntiMnifesto: I concur with Bridget lewoods."


I hear ya a little bit though.

Quote :
"theDuke866: NO, WHAT THE FUCK, GODDAMMIT BITCH, OF COURSE NOT. SOMEONE OUGHT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH."


LOL, I get the joke! I feel so smart right now.

3/25/2014 11:35:08 PM

theDuke866
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oh come on, lowbrow humor has its place, too.

3/26/2014 12:18:07 AM

Klatypus
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Quote :
"I think the problem is that intelligent women with nice boobs who don't want kids can do better than a military guy with a kid. For me the whole purpose of not having kids is so that I can live the lifestyle I want, and a guy that had a kid already would ruin that. I don't want to be a step mom in a screwed up situation.
"


I think you are missing a few things there though about yourself that make this true for you. Not everyone childfree feels that way about finding someone with kids already established.

3/26/2014 10:24:23 AM

djeternal
Bee Hugger
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I think it's easier for a childfree woman to date a guy with a kid than it is for a childfree guy to date a woman with a kid. Mainly because in most cases the child primarily lives with the mother and Dad gets the child on weekends. So for all intents and purposes, the Dad is childfree 5 days a week.

3/26/2014 10:40:00 AM

Jeepin4x4
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while not quite 30 i'm in a social circle that currently has 1 childfree couple, 2 actively "trying" and 2 with 1 or more child. I'm seeing how active and open the childfree couple is while we can go weeks to months without even a peep from the parenting duos. I'm not saying every set of parents loses their social identity, but it's enough for me to not really fret over relationships, marriage, and fatherhood (all things that i do want...in time).

3/27/2014 8:47:52 AM

jbrick83
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Went out with my two best law school buddies last night. One is planning on having their second kid, while the other is planning on their third. I told them I got drunk the other night and thought about selling my house, cashing in all my investments, and going and traveling the world. It was an interesting conversation.

3/27/2014 10:42:07 AM

disco_stu
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Yeah, well, at least my line doesn't die with me!

Oh crap, I don't give a shit about that.

3/27/2014 1:31:03 PM

elise
mainly potato
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For all you women on the fence...


I tore my taint and my hooha and my baby was barely 7 pounds and 3 weeks premature. Yesterday I was breastfeeding and the baby spit up all over my boob. This began a 6 hour span of wanting to feed every hour, but he would fall asleep after about 20 minutes then the minute I set him down to pee or get a drink he would start wailing. So I got a massive migraine from the screaming and dehydration. But on the plus side I got to sleep for 4.5 hours in a row last night.


He is lucky he's so cute.

3/27/2014 1:55:23 PM

AntiMnifesto
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!

I am not trying to do all that. I take care of enough crap as it is!

3/28/2014 4:49:10 PM

ncsuapex
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What's the consensus on this situation?

Toddler drops his pacifier on the floor of a restaurant. Mom sees it on the floor. Ignores it. Toddler picks it up and of course immediately sticks it in his mouth. Mom picks up toddler and leaves the pacifier in his mouth.

3/28/2014 6:35:56 PM

lewoods
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Nasty. Yet another reason why I won't have kids. She might as well have let the kid lick the floor.

3/28/2014 6:37:32 PM

disco_stu
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Once it's back in his mouth whatever bacteria he's going to get are already in his mouth. The damage is done.

Would you then want her to pull it out and start a tantrum?

3/29/2014 2:50:22 PM

OopsPowSrprs
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Kids crawl around on the floor all the time and then stick their hands in their mouths

3/29/2014 3:47:10 PM

Smath74
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Quote :
"For all you women on the fence...


I tore my taint and my hooha and my baby was barely 7 pounds and 3 weeks premature. Yesterday I was breastfeeding and the baby spit up all over my boob. This began a 6 hour span of wanting to feed every hour, but he would fall asleep after about 20 minutes then the minute I set him down to pee or get a drink he would start wailing. So I got a massive migraine from the screaming and dehydration. But on the plus side I got to sleep for 4.5 hours in a row last night.


He is lucky he's so cute."

the tenacity of a mother is incredibly appealing.

3/30/2014 12:55:30 AM

Smath74
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Quote :
"What's the consensus on this situation?

Toddler drops his pacifier on the floor of a restaurant. Mom sees it on the floor. Ignores it. Toddler picks it up and of course immediately sticks it in his mouth. Mom picks up toddler and leaves the pacifier in his mouth."


immune systems ftw.

3/30/2014 12:56:03 AM

jackleg
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35 and no kids. Unless some major changes happen both in the country and in the people I meet, it's going to stay that way. I wouldn't dare bring a kid into this hellhole... and I have enough friends and relatives that I see kids all the time. So, I'm good!

3/30/2014 2:28:19 AM

elise
mainly potato
13071 Posts
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3^

3/30/2014 12:11:33 PM

AntiMnifesto
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Went to a baby shower yesterday (was for a good friend that got unexpectedly pregnant after told there would be 'no way' she could get pregnant from her health conditions, and she wanted kiddos, so good for her). Ended up doing shots of whiskey with the future grandpas instead of participating in baby shower activities.

(One game was 'guess the baby food' where you do just that: eat creamed peas or whatever. Who comes up with this stuff?)

3/30/2014 1:09:05 PM

theDuke866
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Seems that wouldn't be too tough unless it was a very bland or very obscure food. I'm guessing it's maybe tougher than I'm assuming, though?

3/30/2014 2:48:49 PM

StillFuchsia
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Quote :
"the tenacity of a mother is incredibly appealing appalling."


[Edited on March 31, 2014 at 2:22 PM. Reason : I will keep my taint and hooha intact]

3/31/2014 2:20:58 PM

Smath74
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^you are such a cunt. "OMG FEMALE POWER (until the woman does something she was biologically designed to do)"

4/2/2014 11:20:21 PM

BridgetSPK
#1 Sir Purr Fan
31378 Posts
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I think she just missed the mark with her comment somehow. I ignored it because I can't imagine she meant that the way it came off.

4/2/2014 11:39:00 PM

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